Ask us 2012 Archives

These were questions asked in 2012. To ask a question right now, please go to our new section Ask Loving Korean.

Thank you all for submitting so many questions and making this blog grow. :)

If you are looking for answers we have given so far, check out answers section, which you can also find by clicking the drop-down menu “Posts” above.

433 thoughts on “Ask us 2012 Archives

  1. Okay, I have a question…is it common for Korean guys to like to give presents?
    The very first thing my guy did after I agreed to start dating him, was pile on objects from his place. I didn’t get to leave without a toque, two scarves, a flannel shirt, a jean jacket, and one of his shirts. I think he was concerned about me being cold (it’s a bit chilly in Seoul right now, but nothing compared to Canada).
    This kind of thing has never happened to me before. I don’t know if it’s considered rude to not accept things, but I feel so strange to have received essentially a bag full of clothes from a guy I’d been dating for all of 10 minutes.

    • There is a notion in Korean society that it is romantic for a man to give presents to a woman, but it is really up to an individual. I have never heard of a situation like yours, but then again we are not dating the same guy, even though they are all Korean :)

      Your question if it is rude not to accept presents reminds me of commonly used plot-twist where you have to marry chief’s daughter because it is very rude to refuse presents ^^ Haha. Anyway, relax, Koreans are not that different than us at all. He MAY think it is rude, but then it will be because HE thinks it’s rude, not because Koreans think it’s rude.

      Both Kimchi Man and I say sometimes: “No, thank you. That’s too much.” Whether we really end up accepting it depends how much the other person insists.

  2. I am surprised to read about when a Korean couple married, the bride family have to fork out certain amount of money to the groom and it seems like a lot.

    May I know if Asians or foreigner marry a Korean guy, do they have to follow the customs as well? What if the bride’s family background are financially lower than the groom? How would the groom family be reacting about this? Can they still get married with the groom family support? :(

  3. I have some situation here. I have a Korean penpal was a very friendly person. We met through a Internet site and communicate with one another is smooth and very personal. After knowing him for some months, he begins share with me about his past relationships and he is open to marry foreigner and staying in overseas. I was surprised that he is open to me about his past when I asked and he keep saying I am very pretty and good person and will be a very good wife if i marry. Is this very rare that a Korean guy will share about his private life?
    He said he really want to meet me in Korea if I ever come and keep saying he buy me food and will do whatever I want. He said he wanted to come over to my country for holiday in future. But if he have someone he like and the suitation is very complicated, even if i come to Korea, how far will we develop? Do you think I stand any chance?

  4. I danced/met a Korean guy at a club in Shanghai, both of us were students. On the first day of texting he already asked me to grab a drink the next night. But I told him I couldn’t because of finals and I also mentioned how it was my last week in Shanghai. He said to study hard and didn’t text me for those couple of days because he said he knew I had finals. After my finals ended he contacted me and we met up again to go clubbing. He and I both brought a friend. After we went clubbing, we were all going to eat and I asked where he wanted to eat. He looked at the friend he brought along. They said something in Korean and then told me why not his apartment? I hesitated again but said sure. So the four of us went to his apartment and he paid for takeout. He talked about his family like his siblings. We talked for a bit until around 6 am then my friend and I said we should go. His friend stood up and said he could take my friend home so that me and the Korean guy could have some time together. His friend said something like “you should stay because there isn’t much time left (until I leave Shanghai, I’m guessing that’s what he meant). My friend was not going to leave me alone with this guy I hardly know so she resisted/got angry when his friend tried to grab her arm and pull her towards the door. When I tried to follow them out the door his friend almost closed the door on me ( I mean not forcefully but…). The Korean guy I liked told his friend to let us go. The next day he texted asking if just him and I could meet that night… I said I couldn’t because I was going out with friends. I said he could join us but he said again that he wanted just the two of us to meet and I didn’t answer him… I ended up running into him at the same club because he said he was watching over his friend who easily gets drunk/into fights. We sat down and he brought up why my friend wouldn’t let me stay or why I didn’t stay and I said I didn’t want to have sex (cuz that’s where it seemed like it was going when his friend tried to close the door on me). He had a shocked look on his face and said he didn’t want to either! and even repeated he didn’t several times in Korean (but this whole time we’ve been communicating in Chinese. I just happen to know what “no/that’s not true” is in Korean.) I found that hard to believe because of what happened the night before… but he even gave an example and said he’s not that kind of guy. I told him lots of guys do those one night stands and he said “But I’m Korean” and I said “but you’re still a guy.” He seemed frustrated, then patted my head and we just went back to dancing afterwards but after that night he stopped texting me to meet up. I texted him and he would respond really late or only after I texted him again. The night before I left I texted him asking to stay in touch, but he didn’t respond… Did I hurt his pride by thinking he was that kind of guy? Did I misjudge him? I know I probably jumped to assumptions but just the way his friend acted made it seem like that was what the Korean guy wanted all along. Did I think wrong? I’m just wondering if there’s some type of cultural misunderstanding here maybe? I mean we just met, what else could he have wanted us to do if I had stayed in his apartment with just him?

    • Hi
      I’m a Korean guy, born and raised in Korea.
      There isn’t enough to see exactly what happened here but from what I can see, the Korean guy, unlike what he told you, wanted to have so called ‘one night stand’. If he didn’t want such thing, like he said, why would his friend try to take your friend away from you leaving just two of you in the apartment? There is no way the friend does that without discussing with the Korean guy. That is first clue.

      Secondly, after the first failure, he told you he wanted to meet you alone. Why alone? I guess he was expecting the 2nd chance to be with you. He must have thought he lost the 1st opportunity because of your friend. Second chance didn’t work out well again.

      And coincidentally you bumped into him in a club. There I think he tried to convince you that he is not that type of guy. But the behaviors he’s been showing tells me that he was after ‘one night stand’. And it is very normal for a girl/guy not to sleep with someone whom she/he just met. Once he found out that you’re not interested in sleeping with him, he just gave up. That means he has no intention of making it long term relationship. And I’m pretty sure that’s why he isn’t responding you well.

      How do I know this? Well, I lived in China for 6 years and Australia 1 year. I’ve met people from everywhere and I dated a few foreign girls. It took me a while to understand the difference between Korean and foreign girls. Some Korean guys tend to think that foreign girls (normally Caucasian girls) are very much open for ‘one night stand’ thing. Maybe it applies to some but surely not all of them. It seems you are interested in him as you ask for an advice here. It is a pity that he couldn’t keep up. He doesn’t understand that approaching a girl always has many obstacles and misunderstandings. He must have thought you are not interested in him since you went out with your friends instead of meeting him. But it is absolutely normal for you to do so. He is still a stranger that you barely know.

      I’m not saying he is a bad guy. This has happened due to his being inexperienced and lack of understanding over cultural difference. NOT YOUR FAULT.

      To Oegukeen,

      I’ve been stopping by here 1~2 times a week since last month. I really enjoy your blog. It is fun and very very accurate.
      Merry Christmas

      • Hello Kevin,
        Merry Christmas to you too.

        It really makes me happy that you enjoy our blog. Thank you for such nice words, you made my Christmas better :)

    • Hello. Kevin gave you a really nice and down-to-earth answer. We agree with everything he said.

      However, it is possible he just wanted to make-out with you or spend some alone and romantic time together. He was obviously interested in your but may not have planned to go as far as sleeping together right away.

  5. Hi I just found your blog and thought that maybe you could help me. I’ve been searching for anyone that could at least give me a few words of advice.
    I’ve been dating my Korean boyfriend for almost 6 months now. I’m from the states so it is long distance. We’ve known each other for almost two years now and just started dating.
    We met on this website and immediately we became best friends (day one). It was around the time he was finishing up high school so we never got the chance to talk. But when we did talk he would compliment me saying I was pretty and that he liked my smile. I thought he was pretty sweet and thought nothing more of it.. Then months went by and I wondered if he liked me.. Then I started to like him.
    I never thought of telling him until earlier this year.. i didn’t know if he would like me.

    Well it turned out he did. Took him awhile to actually ask me lol but he eventually did.

    My dilemma is that we barely talk because of a few things that have occurred. The only way that we communicate is either through the website we met or messaging. So we’ve never talked vocally or with webcam.. I feel like that is a problem.. I want to be able to communicate with him like that but we never really have that chance to talk about it..

    It is really sad that I haven’t been able to talk to him in 2 months… That is too long and it makes me think negatively about our relationship.. Everyday I wonder how he thought or thinks about it. If I should really be in this..

    I like him a lot. But I barely know enough about him just because we never have a chance to talk.. I can’t do anything and I feel like it is my fault everything is ending up like this :(

    I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to talk to him..

    I want things to work out with him. What can I do?

    ~Info about him and I~
    He is 19 and I am 17
    (Young I know)
    I’m still in high school (senior)
    and he is in college (he took a break because of an issue)

    • Ah, that’s a nice age to fall in love.

      I understand that you might not want to share more details than you already did, but I really don’t know how to help you using what you told me.

      If I understood correctly, you two can’t talk for some reason, there is nothing you can do about that, and you are wondering if you should break it off?

      • Well I don’t want to break it off because I feel that it wouldn’t be fair to him..
        We just have really bad luck. Every time we think we have time to talk something happens.
        There is a lot that I’m not saying but I’m trying to word it so it’ll make since..
        I’m just worried that are relationship isn’t and won’t be “normal”..
        Are long distance relationships like this?

        • There isn’t such a thing as a normal relationship. If you are frustrated and not satisfied does it really matter if all other people have such relationships and are content with them? I think not.

          For us it is also difficult to find time to talk. We do manage to text every day at least few times, and talk on the most of days.

  6. hello~! I´m a 19 year old german girl and I have a few asian friends, mostly from south korea. And there´s this one guy.. we only know each other from the internet, we chat often, I really like korea and learn the language and I´m always curious about the country and love their food and same goes for him for germany. I started to like him more and more but I´m a very shy girl when it comes to “that” kind of stuff, so I never said a word. I sometimes try to lead the topic to more personal stuff and I mostly get to know more about him but he always seems to keep the distance. :( Is it maybe cultural or is it his personality? on the one hand he is often so overjoyed about little things and asks me about what I told him from my life but on the other hand I sometimes feel like I barely know him :/ how can I close the gap between us and avoid the distance without beeing to forward…? (because I don´t wanna scare him away with my behavior^^)

    • I don’t know how long you two have been talking. If it was just a few days then it’s not common to share personal matters in western culture either.

      If it has been a long time, I would say it is his personality. After 2-3 months of talking, Kimchi Man and I knew things about each other that we haven’t told anyone else.

      • Thank you very much for your fast reply :)
        Mh…its about half a year now… :/ but mostly he is the one initiating the chat…I’m just really confused, I want to get closer to him, but I don’t know how to do that… He has also other European friends so maybe my thinking is just wish-thinking and he likes other European girls more than me..:(

  7. hello~
    first of all: thank you for all your hard work ^^! I find your blog very interesting and always carefully written.
    I know this is a very sensitive subject, so I would understand if neither you nor your boyfriend wants to address this matter, but I would like to ask how you feel about Korean men and prostitution in Korea…
    many websites mention the fact that many Korean men have their first time with prostitutes during their military service and visit them regularly, even when they are married, because “sex with a prostitute isn’t cheating, since it’s not a relationship” and that it(=going to prostitutes after drinking) is commonly used to create bonds between male employees or to treat a client…[“the grand narrative” is an interesting and objective blog that often talks about sensitive subjects: Search for: The Grand Narrative Sex, Marriage, and Prostitution in South Korea ]
    and one of the worst part of it is the fact that (most) Korean men never use condoms! so even when you are married, you could still get STDs from your husband…o.O (if you happen to know why they take such risks, feel free to explain it, because I really don’t understand >.<)

    these informations have made me extremely paranoid about Korean men
    and my question is: since it is so common (and "accepted/guilt-free" AMONG MEN) in Korea, how can you be sure and what would you do to make sure your Korean boyfriend never does this kind of thing? (I'm asking this in a general way,not as an insult to your boyfriend. And I hope you won't feel offended by my asking :s)

    again, thank you for your blog and excuse my rudeness: I didn't know who/how else to ask about this…

    • Hello Roxane,

      thank you so much for the wonderful things you said. It really means a lot to me that you enjoy our blog.

      Kimchi Man told me long time ago that prostitution is a relatively common thing in Korea.

      Some people search for quick fixes to their happiness, and what they use just depends on what is more readily available to them. In Korea, prostitutes are common, so common that they are known even outside of borders of Korea.
      Let me draw a comparison Kimchi Man used, and I think it is very wise: Laws in Korea are very strict about drug use. So number of people using drugs is far higher in western countries. Now, how would you feel if a Korean men said he was very paranoid about you because you are a potential drug addict who might transfer a disease to him?

      To say prostitution is not cheating is just an excuse for someone who gets caught. Condom is a requirement if you are going to have an intercourse with a prostitute, otherwise you get kicked out by bouncers.

      The only way I know how to make sure my boyfriend doesn’t do it is by carefully choosing him. :) Kimchi Man and I are close and open to each other. So much so that he told me very early into our relationship that his friends tried to surprise him with a visit to a prostitute before he started his military service. He refused and got into a big fight with his friends. They ended up not speaking to each other for months, where before that they were inseparable. That kind of event is difficult to lie about. If his opinion and our relationship would one day change, I have no doubt he is smart enough to use a condom.

      Also, while I am really happy he refused, you must also have a bit of understanding for their situation. Korean women are, for the most part, not interested in Korean men who haven’t finished military service because they don’t want to fall in love with someone they won’t be able to see for two years. So these young men, with their hormones raging, have a very difficult choice to make.

      And let’s not forget there are also male prostitutes offering their services to female clients in Korea.

      Conclusion: Don’t fear a whole nation of men just because they are a bit different than what you are used to.

  8. Hi~~
    I love your posts and story, it all sounds so romantic and sweet! I’m happy it worked out for you both!
    I’ve been speaking to this guy for a short while and he recently brought up the top of dating. It wasn’t a very direct mention, but I mentioned how we live far apart and barely know each other. He said he’d take care of that, and that we should see where our feelings take it. He’s a really nice guy, but im a really awkward and shy person at the start, so talking on the phone and face to face skyping would be a little weird for me. I don’t know what to do! I asked two friends and both their suggestions clash! One says go for it, as her long distance relationship was successful (she’s now engaged) whereas the other says it might not be the best idea! :(

    Please help!!

    • Kimchi Man is also really shy and I had to talk him into speaking to me on Skype. I had to do most of the talking for the first few days, but he eventually relaxed.

      Maybe your guy can do the same for you.

      It seems a bit early to decide if you want a long-distance relationship or not with him. You are still not even sure if you want any kind of relationship with him. I think that decision is not something you can make right now. Get to know him better and see if you can even talk to him.

  9. is it true that when korean man focus doing something, he will ignore his girlfriend? like not send message or call..

    • dont belive everything you hear … my bf is korean and im american because of the time difference we are not able to talk all day, he works and take bussiness classes, i work and go to school and we are always able to find time to talk to eachother ! so if a guy its really interested he will always find time for you :).

      • aww..thats so sweet of u guys ^^ yeah..i think that too.. no matter how busy a person is, if they really care and love u, they`ll always find time for u..that’s what i always do for him..but he..i dont think he’s cheating on me but he’s just not into me anymore..T T

        • why dont you just ask … ? comunication is key in any relationship maybe if you ask him what’s wrong you guys can sort things out, good luck! hope everything works out for you and your guy !! :)

          • i already ask him..and the answer is disappointing..even though our time difference is only 1 hour, i feel like it is 10 hours..

    • Yes. Korean men are trained in this special skill during their military service.

      Just joking, lena gave you a nice, and true answer.

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