Ask us

This is the place where readers asked the questions in 2013 about

dating Korean guys, having Korean boyfriend, South Korean dating culture,…

in the comment section below.

Check out answers section which you can also find by clicking the drop-down menu “Posts” above to see answers we have given so far.

You can find out here why we’re not taking any new questions.

For older comments and questions see Ask Us 2012 Archive

539 thoughts on “Ask us

  1. Hi oegukeen and kimchi man (: I’ve recently made a tumblr and discovered your loving Korean blog which led me to this website~ it has seriously become such a pleasure to read your articles in my spare time ^^
    Anyways, I would like to ask for some advice regarding my current Korean boyfriend. Im 17 and hes 19. Im a chinese and I met him through this iPhone app called “heykorean” towards the end of last year and not long after, we began a “relationship.” it was very abrupt, we had been skyping and it had only been a week of non-stop communication, but he told me he liked me and I had said I had interest in him as well, except I hadn’t expected for his follow up to be to ask me to be his girlfriend. My initial reaction was hesitance because I had never met him in real life before and he was so far away that I wasn’t sure if this relationship would have any potential. I was also sort of curious as to why he would have the want to pursue a relationship like this…when he could very well meet any other girl in real life around him. (to add~ he’s a talented art major, his father is a surgeon, his mother a former nurse, he showed me the inside of his home during a Skype session and it was very nice, and he was attractive…so definitely the eligible bachelor so to speak). Which leads to question number 1: Do Korean guys quickly, simply and easily fall for one girl ( sort of like in dramas, usually the main guy would just one day decide to like a girl whom he barely even knows the full story behind, and instead just has these strong notions of feelings towards and chooses to get to know her more later).
    So, anyways, we began our relationship and it has been great~ we’ve talked about a lot and shared each others pasts…told each other things we’ve kept secret from others, I don’t worry about him having another girl because we practically Skype all the time and I know where he is and I’ve gotten to know that he wouldn’t have another girl around. Initially he had been in Korea, but he went back to Canada recently for college, so now our time zones are the same despite me being in America. We sent each other Christmas gifts~ all in all, it truly feels like a relationship built as strongly as any other, despite what my friends and others may say towards this relationship. And we will be meeting up for the first time in June when he comes to where I live to visit a family member. I’m truly curious tho… My question number 2: Is it normal for a Korean guy to say “I love you” and saranghae to a girl early in a relationship? Because him and I are reaching two months, but he has been telling me he loves me since almost the very beginning~ I’m just wondering if its either a term used loosely, or if it’s even possible for a Korean guy to fall in love with a girl through these means and so quickly.
    I’m curious, because having grown up with the American culture, I’ve generally seen guys shy away from the line “I love you” and committing to a girl so simply yet so wholeheartedly is foreign to them. They have to get to know her, go on many dates, maybe even hook up once or twice…before they even truly get into a “serious” steady relationship. However, I feel like maybe Korean guys are different, maybe even the exact opposite? Where they might set their sights on the goal of a marriage partner since the beginning, and once they find a suitable enough girl they hold nothing back and quickly commit their feelings to them loyally?
    I’m sorry this whole post might be completely confusing and not make any sense >< because I'm writing this on a whim really late at night~ hopefully you can kind of get what I'm trying to articulate~ and respond to this question. Please don't hesitate to ask me to clarify~ ! And thank you so so so very much for taking the time to read this messy post! Much love~

    • Hello,
      It makes me really happy that it’s a pleasure. We create every post hoping exactly that.

      Interesting, I’ve never heard about HeyKorean. Is it a good app?
      You post is not messy, I think I understood everything.
      1. Nothing is like in the dramas. ;) But of course some Korean guys fall easily for a girl. From my standpoint, Kimchi Man and I seemed to fall for each other at the same pace.
      2. I may not be the best person to ask about this because from the experience I’ve had, people first fall in love, then become boyfriend and girlfriend. We wrote a post about that, please read here.

      Neither I nor Kimchi Man see saying “I love you” as a commitment to marry. For us it just describes our feelings at that moment. It could be your guy is determined to marry you, but it might be that “I love you” has the same meaning for him as it does for Kimchi Man.

      Your post is so nice and polite, feel free to ask us anything else you are curious about. Have a nice day!

  2. Hello,

    I am a Cambodian-Viet born Canadian girl and I have heard a lot of prejudices and racism held against Southeasterns in South Korea since they are dark-skinned and are perceived as poor.

    However, I am light-skinned and am always mistaken for a Chinese, Japanese or a mix of both. (And I am super skinny too :T)

    So I would like to know how I will be treated there.

    Is there also a chance for me to have a good Korean boyfriend in Canada? They seem to be only interested in dating white girls…

    • Sorry, I meant Canadian girl born Cambodian-Viet…as in I’m Canadian but my ethnicity is Asian South Eastern.

    • It is impossible for anyone to know how you will be treated in Korea. It depends what kind of people you run into. I know Kimchi Man well, and he has no prejudices. Of course it is possible some other Koreans do.

      How can I say there is no chance??? Asian male – white female is the most rare couple mix. I think your perception may be wrong. I certainly know many more female bloggers who are from Asian countries and dating Korean men, then I know of white bloggers.

      • Thank you for your reply.
        From where I live, though, it seems that Korean guys are just not interested in anyone else but white girls. I don’t know what I can do to get their attention… :(

        • Please search for blogs “my hottie Korean boyfriend”, “my Korean boyfriend”, “from Korea with Love chrissantosra”, “Chocolatekimchimama”, and “Buhay sa Korea” and you will see you are wrong.

  3. I met this Korean guy at an international school I work at. He is very social and loves people, I am the opposite. We have become close friends over the past couple years. Several months ago I started to like him as a little more than a friend. It’s kind of complicated though because there is a big age gap; when I am with him, I sometimes feel more like an older sister.

    He is in Korea studying and we communicate through email, Skype and Facebook. I am just curious if he likes me as well. I’m always the one to initiate the communication (except Skype…he usually call me). I’m always afraid that I am bugging him, but he is so busy, (as you probably know, Koreans are notorious for crazy studying/sleepless nights) I don’t blame him for not keeping in constant communication. But is it normal for a Korean guy (or any guy) to say he misses you and even likes talking to you, but not always show it? I get so frustrated sometimes wondering if he even likes me as a friend. Is it so hard to send an email? Sigh.

    • Only way you can get an answer to this question is if you know how he is with other people. Is he shy and likes to be alone? Is he quiet? If he’s only treating you this way, it might be bad news. But if he is like this with everyone then it is just his personality.

      Kimchi Man also doesn’t text and call as often as I like to do it. But when he’s with me in Europe he also doesn’t text and call his parents, nor his best friend of 20 years and I know two of them adore each other. So I know this is just his personality and not a reflection of his feelings towards me.

  4. I need some advice.
    I met this korean guy online not to long ago, like 15 days ago. I messaged him first and from then on we’ve been messaging each other back and forth. A day or two after our first encounter he called me “honey”. And I was like waaah~ *mouth hanging open* D:
    So now he calls me “honey”. I find it pretty cheesey but I don’t mind:). He constantly asks me to skype with him and I want to but I lost my webcam. He always says he wants to see me and that he thinks I’m cute. Recently, around two days ago, I think he asked me to be his girlfriend? We were messaging each other and he asked me how many boyfriends have I ever had. I told him that I never dated before so I have zero boyfriends. Then he said that he wants to be my first boyfriend. Being the idiot that I am, I wasn’t sure about what he was trying to say. So I asked my best friend what does he mean by wanting to be my first boyfriend? And she told me that he’s probably trying to ask me. When I finally digested what he was trying to say, on the inside I was freaking out! But I played it cool because I was surrounded by my friends. Then I asked him was he really asking me out? And he said yes…really! I kind of turned him down. I said that I would like to say yes, but he’s so far away. He said he also worries about the distance. Then he told me that he’ll wait for me. And I was like uuuuh~ D: and I told him that if he ever finds someone he likes (that’s not me) then just go for it because we’ll never know what will happen in the future. Then he said he doesn’t want to think about that and he’ll wait for me but he’s scared that I will have a boyfriend. Soooo~ I’m kind of confused right now @_@. I asked my friends about what should I do? One of then told me that I should go for it, because you’ll never know what will happen in the future. Then I asked my best friend if she would think I’m crazy if I said yes. She wouldn’t think I’m crazy. She said that she’s just worried that he’ll get a girlfriend in korea. She told me if I like him then I should just go for it. But the thing is I’m not sure that I like him. I’m not allowing myself to completely fall for him because I am unsure and we’ve only known each other for 15 days. Also because he lives in korea. And if I did say yes, that would make my first relationship ever! A long distance relationship! I am also unsure if he actually likes me and is sincere about asking me to be his girlfriend because he hasn’t actually told me that he likes me. This is all new to me and I do not know what to do! And BTW I’m 16 and he’s also 16. Which makes me worry even more. And this one time I dreamt that we met each other and he was an old man! He still looked like himself just the old man version. So I really hope you can give me some advice. (:

    • Hello,

      I don’t believe you are not allowing yourself to completely fall for him. I think you didn’t fall for him because, after chatting with a guy for 15 days, there’s not much to fall for. I understand you are 16 and all of this feels crazy, but just take it easy. Don’t take it so seriously. It’s silly to worry a guy on the other side of the world who you are not even sure you have feelings for might get a girlfriend some day.

      I started my first long distance relationship when I was 18, it lasted for a long time, and I never found another boyfriend closer. It depends more on his personality and his feelings for you than how old he is and how far away.

  5. Hello! Let me share my story to you and i hope you could give me some advice here.

    I’m from Philippines, 20 years of age. Just last year october I meet this korean guy (30yrs old) in my gig at the hotel wherein he also check in. I am a singer in that hotel, btw. As days past by he and his friend become our regular guest in that hotel. Then we know each other and get close as time pass by. Until we decided to get into relationship. He meet my close friends as well as he go to our house and meet my family. In that way, i am more fall inlove with him because i know that he was sincere in me. Then we made promises to each other that we will marry someday (btw he’s a bachelor)and be happy for the rest of our lives. Last year december he go back to korea since his work here is done, btw he is an engineer. But he promise me that he will come again on february this year. When he was in korea i told him to create fb since he had none. Then he truly create facebook and that is our easy way of communicating. After that we always keep on updating each other, saying exchange of saranghaeyo, etc. But one day just this last two days he stop replying to my private msg in fb. I am very confuse of what is going on. I try to call him but no answer at all. I continue sending him PM in fb yet no reply. All i know his last reply to me is he is sick and need to rest. And that’s it. No reply at all. I am very hurt, confuse, worried, and a lot more negative feelings right now. Did he still love me?

    • Moreover, Why can’t he just reply to my private messages in fb.? Why can’t he just reply to me that he is okay and nothing to worry? Why can’t he just answer the phone when i call him to kakao talk? Huhuhuhuhu.. I am very confuse right now. I do.not know what to do.. I am worry because it been 3days already no communication.. ㅠ ㅠ i am afraid what happened to him or what will happen to us. Truly, i miss him very very very much. In fact, i am really waiting and preparing for him to come back here in Philippines. I.just really love him very much. Advice me on this situation pleaaasssee?? Huhuhu..

      Very much thanks!!! More power . Kamsahamnida!

      • I’m sorry you are in this difficult situation and I understand why you want to find out what happened. It would drive me crazy if the same thing happened to me, so I also understand your concerns. But you know there is no way for me to know what happened to this one Korean man, just because my boyfriend is also Korean.

        If you are asking me is this some thing Korean men are taught to do: Act sick to escape a girl they don’t want to date anymore; of course they are not. Maybe he is seriously sick, maybe he is inconsiderate, or maybe he’s planning to break up with you. I’m sorry, but I really can’t know.

        I hope your situation resolves quickly and everything turns out well. Good luck Mae.

        • Thanks for the advice..
          Anyways, until now no reply and no answering of my calls . I am really having a hard time in this situation..

          Should i keep waiting and continue contacting him? Or should i better stop communicating? :'( i am really suffering.. Huhu.. Please help. T.T

          One more thing.. If you are in my situation, what will you do?
          Thanks for answering..

          • Another thing, am I too insane or stupid in keeping my contact to him? even if he did not have any replies to me at all?

            What puzzles me is we do not have any arguments before he stop communicating with me.. So why he should do stop? I did not do something wrong to him? and what I really know about his attitude is that he is really a serious guy and in fact he is a professional.. So i have this feeling he will not betray me but i know its possible though.. I don’t know what to do.. I am really getting crazy.. >.<

            Seriously, I love this guy sincerely yet sometimes it makes me think of giving him up though it is really very very difficult for me to do because I already promise to myself that he will be the man that I will spend the rest of my life..
            I am really in love to him but I'm afraid that someday I will be tired of this and let go of him.. but on the other hand if i let go of him but he will back again to me, maybe i will suffer for the rest of my life.. Huhuhu.. T__T help!!!! :'(

            what is the best thing to do??? T_____T (crying)

            Sorry for so many questions.. Thanks for the patience..
            Waiting for your advice.. T_T

  6. I met a really great guy through korean cupid and we are talking daily on the phone. The thing is I am really clueless about international calls and its costing me a fortune but I’m too embarassed to tell him. Any advice? I am in uk. We text on kakao but he doesn’t have skype, just his mobile phone.

  7. Hi, I personally meet liked the idea of treating korean men like they are all exactly the same but I must admit that your page is much more considerate and helpful. I know that after reading my message most of you will say that what I am doing is wrong and that there is no chance for the relationship in hoping for but please at least try to understand. Soo.. I’m 17 and even though I did date before this is the firs time when I feel really attached to someone..I know I love him.. The only problem is that he is 27 years old. This fact is killing me because I don’t know how enough about korean culture to know what are people views in dating with such a big age difference. I know that you probably think that I’m young stupid and what I feel is not love but I believe that age is not that important. Believe or not my dad was 21 years older than my mum when they started dating ( but i heatd he was very good looking) and my older brother was born when my mum was 21..,my parents never got married but they were together in love until my dad died. So..please don’t tell me I should forget..I just want to know if in korean culture it is a big trouble to date someone 10 years older? And thank you in advance! …also if it would be possible if you answer my question could you delete it after about 2 or 3 days because I really don’t want him to accidentally find out that I was considering our break up if our relationship will bring him only trouble. And since my story is very specific I just don’t want to make him feel unsafe about anything if he realises I asked it. Love you for ever if you answer because he doesn’t want to talk about this.

    • Koreans don’t care much about such age difference. I had a boyfriend who was 9.5 years older than me and it was never an issue.

      HOWEVER, you are underage and also at a very vulnerable age. If you haven’t already, please tell your parents about this relationship. If this guy is decent, then he will be very patient with you, until you get a bit older.

      • Hi, thank you for your kind answer, you don’t know how happy I feel right now!! And also for your advice.. As I said my dad died when I was little and my mum was against our relationship until she actually met him and realised that he is more childish than I am.. This is totally safe relationship but anyway thank you so much, your reply really made me feel lass concerned about our future! :)

        • I was 18 when I started dating a guy who was 9,5 years older. And one of the reasons we broke it off was because he wasn’t mature enough for me. True story :)

          I really think you have nothing to worry about regarding Korean culture. This might explain a bit more

  8. Hi. I want to ask about the attitudes of Korean when they are missing someone, be it a girl or boy. Do they really miss someone? They had been to our country for 4 weeks.

  9. We are the chosen student buddies of the Koreans. They came here to study. Is it true that some Korean guys may like me or are they only playing with me? I am short(5 ft.) and there are also student buddies that are prettier than me (really really pretty). I don’t usually talk when I’m with them, but when they ask me questions, that is the time when I do the talking.

    And I am CONFUSED in almost all the situations.
    The other student buddies said that, when they are with them, they are always asking about where I am.

    When one(boy) wants to take a picture with me, and the other boys know it or see it, they will push that boy (but that push doesn’t mean something) and then the rest of the boys will also take a picture with me. Then, there was also a time when a boy was eating and I have no place to eat and there was also my best friends, but on the table with him. We also chit chat. I saw his plate with a mountain of foods, hahaha, and asked him if he can consume it all, and he said yes. After a while, the other boys suddenly called him. I don’t know what are they talking about. Then after we ate, my best friends told me that the boys were staring at him. And then I realized, why he didn’t finish his food. What did I do this time? =(((

    And there is also a situation that, a guy always initiates messaging me or chatting with me in a social network. There is no day that, that guy doesn’t message me and I always respond to him and ask him “How are you?”, “Did you already eat your breakfast(lunch, dinner)”, “Did you enjoy your meal?”. But when that guy went back to their country, 1 day, 2 days, 3 days and so on passed, he is not messaging me, even if I ask “How are you?”, “How was your flight?”, etc. What are the reasons of these? Did I do something wrong with doing these? Not just with a guy, but there is also situation like this with a girl. We always talk with each other, but not anymore when she went back to their country. =(

    Another situation, a Korean girl (their friend), told me that I am popular…. especially with boys. What does it mean when told that I am popular? I don’t want to assume. >_________________<

    Thank you in advance. =)

  10. Are there any signs that a Korean guy likes you? Like body language or personality change? How about copying how you look? Because a cute Korean guy started copying what I wear (he was wearing a similar jacket) But it wasn’t that cold inside the classroom (actually it was pretty hot)

    Are they possessive? Or is it common to treat one foreigner differently (he mostly looks away from me. Almost embarrassed. But he was very, VERY shy when around me)

    I can’t understand his mixed signals. Can you tell me the meaning and advices? If you would, I would appreciate it very much!

    • The body language of Koreans is same like other people.

      Couples in Korea wear matching outfits, but they agree to do it, after they start dating. I’ve never heard of them sending a signal like that, but maybe it’s this guy’s way of showing how he feels.

      Koreans are humans, honestly :) And like other humans, some are possesive and some are not.

      It’s more difficult to find out how shy people feel, but with enough patience and persistance it’s not that difficult, really.

      • Neat! Thanks Oegukeen! But now I’m worried. He seems to act very embarrassed when around me. But I think he doesn’t want to see me because he keeps on looking away :(

        • Hey, Oegukeen? It’s the same girl. How do you know if a Korean is embarrassed? Also, is it normal for Koreans to treat only one foreigner differently?

  11. Are Koreans loyal?
    Are there situations that a Korean guy who has STILL a Korean girlfriend may like or fall for another girl that is not a Korean? Who do you think will he choose?

    • Some Koreans are loyal, some are not, just like all other human beings.

      Anyone can fall in love with another person even if they are alrady in a relationship. He will choose the girl he likes more.

  12. I’ve never thought in my life that I could actually do that but sometimes you have to be well prepared about everything which may happen to you us well!

    So, for almost one year now I am talking with a Korean guy! We opened up to each other about our feelings 3 months ago! We talk every day, we share stories or everyday things and we just have such a great communication!
    But there are many obstacles in our relationship.
    1st we live so far away from each other (I live in Europe and he lives in Korea).
    2nd we want so bad to meet each other but we can’t find a way because soon he’s going to serve his military service and second of all I can’t travel to Korea to see him. I can’t even tell my parents about our relationship because they are going to think I am crazy.
    And now we are both of us helpless wanting to meet each other.
    He says that I can move to Korea and be with him (because he’s not going to serve his military service how most Korean guys do, he’s going to work instead). He will take care of me and he will make me feel really comfortable.
    But on the other hand I am scared to take this step although I want it so much and I can’t say to my parents that I will leave and be with someone I’ve never met since I just graduated and I haven’t gone to college yet.
    What can I do?

    Please give me some advice!
    Thank you in advance!

    • I live in Europe as well, and I can’t travel to Korea, but it worked out for us so don’t give up.

      I don’t know how old you are, but it concerns me that you can’t tell your parents about your relationship. It just seems someone who is not mature enough to confront her own parents is not really mature enough to go live on the opposite side of the world.

      • Whether you believe it or not I am 19 years old!
        And the reason I commented here is because I want to get a piece of advice on how to say it to my parents. It’s not that I can’t say it, I just don’t know how to say it.I don’t want to freak them out and think I am crazy or something.
        So my condition is a little bit vulnerable.
        To be more specific how did you say it to your parents?
        Did they accept it easily or not?

        They are kind of strict and I want to present them all the right arguments. But before that I want to be 100% sure on what to say.

        So is it easy for you to help me with that?

        • 19 is very young :)

          Since I’m in my mid twenties I don’t really need to run my decisions by my parents. However, I have a close relationship with them so they just know what’s going on in my life.

          I think the key was that I didn’t just come to them one day and say: “Listen, there’s this guy in Korea. Well, I’m off to live with him. Byeee.” That would make even the most easy-going parents worry.

          I told them I was talking to many pen pals. I told them all the interesting things I disovered about the world from them: the USA, Australia, Filipines, Korea, China… Then when I got to know pen pals better I showed them pictures of Kimchi Man and told them i think he’s cute and smart. Then I told them about how we are flirting with each other. Then I told them I would like to meet him. Then I told them I am madly in love. Then he lived with my parents and me for a while. And only THEN did I tell them that I wish to move to the other side of the world with him.

          TL;DR I included my parents on what’s going on with Kimchi Man and me from the beginning so deciding to live with him was a natural next step.

          • I know! And it’s not an easy situation.
            So what do you think I should do?
            Waiting to feel more sure about myself…study?
            What I want to study takes two years and his service is two years as well…but until then we want to meet.

            See each other discuss some things…!
            I know that I am in a position of my life which is difficult to choose what to do or not.
            Also thank you for replying to me so far! I appreciate it!

  13. Hi! I’ve been watching korean dramas and been to seoul couple of times. I noticed that in their culture, men give more time to their family. I’d say they are good provider and spends quality time with their family. Is this really how they are brought up?

    Also, a friend of mine told me that if a korean guy proposed to his girlfriend, it simply means that they are already willing to let go of their bachelorhood and is ready to take on the responsibility of being a father and husband. I really find this characteristic charming.

    I hope you could share your thoughts with me on this.


    • I believe there is a bigger emphasis on respecting your parents in Korea than in the Western world. However, man’s relationship with his parents is going to depend on many more things than just his culture. That is why you can find men who take care of their parents and respect them deeply in the West, and men who don’t even want to see their parents in South Korea.

      I’m not sure what the second part of your comment means. How can any guy propose to his girlfriend while still wanting to keep his bachelorhood? Did I misunderstand something?

  14. Hi Oegukeen :)

    It’s been awhile since I’ve been here. I’ve actualy been in Korea for a few months already, and I managed to date 2-3 Korean guys during my stay there. I’m just curious – are they into monogamous relationships so quickly or do they just have a different definition for the terms “girlfriend/boyfriend”?

    I mean all of those guys I’ve dated here have asked if I can be their girlfriend after the first or second date.. It always came as a shock and I think it’s way too fast.Like, even though I’m not from the West, I tend to want to date someone for awhile before I decide that I like him enough and he is compatible enough to be a “boyfriend”. To me, a boyfriend/girlfriend label is something that is pretty serious and needs some time of getting to know each other well and proper before getting into that phase.

    Is the Korean definition of “girlfriend/boyfriend” mean someone you happen to be seeing currently? For me, dating/seeing someone is very different from being someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend (ie: being in a serious, committed relationship that might lead to marriage). Or do they just tend towards monogamy very quickly (quite odd to me)? Or is it both?

    Am really really curious about this and would love to know what you think! :) Thx so much =)

    Ps: I asked you something awhile back and didn’t check back for months. Just did and realized you posted something. thanks so much! <3 I'll go read it and comment. But thanks for your time and effort! :)

    • Hello Evelyn,

      We have written about differences in dating in Korea, Europe and America. If after reading it you are still curious about something, leave it in the comments there and I will be happy to answer.

      In Kimchi Man and my case we were friends for 3 months before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We became really close during those 3 months and shared a lot of private things we haven’t shared with anyone else before. We were also madly in love by the time we became a couple and I was the first one to admit it.

      I hope this helps you. :)

      • Hi Oegukeen!

        Thanks for the reply:) I read that post a little earlier but I felt her experience was slightly different from mine. The lady mentioned that her Korean friend said that couples fall in love before becoming bf/gf – that’s what I totally agree with but hasn’t happened to me or anyone around me! Including my Korean lady-friends haha. For mine, it was always a scenario of “let’s be bf/gf first (after a first date, when we barely know each other) and then date exclusively and decide if we like each other”. I don’t know but I find this arrangement to be plain weird. Bf/gf is a pretty serious stage to me, so I don’t want to decide too quickly if I want to do that with someone I just met. And, even though I might like you enough to want to date you, that doesnt exactly mean I want to be your ‘gf’ and get serious with you. Cause sometimes, though people make fun dates and stuff, they don’t have qualities that would automatically make them a good partner in a serious relationship. And sometimes, I might like the guy but not necessarily want to date him. It’s the immediate need for exclusivity and wanting to be close so quickly when we dont know each other that puts me off. =/

        But I realised the lady’s friend in that question seems quite a bit older and could be much more mature in the way he handles relationships, so that could have contributed to the difference, or it could be because her dating experience is very different from the typical Korean one – I don’t know. But we only ssee small samples of people’s experiences – I’m sure there are huge individual differences out there.

        I guess my main question would be are these guys actually serious when they ask me or my friends out for dates or just over-enthusiastic or something. Cause I can’t see how you can decide so quickly if you want to be with someone without knowing the person well. But I realise you can’t answer that question :P Haha, I’ll see if I have somemore stuff on my mind and post here if you don’t mind?

        Thanks alot Oegukeen, your responses are always great and I love the down-to-earth manner in which you write. Thank you so much! <3


        • Hello Evelyn,

          You’re welcome, and I’m happy to know you have such great opinion about my advice. It really means a lot to me.

          My idea is that boyfriend and girlfriend should be in love. Two people dating and waiting to see if they are going to fall in love or not freaks me out. I can’t imagine being aware that everything I do is being judged as a potential partner. Being friends or acquaintances and then falling in love seems much more natural. Kimchi Man and his male friend have the same opinion as I do. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean that all Korean guys think that way.

          I know that when Kimchi Man would ask someone on a date he would be serious about it. But there are some guys in Korea who just want to have fun with a girl, or might even see a foreign girl as a novelty but not a serious companion. It really depends on guy’s personality and his current situation in life.

          Feel free to ask anything you want.

          • Hi Oegukeen,

            Thanks for the quick reply! :) It’s a slow day at work for me but wanted to point out something very very important that you said:

            “My idea is that boyfriend and girlfriend should be in love” – EXACTLY. Which is why when these guys ask me to “be my girlfriend” on the FIRST DATE. Sorry, I just can’t handle that. I mean, they just met me for 4 hours and they have fallen in love with me? The thought is just so ridiculous lol. Actually, I think we have the SAME exact thoughts on dating and, realised this after reading your paragraph carefully again. I think that being friends and acquaintances is also very important before getting together! And my idea of a “date” is actually two acquaintances or a friend of a friend whatever just “hanging out” and talking and doing things together without the pressure of anything. Basically dating = hanging out for me. I think you might be referring to “planned” dates. Those sorts of social setups that bring together complete strangers who try to go out and awkwardly try and enjoy each other’s company whilst figuring out if the other is a potential life partner. I find that so awkward =/

            But I find that alot of “meeting” and “sogaeting” situations in Korea are just like that. Strangers brought together with the sole intention to score a partner or whatever, and who try to fast forward everything by getting couply too quickly. The whole friendship stage is missing. I mean, sometimes you might get it right when you just happen to meet someone who has crazy chemistry with you, but most of the time it just doesn’t work out. I just want to hang out and get to know a guy as a friend usually and to see if I like him enough to want to get together, but most if not all those I met just seem to want to be a couple first then friends, and it contribtues to alot of time-wasting and break-ups down road.

            Personal question – do the Korean men in your life (Kimchi Man and his friends) ask girls out on dates only after knowing them as friends for awhile and liking them already? So “dates” for them would mean getting to know someone they were already friends wit,h on a romantic level?

            Sorry for my ranty responses! I tend to type very long explanations of all the thoughts in my head. Hope you dont mind! And thanks for sharing your opinions too! :D <3

            • Hello,

              Kimchi Man and I considered ourselves friends for a while before we started “dating”. We’ve never really been on a date, though. He came from Korea and first time we met in person he had to stay right away with me at my parent’s place, heh. Things are a bit complicated and unusual in long-distance relationships.

              His best friend met his current girlfriend at the gym, so I guess no, they didn’t start dating right away.

          • Oh, I’m also abit curious on your thoughts about this. For friends to start dating each other, do you think a necessary amount of chemistry/attraction/romantic feelings needs to be present at the beginning for that to happen? Because alot of people I know don’t date friends for fear of spoiling the friendship and some just can’t imagine themselves ever dating a friend despite knowing each other for years.

            • I think when a person says they don’t want to spoil the friendship it’s just a way to not hurt the other person’s feelings when they don’t like them in a romantic way. Sure, I didn’t want to lose Kimchi Man’s friendship but being close to him without being able to kiss him would ruin the friendship anyway :)

              But these are just my thoughts, I am in no way an expert in dating, nor do I know much about how other people date. I just started this blog to share my experiences with Korean culture.

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