This is the place where our readers asked questions about
- dating a Korean guy,
- having a Korean boyfriend,
- South Korean dating culture,
- …
in the comment section below.
Check out answers section, which you can always find by clicking on the menu on top, to see long in-depth answers we have given, mostly relating to relationships with Korean men. Our answers in the comments below are somewhat shorter, but can still be useful if you’re in a similar situation.
If you’re wondering why we’re not taking new questions any more you can find out here.
For older questions and our answers see Ask Us Archive
539 responses to “Ask us”
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Korea is one of the countries I consider immigrating to after finishing studies. But i hear from many people that Korea is not the kind of country where foreigners often chose to stay at. I read a lot about Korea’s economics and opportunities but I am more interested what society is like. Both me and my boyfriend are European. How is life in Korea for a non Asian? I am pretty much used to racism when people are aware of my nationality but in Europe it’s a bit hard to find out where do you origin from if you look just like any other Caucasian and you speak the native langue of the country.
Thanks in advance. :)-
Hello,
I can’t really help you because I’ve never been to Korea and Kimchi Man never really walked around Korea with a foreigner.
But I follow many great blogs of non-Korean people who have either been in Korea for a long time or permanently, so I’m sure you can ask them. Off the top of my head there’s QiRanger who answers viewer’s questions on his YouTube channel. Feel free to tell him I sent you.
As for myself, I can’t wait to move to Korea :)
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Hi Oegukeen,
I contacted you a little while ago to ask about how you met your wonderful Kimchi man. I’ve since thought a lot about what you said in one of your blogs about being an unusual type of person who has difficulty finding people in your day-to-day life who were truly on your wavelength. Because of this you realised it was important to cast your net wider in order to find people you can really relate to, even if it meant looking on a world-wide scale! I am also someone like that I think. I have always struggled to find friends whom I can relate to at a deep level and I treasure the few (female) friends I have who are like that. Unfortunately I have never found a guy friend or boyfriend who could relate to me like that or who was in any way interested in me. I often feel I was born in the wrong time period or in the wrong country or something. I am a nice, friendly, intelligent, relatively attractive and successful person but I’ve always had this feeling that I just don’t really “fit in” with most of my peers. I’ve felt like this my whole life. Sometimes I feel almost hopeless about the fact that no guy has ever found me interesting enough to want to get to know me and I have almost given up on the idea that I might find someone out there who liked me for myself. I often think maybe I just don’t have “what it takes” to interest a guy.
However, you were brave enough to put yourself out there to find a friend who is precious to you even though he lived on the other side of the globe. I find your story truly inspirational and it gives me just a tiny bit of hope. I have now taken your advice and have signed up with the Interpals penpal website. I thought your advice about just looking for a friend rather than romance (such as a dating site) was really smart and made a lot of sense to me. Because I am quite shy it took a lot of thinking and courage to sign up with Interpals, but now I am signed up with it, I was wondering if you had any good advice to share about etiquette and finding those who are truly on your wavelength. Is it advisable to answer every message sent to you out of politeness or is it better just to answer to people whom you feel you might have something in common with? Is it too forward to be the person who makes contact first if you find someone interesting? What do you say to that person in your first message? Are there any pitfalls that are best avoided.
You are a wonderfully sensible and insightful person and I would love to benefit from your experience if possible. I actually feel we would easily become friends if we met in real life.
Thanks for any help you might be able to give me.
Kylie
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Kylie, I felt the same as you, until I found out that I was an introvert. It really changed how I felt about myself because I understand myself better. Do you think you might be one too? (you might also be a HSP – highly sensitive person.
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It’s possible. It’s fine being an introvert, but being an introvert is not the same as being anti-social. Introverts also need and enjoy real human connections.
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Hi R,
Thanks for replying to my post. I definitely have introvert tendencies! I am also no doubt HSP! I didn’t know there actually was a term for that type of personality! I know my naturally quiet personality makes me who I am but it also has a big downside so I keep trying to work away at building up my confidence and facing my fears. Most people I meet and work with in daily life would be astonished to know how shy I am at heart!
Still, the world needs the introverts and the sensitive souls I believe. So if you are also one, then I have kinship with you!
Kylie
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Hello Kylie,
Wow, I wish I had such a great opinion about myself as you do of yourself ^^ Good job!
It’s a really good thing to fight your shyness and sign up for pen pal site. Being embarrassed is far better than being lonely.
I’m not sure of there is etiquette but I can tell you what I do. If I get a generic message that doesn’t mention anything specifically about what I have written in my profile, then I just delete it. Those messages are just spam and are copy-pasted million times.
If someone has gone through trouble to actually type out the message then I will always reply, even if their profile makes it obvious we are not a good match. You never know. Friends can be polar opposites as well.
Of course it’s not too forward to contact people, that’s the whole purpose of pen pal sites.
In the first message I point out something I found interesting in their profile, or something we have in common. That way they know I took time to read their profile and took genuine interest in them. Other than that it’s just the usual polite chit chat in the beginning.
And don’t get discouraged. I contacted hundreds of people from all continents and ended up only being friends with one. But it was worth it. Good luck.
It would be awesome if we could be friends :)
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Hi Oegukeen,
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply! It is exactly your wisdom and understanding of the human spirit that makes me think I would love to have you as as friend!
I have been on the Interpals site for a little while now and I have to agree that your advice is spot-on. You can tell almost right away that most people put zero effort into their attempts at communication. I don’t bother replying to the dozens of messages that just say “Hi” or “How R U?” Then there is the next category that have written something generic and sent it out, as you said, to hundreds of people. I ignore them too unless I see friend potential in the person’s profile. Then there are those that make an effort and deserve to be replied to.
I have made a few Korean pen friends already through this process – it’s both a very tough process to go through (lots of people just ignore you which is completely understandable), but potentially rewarding too. One guy in particular has really befriended me. Unfortunately for me he is happily married but he’s super nice and smart I really appreciate his kindness and offer of friendship. He wants to improve his English and spends two hours a day commuting on the subway, so this is when he tends to message me. He’s trying to help me with my Korean too!
One thing I have found out for sure is on the whole, Korean men are smart, polite, thoughtful and super nice! I keep hoping maybe one day one of them will turn out to be my Kimchi man!
I am someone who always thinks first before saying something so I rarely say something I don’t mean. I truly feel you might be a kindred spirit and I would like to get to know you as a friend. If you feel the same way, that would be awesome! I find you so insightful and interesting. People like you are really hard to find, so please consider emailing me if you want to! I would be glad to hear from you!
I am also on KakaoTalk. I can send you my ID if you decide to email me :)
Have a lovely day!
Kylie-
P.S. – sorry for the late reply! I hope you still get to read this message!
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Hi! I find your site inspiring and helpful.
I really like my Korean classmate. We’ve known each other for about 4 months. We started getting closer as friends about a month ago. He knows that I can speak basic Korean and read hangul. We just exchanged numbers yesterday. I can tell that he’s a shy person so it might take him quite some time to actually send me a text message first. So I took up the courage and texted him first on kakaotalk. I asked him what he’s up to. But he hasn’t replied for the whole day and I feel stupid. I feel like I’ve done something silly. If he doesn’t reply, I will feel awkward and dumb to face him in class. Should I even feel this way? :(-
Thank you! That’s really great to hear.
Maybe he was just busy?
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Hi,
I’m a 16 years old teenage girl,I finally find this site and i feel really lucky to find you two since i don’t have any place to ask.
I have a question to ask about befriending online with Koreans,I think i have problem with it, Could you tell us about Social etiquette?
I’m currently learning Korean, and I tried to find Korean friends to practice and to be friend with.
When i posted about it on Facebook, 2 Korean guy added me.
The first one worked smoothly, until he asked me Why do i want to learn Korean.
I answered honestly
“I love learning new languages, and i find Korean is kinda unique and easy to learn, much better than Japanese and Chinese. I also going to have a Korean as my Uncle, but it’s hard to communicate with him because he speaks Chinese and i can’t. Since we’re going to be family, i wanna get close and talk to him ”
After i sent it, he never contacts me again, until now.
The second Guy, i was just say “Hello” to him, and he never replied.
The other time, he chatted me “안녕 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ^^”
then I replied him with “Hello ^^”
but he only read and never replied me.Another guy, he chatted me on italki.
He said that he could help me but he’s currently on military service so he cant help much.
I asked him“Thank you! :D
It’s okay ^^ hehe
So are you currently on military service?”he replied me,
but after I replied him with
“Really? That’s cool! :D when did you enter?”
He never replied me. Again.Do i considered as rude to them?
Did i say something wrong?
I’m really confuse, since I always talked like that to my other foreign friends, but they never considered me as rude or something,Thanks in advance, have a nice day!
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Hello,
How could you be rude, you hardly even talked to them ^^
You are just experiencing normal human interactions. Most of the people you ever come in contact with will disappear out of your life, some will stay to be acquaintances, even fewer precious number will become friends, and when you’re lucky you’ll meet one person you will share everything with.
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I have a Korean boyfriend. We’ve been together for 208 days already. We met in a language exchange website. 2 weeks ago he went to Manila to meet me. It was our first time seeing each other. And for me, it was the best week for the both of us. He made me felt how much he loves me. During that week something “happened” between us. I know he loves me so much and he even got 2 part time jobs just to be able to come back here again and play with me on 9/1. But my problem is that I am not sure whether I am pregnant or not. He told me that he will never leave me whatever happens. He will also go for military service next month. So I am really scared right now. Can you guys, please give me any insight about korean men regarding this issue? Thanks in advance! Have a nice day!
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I’m really sorry you found yourself in this situation.
Instead of wondering how a Korean guy would feel about what happened, just ask yourself, how would you feel if you spent 2 years in the military and when you got out you had a one and a half year-old child with a person you barely know thousands of kilometers away.
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Actually, I am not sure. That’s why I am asking your help. I introduced him to my family and he also introduced me to his Mom. And he told me that I can contact his brother or mother while he is in the military. I just wanna know how do “most” korean men handle this situation? I’ve asked a few korean men but some said many prefer abortion so I was really scared.
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I understand, but there is no “most” Korean men. There is only one Korean guy whose reaction matters to you right now.
But be honest with yourself, how would you feel in his situation?
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Anyway, I am happy now. :))))) Because I am 99.999999% sure I am not pregnant. Thank you so much for replying to my questions. I guess we should be more careful next time to avoid this kind of incident again. I don’t wanna worry too much anymore. Since he will be back here next Saturday we should have more serious talks I guess to be able to clear things or what will happen when he goes military service.
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Hi!
I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how to meet a Korean man. Aside from actually going to S. Korea. I’ve dated Filipino guys as well as Vietnamese, but there aren’t many Korean men in my town. Is there a website or a blog I can subscribe to? I love different Asian cultures and have recently started learning Korean and so I’d love to interact, befriend and possibly even date a Korean guy.Thanks for any suggestions!
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Loving Korean 
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