Ask us 2012 Archives

These were questions asked in 2012. To ask a question right now, please go to our new section Ask Loving Korean.

Thank you all for submitting so many questions and making this blog grow. :)

If you are looking for answers we have given so far, check out answers section, which you can also find by clicking the drop-down menu “Posts” above.


433 thoughts on “Ask us 2012 Archives

  1. Hi I just found your blog and thought that maybe you could help me. I’ve been searching for anyone that could at least give me a few words of advice.
    I’ve been dating my Korean boyfriend for almost 6 months now. I’m from the states so it is long distance. We’ve known each other for almost two years now and just started dating.
    We met on this website and immediately we became best friends (day one). It was around the time he was finishing up high school so we never got the chance to talk. But when we did talk he would compliment me saying I was pretty and that he liked my smile. I thought he was pretty sweet and thought nothing more of it.. Then months went by and I wondered if he liked me.. Then I started to like him.
    I never thought of telling him until earlier this year.. i didn’t know if he would like me.

    Well it turned out he did. Took him awhile to actually ask me lol but he eventually did.

    My dilemma is that we barely talk because of a few things that have occurred. The only way that we communicate is either through the website we met or messaging. So we’ve never talked vocally or with webcam.. I feel like that is a problem.. I want to be able to communicate with him like that but we never really have that chance to talk about it..

    It is really sad that I haven’t been able to talk to him in 2 months… That is too long and it makes me think negatively about our relationship.. Everyday I wonder how he thought or thinks about it. If I should really be in this..

    I like him a lot. But I barely know enough about him just because we never have a chance to talk.. I can’t do anything and I feel like it is my fault everything is ending up like this :(

    I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to talk to him..

    I want things to work out with him. What can I do?

    ~Info about him and I~
    He is 19 and I am 17
    (Young I know)
    I’m still in high school (senior)
    and he is in college (he took a break because of an issue)

    • Ah, that’s a nice age to fall in love.

      I understand that you might not want to share more details than you already did, but I really don’t know how to help you using what you told me.

      If I understood correctly, you two can’t talk for some reason, there is nothing you can do about that, and you are wondering if you should break it off?

      • Well I don’t want to break it off because I feel that it wouldn’t be fair to him..
        We just have really bad luck. Every time we think we have time to talk something happens.
        There is a lot that I’m not saying but I’m trying to word it so it’ll make since..
        I’m just worried that are relationship isn’t and won’t be “normal”..
        Are long distance relationships like this?

        • There isn’t such a thing as a normal relationship. If you are frustrated and not satisfied does it really matter if all other people have such relationships and are content with them? I think not.

          For us it is also difficult to find time to talk. We do manage to text every day at least few times, and talk on the most of days.

  2. hello~! I´m a 19 year old german girl and I have a few asian friends, mostly from south korea. And there´s this one guy.. we only know each other from the internet, we chat often, I really like korea and learn the language and I´m always curious about the country and love their food and same goes for him for germany. I started to like him more and more but I´m a very shy girl when it comes to “that” kind of stuff, so I never said a word. I sometimes try to lead the topic to more personal stuff and I mostly get to know more about him but he always seems to keep the distance. :( Is it maybe cultural or is it his personality? on the one hand he is often so overjoyed about little things and asks me about what I told him from my life but on the other hand I sometimes feel like I barely know him :/ how can I close the gap between us and avoid the distance without beeing to forward…? (because I don´t wanna scare him away with my behavior^^)

    • I don’t know how long you two have been talking. If it was just a few days then it’s not common to share personal matters in western culture either.

      If it has been a long time, I would say it is his personality. After 2-3 months of talking, Kimchi Man and I knew things about each other that we haven’t told anyone else.

      • Thank you very much for your fast reply :)
        Mh…its about half a year now… :/ but mostly he is the one initiating the chat…I’m just really confused, I want to get closer to him, but I don’t know how to do that… He has also other European friends so maybe my thinking is just wish-thinking and he likes other European girls more than me..:(

  3. hello~
    first of all: thank you for all your hard work ^^! I find your blog very interesting and always carefully written.
    I know this is a very sensitive subject, so I would understand if neither you nor your boyfriend wants to address this matter, but I would like to ask how you feel about Korean men and prostitution in Korea…
    many websites mention the fact that many Korean men have their first time with prostitutes during their military service and visit them regularly, even when they are married, because “sex with a prostitute isn’t cheating, since it’s not a relationship” and that it(=going to prostitutes after drinking) is commonly used to create bonds between male employees or to treat a client…[“the grand narrative” is an interesting and objective blog that often talks about sensitive subjects: Search for: The Grand Narrative Sex, Marriage, and Prostitution in South Korea ]
    and one of the worst part of it is the fact that (most) Korean men never use condoms! so even when you are married, you could still get STDs from your husband…o.O (if you happen to know why they take such risks, feel free to explain it, because I really don’t understand >.<)

    these informations have made me extremely paranoid about Korean men
    and my question is: since it is so common (and "accepted/guilt-free" AMONG MEN) in Korea, how can you be sure and what would you do to make sure your Korean boyfriend never does this kind of thing? (I'm asking this in a general way,not as an insult to your boyfriend. And I hope you won't feel offended by my asking :s)

    again, thank you for your blog and excuse my rudeness: I didn't know who/how else to ask about this…

    • Hello Roxane,

      thank you so much for the wonderful things you said. It really means a lot to me that you enjoy our blog.

      Kimchi Man told me long time ago that prostitution is a relatively common thing in Korea.

      Some people search for quick fixes to their happiness, and what they use just depends on what is more readily available to them. In Korea, prostitutes are common, so common that they are known even outside of borders of Korea.
      Let me draw a comparison Kimchi Man used, and I think it is very wise: Laws in Korea are very strict about drug use. So number of people using drugs is far higher in western countries. Now, how would you feel if a Korean men said he was very paranoid about you because you are a potential drug addict who might transfer a disease to him?

      To say prostitution is not cheating is just an excuse for someone who gets caught. Condom is a requirement if you are going to have an intercourse with a prostitute, otherwise you get kicked out by bouncers.

      The only way I know how to make sure my boyfriend doesn’t do it is by carefully choosing him. :) Kimchi Man and I are close and open to each other. So much so that he told me very early into our relationship that his friends tried to surprise him with a visit to a prostitute before he started his military service. He refused and got into a big fight with his friends. They ended up not speaking to each other for months, where before that they were inseparable. That kind of event is difficult to lie about. If his opinion and our relationship would one day change, I have no doubt he is smart enough to use a condom.

      Also, while I am really happy he refused, you must also have a bit of understanding for their situation. Korean women are, for the most part, not interested in Korean men who haven’t finished military service because they don’t want to fall in love with someone they won’t be able to see for two years. So these young men, with their hormones raging, have a very difficult choice to make.

      And let’s not forget there are also male prostitutes offering their services to female clients in Korea.

      Conclusion: Don’t fear a whole nation of men just because they are a bit different than what you are used to.

  4. Hi~~
    I love your posts and story, it all sounds so romantic and sweet! I’m happy it worked out for you both!
    I’ve been speaking to this guy for a short while and he recently brought up the top of dating. It wasn’t a very direct mention, but I mentioned how we live far apart and barely know each other. He said he’d take care of that, and that we should see where our feelings take it. He’s a really nice guy, but im a really awkward and shy person at the start, so talking on the phone and face to face skyping would be a little weird for me. I don’t know what to do! I asked two friends and both their suggestions clash! One says go for it, as her long distance relationship was successful (she’s now engaged) whereas the other says it might not be the best idea! :(

    Please help!!

    • Kimchi Man is also really shy and I had to talk him into speaking to me on Skype. I had to do most of the talking for the first few days, but he eventually relaxed.

      Maybe your guy can do the same for you.

      It seems a bit early to decide if you want a long-distance relationship or not with him. You are still not even sure if you want any kind of relationship with him. I think that decision is not something you can make right now. Get to know him better and see if you can even talk to him.

  5. is it true that when korean man focus doing something, he will ignore his girlfriend? like not send message or call..

    • dont belive everything you hear … my bf is korean and im american because of the time difference we are not able to talk all day, he works and take bussiness classes, i work and go to school and we are always able to find time to talk to eachother ! so if a guy its really interested he will always find time for you :).

      • aww..thats so sweet of u guys ^^ yeah..i think that too.. no matter how busy a person is, if they really care and love u, they`ll always find time for u..that’s what i always do for him..but he..i dont think he’s cheating on me but he’s just not into me anymore..T T

        • why dont you just ask … ? comunication is key in any relationship maybe if you ask him what’s wrong you guys can sort things out, good luck! hope everything works out for you and your guy !! :)

          • i already ask him..and the answer is disappointing..even though our time difference is only 1 hour, i feel like it is 10 hours..

    • Yes. Korean men are trained in this special skill during their military service.

      Just joking, lena gave you a nice, and true answer.

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