He lives in Korea, and I live in Europe. That’s as long distance as it gets.
I’ve spent more than seven years in long distance relationships so far. This is my second one and it is a lot more successful and enjoyable than the previous. The main reason is that I found real and passionate love with a Korean guy, but another reason is that I learned valuable lessons the first time around.
The tips I got when I was an LDR noob were to make a serious plan with him for the future, to make sure I have a life of my own and not just spend my time waiting around for him, to have rules when and how we communicate, to visit often, avoid jealousy, establish ground rules from the start, to take turns visiting… What a drag! It sounds as fun and enjoyable as preparations for a nuclear disaster.
I’ve found all those advice pretty much useless. I either couldn’t or didn’t want to follow them.
I don’t want to have a specific time of the day when I’m allowed to call him or text him. I want to tell him things as soon as they pop into my mind. Being able to share my thoughts instantly (yay 21st century) is one thing that makes it less long-distance.
The thing is, you can’t change your personality because you are now in a long distance relationship. If you are not an active person and you depend on your partner, you will be that way whether in the same apartment or a world away. If you are not the jealous type you won’t get more jealous even if you can’t keep tabs on him for months.
Visiting often or taking turns is not really always (ever) up to you. It depends on money, time, schedule, and weather – nothing of which you can control. (If you found a way, you have my e-mail address.)
All these rules, they make a relationship sound like a chore.
The ultimate secret is that long distance relationship is still a relationship. It’s filled with love, passion, support, fun, deep conversations, and sharing. If it is not, then it’s not worth having.
The most common concern people have when they hear I am in long distance relationship is if he will cheat on me now that it is so easy. Ridiculous. Guess what, people don’t cheat because it’s easy. And if the only reason your partner is not cheating on you is because you keep such a close surveillance of him that he doesn’t have an opportunity, then you need to reconsider if your relationship is just an illusion.
Being apart from someone you love is difficult. Really, really difficult. But there is only one question you need to ask yourself when deciding if it’s worth it. Am I happier being with him, even if it is long distance, or being without him for good? If you choose the former, then won’t think it’s a sad situation anymore.
Every couple is different, they have their own dynamics. Don’t try to force yourself to be different. There is no one right way to have a successful relationship. There are probably as many right ways as they are couples. And don’t forget to have fun. So, relax, be the unique couple that you are.
Does that mean there is nothing you can do to make it easier? Of course not! When you get those precious minutes talking to each other, you don’t want technology to get in your way crashing and freezing. When you are finally sending him a package to show your love you don’t want to have to go back to the post-office three time (like I did).
We hope we can make your long-distance relationship a bit easier with our advice, and we think it will be especially useful if your significant other is Korean.
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