Ask us 2012 Archives

These were questions asked in 2012. To ask a question right now, please go to our new section Ask Loving Korean.

Thank you all for submitting so many questions and making this blog grow. :)

If you are looking for answers we have given so far, check out answers section, which you can also find by clicking the drop-down menu “Posts” above.

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434 thoughts on “Ask us 2012 Archives

  1. i am going crazy about this guy.. i just want to know if he likes me or not..we met online thru a game.. i just randomly tried talking to someone.. it was him.. then a few weeks after i had an impromptu trip to korea.. he was always busy with work.. but we talked thru kakao talk even for a short time per day.. but there are also days that we dont talk.. he is like 30years old and im 25.. he thinks that is a young age.. then for my 2nd to the last night we talked about having no time to meet.. maybe it is fate.. but then on my last day.. he agreed to meet me.. and said he also wanted to.. i dont speak korean so i told him my friends are with me so they can help us talk.. so we met.. we were so shocked when he paid for our games even though i had a lot of friends with me.. we were a group of 7-8 people.. we tried to pay him but he said its ok and gave me back the money.. i tried to force the money to him but he was really persistent.. so we went to catch the last train just the 2 of us.. awkward silence because he cant speak english and i cant really speak korean.. he tried hard to translate to english and texted for me to read “take care on your trip” which i was happy about but didnt show it to him.. and we promised to learn each others language.. he even texted me when i was on my way to the airport that he was on his way to work.. and i said i will see him soon.. because im coming back in a few months. first 2 days was great he texts good morning in english.. and i find it really cute.. then after that he stopped.. i texted him and said how was your day and he replied after a day which i understand because he went to the province.. but i coldy replied to him.. did that push him away?

    my pride was so high because im used to be the one being chased by guys but this was different for me.. i told him with ” “oppa”i wanted to see him.. “oppa i want to see you or i miss you” and he said when you come back we’ll meet again.. then i had surgery and told him about it but we had a misunderstanding.. we didnt talk for a few days.. but he always visits our game and does favors for me.. gives me wings for dragon flight. then i tried to text him and he immediately replied… but suddenly disappeared again.. he said he was always busy.. so what should i do? should i stop or continue to show him my feelings

    • Only you can decide what to do.

      He did seem to be interested in you. It is possible that you discouraged him with your cold behavior. Most people are shy and sensitive (that includes men too) and they don’t want to make themselves vulnerable. Maybe you didn’t discourage him and he is just finding it too difficult to communicate in English.

      Either way, if you are not feeling ready to give up, why not try for a while longer, to make sure?

          • but also.. i am the one who always starts a conversation.. he doesn’t start it.. that is wh i’m a bit discouraged to continue.. it’s like i need to get his attention..

            • I think even after two years of our relationship Kimchi Man still hasn’t ever started a conversation. ^^ But he is really really quiet guy and he’s like that with everyone. If the guy you like is only having difficulty starting conversations with you, that might be a sign he is not interested.
              It all depends whether you think it’s worth it or not, cause always being the one starting conversations can be quite taxing.

  2. Hi I Have Just recently i have gotten into a relationship with a Korean man. I’m from Australia and i want to learn more about his culture as i am a big fan of k pop music. i really like him and because he has only been in Australia for not that long the language barrier is fairly hard. so it is hard to communicate with him. when we see each other we work things out and learn off each other which is always so so good. so i was just wondering if you had any advice on having a boyfriend from another culture as i am also so young as well and as this is probably one of my first serious relationships. thanks :)

  3. Hi, I am going to visit korea soon on december and actually planning to buy a korean phrasebook to learn some korean vocab…i do know how to learn the hangul hut just that i all i know anyway…so do you know any brand of korean phrasebook which is useful? Like I m planning to buy the korean at a glance phrasebook+dictionary. So hope you can suggest me the most useful brand asap!:) thanks

  4. Okaaaay, I apologise in advance if anybody finds this a bit over-personal. But I’ve been dating my Korean boyfriend for about 2 months, and we are kind of disagreeing over things in the bedroom. He refuses to go down on me. I was really patient but then decided to ask him the problem and he says hes never experienced it before and Korean girls don’t want it. Is this true? So anyway, I assumed that he was just nervous as hes never done it before so waited for a few weeks again. Again, got bored of waiting and asked him and he says ‘it’s unnecessary’ and he ‘won’t like it’. But hes never tried it! And its started to upset me because it makes me feel like hes rejecting me. He has no problem accepting oral sex (which I am now withholding, ha) but seems to find it really strange that I want him to do it in return? Is this a cultural thing? or is he just being a dick?

  5. Hi. I’m an African-Canadian girl, and this past summer I made friends with four Koreans (3 guys and 1girl) who came for working holiday. The first one I met was very outgoing, and sweet that I kinda fell for him. The second guy was also sweet, but not as “crazy” lol as the first one, and the third one, really really quiet (at least with me).

    So at the beginning it was always me and the first one, (let’s call the guys A, B and C ^^.), and B and the Korean girl were happy and teased me and A with phrases that seemed like hints that we were good together. We clicked, he flatteries worked lol, and I actually saw us dating.
    But to my disappointment, that didn’t happen. He ended up with an Asian girl, which really got me hurt, but it being the third time I got disappointed by an asian guy, I just had to move on. The first time was with this Chinese guy whom I really liked, but I didn’t think he liked me too because he always acted so cool around me. But then, my friend kept telling me a guy-friend of hers kept telling her how much he like me, but made her swear never to tell me. Well, guess what?? After he finally moved out of town, I found out it had been him all along. Imagine my anger, more towards my friend, who I think knew I like him.

    So, back to the present with A. Funny thing is, even though we are not together, he still really treasures our friendship, and nothing has changed or gotten awkward.

    Of course, since he has a girlfriend now, I had to be careful and respect her by not demanding to hangout with much or alone, so I started hanging out with B more often, and I met C through him again. It took him a while to open up, but a game of laser tag did that, and he opened up a tiny wee bit.

    We didn’t see each other again after that, and soon B had to go back to Korea, which made me very sad because we had become really good friends. Unlike A, he always replied my texts, and we had a lot in common personality-wise.

    So contact with A stopped for some time, and then he invited me for breakfast at the coffee place where C worked. So we did some catching up, and then we all went to A’s place for lunch. That was where me and C really started talking, and after that I got his number for A, and invited him to an open mic. After that, we hung out several times again (me and C), and right now I wish I knew what I’m feeling. Because I’ve been disappointed before, so i feel like that’s made me somewhat tough on the inside and very protective of my feelings. I’m pretty sure you can tell from what I’ve written that I’m a little confused, but I’m hoping you can see something in the whole story that I can’t see.

    Is there really this phobia of dating other races? Or do they normally act cool around girls they like? I am the one who suggests to hang out, but he enjoys spending time with me, so I’d like to know if it could be that he’s too shy or scared to ask me out for a coffee or something.

    Would you advise me to just to direct, and ask him what he thinks of our time together?

    Thank you!

    • I don’t see how being a friend with guy A would be disrespectful to his girlfriend, but I digress.

      Of course there is no way I can know what you are feeling better than you. But if you did have phobia of dating other races that would be racist. You mentioned this is the third time you have been disappointed by an Asian guy. Do you really think their skin shade and eye shape are somehow making them into heart-breakers?

      It’s normal that you are scared of being hurt again, and that you are looking for a pattern so you can avoid it in the future. But please look for it beyond the surface.

      Guys can be just as emotional and gentle as women, so of course it is possible C is too shy to make the first move. I made all the first moves with my boyfriend. Maybe give yourself some time to figure out if you really like him or if you are just looking for a replacement for guy A. I hope it all turns out well and you get what you want.

      • Thanks for your advice! Why I mention the whole race difference issue is because I know how conservative parents are when it comes to dating other races, and the parents mostly end up having their way, which is sad but often the case. So I’m very conscious of that fact, which I suppose makes me very protective and cautious when approaching a guy.
        But like you said, I’ll give it some time and sort my feelings out before taking any major steps in our relationship.

        Thank you so much, and keep your fingers crossed for me!

        • I understand what you mean. But I somehow feel that when love is strong enough, parents don’t have that much power at all. Parents do seem like a good excuse when trying not to hurt someone’s feelings too much, though.

          We’ll both keep our fingers crossed. :)

  6. hi ^^ i met this korean guy while he was an exchange student at my university. we are different religion. im muslim and he atheist. now he already go back to his country because he need to finish his study. before he go back, he promise me that he will come again to my country after he finish. we both really like each other.

    now its already 5 months and we still contact each other everyday. but sometimes when we message, he will ignore me for couple of hours and the reason he always gave me are he’s falling asleep or he was so busy. but i think if he really busy or sleepy, he could just tell me. so, i will not wait for his message like a stupid :[ i always feel insecure because his juniors (girl) really close to him. always together and they kinda close on fb too.. im scared that he will leave me..but he keep saying that he like me so much, he only like me and he really miss me a lot. he plan to visit me this january. but still……

    what do u think, did he really like me or he just say that so that i will not suspect anything if he cheating on me? did korean always say “i like u” instead of “i love u” to the girl he really likes??

    thanks..

    • “Like” and “love” have the same meaning in Korean as in English.

      Sometimes Kimchi Man goes to sleep without texting me and I worry where he is, while I have never gone to sleep without letting him know. People are different, so it is impossible to know if he’s just more secluded person or if his feelings are not what he says. Try looking at his behavior in other situations for clues.

  7. hello !! i recently met online this awesome korean guy, it hasnt been that long but i already know i have feelings for him.
    im going to korea next year and i cant wait to meet him, the only problem is im afraid of our cultural differences, i read horrible things about interacial relationships with korean men im really worried that it wont work, he made it clear he likes me he even said he would like a relationship with me im just really unsure about cultural differences and all the horrible things i have read online, please help !!!

    • I believe cultural differences have been blown out of proportions by many. Whether you eat with chopsticks or fork, bow or shake hands, has little importance for romantic relationship.

      Thoughts about marriage, children, life philosophy, religion, gender equality, etc. are what counts. And that is only very lightly influenced by culture. Otherwise we would all be mindless clones and not this unique array of diverse individuals.

      Actually, we are working on an article that might help you. In about a week, we will link it here so you can read it.

  8. Hello! I just started reading your blog, and I really hope you can help me. I am a light skinned girl (caramel like skin tone), mixed with German and African American, and I was just recently introduced to Korean culture and Kpop and I must say I love Korean culture and the music. I also am really interested in this Korean celebrity that is really popular in Kpop. And I’ve seen a select few videos of him speaking a sentence or two in English, but he’s a quite fluent Korean speaker. I tried to research if a girl like me, who is light skinned mixed with what I am, has any chance of ever attracting a Korean guy. From what I’ve gathered, relationships between a girl like me and a Korean guy is highly unlikely. How can I attract a Korean guy without changing myself?? I really like this guy, and unfortunately I do not speak a lick of Korean but I am trying my best to learn it. Right now, all I can speak is German and English. And I’m not going to lie, it’s been pretty difficult to learn Korean. Do I have ANY chance of gaining ANY interest of a Korean guy at all? I really like this guy, and I won’t give up trying to find some way of connecting with him. I follow his group’s twitter, and I would like to say something to him, but I can’t understand what him and his group members are saying nor can I write in Korean. Great goodness this is long. To end this, I just want to know if I have even a slim chance of gaining his interest with the disadvantages I have, including my ethnicity of being mulatto. Please help me. Thank you for your time! :)

    • well im mixed myself ! latin and white, i have tan skin as well and my boyfriend is korean ! so it actually depends on the man! :)

        • you have to learn korean !! cause its a way to caught his attention ! i know its very hard !! if you have an iphone or an android there is this app called genie talk that translates texts for you ! actually there are many other apps and books !! :) hope this helps

          • That’s what I thought. I’m actually trying to learn Korean. From using Google translate to asking random people if they can teach me the language. I am striving to learn the language. And actually, you did really help me. I feel a little bit more confident, and not like a chicken with it’s head cut off not knowing what to do. Thank you soo much. I really do appreciate it. And I am about to download this Genie Talk app. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

    • Of course there is a chance a Korean guy might like you both despite and because of your skin tone.

      Starting a relationship with a celebrity seems like much less likely outcome.

      • Ok. I was really skeptical about any Korean guy liking me because of all the research I did, and it all pretty much concluded that a relationship like I want was highly unlikely.

        And this I do know. It’s saddening… :( And although I do know that it’s hard to have a relationship with a celebrity, let alone meet the guy, I still think I would benefit from learning Korean and the culture.

        • There is normal people who don’t care about skin color everywhere.

          Of course it is great to learn a new language and culture! Don’t give up. :)

          • I understand now. And trust me, I won’t give up. I’m going to learn Korean. It’s such a fun sounding language. :D And thank you so much for the help. I really do appreciate your time. I enjoy your blog so much. You are too real.

            • Haha, thank you :) We hope you are going to stick around for a long time.

              And good luck with learning Korean! You sound like determined person. Let us know how it goes.

  9. Oh I will. I’m not leaving at all. And thank you. I will definitely keep you guys up to date. Again, thank you!!! <3

  10. Hi! I’m glad to visit this site again. And…I need your help again :-)

    I have a Korean friend who’s leaving our country to go back to Korea. Actually, he’s my friend but I think I like him more than as a friend but I can’t tell him that. So anyway, he’s leaving in two weeks time, and I’d like to give him a present. Do you think it’s alright? (No culture conflict?) And if it’s alright, what do you think should I give him? He’s 25 or 26 years old, I guess and he’s a musician.

    Oegukeen and Kimchi-man help please :-)

    • Of course. Which culture would forbid giving presents? It would be a sad culture ^^

      There are no gifts in Korea that have special meaning or send a special message. Just get him what you would get him if he wasn’t Korean.

      You know him and we don’t, so whatever you choose is going to be a lot better than anything we can suggest.

      • Last time, I asked this korean friend (guy) of mine to ride the Ferris Wheel with me. It should have been the two of us but I asked my friends to come also because I’m too nervous to be alone with him. I thought he wouldn’t come anymore ’cause he’s the only korean and he doesn’t know my friends, also the place where the Ferris wheel is located is very far from his house (I think 1 and a half hour ride?) But he still came and said that he will make an effort and come… for me. Also, last time when I was sick, the next day he suddenly gave me medicine (I don’t know if he bought that for me or he just always brings medicine with him? Haha.) He also tells me things he doesn’t want to tell his friends.

        My friends said that it looks like he likes me but I doubt that ’cause he always bully/annoys me. Do you think he likes me? Maybe I don’t want to know? He’s leaving next week to go back to Korea, anyway. And I’m scared to know what I feel for him.

        • Also when I said that he must help girls (my friends) with heavy luggage as a sign of courtesy and being a gentleman. After a while he really did, although he said that in Korea it’s not a custom. Then there’s this one time when I was a bit tired walking, he insisted on carrying my bag (it’s not heavy at all) and held my arm to help me walk.

          So what do you think?

          • Every Korean guy shows it in a different way, so there is no way for me to be sure, but it does seem like he cares about you.

            If he does like you and you decide to enter a relationship, it will have to be long-distance for a while, though. Are you sure you are ready for that? We are going to publish a blog post about it tomorrow so maybe it will help you decide. :)

  11. Hi, so I hv been awhile at interpals and tried to talk with korean over there…but some of them are like just insterested with foreigner girl as i am an asian they just pretend to reply me then after that They dnt even reply me at all aready…well I really not sure what that mean but why they choose to continue it and then ignore me?!! Felt like being tricked…it makes me no more confidence to talk with any of them alrdy… So can i know is that every korean over there just wish to have foreigner to talk with them but not asian?? And should I continue to talk with them who ignored me( actually I added them as friend but not sure should continue to talk anot…)

    • How do you know they are only interested in non-Asian girls? You can’t really see who they are talking to, can you?

      They are not tricking you. Online communication is just like any other – of majority of people you will make friends with only a few. Don’t take it personally, just be persistent.

      I contacted hundreds of people and didn’t manage to make a single friend, except Kimchi Man.

      • Hmm hope i cam hv one also…at least a true friend from there…:/ I really dk what to say to them like i talk to them then they just did that answer part some even replied me and blocked me after that…I just so headache with people mind alrdy…like even the friends around also the same…betraying and just a friend for purpose but not a truth friend…tats why actually i wish to meet some true friend at there actually…but rn idk whether it will happen anot…kinda lack of confidence to talk to anyone at there actually…i lost my mind abt wat to reply them…because at first for me korean ppl is friendly but now i am not sure is that everyone is just be the same…like ppl around the world is just the same?? Do you ever encounter sthg like this or is tat korean ppl also will do the betrayed thingy??

        • It is difficult to make real friends for everyone, not just you. But if you feel that everyone offline and online is betraying you, that is a bit unusual, and you might do some soul-searching to figure out why.

          Also, many people stopped replying to me on interpals, and I stopped replying to many others as well. But no one ever has blocked me. Do you give them a reason to?

          A word of advice, I had a really hard time understanding what you wrote. Koreans might struggle to understand as well. It will be easier for them to read if you try to use more proper English and less abbreviations.

          • Ah really?! Well so sorry about that…>< I actually used to it already…will do try to change it! Thanks anyway for your advice…actually this kinda struggling me for years but now i think is true that a real friends is hard to find…hopefully can find one!! Thanks very much for your advice and your blog did help me a lot!! Wish both of you can stay happy always!:D

  12. You silly girl! ;3
    How is it embarrassing to be honest and open about your feelings? The only thing that’s ever embarrassing in that department is being clingy. The guy obviously wants you to like him back, so why are you so cold? If I was you, I’d send him α message saying something like: “You know what? I do miss you! Wish I didn’t have to work this holiday, but I hope you’re having α great time! (:”
    Lol if you like him (which I’m sure is true, otherwise you wouldn’t be posting here), don’t play so cold! You don’t have to go all out and tell him you like him. I even tell my buddies whom I’ll NEVER date that I miss them. Or “I miss your company” if you’re really not an intimate (or whatever hehe). person.

    Anyhow. I hope I helped α little bit. Good luck!

    PS. Thank you, Oegunkeen, yet again, for making such an interesting blog! ♡

  13. My Korean boyfriend sent me his army tags which he kept after completing the mandatory 2 years. It seems to have a lot of meaning, even though he lives far away, him being in Korea and me being in Australia (long story).

  14. Hello. Am a first year university student and I really like a korean girl in one of my classes. I would say it’s love. She was really friendly at first towards me but after about a couple of weeks she became very avoiding towards me and everyone else. I know that she mainly has korean friends and is very unopen. I understand that’s within her culture but it saddens me every time I try to invite her somewhere and she gives an excuse like I was with a friend etc. I want to date her but it seems that I have no chance. I am a half british/cypriot and she is from south korea I believe from the countryside. Any information is highly appreciated.

    • Why do you think it is part of Korean culture to be unopen? Kimchi Man says it is not, and I have never noticed Koreans being unopen.

      She could be a bit scared since she is a young lone woman in a foreign country. But that’s not a cultural thing.

      • Maybe you’re right. Generelazing people by race is not really accurate but I do think that asians act and think differently in many cases. And all types of asians are different. I suppose am clueless. I try to be myself around her but I want to approach her in a way that would make us closer, so she would trust me more. I can say for sure from talking to her that approaching her like a western girl won’t go too well. I don’t have a lot of dating experience in general but I really want her to give me a shot. As for being scared, I think that’s true, I’ve seen that myself and she did mention a lot that she likes it better in Korea. It is totally understandable. That’s why it’d be nice if I knew what I was doing in order to please her. We had little contact now that we’re on holiday(text messaging) but I hope things get more intimate between us cuz I know that Koreans usually date and marry within their own ethnicity and being with a foreighner is usually looked upon negatively especially when it comes to parents approving. Thing is, am really interested in asian culture (mainly japanese) and I do plan to teach in Japan in the future but honestly I wouldn’t mind ending up in Korea. Am willing to respect and accept her wishes I don’t want to be troublesome to her and change her ways.

        • You say Korean usually marry Koreans. Isn’t it also true that Americans usually marry Americans, Germans marry Germans, Swedes marry Swedes,… ? Can you think of one country where people marry more to people from another country? I think not.

          It seems that you have a lot of predefined notions of what Asians are supposed to be like. I disagree with most of them.

          You can look trough answers we have given so far. A lot of what you are worried about has been addressed already. We did write about Korean men, but if someone asked us about women our answers would be the same.

  15. Hi. Good day this is marish from Philippines. I just want to know, the personality of a korean guy. I met this guy in Facebook and at first, we become friends. We always chat and till the day come that we know each others cellphone number. I admit that i was fall in love to this korean guy but the thing is, i really can’t understand his TRUE feelings for me. I am the first one who tell and confessed my love for him.

    Until this Sunday, He used to call me and confessed his feelings. During our phone conversation, he said how he loves me so much and likes me too. He even tell me that he always speak about me there. I felt his care and his feelings during our conversation. That night was so memorable and we even both laughed ( especially when we have hardships in understanding our language). He said he really want to meet me, have a time for each other, have a dinner and date. All those plans, are really existing that night. But he really becomes serious and so sad when he always remember that it is impossible for us to meet now. We are still in college he is 23 and i am 20. We are so far from each other. I think for both of us this relationship we have has no good future,

    After that sweet night of calls and texting, the next morning i received a text from him. It is stated as:
    “I was drunk last night and im sorry i dont love you.. let’s cut off our relation.. im sorry but goodbye.”
    after that shocking text message from him, i asked him why but there is no reply coming from him.

    It was monday and it is my hobby to check my facebook if there is a notification or any message. But believe it or not, i thought he deactivated his account because i cant view him already but i found out that he blocked me. I started to cry and asked myself why? i remember those sweet words that comes from him, how kind i am, how he loves me and even that night full of love i am finding for any reasonable explanation regarding this but all i can do is to cry. I really have broken heart now since it is still fresh.

    I don’t know if he wants to test my love for him or he lied to me or he just played our relationship. But i keep texting him till now and i am saying how i loved him and how important he is to me. Fortunately, he is not changing his cellphone number and i am pretty sure that he reads all of my text message. I hope you can help me with this situation i have now. Kindly response for me. I really want some help now.

    I really love this korean guy and i think there is a BIG reason behind this.

    -Marish<3

    • Well a personality is… personal. There is no national-personality that all Korean guys share.

      Whatever the reason is for what he did it was incredibly cruel. I can’t tell you what to do, but if it was me I would never text him or tell him I love him again. What kind of insane test of love would that be?

      Long distance relationship is not such a big problem at all (we just published these long distance relationship advice ) but you do have a different BIG problem.

        • I just want to know your opinion, do you think, he lied to me? does he used loved me? i just want to know your opinions regarding us, do you have any idea?

          • That is really hard to tell. I can understand why it feels very important to know, but it is not. You need to wait for your wounds to heal and move on.

  16. Okay, I have a question…is it common for Korean guys to like to give presents?
    The very first thing my guy did after I agreed to start dating him, was pile on objects from his place. I didn’t get to leave without a toque, two scarves, a flannel shirt, a jean jacket, and one of his shirts. I think he was concerned about me being cold (it’s a bit chilly in Seoul right now, but nothing compared to Canada).
    This kind of thing has never happened to me before. I don’t know if it’s considered rude to not accept things, but I feel so strange to have received essentially a bag full of clothes from a guy I’d been dating for all of 10 minutes.

    • There is a notion in Korean society that it is romantic for a man to give presents to a woman, but it is really up to an individual. I have never heard of a situation like yours, but then again we are not dating the same guy, even though they are all Korean :)

      Your question if it is rude not to accept presents reminds me of commonly used plot-twist where you have to marry chief’s daughter because it is very rude to refuse presents ^^ Haha. Anyway, relax, Koreans are not that different than us at all. He MAY think it is rude, but then it will be because HE thinks it’s rude, not because Koreans think it’s rude.

      Both Kimchi Man and I say sometimes: “No, thank you. That’s too much.” Whether we really end up accepting it depends how much the other person insists.

  17. I am surprised to read about when a Korean couple married, the bride family have to fork out certain amount of money to the groom and it seems like a lot.

    May I know if Asians or foreigner marry a Korean guy, do they have to follow the customs as well? What if the bride’s family background are financially lower than the groom? How would the groom family be reacting about this? Can they still get married with the groom family support? :(

  18. I have some situation here. I have a Korean penpal was a very friendly person. We met through a Internet site and communicate with one another is smooth and very personal. After knowing him for some months, he begins share with me about his past relationships and he is open to marry foreigner and staying in overseas. I was surprised that he is open to me about his past when I asked and he keep saying I am very pretty and good person and will be a very good wife if i marry. Is this very rare that a Korean guy will share about his private life?
    He said he really want to meet me in Korea if I ever come and keep saying he buy me food and will do whatever I want. He said he wanted to come over to my country for holiday in future. But if he have someone he like and the suitation is very complicated, even if i come to Korea, how far will we develop? Do you think I stand any chance?

  19. I danced/met a Korean guy at a club in Shanghai, both of us were students. On the first day of texting he already asked me to grab a drink the next night. But I told him I couldn’t because of finals and I also mentioned how it was my last week in Shanghai. He said to study hard and didn’t text me for those couple of days because he said he knew I had finals. After my finals ended he contacted me and we met up again to go clubbing. He and I both brought a friend. After we went clubbing, we were all going to eat and I asked where he wanted to eat. He looked at the friend he brought along. They said something in Korean and then told me why not his apartment? I hesitated again but said sure. So the four of us went to his apartment and he paid for takeout. He talked about his family like his siblings. We talked for a bit until around 6 am then my friend and I said we should go. His friend stood up and said he could take my friend home so that me and the Korean guy could have some time together. His friend said something like “you should stay because there isn’t much time left (until I leave Shanghai, I’m guessing that’s what he meant). My friend was not going to leave me alone with this guy I hardly know so she resisted/got angry when his friend tried to grab her arm and pull her towards the door. When I tried to follow them out the door his friend almost closed the door on me ( I mean not forcefully but…). The Korean guy I liked told his friend to let us go. The next day he texted asking if just him and I could meet that night… I said I couldn’t because I was going out with friends. I said he could join us but he said again that he wanted just the two of us to meet and I didn’t answer him… I ended up running into him at the same club because he said he was watching over his friend who easily gets drunk/into fights. We sat down and he brought up why my friend wouldn’t let me stay or why I didn’t stay and I said I didn’t want to have sex (cuz that’s where it seemed like it was going when his friend tried to close the door on me). He had a shocked look on his face and said he didn’t want to either! and even repeated he didn’t several times in Korean (but this whole time we’ve been communicating in Chinese. I just happen to know what “no/that’s not true” is in Korean.) I found that hard to believe because of what happened the night before… but he even gave an example and said he’s not that kind of guy. I told him lots of guys do those one night stands and he said “But I’m Korean” and I said “but you’re still a guy.” He seemed frustrated, then patted my head and we just went back to dancing afterwards but after that night he stopped texting me to meet up. I texted him and he would respond really late or only after I texted him again. The night before I left I texted him asking to stay in touch, but he didn’t respond… Did I hurt his pride by thinking he was that kind of guy? Did I misjudge him? I know I probably jumped to assumptions but just the way his friend acted made it seem like that was what the Korean guy wanted all along. Did I think wrong? I’m just wondering if there’s some type of cultural misunderstanding here maybe? I mean we just met, what else could he have wanted us to do if I had stayed in his apartment with just him?

    • Hi
      I’m a Korean guy, born and raised in Korea.
      There isn’t enough to see exactly what happened here but from what I can see, the Korean guy, unlike what he told you, wanted to have so called ‘one night stand’. If he didn’t want such thing, like he said, why would his friend try to take your friend away from you leaving just two of you in the apartment? There is no way the friend does that without discussing with the Korean guy. That is first clue.

      Secondly, after the first failure, he told you he wanted to meet you alone. Why alone? I guess he was expecting the 2nd chance to be with you. He must have thought he lost the 1st opportunity because of your friend. Second chance didn’t work out well again.

      And coincidentally you bumped into him in a club. There I think he tried to convince you that he is not that type of guy. But the behaviors he’s been showing tells me that he was after ‘one night stand’. And it is very normal for a girl/guy not to sleep with someone whom she/he just met. Once he found out that you’re not interested in sleeping with him, he just gave up. That means he has no intention of making it long term relationship. And I’m pretty sure that’s why he isn’t responding you well.

      How do I know this? Well, I lived in China for 6 years and Australia 1 year. I’ve met people from everywhere and I dated a few foreign girls. It took me a while to understand the difference between Korean and foreign girls. Some Korean guys tend to think that foreign girls (normally Caucasian girls) are very much open for ‘one night stand’ thing. Maybe it applies to some but surely not all of them. It seems you are interested in him as you ask for an advice here. It is a pity that he couldn’t keep up. He doesn’t understand that approaching a girl always has many obstacles and misunderstandings. He must have thought you are not interested in him since you went out with your friends instead of meeting him. But it is absolutely normal for you to do so. He is still a stranger that you barely know.

      I’m not saying he is a bad guy. This has happened due to his being inexperienced and lack of understanding over cultural difference. NOT YOUR FAULT.

      To Oegukeen,

      HELLO!
      I’ve been stopping by here 1~2 times a week since last month. I really enjoy your blog. It is fun and very very accurate.
      Merry Christmas
      Kevin

      • Hello Kevin,
        Merry Christmas to you too.

        It really makes me happy that you enjoy our blog. Thank you for such nice words, you made my Christmas better :)

    • Hello. Kevin gave you a really nice and down-to-earth answer. We agree with everything he said.

      However, it is possible he just wanted to make-out with you or spend some alone and romantic time together. He was obviously interested in your but may not have planned to go as far as sleeping together right away.

  20. Hi I just found your blog and thought that maybe you could help me. I’ve been searching for anyone that could at least give me a few words of advice.
    I’ve been dating my Korean boyfriend for almost 6 months now. I’m from the states so it is long distance. We’ve known each other for almost two years now and just started dating.
    We met on this website and immediately we became best friends (day one). It was around the time he was finishing up high school so we never got the chance to talk. But when we did talk he would compliment me saying I was pretty and that he liked my smile. I thought he was pretty sweet and thought nothing more of it.. Then months went by and I wondered if he liked me.. Then I started to like him.
    I never thought of telling him until earlier this year.. i didn’t know if he would like me.

    Well it turned out he did. Took him awhile to actually ask me lol but he eventually did.

    My dilemma is that we barely talk because of a few things that have occurred. The only way that we communicate is either through the website we met or messaging. So we’ve never talked vocally or with webcam.. I feel like that is a problem.. I want to be able to communicate with him like that but we never really have that chance to talk about it..

    It is really sad that I haven’t been able to talk to him in 2 months… That is too long and it makes me think negatively about our relationship.. Everyday I wonder how he thought or thinks about it. If I should really be in this..

    I like him a lot. But I barely know enough about him just because we never have a chance to talk.. I can’t do anything and I feel like it is my fault everything is ending up like this :(

    I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to talk to him..

    I want things to work out with him. What can I do?

    ~Info about him and I~
    He is 19 and I am 17
    (Young I know)
    I’m still in high school (senior)
    and he is in college (he took a break because of an issue)

    • Ah, that’s a nice age to fall in love.

      I understand that you might not want to share more details than you already did, but I really don’t know how to help you using what you told me.

      If I understood correctly, you two can’t talk for some reason, there is nothing you can do about that, and you are wondering if you should break it off?

      • Well I don’t want to break it off because I feel that it wouldn’t be fair to him..
        We just have really bad luck. Every time we think we have time to talk something happens.
        There is a lot that I’m not saying but I’m trying to word it so it’ll make since..
        I’m just worried that are relationship isn’t and won’t be “normal”..
        Are long distance relationships like this?

        • There isn’t such a thing as a normal relationship. If you are frustrated and not satisfied does it really matter if all other people have such relationships and are content with them? I think not.

          For us it is also difficult to find time to talk. We do manage to text every day at least few times, and talk on the most of days.

  21. hello~! I´m a 19 year old german girl and I have a few asian friends, mostly from south korea. And there´s this one guy.. we only know each other from the internet, we chat often, I really like korea and learn the language and I´m always curious about the country and love their food and same goes for him for germany. I started to like him more and more but I´m a very shy girl when it comes to “that” kind of stuff, so I never said a word. I sometimes try to lead the topic to more personal stuff and I mostly get to know more about him but he always seems to keep the distance. :( Is it maybe cultural or is it his personality? on the one hand he is often so overjoyed about little things and asks me about what I told him from my life but on the other hand I sometimes feel like I barely know him :/ how can I close the gap between us and avoid the distance without beeing to forward…? (because I don´t wanna scare him away with my behavior^^)

    • I don’t know how long you two have been talking. If it was just a few days then it’s not common to share personal matters in western culture either.

      If it has been a long time, I would say it is his personality. After 2-3 months of talking, Kimchi Man and I knew things about each other that we haven’t told anyone else.

      • Thank you very much for your fast reply :)
        Mh…its about half a year now… :/ but mostly he is the one initiating the chat…I’m just really confused, I want to get closer to him, but I don’t know how to do that… He has also other European friends so maybe my thinking is just wish-thinking and he likes other European girls more than me..:(

  22. hello~
    first of all: thank you for all your hard work ^^! I find your blog very interesting and always carefully written.
    I know this is a very sensitive subject, so I would understand if neither you nor your boyfriend wants to address this matter, but I would like to ask how you feel about Korean men and prostitution in Korea…
    many websites mention the fact that many Korean men have their first time with prostitutes during their military service and visit them regularly, even when they are married, because “sex with a prostitute isn’t cheating, since it’s not a relationship” and that it(=going to prostitutes after drinking) is commonly used to create bonds between male employees or to treat a client…["the grand narrative" is an interesting and objective blog that often talks about sensitive subjects: Search for: The Grand Narrative Sex, Marriage, and Prostitution in South Korea ]
    and one of the worst part of it is the fact that (most) Korean men never use condoms! so even when you are married, you could still get STDs from your husband…o.O (if you happen to know why they take such risks, feel free to explain it, because I really don’t understand >.<)

    these informations have made me extremely paranoid about Korean men
    and my question is: since it is so common (and "accepted/guilt-free" AMONG MEN) in Korea, how can you be sure and what would you do to make sure your Korean boyfriend never does this kind of thing? (I'm asking this in a general way,not as an insult to your boyfriend. And I hope you won't feel offended by my asking :s)

    again, thank you for your blog and excuse my rudeness: I didn't know who/how else to ask about this…

    • Hello Roxane,

      thank you so much for the wonderful things you said. It really means a lot to me that you enjoy our blog.

      Kimchi Man told me long time ago that prostitution is a relatively common thing in Korea.

      Some people search for quick fixes to their happiness, and what they use just depends on what is more readily available to them. In Korea, prostitutes are common, so common that they are known even outside of borders of Korea.
      Let me draw a comparison Kimchi Man used, and I think it is very wise: Laws in Korea are very strict about drug use. So number of people using drugs is far higher in western countries. Now, how would you feel if a Korean men said he was very paranoid about you because you are a potential drug addict who might transfer a disease to him?

      To say prostitution is not cheating is just an excuse for someone who gets caught. Condom is a requirement if you are going to have an intercourse with a prostitute, otherwise you get kicked out by bouncers.

      The only way I know how to make sure my boyfriend doesn’t do it is by carefully choosing him. :) Kimchi Man and I are close and open to each other. So much so that he told me very early into our relationship that his friends tried to surprise him with a visit to a prostitute before he started his military service. He refused and got into a big fight with his friends. They ended up not speaking to each other for months, where before that they were inseparable. That kind of event is difficult to lie about. If his opinion and our relationship would one day change, I have no doubt he is smart enough to use a condom.

      Also, while I am really happy he refused, you must also have a bit of understanding for their situation. Korean women are, for the most part, not interested in Korean men who haven’t finished military service because they don’t want to fall in love with someone they won’t be able to see for two years. So these young men, with their hormones raging, have a very difficult choice to make.

      And let’s not forget there are also male prostitutes offering their services to female clients in Korea.

      Conclusion: Don’t fear a whole nation of men just because they are a bit different than what you are used to.

  23. Hi~~
    I love your posts and story, it all sounds so romantic and sweet! I’m happy it worked out for you both!
    I’ve been speaking to this guy for a short while and he recently brought up the top of dating. It wasn’t a very direct mention, but I mentioned how we live far apart and barely know each other. He said he’d take care of that, and that we should see where our feelings take it. He’s a really nice guy, but im a really awkward and shy person at the start, so talking on the phone and face to face skyping would be a little weird for me. I don’t know what to do! I asked two friends and both their suggestions clash! One says go for it, as her long distance relationship was successful (she’s now engaged) whereas the other says it might not be the best idea! :(

    Please help!!

    • Kimchi Man is also really shy and I had to talk him into speaking to me on Skype. I had to do most of the talking for the first few days, but he eventually relaxed.

      Maybe your guy can do the same for you.

      It seems a bit early to decide if you want a long-distance relationship or not with him. You are still not even sure if you want any kind of relationship with him. I think that decision is not something you can make right now. Get to know him better and see if you can even talk to him.

  24. is it true that when korean man focus doing something, he will ignore his girlfriend? like not send message or call..

    • dont belive everything you hear … my bf is korean and im american because of the time difference we are not able to talk all day, he works and take bussiness classes, i work and go to school and we are always able to find time to talk to eachother ! so if a guy its really interested he will always find time for you :).

      • aww..thats so sweet of u guys ^^ yeah..i think that too.. no matter how busy a person is, if they really care and love u, they`ll always find time for u..that’s what i always do for him..but he..i dont think he’s cheating on me but he’s just not into me anymore..T T

        • why dont you just ask … ? comunication is key in any relationship maybe if you ask him what’s wrong you guys can sort things out, good luck! hope everything works out for you and your guy !! :)

          • i already ask him..and the answer is disappointing..even though our time difference is only 1 hour, i feel like it is 10 hours..

    • Yes. Korean men are trained in this special skill during their military service.

      Just joking, lena gave you a nice, and true answer.

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