This is the place where our readers asked questions about
- dating a Korean guy,
- having a Korean boyfriend,
- South Korean dating culture,
- …
in the comment section below.
Check out answers section, which you can always find by clicking on the menu on top, to see long in-depth answers we have given, mostly relating to relationships with Korean men. Our answers in the comments below are somewhat shorter, but can still be useful if you’re in a similar situation.
If you’re wondering why we’re not taking new questions any more you can find out here.
For older questions and our answers see Ask Us Archive
539 responses to “Ask us”
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This blog is really great and informative. I love reading it. anyway I was wondering are Korean guys more self-absorbed then say europeans/american??
When I meet Korean guys outisde of Korea I never noticed this but when I went to Seoul I noticed that alot of guys have dyed hair fancy clothes and in general take alot more care in there appearance. As an example I was talking to a Korean guy (maybe 21) in a shop asking about shoes and so on and noticed while answering me he was staring in the mirror maybe a centimetre from it just checking his..face? i dont know, im a european girl and where im from its considered very vain to look obviously in a mirror and fix hair makeup whatever in public places. And for guys they just dont do it at all. also numerous times when walking around i notice the guys constantly checking themselfs out. To be honest I think its good that they also take pride in the appearance but is this a Korean thing or a individual??? Rarely where im from do guys dye there hair use soaps and creams or even look in a mirror outside of there house. thankyou.-
Thank you! We will do our best to keep it that way.
It is more culturally acceptable in Korea for men to take care of their looks. I don’t think it’s about being self-absorbed though. Everyone wants to look good, we just go about it different ways in different cultures. I suspect it has something more with the misconception some Koreans have that there are no homosexuals in Korea. While it is a bad thing to not be aware of people that exist around you, it does have one positive side-effect that men are more able to be themselves (wear make-up if they want and be affectionate to each other) without being labeled as gay.
Also, from what I heard it is more accepted to groom yourself in public in Korea. In the West this is something that is considered should only be done in privacy.
However, my boyfriend is nothing like that. He’s the most content in old, ragged, comfortable clothes, he doesn’t use any cosmetics and cuts his hair really short so he doesn’t have to do anything with it. On the other hand, his best friend carries more hair products with him than I do. So it really depends on the guy.
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okay, thanks that really explained it :) personally i think its really cool that guys can be affectionate friends and can also take care to look good in South Korea. It bothers me where I am that if two guys (or even two girls sometimes ) just walk together they get called gay or if they wear nice clothes. The misuse of the word gay is really agitating to constantly hear. anyway thanks for replying!!! and keep up the awesome writing :)
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ahh … this is the same person who asked the questin (musa) sorry, I just forgot to log in
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Wow your story is so cute. I just never had great experiences with Korean guys before. They always tend to confused me with the ways they do things. I’m so glad that I came across your website. Can you please lend me your insight on my questions below? Thanks.
1.) Had this Korean ex who had to go back to Korea due to his financial problems and we broke up about two years ago because of it. We agreed to be friends but recently it seen like he blocked me on Facebook. I never really post anything on his wall or message him so I wasn’t bothering him, so I have no idea why he would do that. Do you think you could give me some kind of explanation for this?
2.) Korean classmates that I had a crush on and my friend thought it’s funny to add him on Facebook and he actually accepted her friend request. I later added him which he accepted too, but I found out that he deleted both me and my friend from his friends list and after a year. Is that common? Also just by looking at his currently page on Facebook and he seen to had changed, so does that had to do with his 2 year duty in the military?
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Thanks!
1) There is really nothing in Korean culture that would explain this. I’ve never been blocked by Korean guy from Facebook, nor have I heard them do it to anyone else. Who knows.
2) You’re really unlucky with Facebook :( I really don’t know whey they would be blocking you. I don’t know how that could be connected to his military service.
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Thanks for the answer. I thought I may as well ask since both of those people are Korean and the things they were doing were the same. I always feel they always run hot and cold on me. I guess I just got some really odd guys on my Facebook.
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Hey it’s me again ;)
I already posted my story in the home section here.
Well…things are getting serious.
He will visit me in october and I will pick him up at the airport.
U know the situation…I’m soooo excited!!
But I want to surprise him! I already bought those “I love my korean boyfriend” couple t-shirts xD
This is the first time we meet…I really don’t know how to react…
Will we kiss directly at the airport? Can I hold his hand??
Will it be very awkward because he can’t speak english very well?
Do u have any tips to make it easier for me??
I want everything to be perfect! But I’m so nervous!
The first “real” impression is very important.
How did u prepare, when u knew u will meet Kimchi Man soon??
I’m so excited! xD
Please help me ;)xoxo your Alex
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Ah, I remember that part. We were so freaked out and excited as well. I think you’re going to have a great time. :)
I baked some muffins for him to greet him, and he gave me a wonderful present as well. I think you got that part covered with couple t-shirts. It’s really sweet.
As for the rest, we actually planned everything. We were so nervous so we shared our fears with each other. He said he’s going to bow and I had no idea how to bow so that freaked me out – then he sent me a video tutorial of himself bowing. He seemed so shy but it was wonderful :D
I told him I want to hug him right away and I asked him if it was too much for him since he’s never hugged a girl before. But he said he would like that.And since I teased him because I did everything first (told him I loved him, asked him to be my boyfriend…) he said he wants to be the first one to kiss me, but that he won’t do it right away.
So basically, we had everything carefully planned. Of course it didn’t work out that way ^^
He tried to bow but the other passengers pushed him forward, and then I tried to hug but his backpack was in the way. The handholding part I described in detail on the home page. And even though he said he’ll wait he couldn’t help himself and kissed me very soon :D
My point is, it was all clumsy and awkward and we were so scared the other person will be disappointed, but it turned out to be the most precious memory for both of us. Don’t worry, I’m sure it will be for you two as well. :)
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Hi!
I’m a 20 year old guy, just in college. I know this might sound weird, but I kinda fell in love with a Korean guy just 1 year older than me. I met him in taekwondo class, he was my training partner. I was a newbie by that time, and when I was introduced, there was this eerie glint inside his eyes.
We talked for a while, and in no time we became friends. He was really good in English. So, I was able to know him better.
We’ve been hanging out for a few months, until things started to get rather awkward. He started hugging me from behind, and he started saying sweet yet perverted things to me (yep, he was a pervert all right).
He was also into love songs like me, but most of them are in a girl’s point of view. One time, he sang an English love song when he was highly drunk in the bar one night. He mostly says my name in those lyrics, it was embarrassing!
Anyways, I just wanted to ask:
1. I forgot to mention that he was also able to hold his drunken state, then why would he act all crazy all of a sudden?
2. What’s with his perverted attitude towards being homosexual?
3. Yes, he’s kind. But why tell all those things about being gay? Was he fascinated or just plain old silly?
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Hello,
It’s really interesting questions you have there. We’ll probably write a whole article about it, but if you could clarify some points. You ask in your questions why he’s acting crazy and perverted, and saying those things about being gay, but there’s not enough info for me to judge what exactly is he doing and saying?
Is he mocking homosexual? Saying he likes it? Sorry, it’s just not clear to me.
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are you gay yourself? are you out of the closet? if you are out of the closet, just tell him how you feel. however, even if he is gay, he might still be hesitant to come out of the closet. are you living in korea?
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Well, I AM gay. I just found out about it when I was only 13. Except, I kept my homosexuality a secret. But, he seem to be a bit ‘sweet’ in some ways. Maybe, there are chances of him liking a boy :)
Also, I live in the Philippines. He said that he moved here because of ‘active similarities’, on which I didn’t understand at first.
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Yeah, the gay part is kind of obvious since you said you fell in love with another man :)
As I said, I will try to write a whole post about it, just a little warning though, from my (European) perspective Korean straight guys show a lot more physical affection than European guys.
When my boyfriend’s friend came to visit their behavior made me worried someone might mistake them for being gay and bully them.
Anyway, any additional details about this guy’s behavior might help.
Either way, good luck :)
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This one’s a hard one… but, in my experience, sometimes people focus on things, even when it seems like they don’t like something, because deep down they ARE interested in it, does that make sense?
He might be gay, he might not be. He might not even realise that he is gay, or he could be worried about what people will think.
How about you tell him that you’re gay and see his reaction? Or tell him that someone else that you know is gay and see what your friend says…?
Keep us updated and good luck.
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Yeah….
I found something odd about him. It might add up to him being gay. Because, yesterday, his friends were kinda teasing both of us. They were speaking in Korean, so I can’t understand. I could’ve sworn he was blushing.
And yes, I understand what you mean.
What does this mean?
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I don’t know what it means. are you usually a good judge of character? are you usually good at picking up other people’s signals? I think, if I had to guess, I would say that yes, he is gay, but perhaps he is still figuring things out or he might be a little scared. Did you ask him what he friends were saying in Korean? Have you mentioned homosexuality to him? What is his reaction? Perhaps if it comes up in conversation you could say that you’re cool with it, because it might make him more likely to come out to you (if he is gay).
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Sorry for not updating for some time :(
Yes, I’m good at judging other people’s characters. And yes with picking up signs.
Yesterday, I took your advice and asked him what his friends said and talked about homosexuality for him to open up. Apparently, I found out he was bisexual, but his friends think he’s more attracted to boys than girls. He seemed nervous every time I talk to him about him being bi.
Of course, like any other gays, he wants me to keep it a secret. So, yeah. This is what happened. (By the way, he didn’t tell me what his friends said).
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Well! I know this Korean guy, we’ve met him though a penpal site about 5 months ago, and we started chatting online. And with time I started liking him (but I don’t dare to tell him, since i’m almost sure that he only likes as a friend)
So one day I’ve sent him a message to know how was he doing. And he responded, I found a lover I spent nice time with her, tomorrow is Monday, I have to die. Aside from the “I need to die” that was hilarious, I was wondering if it’s normal for a Korean guy to tell someone, in this case a girl, that he found a lover and had a good time with her. I thought it would be normal If I was a guy, but I’m a girl. It was seriously awkward, since so many thoughts went through my head, from is he drunk, to, did he say lover, was it one night stand. I really didn’t want to know about his personal business. But anyway I was wondering if it’s normal for a guy to be so blunt.
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I’m not sure I’m the best person to answer this question because I strongly believe that people shouldn’t treat each other differently depending if they are male or female.
If I have a friend, then they are my friend and I talk to them as a friend. Anything I can say to my female friends I say to my male friends as well.
Maybe this guy is the same way?
I don’t really know your situation, and what kind of relationship you two developed over the 5 months. Maybe he’s trying to make you jealous, maybe he’s just sharing his life with his friend, or maybe you two are not close at all and it’s strange he’s sharing such intimate details. You’re in the best position to judge that.
There’s nothing in Korean culture that would force or forbid all the men at the same time to be blunt.
Hello, im Kae.. i meet this korean guy, and we’ve been chatting for 7 months now..to make the story short..
we were good friends for 2 months. we always contact each other, mostly initiated by him… he always say that he like me.. we continued to chat, call/video call (sometimes)… then after another month he said he loved me, and he loved me for my attitude more than my appearance (he also like my Physical Appearance)… he ask me to be his girlfriend.. i also have feeling for him, but i don’t/i’m afraid of online relationship because i have bad experience with that (the guy i fell inlove just disappear without notice)… so i tell him, that i can’t answer yet… then he understand.. and we agreed to give my answer to him if i want to be his girlfriend when we meet in person… he said he will propose in person because he think online proposal is not good… He also know that i already loved him.. we are only waiting for the day when we officially meet… (sound nonsense) haha…
so we still contacting each other, through skype and now he made Facebook and im his 1st friend in FB.. (i feel special)…
but then he became busy these past 2 months.. so we barely talk… but we still keep in touch, sending e-mail and facebook messages…
on Facebook.. Whenever i post picture on facebook or post love quotes, he always comment BABO!! (i know what babo means), i always tell him that i don’t want to be called babo, i feel bad when someone call me stupid “babo”.. but he keeps on telling me i’m Babo!! i ask why he always call me that, and he replied “because i love you”…
And also, he said that i should only meet him (he knows i have korean friends online), i should not meet other korean guys except him…
here’s my question
– do Koreans or Most of Guys like to tease or be mean to the one the like/love have special feelings for?
-do korean guys usually over protective and jealous?
-Babo (stupid)meaning in korea is not that negative, do they use it to people that they are very close to??
he don’t contact me often now, because we cant catch each other online.. but he still comment on my PHOTOS!! “BABO”….
Thank you for making such a great blog! :)))
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Hi!
Depending on how it was said and what kind of situation it’s used, babo is not as negative as how stupid/fool is in English and can sometimes be endearing (to some?). If you watch Korean dramas closely you’ll notice that characters would often use Babo to tease each other. It could also mean you are really close to someone if you can use babo to that person.
When the guy I liked called told me “Sleep well, babo” my heart fluttered so much all night I didn’t get to sleep. When we were on a road trip in Korea and he lost his way and me being the foreigner would definitely have no idea where we are and where we are going he said something like “We two. Babo” and we laughed so hard. When he left his glasses and we had to come up 5 flights of stairs again to get it, I told him “Babo!” and I don’t think it offended him.
But let’s say I am in the market and I asked how much a kilo of potato is and was told it’s 10,000 but misheard it as 1,000 and gave a 1,000 bill and the ahjumma will say angrily “Are you babo? Can’t you understand Korean?”, then I’ll probably get offended with the babo name-calling in that situation.
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This is really good explanation. Thank you for taking your time do write it :)
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Thank you everyone… :))
i’m just Over reacting i guess.. hehehefinally, i ask him. why he always say i’m “BABO”…
his answer “because i love you and it’s comfortable talking to you ^_^…”
his answer melts me… and so excited to finally meet him, to make our relationship official….Thank you for your wonderful blog ;)
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Wow…that sounds a bit like me boyfriend Dosung. ;)
He wanted me to be his girlfriend and told me not to meet other men.
We wanted to wait with “I love u” too….but I accidentally said it xD -
Hello kae,
Alodia is right, babo coming from a guy to a girl in your situation is term of endearment, and is in no way an insult. It’s just cutesy fooling around, it’s not being mean or teasing in a negative way.
Some Korean guys do get over protective and jealous, some don’t. My boyfriend is of the kind that don’t. All of my European friends are male, and I keep contact with a few Korean men because of this blog and he trusts me and doesn’t mind at all.
However, I do have the impression that showing jealousy is more accepted in Korea than it is in Europe. For them it is an expression of feelings while for us it is more an expression of control freak. Of course, the fact that it is more socially acceptable does in no way change the way people actually feel on the inside.
Thank you for thinking our blog is great! :)
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I agree with you Oegukeen, about the jealousy expression. And i think most Asian have similar situation. Here in my country we have an expression “jealousy is a sign of love” so it is so normal for us to show jealousy to express our love. When your girl/boyfriend never gets jealous, then you should be worry ^^. But off course be jealous in a normal act, not too much and become over posessive.
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Thank you everyone… :))
i’m just Over reacting i guess.. hehehefinally, i ask him. why he always say i’m “BABO”…
his answer “because i love you and it’s comfortable talking to you ^_^…”
his answer melts me… and so excited to finally meet him, to make our relationship official….Thank you for your wonderful blog ;)
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Loving Korean 
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