Hey Oegukeen and Kimchi Man. It’s writer1986 once again. I just thought I’d drop by with one more dilemma (and maybe more to come): So my Oppa is still not comfortable with telling his parents about our relationship, and they’re still pushing him to find someone and commit (preferably a nice Korean girl still in their home country.)
Though my guts want Oppa to make us public and known, I also respect him enough not to push him in any direction. Still, his parents call at least 2 times a week, and his dad never stops finding names and numbers for him. And all this makes me question if I’m in a one-way relationship (with me as the only pole.) I’m starting to feel I’ve put in a lot of effort into this relationship (including introducing him to my family and taking the consequences) and I get very little in return. Part of me wants him to continue his loyalty to his parents and contact a Korean girl and stick to her. And then I’ll just pretend we’ve been only friends this whole time…. With so much pressure from both sides of our family, I just don’t know what to do anymore. Slowly my fantasies of us fades away as reality and “what if’s” consume me…. Help. I don’t know who to turn to anymore.
Hello Writer1986. We are glad to hear from you again, but we are sorry your troubles are not resolved.
You need to tell your boyfriend how you feel. Maybe he is not close to his parents. Maybe he doesn’t want them to be rude to you when they find out. Give him a chance to explain why he won’t tell his parents before you decide.
We would advise him to tell his parents, if he was the one that contacted us. However, the reality is that there is nothing you can do about that since it is his decision, not yours. What you can do is decide how much it bothers you. And from what you’ve written it seems to bother you a lot. Some woman might not care at all if he tells his parents or not and she may gauge his loyalty from other gestures. But that’s not you. And it is alright to react differently.
Only you can judge if you are ready to stay in a relationship with a man who hides it from his parents.
But don’t pretend you were never more than friends! The reality of your relationship is not determined by how many people know about it. And surely both of you had some amazing moments together, otherwise you wouldn’t be in a relationship. You have a right to keep those memories. Whether you stay together forever or decide to break it off, it did happen and it was real.
This is what Kimchi Man wrote when I asked him to give his opinion. As much as his answer made me laugh (and still does^^), he is being serious and I think you might benefit from his clear and rational approach to the problem.
Problem. You need his explanation to end “what-ifs”.
Condition. He needs to understand your feeling so he can know what he needs to explain.
Solution. You explain -> get his explanation -> gather information -> make a decision.
Hopefully we’ve been of some help.
How about you readers? Kimchi Man told his Korean parents before we’ve even met in person. What was your experience? Is your Korean boyfriend keeping your relationship secret from his parents? Does it bother you?