This is the place where our readers asked questions about
- dating a Korean guy,
- having a Korean boyfriend,
- South Korean dating culture,
- …
in the comment section below.
Check out answers section, which you can always find by clicking on the menu on top, to see long in-depth answers we have given, mostly relating to relationships with Korean men. Our answers in the comments below are somewhat shorter, but can still be useful if you’re in a similar situation.
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For older questions and our answers see Ask Us Archive
539 responses to “Ask us”
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I met this Korean guy at an international school I work at. He is very social and loves people, I am the opposite. We have become close friends over the past couple years. Several months ago I started to like him as a little more than a friend. It’s kind of complicated though because there is a big age gap; when I am with him, I sometimes feel more like an older sister.
He is in Korea studying and we communicate through email, Skype and Facebook. I am just curious if he likes me as well. I’m always the one to initiate the communication (except Skype…he usually call me). I’m always afraid that I am bugging him, but he is so busy, (as you probably know, Koreans are notorious for crazy studying/sleepless nights) I don’t blame him for not keeping in constant communication. But is it normal for a Korean guy (or any guy) to say he misses you and even likes talking to you, but not always show it? I get so frustrated sometimes wondering if he even likes me as a friend. Is it so hard to send an email? Sigh.
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Only way you can get an answer to this question is if you know how he is with other people. Is he shy and likes to be alone? Is he quiet? If he’s only treating you this way, it might be bad news. But if he is like this with everyone then it is just his personality.
Kimchi Man also doesn’t text and call as often as I like to do it. But when he’s with me in Europe he also doesn’t text and call his parents, nor his best friend of 20 years and I know two of them adore each other. So I know this is just his personality and not a reflection of his feelings towards me.
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Hello,
I am a Cambodian-Viet born Canadian girl and I have heard a lot of prejudices and racism held against Southeasterns in South Korea since they are dark-skinned and are perceived as poor.
However, I am light-skinned and am always mistaken for a Chinese, Japanese or a mix of both. (And I am super skinny too :T)
So I would like to know how I will be treated there.
Is there also a chance for me to have a good Korean boyfriend in Canada? They seem to be only interested in dating white girls…
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Sorry, I meant Canadian girl born Cambodian-Viet…as in I’m Canadian but my ethnicity is Asian South Eastern.
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It is impossible for anyone to know how you will be treated in Korea. It depends what kind of people you run into. I know Kimchi Man well, and he has no prejudices. Of course it is possible some other Koreans do.
How can I say there is no chance??? Asian male – white female is the most rare couple mix. I think your perception may be wrong. I certainly know many more female bloggers who are from Asian countries and dating Korean men, then I know of white bloggers.
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Thank you for your reply.
From where I live, though, it seems that Korean guys are just not interested in anyone else but white girls. I don’t know what I can do to get their attention… :(-
Please search for blogs “my hottie Korean boyfriend”, “my Korean boyfriend”, “from Korea with Love chrissantosra”, “Chocolatekimchimama”, and “Buhay sa Korea” and you will see you are wrong.
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Hi oegukeen and kimchi man (: I’ve recently made a tumblr and discovered your loving Korean blog which led me to this website~ it has seriously become such a pleasure to read your articles in my spare time ^^
Anyways, I would like to ask for some advice regarding my current Korean boyfriend. Im 17 and hes 19. Im a chinese and I met him through this iPhone app called “heykorean” towards the end of last year and not long after, we began a “relationship.” it was very abrupt, we had been skyping and it had only been a week of non-stop communication, but he told me he liked me and I had said I had interest in him as well, except I hadn’t expected for his follow up to be to ask me to be his girlfriend. My initial reaction was hesitance because I had never met him in real life before and he was so far away that I wasn’t sure if this relationship would have any potential. I was also sort of curious as to why he would have the want to pursue a relationship like this…when he could very well meet any other girl in real life around him. (to add~ he’s a talented art major, his father is a surgeon, his mother a former nurse, he showed me the inside of his home during a Skype session and it was very nice, and he was attractive…so definitely the eligible bachelor so to speak). Which leads to question number 1: Do Korean guys quickly, simply and easily fall for one girl ( sort of like in dramas, usually the main guy would just one day decide to like a girl whom he barely even knows the full story behind, and instead just has these strong notions of feelings towards and chooses to get to know her more later).
So, anyways, we began our relationship and it has been great~ we’ve talked about a lot and shared each others pasts…told each other things we’ve kept secret from others, I don’t worry about him having another girl because we practically Skype all the time and I know where he is and I’ve gotten to know that he wouldn’t have another girl around. Initially he had been in Korea, but he went back to Canada recently for college, so now our time zones are the same despite me being in America. We sent each other Christmas gifts~ all in all, it truly feels like a relationship built as strongly as any other, despite what my friends and others may say towards this relationship. And we will be meeting up for the first time in June when he comes to where I live to visit a family member. I’m truly curious tho… My question number 2: Is it normal for a Korean guy to say “I love you” and saranghae to a girl early in a relationship? Because him and I are reaching two months, but he has been telling me he loves me since almost the very beginning~ I’m just wondering if its either a term used loosely, or if it’s even possible for a Korean guy to fall in love with a girl through these means and so quickly.
I’m curious, because having grown up with the American culture, I’ve generally seen guys shy away from the line “I love you” and committing to a girl so simply yet so wholeheartedly is foreign to them. They have to get to know her, go on many dates, maybe even hook up once or twice…before they even truly get into a “serious” steady relationship. However, I feel like maybe Korean guys are different, maybe even the exact opposite? Where they might set their sights on the goal of a marriage partner since the beginning, and once they find a suitable enough girl they hold nothing back and quickly commit their feelings to them loyally?
I’m sorry this whole post might be completely confusing and not make any sense >< because I'm writing this on a whim really late at night~ hopefully you can kind of get what I'm trying to articulate~ and respond to this question. Please don't hesitate to ask me to clarify~ ! And thank you so so so very much for taking the time to read this messy post! Much love~-
Hello,
It makes me really happy that it’s a pleasure. We create every post hoping exactly that.Interesting, I’ve never heard about HeyKorean. Is it a good app?
You post is not messy, I think I understood everything.
1. Nothing is like in the dramas. ;) But of course some Korean guys fall easily for a girl. From my standpoint, Kimchi Man and I seemed to fall for each other at the same pace.
2. I may not be the best person to ask about this because from the experience I’ve had, people first fall in love, then become boyfriend and girlfriend. We wrote a post about that, please read here.Neither I nor Kimchi Man see saying “I love you” as a commitment to marry. For us it just describes our feelings at that moment. It could be your guy is determined to marry you, but it might be that “I love you” has the same meaning for him as it does for Kimchi Man.
Your post is so nice and polite, feel free to ask us anything else you are curious about. Have a nice day!
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So, a couple of days ago I made a guy penpal and everything was great, he even let me call him “Oppa”. Then, this morning he flipped out on me after I told him “I miss you” And I did because I enjoyed talking to him. He told me earlier that Koreans have a hard time expressing their feelings and I understood and he said he never felt like this and was nervous / embarrassed . What I don’t is why he flipped out, told me he’s sorry and to find another penpal and he could feel my ” tenacity”. He said we could still be friends but not penpal. I’m confused, what did I do wrong?
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Kimchi Man has no issues with expressing his feelings (in his own way), so it’s not a Korean thing, it’s just this guy’s thing.
It is a bit unusual to tell someone you’ve only known for a few days that you miss him, but you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s best if you follow his advice, and find another pen pal.
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Hello Good Day..
umm, last week I met a Korean guy in a certain Site, He message me first, ask something about myself and so on…he is currently staying in my country for studying and also we have the same age(18), he said that Im pretty and so on, and kept asking me for more pictures and suddenly claimed that Im Hers and told me that I should go to the city he’s staying and he would give me money for the fare and so on but I insisted since we barely knew each other.then a few days later he said that he wanted to meet me, (we only live 12 hours away by bus) very long ride.. he decided to met me, it was his first time traveling alone and away from that city. I tried to stop him and told him that it will be a long ride and it would cost so much money . but still he insisted that he would really come to my city. So i had given him much information as much as possible on how to get in my city because I’m worried for him and the only means of our communication is through kakaotalk which uses wiFi because he doesn’t have a cell number, (Thank God the buses here have Free WiFi) but then our conversation got disconnected for about two hours. coz of a certain problem.. i was very worried, and waiting
then a few hrs later (12 am) i got a msg. telling me that he got worried coz we can’t get trough with each other, and so he decided to go home half-way from his trip coz he got scared (all he sees is just mountains here and there).LOL
I was happy that he got home safely, and i wasn’t really disappointed that we didn’t get the chance to see each other.. (Im actually nervous on meeting him. I wasn’t prepared) I thought that he got angry because what happened( well, I think it was partly my fault for the lost of communication, I did apologized)..
since that night when he got home, well the conversation got kinda awkward.. i was worried that he wont like me anymore, and i dont really know what to say ( Its my 1st time to have this kinda relationship) I thought it was the end of us..But The last message that I got from him tonight saying sorry for not able to come to my city and so on and also said: My baby, I love you.. so I think its not over For Us?? It just happened last (jan. 19-20,2013)what do you think? and also, Are Korean guys particular with looks?? well, i do have an average beauty,but im not confident with my body, Im a bit chubby and he is “you know” tall,white and handsome… a “korean guy”… Im afraid that he would lost interest in me, when he sees me in personal because the way i look in pictures is different from personal.. What do you think should i do?? exercise?? LOL…Should i go and visit him for myself?? im also not use in traveling alone. -.-
this are my concerns, hoping for your reply..-Kathy-
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I think you two are rushing things too much. You’ve chatted for only a week and never met! And you’re talking about love and relationships…
Don’t change yourself for a guy you just met. Eating healthy and exercising is always a good idea (if you don’t have some health issues that prevent exercise or dictate special diet), but do it for yourself. A nice side effect is that you will look better for a guy, that but that should only be a side bonus, not the main goal.
I am, well, taller and whiter ^^ than my Korean guy, but he loves me just the way I am, and I love him just the way he is. I am sure there are Korean guys who wouldn’t find me attractive.
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I’m normally really good at reading people and situations, but Korean social/dating etiquette is tripping me up a bit, so is the whole ”would a Korean guy find me appealing” thing, so figuring out if this Korean guy is interested in me isn’t as clear cut as I usually find it to be, and although I know individuals shouldn’t be put into little boxes, I would like to know if there’s anything specific I can look out for that a Korean male would do differently than a Western male – for example, PDA isn’t common here, single men and woman don’t *usually* just hang out one on one as friends, and so forth, so without things like that to judge signs/the situation, what CAN I actually go by?!
Background:
Me:
Been teaching English in S-Korea since 2010, so not completely clueless re Korean culture, but my Korean speaking ability is, sadly, only at survival level.
I’m 30 yo, short/petite with dark hair and porcelain skin, not beautiful or pretty going by Western standards, but I am usually labeled as attractive and sexy (the latter I think mostly due to self confidence) so at least I feel that my appearance shouldn’t be a deciding factor. BUT – I wear my hair really short which is weird ’round here, I’m quite touchy feely, even with my platonic friends, AND … I’m a bit of an edgy alpha female. Thus I’m basically completely opposite of the cute, rather demure young women with long tresses here, and I often intimidate even Western guys that are used to strong, outspoken women, so I can only imagine how guys here perceive that …Him:
Lived in Canada for 9 months, has very good English, 33 yo (international age), single, very traditional parents (…) and is a bit more manly than the guys I usually see here (the way he dresses, he has stubble if he skips the razor for a day, he is tallish with strong, masculine features etc – things I find appealing, as I’ve always liked Asian appearance, but at the same also like my guys to lean to the manly/rugged side.)
He owns a car, lives alone (parents still both alive), and is doing his Masters, whilst holding down a steady job – as my co-worker (!!!) That’s right, we’ve been working together closely on a daily basis for the last 4 months.So after finding my feet in a new job after a couple of weeks, it hit me that the guy I’m working with is rather good looking, intelligent and great with the kids.
I fished a bit by asking my other (female) co-worker about him in a casual fashion, and found out he is single, which was kinda the green light for me to try to talk to him on a more personal/social level, in stead of the friendly-yet-cool, professional manner I was going about it up ’till then.He responded really positively to the general conversation I was making – and I picked up that he maintains eye contact, his tone always changes/he speaks louder around me and that his face lights up/he smiles, but at the same time he usually keeps his arms folded across his chest, and he doesn’t really talk to me unless I initiate conversation.
So I thought there was a bit of a vibe between us, but the next couple of weeks got pretty busy, we were both distracted and tired, and we lost a bit of the momentum our interactions had picked up, and the final day before I went on vacation, I snapped at him when he made a(n innoccent yet uncalled for) remark.
Currently we are doing Winter camp in an empty school, which means it’s just me and him, with no interference from our colleagues, working together every day – exactly the type of opportunity I was waiting for, to get to know him a little better/suss him out.
We had to make a trip to the shops to go buy materials we needed, so I decided screw this, I’m diving right into more personal convo, and he seemed pretty relaxed throughout the car trip. At the shops he kept REALLY close to me, with our hands/fingers/arms brushing each others several times, but seemed slightly startled when I confidently navigated my way through the shops, and spoke to a sales lady in Korean for a split second.
Back in the car I took the plunge and said I’d like to ask him a personal question, and to my surprise he didn’t seem remotely shocked or uncomfortable, and said ”Yep, sure”, nor did he when I followed with, ”So … going by Korean standards, it’s weird that you’re not married at your age … I mean, you have a good job, live alone, have a nice car, have lived abroad, you’re intelligent, good with kids and attractive … ”
He had a little grin, and said that people often tell him that, and that he guess he is fussy, because it’s difficult to find a girl that has everything that he likes, and even if he is interested in someone, she usually doesn’t feel the same. I had follow up questions, but by then we had arrived at our final destination, yet I could’ve sworn he seemed a little disappointed that the conversation ended. (I say this as we both kinda hesitated/stood around awkwardly for a fleeting moment when we had to see each other off.) Ten minutes later I sent him a text to check if all the materials are in the classroom, and to tell him that the ”interrogation” isn’t over yet … he replied 10 minutes later with: “It’s all there. Don’t scare me … ㅋㅋㅋ”During the following couple of days I noticed that we keep mirroring each others body language (even if it’s the dreaded folded arms) and stayed in close proximity to each other, again with the hands/fingers/arm brushing. I have worked with male teachers in the classroom before, but I’ve never experienced standing right up against them/leaning in towards each other the way we do, nor hands/fingers touching that often, but it’s hard for me to judge if it’s just because I AM touchy-feely, and thus ”manipulating” the situation, or if it’s also truly coming from his side.
In the week I told him that I hope my direct questions/manner doesn’t make him uncomfortable, as I know it’s not the Korean way, but it is not only MY cultural way, but also my personality type. He said he knows and understands.
I followed that up with an invite to lunch (for weeks now I’ve been planning a way to ask him to join me for lunch/dinner/coffee/drinks/whatever) and, again, much to my surprise, he didn’t hesitate at all, and instantly said yes, although his body language hinted at a wee bit of nervousness or maybe self consciousness. Also, I have considered that maybe it’s just because we are alone at school, and the Korean way is to eat TOGETHER. Nevertheless, to break the ice, I invited one of my male friends along, and sat next to my friend. Everyone seemed relaxed (although my and his tone changed ever so slightly), but two things stuck out:
I made the rookie mistake of trying to pick up the bill (I know how it works in Korea, but I usually do that when I invite someone to join me), and when he asked me why, I said exactly that. He said ”Next time”, and although I don’t think he’d allow it, we left it at that, so it wasn’t too weird I don’t think. But the shocker came when we discussed the ”social segregation” between males and females in Korea, and he said that although most people will not agree with him, he feels that men and women can’t just be friends. My friend and I were both a little shocked, but obviously didn’t want to be rude and take him on right then and there (especially considering what I’m trying to figure out here). I did however comment that I prefer male company and that I have many male friends, with the relationships being strictly platonic. He suggested the three of us go have coffee, and after seeing my friend off, he once again kept really close to me as we were walking down the sidewalk, and once again there was fleeting hesitation/awkwardness when we were saying goodbye.The next day however I was really jaded, and things felt ever so slightly weird, but we managed to end up standing really close/leaning in, chatting at some point for about 10 minutes. The last interaction was Friday, when I texted him to ask if he wants to go have lunch again the following week. Ten minutes later the affirmative text came. ”The following week” is yet to commence c:
Something else I noticed is that he was clearly paying attention to what I was saying when we first met, as I mentioned things in the last week that I thought would be new information, but he recalled the details of me mentioning it before.
Apologies for the elaborate narrative, but I my friends can’t seem to decide if he is just a nice guy, gay (because he gets a LOT closer to me than guys would usually get to a female they are NOT dating here) or actually interested, and although I can identify the general tell tale signs when someone is interested, like the eye contact/touching/leaning in/mirroring of body language as described above, I’m not sure what to make of the folded arms/comment re platonic relationships between the sexes/the fact that I’M the one asking all the question/leading conversation (he’s never actually asked me how I feel about anything, other than work related stuff, at least I know he respects my opinion in that regard, as he often drops his plan for my ideas which he says ”he likes better”, nor do I know what is expected of me next (other than inviting him to go out with my friends and their Korean friends to socialize more or eventually asking him straight up if he’s interested).
Anyway, clearly I have no idea how courting/dating in Korea works in reality, only in theory! haha Help a sista out!
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I forgot to add – although he is confident and in control in the classroom, he seems much quieter/shyer outside of it.
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Loving Korean 
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