BelieveinKeev asked:

Hmm…let me start off by saying I am American and he’s South Korean… In Korea I am 30 and he’s 31. About three months ago, I met this guy while out with my friends, I found him really funny. We exchanged numbers and would talk often. In the beginning he would call me often and respond quickly to messages. I even went on a trip with him. It was two of his friends and two of mine. It was a bit of a disaster because some personality clashes but I admired his effort. After a while it stopped, his job started to become really demanding and then it started to become me making the effort to talk and him either not having the time then, or just too tired. He would always end up calling after he finished work or maybe a day or so after and would apologize frequently. But I ended up getting frustrated and decided to move on and attempt to date other people. About a month or two of not contacting him, he calls me randomly on a Saturday night, to tell me again he was sorry, that he quit his job, that he would like to connect with me and asked me out to dinner. So I decided to go on the date with him. And compared to the other guys that I have went on a date with, I definitely like him the most. I was the most comfortable with him, there wasn’t any awkwardness at all…maybe the first five minutes, but after that it was perfect. So after that date I told him it was fun and asked when can we meet again. His response was after he found employment. So now….. I find myself back at the beginning with him. And it’s troubling me. Because I know how much I like him so i don’t want to do the same thing i did before. I don’t know if it’s my culture talking, but I feel like an idiot for just waiting around. So, I wanted to ask you guys, judging by our story am I wasting my time waiting or would I be wasting someone else’s time by trying to get involved with other people knowing that when he calls, I’ll go running by his side.

From what you described in your question it is unclear what his intentions are, so it is no wonder you are at loss what to do.

From my experience, if you like someone, there is no amount of work that will stop you from contacting them. He might have cooled off and used his work as an excuse, then one Saturday evening felt bored and  is now using the same old trick.

My experience is limited, though. Before I met a Korean I didn’t know such a thing existed: Kimchi Man could get so busy at work that he used to spend a few days in a row sleeping under his desk without ever going home. If I had known him back then I doubt he would manage to call me, no matter how much he wanted to.

I will tell you what worked for me, in a similar situation as yours, and hopefully it might be helpful for you too. Back when Kimchi Man and I were still talking online and haven’t met in person I was getting impatient to meet him in person. He wanted to first finish his education and meet me when he gets employed. That was going to take two years, at least. His idea that he should put his education first, be a complete adult and in best possible version of himself when we meet was noble, but I couldn’t wait that long. I told him I understand his reasons, but that he is going to have to choose. He made his choice, and I couldn’t be happier.

Why not tell him how you feel? Say what you told us, that you really like him the most, that you are comfortable in his company but that you are not able to wait any longer so he needs to make his choice.

– Oegukeen