[Q&A] Is Korean man’s online love real?

Anonymous asked:

I have also met someone through an online penpal site who happens to be Korean and originally from Korea. My initial intentions on the site were just to make friends where we could exchange our culture and language. Eventually it lead to chatting on instant messenger. After chatting with him a few times over a span of several months, he ‘confessed’ to me and a week later used ‘I love you’, although I had my doubts about him truly liking me because we only chatted sporadically (about every other week). It’s been over a year since meeting online and recently he has mentioned wanting to meet me, despite us living very far from each other (he seemed more serious than usual). We are both not living in Korea. Most of the time it seems like he is just joking, but this time it seems he might be real. He began to talk about marriage and such things. I’m beginning to think that maybe him liking me was sincere, since he brought up (in my opinion) such a serious topic. I like him too, but because I have never met him in person, I feel nervous. I have met other online friends in real life before, but that’s because we were just friends and nothing more (no emotional attachments).

I would just like some insight on what your thoughts are about forming a relationship online and about the discussion of marriage like this. Do you think he is serious if he has waited this long to bring up this topic? And how much weight should I put on the words “I love you”? I have not told him those words because to me it carries a lot of weight before I can say it to someone.

Was there anything you did to prepare for your meeting in person?

Thank you again for having this site, I think it will be a great help to many people.

Thank you for your question. We hope this site would be helpful to many people, but that’s just wishful thinking.

To be honest, at first I thought “What kind of people fall in love without even hearing each other’s voice!?” Then I remembered: “Oh, people like Kimchi Man and me”. ^^ I think the reason I forgot this little fact about our relationship is because it is so difficult to believe anyone can fall in love from just chatting. But it happened to us.

I can not tell you how much or for how long you need to chat before you can be sure he is serious. Or before you can be sure you are serious, and not just having a crush. Kimchi Man and I both had a hard time believing that person living on the other side of the world could truly love us even though we were so certain of our own feelings. We worried that even if feelings are true the distance could never be defeated. But what got us through it is that we took it one step at a time. Between the day we confesed to each other and the day we met at the airport 4 months had passed, and during that time we talked a lot more and got to know each other even better. When we both made our way to the airport there was no doubt left in us that the other person is truly in love.

I don’t think that forming a relationship online is any more difficult. Or any less real. I don’t know how far away you are from each other but distance for us seems to be a much bigger problem. Korea is a long way from Europe. However, it is nothing that can’t be defeated.

I find it a bit surprising that he would talk about marriage so fast. However, each couple has their own pace. As does every person. It is good you haven’t said you love him if you don’t feel ready. But try to relax and enjoy this exciting time of your life. Expectation can be just as sweet as the real thing.

To prepare for the big day, cute Korean fox oven mitwe showed each other our passports and our diplomas to prove we were telling the truth about everything. We sent packages to make the relationship feel more tangible. It was usually candy and cute little things (I got an oven mitt shaped like a fox :) ), but I was truly stunned when he sent me his dog tags. Korean guys who do army service have to wear them for two years and I knew they meant a lot to him.

You don’t need to do anything special to prepare, just make sure you use your common sense not to put yourself in danger. For our warnings about meeting someone in person who you previously only met online check out the end of our post about meeting Koreans online.

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6 thoughts on “[Q&A] Is Korean man’s online love real?

  1. Hi, i would like to give some comment here, but before u may read my short story with my korean guy http://lovingkorean.wordpress.com/2012/04/10/qa-will-my-korean-man-marry-me/#comment-135

    well if u read it, then you will know that met korean online can be a real relationship, even more serious, just like what i’m having now, but in our case, we try our best to make it more a real then just do the typing things.

    and then we just lucky that we both meet in a right time, cuz that time he was in idle situation, he didnt work and about to continue study but still travelling around to improve his English ability, and my situation also the same, i’m in freelance job.

    so, we decided to meet just about 1 month after online. and keep visiting each other every 2-4 month, and we spend like 2 weeks in every time we met. so that’s how we manage this long distance relation ship, even though we realized this is not just long distance but it’s been an expensive costly relationship.

    So what i’m trying to suggest, you should make it real, 1 year almost too long for online dating, if he really serious, then we should make a move..isn’t?

    just like what my BF do, he came visit me even thought he should take 3 times airplane to come to my place…^^

    fighting~~

    • Thank you for taking time to read so many of our posts. You give really good advice :D

      And you are right, airplane tickets are so expensive :( It seems unfair that money can keep you away from someone you truly love.

  2. Hi,
    I was the originator of this question a few months back. I wanted to give a brief update for those that are curious about what happened afterwards. Maybe it will help others to continue to pursue the love they have for that special person in what seems to sometimes be the most complicated of circumstances.

    Eventually I did chat with him by voice, which only affirmed the feelings that I had already begun to develop for him. Still, I continued to have worries about how real this relationship was with someone whom I never met. Months passed and finally I met him. The worries and insecurities that I had about whether or not he would like me in person or about whether he would be the same person that I grew to know and like, dissipated when we saw each other. He was true to his character in person as he was online. Our time spent together was limited, but it was enough for me to know that this relationship is definitely worth continuing and I’m excited to see where it takes us :)

    What I want to reiterate from what others have said before is, the man is man before his nationality, ethnicity, race, etc. If this man was not Korean but was a different nationality, I think it would still have the same outcome. These feelings happened because they are human feelings, not because they are specific to a type of people. He was nice to me, not because he was Korean, but because he is a gentleman.

    From all this, I learned that these relationships can be as real as you make it! Some people on here who have gone through similar situations already know that though ;p

    I just want to say thanks for the advice on this site! Also, use good judgement and gut instinct, and good luck to those out there in their relationship endeavours!

    • It’s great to hear back from you! We always wonder what happens to people we try to give advice to.

      It’s also great that it worked out for you two. It’s good to add another success story to this site :D

      You also give good advice, we agree with everything you said. We hope you’re going to hang around some more.

  3. I’m glad that everything turned out for the best in your case
    but I just would like to mention the fact that as “decent” Korean girls are not supposed to have pre-marital sex with their boyfriends, Korean men tend to mention their intention to “marry” very easily/early in the relationship (even when they do not mean it) in order to help their gf get rid of the “guilt” they may feel at the thought of getting intimate (=to make them think “it’s ok to do it, since he is serious about us and we are going to get married”) and also as a way to tell them that they would take responsibility if she ends up getting pregnant (since it’s common to not use protections)…
    Korean women may be used to that, but in Europe, men only talk about that once the relationship is very serious and concrete plans have been made for the future: not BEFORE.
    it’s important to understand that difference because in Europe, a man that mentions marriage would NEVER do so in an attempt to sleep with you, while this MIGHT be the case in Korea, so it’s something worth keeping in mind!

    • I’m sorry, I don’t know where you got this information about Korean girls, but it is wrong. Well, all the information you wrote here is wrong actually.

      And to say that a man in Europe would NEVER do that…. please.

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