Those that follow this blog regularly might have noticed that it’s been quite a while since the last time I wrote anything. And they may think I have given up.
Well, you won’t get rid of me that easily :)
I didn’t get discouraged because of the breakup nor did I get tired of writing about Korea. On the contrary, my mind is brimming with ideas now more than ever.
The reason for my absence is much more sinister than that. Muahahaha.
…Actually, it’s not funny at all :(
I mentioned a few times on here that I am sick. But what I’ve never done before is mentioned the name of this affliction.
I have myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME). It’s difficult to explain what it is as it is difficult to pronounce, since neither doctors nor researchers really know what’s causing it, nor how to cure it.
But it’s easy to explain what it does to me. It makes me unable to leave the apartment and sometimes even the bed, it makes watching TV, or reading or listening to music almost impossible, as everything, even normal conversation, is too exhausting for me. Which means I live rather lonely, boring and sometimes painful existence.
I have periods where things are better. Where I get out of bed for half an hour or hour a day to study Korean at my desk; where I can sit at the table for lunch and chat with my family; where I can watch YouTube vides about Korea… And I have periods when things are much worse, where even chewing is too exhausting and painful and I have no choice but to spend the whole day in bed, joints aching, heart pounding and my mind a useless mess that has trouble processing even my internal world, let alone the external one.
As you might have guessed, I am in the worse period right now. And it’s been going on for a few months. So I hope you will excuse the somewhat crude language in this post – words don’t come to me easily and once they do they have a nasty habit of blending into the screen and escaping my eyes – and read this to the end.
I have ideas for literally dozens of articles, tutorials, videos, but I can’t make any of them right now, as all of them require me to either get out of the bed to film something or to concentrate long enough to actually explain things.
But don’t worry, I write down all of the ideas I get, and I am stubborn enough not to give up on them no matter how long it takes. So, as soon as I recover a bit, which I do hope will be soon, I’m back in the game of bothering you with my obsession with Korean and Korea.
I want to make a tutorial on a really unusual Korean Android keyboard I use, as I slowly finish off all the steps of learning Korean I promised. I also want to show you some really cute stuff I bought from Korea and also many tips I have on how to make online ordering and shipping from Korea easier. And a shocking thing happened – me, who really doesn’t like any of the Korean dramas I tried watching (I started and gave up on 10… 20… 30? dramas), actually found drama I am crazy about! I want to tell you all about it, and even show you something from it I made myself.
So, trust me when I say, I am more impatient that you are :)
Loving Korean | Boyfriend in Korea 
@ oegukeen
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I’m sorry, I’m not sure what you’re asking me?
Praying for you for a healthy recovery!
Thank you, it means a lot to me!
It’s really sad to read something like this. Especially that i read your blog from a long time. It gave me strenght for fight because I’m also in strange internet relation with one Korean guy. Now i wish to give you a little more strenght, but everything i can do, it’s only wishing you a lot of health and good luck. I hope that you will recovery soon.
Sorry about my english, still it’s not so good.
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sad. I know both me and my readers would rather that I go to Korea and start reporting and writing articles from there, right? ;) Some day, some day….
Thank you for this wonderful comment.
Hello,
Have recently found your blog and have started reading it.
Seems like you have been recovering from 아픔.
It is ALWAYS tough to go through first couple of months, Then, it keep getting better.
my girl(Canadian) and I recently broke up.
In order to overcome, I have been socializing more often with my people and have been enjoying outdoor activities.
You know, keep yourself busy as you are now! :)
Yeah, breakups are always difficult. And even more so when it is impossible to do as you suggest – go out, hang out with friends…. Everything seems more bleak when all you can do is just spend hours looking at the ceiling, drowning in loneliness.
But! There are just some things we can’t change in our lives, and have to make the best out of it, right? :)
I am just praying for you. Are you feeling better?
Thake care!
Unfortunately, my condition is constantly worsening. But I really appreciate your thoughts :)
안녕하세요! I read some of your blog posts but it’s my first time to comment here. My heart cracked a little when I read about the breakup. Although I don’t know you personally and no experience in dating Koreans, I was happy to read your story. I was wondering what kind of illness you have then I read this.
I’m kind of in a slump. Everyone thinks I’m okay but inside I’m struggling and question my existence. I feel lonely too but I guess that’s my fault. I thought If I can transfer my heart and energy to you, it would have been more useful. You reminded me that I shouldn’t take my health for granted. So I’m going to try harder and be a happier person.
Lately, I’m exploring Korean and Korea too. I feel like a child again learning a new language and culture. As for dramas, I like Misaeng and I’m currently watching Liar Game. By the way, you might want to try the app, HelloTalk. I practice my Korean there too. http://hellotalk.com/
Thank you and thanks for reading. How are you today? 화이팅!
I love reading your blog since I’m studying Korean too by myself at home.
I was surprised to find out you have ME. I have it too since five years ago. Just like you, I have “good days” and “bad days”. In my “good days”, I’m able to learn Korean, watch movies/dramas, play the piano, or work on my book(s). In my “bad days”… I just want to kill myself or be euthanized (my mom works in medical field, but Euthanasia is unfortunately illegal in my country).
I’m the only person I know from Indonesia who has it. It’s such a lonely journey because nobody (even my parents) believes I am ill. My sisters told me to just die because they find me useless. I’ve lost my friends because I cannot keep up with them, cannot make it to their hanging-out/getting-together. Being in a relationship and marriage? Traveling (I used to travel here and there)?. I can just forget all that.
Anyway, I hope you’re feeling better (though it’s hard to define “better” when you have this condition).
Hello,
I am so happy to meet you and that you decided to write here!
I know everything you talk about. I too feel like I am the only one who has it in my country, although in reality it is such a common disease. It just goes undiagnosed because usually families don’t trust the patient and the doctors don’t know anything about it.
I know of another blogger who writes about her relationship with Korean man who also has M.E., although apparently in milder form than you and me. That just goes to show that it really is as common as the statistics say.
When I have my bad days I too feel like it’s a life not worth living. It makes me sad that others experience this too. But on the bright side, I’ve seen a positive shift in the attitude of medical workers, especially in the last year. United States’ IOM published a report about ME/CFS and almost no respectable doctor can deny it any longer.
If you ever want to talk more privately and have the energy, feel free to write to me at lovingkorean@yahoo.com. As you can see for me too it was impossible to continue a relationship and my friends lost interest in being around an ill person after the first few months so it’s been a lonely half a decade.
hi~ ah. i thought my life is worse cuz i’m an ADHD adult girl and im totally different to normal ppl. (There is no therapy.) but when i see you i am ashamed of myself that i was too weak.
i praying for you. period is really bad T^T you most be a strong girl. i have best wishes for you and i love your blog. Fighting Fighting…
btw, yoga is a nice exercise to help and destroyed many Physical and mental illness. after i did yoga i feeling much better! x3
There is always going to be someone who has it worse than us. Doesn’t mean our own burden and suffering is not valid. There is no reason to feel ashamed. I’m sorry you can’t find any treatment, that is always incredibly frustrating.
I have the bad luck that Myalgic Encephalomyelitis is the only disease where exercise actually damages the body instead of boosting the immune system and the mood. They still don’t understand why, but they think it tanks autonomic nervous system and also lowers the immune system.
Of course, some patients that are lucky to have the milder version will probably benefit from yoga as benefits outweigh the negative impacts.
Hi! I’ve know your blog for a couple of weeks now, and I just wanted to know if you’re okay. Has you condition gotten any better? What have you been doing? I hope you’re better! My best wishes to you!
Ps: I hope it’s not too late for me to comment on this blog!