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- dating a Korean guy,
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539 responses to “Ask us”
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Hello Oeguken,
First of all, I have greatly enjoyed reading your blogs so far..I think they are very informative.
I have my story to share too but unfortunately, it is a sad one: (warning: the msg is very long to read. No need to rush an answer to my msg)I met that Korean guy at a pre-drink evening before heading to a club. When he first came in at the gathering, I thought he was a Southeast Asian, just like me, because his skin was tanned and his facial features resembled those of a SEA. (I am of SEA descent too, Canadian-SEA to be precise). We were in the living room with all the other guests and were a bit tipsy. He went to the kitchen and I went in there too to drop my bottle.
I don’t remember who said “Hi” first but when we first talked, he exclaimed “Why didn’t I meet you before??”. I didn’t know what to say and felt a bit embarrassed, although it flattered me. That was the moment I felt he liked me. Then we headed to the club and got to know each other throughout our walk there. One thing I must mentioned is that the whole night long, I felt extremely comfortable with him, as if I could share with him. He reciprocated that, too.At the club, he pulled my arm to dance with me, and stare into my eyes with a smile while I couldn’t hold his gaze. Then I left outside to buy a drink since I got sweaty and thirsty. Then 30 minutes later, he came outside looking for me and pulled me to him just the same way he did inside the club. Before that, he asked my friends for my phone number and attempted to find me through texting. For the remainder of the night, we just enjoyed each other’s company. I felt so comfortable with me. I thought he was cute. But he said reluctantly he had to leave since he had something the morning after but I managed to convince him to stay longer because I really enjoyed being with him. I could tell he really liked being around me too.
Then, when it was almost 2am, I asked him if I could crash at his place since I couldn’t go back home, to which he replied, “Of Course!”. So we walked to his place, offered me a piggyback ride when I felt a bit tired from walking. Then he cooked me something to eat and we enjoyed the conversation we had (we pretty much talked about everything, from school, to work, to Korea, to him being confused at my Asian-Canadianess, to girls in Korea, to Korean guys wanting to date non-Koreans and our mutual friends.). The whole long, he was flirting with me. I remember that particular gesture he made when he tucked my hair behind my ear while he was listening to me.
He told me he had to go sleep and went to drink something to help him sleep. But I can tell that he didn’t want to sleep right now: it seems he was hesitating. Then we went to talk about more things until he closed the lights and kissed me. We made out and then he whispered to me, “I’m crazy”. He started touching me and pulled me onto his bed. He gazed into my eyes, touched softly my bottom lip with his thumb and made out more. However, I didn’t want to go further and I kept reminding him that he had something to do but he said he didn’t have to.
After trying to pull him away and asked him why he liked me, he said, “You have a good personality, you’re a good girl, you’re good-looking, eye-catching, I like the way we talk, everything you say is interesting!” I did believe he meant those words because I felt it, but at the same time, he was trying to sleep with me. So I told him I was gonna take what he said as a compliment, after he begged me to not to leave. But I was afraid that he was going to take things too far. So he stopped and thanked me for the night because he liked it. He came close to me again and stared into my eyes for what seemed to be an eternity. But, we both felt so comfortable with each other. Then he kissed me again and I left.
The following weeks, I never got a text from him and I started to worry and doubt my gut feelings about the night we had. I asked myself if he was just trying to sleep with me or did he also like me but took things too fast. Then I saw him twice at a Korean bar. He attempted to initiate a contact with me, but I ignored him, instead, because I couldn’t understand why he didn’t text me, even to ask me if I was alright. It was just a matter of politeness.
Then, wearing my courage on my sleeves, I decided to text him, a few days before he had to go back to Korea, to solve our problem. He texted me back that he was going to meet me, with a smiley ” :) “. Then we met up at my school library and “talked”, almost as if we were having a fight, trying to find out the problem until he said, “But I texted you the morning you left but you never texted me back! I texted you if you got back home safe because it was dangerous. Then, at the bar, you ignored me and I felt you wanted to kill me. So I thought you weren’t interested anymore and I erased your number “. I told him I never received his text msg and he asked me to hand over my cell phone to see my text msgs between him and I.
When we finally sorted out the issue and that everything went back to normal, he told me he was hoping that we could go grab something to drink before he went back to Korea but he would understand if I couldn’t make it since i was staying at the library overnight for assignments. He precisely told me, “I respect you and your studies.” He also added, “If it wasn’t for that misunderstanding, I would have invited to you my farewell party..”..and regarding the night we met, he finally confessed, “and I kissed you that night because you were beautiful..” he then asked me, while touching my forearm, if I was cold. He then snuggled up to me while showing pictures of his siblings on facebook. Those 2 acts threw me back to the memories of the night we first met. At that point, he was still attracted to me, right?
Since I had time, we went to a coffee shop. Then we discussed some more but this time, I did not feel as comfortable with him as the night we met. It seemed that the chemistry, or the magic faded away. We were no longer as compatible as we had thought. In other words, it was gone. But I still liked him because of my memories associated with that night. I still wanted to add him on facebook because I figured, what else could happen? We would just stay friends and keep in touch. I wasn’t looking for a relationship with him since it wouldn’t make sense. I could tell he wasn’t interested anymore and only saw me as a “dongseang” or little sister. But I was adamant to keep in touch with him..after all, we weren’t a couple. We were just friends. Besides, earlier in our conversation, he told me indirectly he didn’t want me to add him on facebook. I picked that up, but my question is, why? I felt it was not logical that he would not want me on his fb. But really, what could happen afterwards?
I still added him on facebook, but he didn’t accept my request. I sent him a msg a week, later, wishing him well and thanking him for the good night we shared but no reply. Then 7 months, later, he accepted my friend request on fb. At the same time, he was dating a girl before they became a couple. Then on the date we met, a year after, he wrote on his fb, “I remember what I did to you. It is beautiful memories. But I don’t want to go back to that time. I’m happy now, because I met someone better than you.”…he still “likes” my status and fb picture, sthough..
So my question is: why did he initially not want to add me on fb? Did he just want to sleep with me, after all? Did he actually have romantic intentions towards me and went too fast? Did he not want to keep in touch with me for fear of being tied down to our memories and unable to move on? He met someone “better” than me? What did he mean by “better”? His words hurt my self-esteem. Sometimes, I just wish he would msg me back and wish me well, the same way I did to him. I feel hurt..that he is comparing me. I must say we were not compatible but still…
(Also, I remember he said he did not want to go back to Korea because of the stress from school: he almost lost his major since he was in Canada for a 1 year on a working holiday visa. So could it really be that he wanted to move on from those memories before feeling ready to accept me on fb?)
I would appreciate if you could provide an insight into his mind. If Kimchi Man could provide his as well, I would be very happy as I need a guy’s point of view to understand a guy’s mind. I don’t understand men, sometimes..I still like him and want to move on but I need to know why he did that. The whole situation still hurt my feelings..
Also, I am sorry that my msg is so long to read but I felt you would need more details to fully assess the situation in all of its angles. If someone could find an answer to my questions..I will be able to have a peace of mind..and move on.
Oeguken, as I said, no pressure to answer my msg right away. Take your time. I will be looking forward to reading your comment.
Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my msg,
Kisara
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안녕하세요! ^^
My situation is complicated a bit >< I'm studying in America now and I have very nice relationships with one oppa. He is really gentle and attentive, so I feel like I'm a princess sometimes haha He's very romantic person. One day he mentioned that he has a girlfriend. I don't know why, it doesn't stop him to try to attract me. And also it's noticeable that we attract each other. He's always trying to show me his interest, to touch me, to help me etc. Our eye's contact is something fantastic! He looks mischievous these moments haha We have a lot of cute similarities too. I really like him, at the same time I don't want to be a reason of the break. I decided to take it easy. The time will show everything. He's going to Korea soon, but he would like to come back ASAP. So just in case: can I attract him as a girlfriend if we have 10 years age difference (he's 30, I'm 20)? How should I behave in this situatin? And how do you think, how can I let him know that I'm interested in him too to help him to make a decision? He isn't a confident person and he used to think that he's not very attractive, that's why relationships mean a lot for him.
Thank you! :))And also I have to say this.
I love you Alex!!! <3<3<3-
Aaaaish he’s going home so soon>< I'm too shy to ask directly…
Anyway he has a special smile for me~ today we met again and it made my day better^^ when we are texting we use Hangul a lot, because I want to improve my language to communicate with him easier haha
Thank u so much~ I really love ur blog, it helps me a lot^^-
Oh.. that’s something wrong with my previous post hah I mean this:
Aaaaish he’s going home so soon>< I'm too shy to ask directly…
Anyway he has a special smile for me~ today we met again and it made my day better^^ when we are texting we use Hangul a lot, because I want to improve my language to communicate with him easier haha
Thank u so much~ I really love ur blog, it helps me a lot^^ -
and now I’m planning my trip to Korea haha
I hope I will find the answer… I’ll keep in touch with him before my trip but I’m afraid to be obsessive:( Also our age difference is not a problem for me but I’m not sure about him.. Maybe he thinks I’m too young for him? Is the age difference like this (9-10 years) common in Korea? It’s very important for me to know ur opinion!!
And I have no idea how to ask him to guide me there and his adress as well >< I'm too shy to ask directly…
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Hi, I saw your post on Korean’s eating dog. I’m veggie myself, but hey, if you’re going to eat a cow, then eat a dog. I do have a related question though, recently I’ve seen a lot of petitions about boiling animals alive. You or your boyfriend ever heard of that?
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annyeonghaseyo…what does “pabo muji hyunghan mich” mean…???
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Hi OEGUKEEN&KIMCHI MAN!
Fist of all I’m really impressed by your love story and relationships))you guys are awesome)
I have kind of sad story I think and i need your advice..I want just to describe myself without saying name. So, I’m not korean but still asian 18 years old turkish girl. My fist boyfriend I ever had was Korean guy, let’s call him KG. I don’t know exactly why he was attracted by me, because that was my first experience of having boyfriend.
We first met in our school (it was not in Korea). At that time a was really in korean culture, music, traditions, history…and of course Kpop and Kdrama. But even if i was a fan of Korea, at first time i didn’t noticed KG and i wasn’t interested in him at all. He was the one who made first step to our relationships. He is the same age as me.
One winter day we start just chatting with each other in fb..but still we didn’t have a good conversation in real life. After some time he asked me if i have a boyfriend and when i sad no, he was so exited and said that he also doesn’t have a girlfriend. well by giving me compliments and saying some cute stuff he made me think that he likes me. Next day he asked if i want to listen how he plays a guitar. I think that was our first date. He was not too shy type of koreans, but he was still not confident about himself. He said that he liked me because i have unusual appearence for him. hahah he had never seen turkish people. he loved my big eyes very much. he could sit and look in them for hours i think)) ummm..I don’t know how i start to love him..it was really crazy. First dates, first boyfriend, first love words…even first kiss on 14 february >///< It was just a crazy love wave…I could not think of anything exept him…but after some time…i realize that there are a lot of problems.
first and most important is RELIGION. As you can understand I'm muslim. Ok I'm MODERN person. I wear modern clothes,study in American school, watch modern films, listen to modern music. I am a simple teenager. All thing is in steryotypes!..my parents were against him. They simply hated him! i don't know why….this all still hurts me so much. Because of our religion we could not date oficially …u know…it was a secret, and no one knew about us, exept close friends. He was very serious about our relationships…we had i lot of plans about our future. we wanted to travel together. but mostly religion and steryotypes about mixed couples were the main reason why we broke up..we had kin of a fight in the last day..now it is already 5-6 months…he went back to Korea…i have no connection with him…we really loved each other…soon is his birthday and i don't know if he wants to hear my "Happy birthday"….maybe he hates me…ahh it's killing me.
Guys what do you think about another religion in Korea? how do they react on this kind of couples?….and do i need to start conversation with KG on his birthday? -
I am considerably older than most of your readers (63), but I’ve been fascinated with Korean culture for a number of years. A couple years ago I started studying the language. I appreciate your post about books and sites for learning the language.
Though I would be interested in teaching English in Korea, I think my age might be a barrier. From my research, they prefer hiring younger Americans to teach English. I would really like to live there for an extended period of time, if not permanently, but I would need to support myself. Is that even possible at my age over there? Also, I’d like to know if older Korean men are interested in marrying older American women.
Thank you for your time . . . and I’m enjoying reading your site!
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Would really appreciate a response! ;)
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Still waiting for a response. You seem to be very responsive to the younger folks. At least acknowledge me (respectfully!). If you don’t have any answers, that’s okay . . .
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We answer questions in the chronological order they have been asked in. If you look at the questions above yours, they have not been answered yet either.
We have never skipped a question.
However, lately we are unable to respond often, so if it is an emergency please ask on another site.
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Loving Korean 
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