It is over

Kimchi Man and Oegukeen are no more. We broke up.

I know many people are going to ask “What happened!?”

Nothing happened, really. Which I guess was the problem. Both of us got very ill, at different times and from different illnesses, but with the same results: our lives were put on hold.

And in such situation, separated for a year, half-way across the world, those things we shared in common began to fade, and those parts of our personalities that were incompatible became more apparent by the day.

We never fought much, I think we both respected each other too much for that. Maybe even loved too much at some point.

It was more of a quiet death of love.


Despite that, I still believe he is a good man.

And more importantly for the readers of this blog, I still believe in everything I wrote here. Being different nationalities is no obstacle for love.  There was not a single thing about him being Korean that had anything to do with our breakup.

I assure you, what happened between us, you’ve never seen in no Korean movie nor drama.

People are unique.

If you are wondering what will happen with this blog, I honestly don’t know.

We certainly won’t be answering no more questions about relationships. I am alright with that, since all the common concerns with dating Koreans were answered anyway, and you can easily find them among the posts.

He was, after all, the Korean and I was a fleeting passenger, getting just a glimpse of the culture. Even though now, when I look back at the beginning and compare, I can see the enormous amount that I have learned and realize there is no going back: I will always have a piece of Korea in my heart. Because of him.

Good bye Kimchi Man,


44 thoughts on “It is over

  1. I’m really sorry to hear that. I really sympathise, I’ve had relationships break down mostly because of my own illness and it adds such a frustrating and sad element to the heartbreak. I really really wish your health improves and allows you to live the life you want to live.

    • Thank you. I think you can understand better than anyone how helpless it feels. But it was just a part of the problem. I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse.

  2. Reading the 1st line of this posts,I quickly stop and had to catch my breath. I just had a feeling what will be the next sentences. I’m a stranger to you but not in a moment I thought you will have this kind of post.Now I completely read this post and I’m affected by it. I’ll pray that you’ll find inner peace with you and your boyfriend’s decision. And I’ll pray that you will regain your health as well as his health.You both surely love each other that it’s better to end the relationship without ending up hating each other. Breaking up doesn’t mean it’s over. If you truly love each other, in the future you will still end up with each others arm.

    • I never thought this would happen either. He had captured my heart in a way no other man had been able to.

      I wish for his health back, as well as mine, but I doubt that would change the status between us. Still, only the future can tell.

  3. I’m so sorry it didn’t work out! But thank you both for all your insightful posts. Even though I wasn’t dating a Korean, I was living in Korea and your posts answered a lot of questions for me. Good luck, and thank you!

  4. Oh dear Oegukeen…. you brought tears to my eyes… But you always react with maturity.
    I think everything in life happens for a reason, even unpleasant things. You loved and discovered korean culture.
    I’m very sad….
    Take care of your health, and i send you good vibes!

    • It is difficult being mature when what is happening is so emotional, so I am grateful that you see me that way.

      As much as it is difficult for me to see that right now, I am sure this experience has enriched me. Both by letting me feel such an intense love, and from opening my eyes to a whole new culture.

  5. This feels weird. I also broke up some days ago with my korean boyfriend in similar circumstances. So my support for both of you and i hope you two get your health back and get better emotionally too.

  6. omg I’m really sorry to know that.
    I’m in a ldr with a korean guy, today i was looking in google about it and i found ur website. It made me feel more strong, I wanted to ask u to help me, but now I can’t believe what I just read …
    Hope things will get better.
    Take care ♥

  7. “Touch Everything Lightly” = don’t lean too heavily on things, thoughts, ideas.. lest they fall and take you with it. Not to be too cynical however. Look for kindness and sincerity, but ALWAYS check it. Say, “Trust But Verify”. and, there is always someone out there that is kind and can and will love you..even if it only Buddha.. whom we all trust and keep our faith to.. Faith- whichever one you choose…Faith IN Faith a step even further in Faith which gives us the Trust we need and seek, from any deity of our own choosing. Love Drew.

  8. I am sorry to hear. This feels weird. I only started to look at this blog to find how to send mail to my friend in Korea but I read every post and fell in love with your relationship. I only wish the best for both your futures and health. Thank you for your insight and help. All the best

    • I’m glad to hear that.

      I loved our relationship too. I’m sure once my heart heals, I will look back at it with nothing but fond memories.

      All the best to you too.

  9. I’m very sorry to hear that. I wish you a full recovery, both from your illness and from your heartbreak. Breaking up is never easy but adding an illness into the mix must be difficult. I’ve always enjoyed your posts and feel like I’ve gotten to know you a little from them. All the best in the future, you’re in my thoughts.

    • Thank you. You are right, the illness adds a layer of hopelessness to everything. But your wishes mean a lot to me.

      I’m really glad I got to meet you through our blogs. I hope we will keep in touch.

  10. I’m sorry to hear about it.. I really hope that everything will improve in the future!! I don’t know u personally but I’m sure that u are very strong and optimistic person. And I really admire both of u and ur experience. Thank you a lot. U made so many people much happier including me!! And thank u for sharing everything with us, I really want to support u as much as I can! Strongly believe in u and wish u all the best~ Hope to hear from u one day if it’s possible. Please take care!!

    • Thank you for everything you’ve said, it means a lot to me.

      I’m glad we had this experience as well, even if it hurts a bit too much right now.

      It was my pleasure to share, and to read all the comments, so thank you as well.

  11. Oegukeen, I’m sorry to hear about it.. I wish you and Kimchi man will recover from illness. Yes I understand, its hurt especially when been together for a long time even if long distance relationship because I’ve experience this too. Be strong!! Break up with one Korean doesn’t mean you cannot get a new Korean (if you still prefer them) :) I did! hehe and I hope this time it’s work, but still we don’t know what future hold. All we can do is do our best and pray.Thank you for sharing Korea information and culture.
    Please Take care. ^^ All the best to both of you.

    • You are right, it hurts even thought we have been long distance for a while now, because my mind always wanders back to the time when we had lived together.

      Thank you for all your kind wishes.

  12. I still feel strong, but our situation is much more different than other LDR couples, i tried to find a couple like us, but there’s none.
    I’d like to share my story with u, but u’re not in a good mood, i guess.

  13. Dear Oegukeen, like so many others on this list I fell in love with your relationship. I too believe people can love across cultures and countries. Please know how much your honest insights helped so many of us look at and try to examine our own ideas and stereotypes. I think you are a brave soul and I believe you will find love again, even though at this time it is painful. All good things to you and Kimchee Man.

    • I also think there was something special about our relationship even though it was not built to last. But I guess that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t worth having.

      I’m really surprised now that you (and many other people in this thread) think our posts were so useful. It really warms my heart. Thank you.

  14. I am so sorry Oegukeen. I understand how You feel coz I fell in love with a guy abroad and things were going well till we realise we couldn’t be. I cried, almost hated online and everyone around me said online relationship is fake until I came across this site and read Your posts. I am so sorry. You r a very strong person. I believe You will come over it soon. If You are meant to be, You will re-unite. If not, Allah will provide a better person for You two.

  15. I am sorry to hear about this. You helped me a lot when I was dating with a girl. Your answer helped people and improved their quality of life not only around Korea but also all around the world. I really appreciate what have you done in this blog as one of Korean guys. I really hope you will be healed and happy again.

  16. I am so sorry to hear about this, I have always looked to your blog for emotional support in inter-racial/ long distance relationship and admire your maturity in handling it. I am going through a break-up with a Korean guy myself right now and I must say I am finding it difficult to take it well since the hurt is still raw and those sweet memories still fresh.

    Just want to wish you all the best and do take care!

  17. I’m sorry :( I shouldn’t have written anything, (the story) I guess, that time will do its work, and all I can say is that love can always be found again, good luck

  18. I’m sorry this happened to you guys, I remember finding your blog when I just started dating my (Korean) boyfriend and I needed advice. So browsing the Internet I found your blog and I enjoyed reading it so much. Just like you I didn’t know much of Korean culture before I met my boyfriend. Your blog is so helpful. I hope both of you heal in your heart and body.

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  21. I found your blog just today and I can just say I admire you for your honest way of writing, for your maturity. You two broke up but your words are comforting. I hope you can have the best from your life, and be happy.

  22. This news really surprised me, but I believe that you have no regrets whatsoever. I have also been very busy,so it’s just now that I saw this post. I pray for your happiness and the right love to come at the right time. =)

    • I believe it hasn’t been easy for either of us, but we both know it was the right thing to do. It’s been almost 10 months since we broke up and we spoke the other day and I’m glad to say it was a pleasant chat.

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