Where is Oegukeen?

Where is OegukeenThose that follow this blog regularly might have noticed that it’s been quite a while since the last time I wrote anything. And they may think I have given up.

Well, you won’t get rid of me that easily :)

I didn’t get discouraged because of the breakup nor did I get tired of writing about Korea. On the contrary, my mind is brimming with ideas now more than ever.

The reason for my absence is much more sinister than that. Muahahaha.

…Actually, it’s not funny at all :(

I mentioned a few times on here that I am sick. But what I’ve never done before is mentioned the name of this affliction.

I have myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME). It’s difficult to explain what it is as it is difficult to pronounce, since neither doctors nor researchers really know what’s causing it, nor how to cure it.

But it’s easy to explain what it does to me. It makes me unable to leave the apartment and sometimes even the bed, it makes watching TV, or reading or listening to music almost impossible, as everything, even normal conversation, is too exhausting for me. Which means I live rather lonely, boring and sometimes painful existence.

I have periods where things are better. Where I get out of bed for half an hour or hour a day to study Korean at my desk; where I can sit at the table for lunch and chat with my family; where I can watch YouTube vides about Korea… And I have periods when things are much worse, where even chewing is too exhausting and painful and I have no choice but to spend the whole day in bed, joints aching, heart pounding and my mind a useless mess that has trouble processing even my internal world, let alone the external one.

As you might have guessed, I am in the worse period right now. And it’s been going on for a few months. So I hope you will excuse the somewhat crude language in this post – words don’t come to me easily and once they do they have a nasty habit of blending into the screen and escaping my eyes – and read this to the end.

I have ideas for literally dozens of articles, tutorials, videos, but I can’t make any of them right now, as all of them require me to either get out of the bed to film something or to concentrate long enough to actually explain things.

But don’t worry, I write down all of the ideas I get, and I am stubborn enough not to give up on them no matter how long it takes. So, as soon as I recover a bit, which I do hope will be soon, I’m back in the game of bothering you with my obsession with Korean and Korea.

I want to make a tutorial on a really unusual Korean Android keyboard I use, as I slowly finish off all the steps of learning Korean I promised. I also want to show you some really cute stuff I bought from Korea and also many tips I have on how to make online ordering and shipping from Korea easier. And a shocking thing happened – me, who really doesn’t like any of the Korean dramas I tried watching (I started and gave up on 10… 20… 30? dramas), actually found drama I am crazy about! I want to tell you all about it, and even show you something from it I made myself.

So, trust me when I say, I am more impatient that you are :)

45 thoughts on “Where is Oegukeen?

  1. Oegukeen, I always wish you all the best and hope you can feel better soon. I think i wouldn’t even be able (or want) to run a blog and study a foreign language if I was in your situation. So you are a strong girl. :)
    Lot of good vibes sent to you.

    • I think I’m really lucky that I have such a personality – I wake up every morning excited about all the learning and discovering I will do that day, only to realize I can hardly keep my eyes open. I forget the situation I’m in over and over again, every single day, even though it’s been 4.5 years. I think that’s the main reason I’m not depressed when great majority of people with this illness are.

      On the other hand, it also breaks my heart when I think how much I could have learned and what I could have done with this blog if I had been healthy.

      Thank you for the vibes, greatly appreciated :)

  2. This situation must be really hard on you. I’ll be rooting for your recovery and to read more of your posts. ^^ I truly hope you feel better soon.~~ (・ω<)

  3. I am so please to hear from you Oegukeen. I am sorry to hear of your illness. Big hugs. I am sending you lovingkindness thoughts. May you return to good health. – Julia the Berkshire Beanie

  4. I’m sending lots of healing thoughts and prayers your way… I truly know how it is, hang in there and keep your head up. :-)

  5. Thank you. I have been sick with something similar where the doctors are painfully ignorant about it (20 – 30 years behind research.) And I am still sick with it. You’re not alone in this… Thank you for updating and I look forward to reading about that Korean drama you have found.

    • I’m really sorry to hear that. It’s really disheartening when there is so little research done just because it’s not profitable. I read somewhere that more money is alocated to research male baldness than myalgic encephalomyelitis. But that’s life I guess.

  6. Nice to hear from you. We, your readers, look forward to seeing all your ideas. I hope you get better soon and enter your ‘better period’ soon. 아프지마세요! ㅠㅠ
    외국인언니 화이팅!

  7. Like the others, I also hope you will get better soon! Sending you good vibes from China.

  8. I prayed for you.
    When you are able, try watching the kdrama “wonderful days”. I think that you’ll really like it and appreciate all the korean personality types and familial situations as well as the great acting.

    • Thanks :)
      I will definitely check it out. Just don’t be too disappointed if it doesn’t work out. For some reason, despite how much I love everything Korean, me and dramas just don’t mix well together.

  9. May Almighty Allah grant You good health and quick recovery. You v been such a great inspiration to everyone here. Do Take good care of Yourself and Get Well soon. Fighting!

  10. I will like to know You all better and get to know more about korean through You. If You won’t mind, follow the link I will share below and me on facebook.

  11. I will like to know You all better and get to know more about korean through You. If You won’t mind, follow the link I will share below and me on facebook.

  12. The only alternative is watsapp which I dont think will be comfortable with everyone bcoz it involves sharing of our mobile number.

  13. It’s really sad to read something like this. Especially that i read your blog from a long time. It gave me strenght for fight because I’m also in strange internet relation with one Korean guy. Now i wish to give you a little more strenght, but everything i can do, it’s only wishing you a lot of health and good luck. I hope that you will recovery soon.
    Sorry about my english, still it’s not so good.

    • I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sad. I know both me and my readers would rather that I go to Korea and start reporting and writing articles from there, right? ;) Some day, some day….

      Thank you for this wonderful comment.

  14. Hello,
    Have recently found your blog and have started reading it.
    Seems like you have been recovering from 아픔.
    It is ALWAYS tough to go through first couple of months, Then, it keep getting better.
    my girl(Canadian) and I recently broke up.
    In order to overcome, I have been socializing more often with my people and have been enjoying outdoor activities.
    You know, keep yourself busy as you are now! :)

    • Yeah, breakups are always difficult. And even more so when it is impossible to do as you suggest – go out, hang out with friends…. Everything seems more bleak when all you can do is just spend hours looking at the ceiling, drowning in loneliness.

      But! There are just some things we can’t change in our lives, and have to make the best out of it, right? :)

  15. 안녕하세요! I read some of your blog posts but it’s my first time to comment here. My heart cracked a little when I read about the breakup. Although I don’t know you personally and no experience in dating Koreans, I was happy to read your story. I was wondering what kind of illness you have then I read this.

    I’m kind of in a slump. Everyone thinks I’m okay but inside I’m struggling and question my existence. I feel lonely too but I guess that’s my fault. I thought If I can transfer my heart and energy to you, it would have been more useful. You reminded me that I shouldn’t take my health for granted. So I’m going to try harder and be a happier person.

    Lately, I’m exploring Korean and Korea too. I feel like a child again learning a new language and culture. As for dramas, I like Misaeng and I’m currently watching Liar Game. By the way, you might want to try the app, HelloTalk. I practice my Korean there too. http://hellotalk.com/

    Thank you and thanks for reading. How are you today? 화이팅!

  16. I love reading your blog since I’m studying Korean too by myself at home.

    I was surprised to find out you have ME. I have it too since five years ago. Just like you, I have “good days” and “bad days”. In my “good days”, I’m able to learn Korean, watch movies/dramas, play the piano, or work on my book(s). In my “bad days”… I just want to kill myself or be euthanized (my mom works in medical field, but Euthanasia is unfortunately illegal in my country).

    I’m the only person I know from Indonesia who has it. It’s such a lonely journey because nobody (even my parents) believes I am ill. My sisters told me to just die because they find me useless. I’ve lost my friends because I cannot keep up with them, cannot make it to their hanging-out/getting-together. Being in a relationship and marriage? Traveling (I used to travel here and there)?. I can just forget all that.

    Anyway, I hope you’re feeling better (though it’s hard to define “better” when you have this condition).

    • Hello,

      I am so happy to meet you and that you decided to write here!

      I know everything you talk about. I too feel like I am the only one who has it in my country, although in reality it is such a common disease. It just goes undiagnosed because usually families don’t trust the patient and the doctors don’t know anything about it.

      I know of another blogger who writes about her relationship with Korean man who also has M.E., although apparently in milder form than you and me. That just goes to show that it really is as common as the statistics say.

      When I have my bad days I too feel like it’s a life not worth living. It makes me sad that others experience this too. But on the bright side, I’ve seen a positive shift in the attitude of medical workers, especially in the last year. United States’ IOM published a report about ME/CFS and almost no respectable doctor can deny it any longer.

      If you ever want to talk more privately and have the energy, feel free to write to me at lovingkorean@yahoo.com. As you can see for me too it was impossible to continue a relationship and my friends lost interest in being around an ill person after the first few months so it’s been a lonely half a decade.

  17. hi~ ah. i thought my life is worse cuz i’m an ADHD adult girl and im totally different to normal ppl. (There is no therapy.) but when i see you i am ashamed of myself that i was too weak.
    i praying for you. period is really bad T^T you most be a strong girl. i have best wishes for you and i love your blog. Fighting Fighting…

    btw, yoga is a nice exercise to help and destroyed many Physical and mental illness. after i did yoga i feeling much better! x3

    • There is always going to be someone who has it worse than us. Doesn’t mean our own burden and suffering is not valid. There is no reason to feel ashamed. I’m sorry you can’t find any treatment, that is always incredibly frustrating.

      I have the bad luck that Myalgic Encephalomyelitis is the only disease where exercise actually damages the body instead of boosting the immune system and the mood. They still don’t understand why, but they think it tanks autonomic nervous system and also lowers the immune system.

      Of course, some patients that are lucky to have the milder version will probably benefit from yoga as benefits outweigh the negative impacts.

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