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- dating a Korean guy,
- having a Korean boyfriend,
- South Korean dating culture,
- …
in the comment section below.
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539 responses to “Ask us”
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Hi Oegukeen :)
It’s been awhile since I’ve been here. I’ve actualy been in Korea for a few months already, and I managed to date 2-3 Korean guys during my stay there. I’m just curious – are they into monogamous relationships so quickly or do they just have a different definition for the terms “girlfriend/boyfriend”?
I mean all of those guys I’ve dated here have asked if I can be their girlfriend after the first or second date.. It always came as a shock and I think it’s way too fast.Like, even though I’m not from the West, I tend to want to date someone for awhile before I decide that I like him enough and he is compatible enough to be a “boyfriend”. To me, a boyfriend/girlfriend label is something that is pretty serious and needs some time of getting to know each other well and proper before getting into that phase.
Is the Korean definition of “girlfriend/boyfriend” mean someone you happen to be seeing currently? For me, dating/seeing someone is very different from being someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend (ie: being in a serious, committed relationship that might lead to marriage). Or do they just tend towards monogamy very quickly (quite odd to me)? Or is it both?
Am really really curious about this and would love to know what you think! :) Thx so much =)
Ps: I asked you something awhile back and didn’t check back for months. Just did and realized you posted something. thanks so much! <3 I'll go read it and comment. But thanks for your time and effort! :)
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Hello Evelyn,
We have written about differences in dating in Korea, Europe and America. If after reading it you are still curious about something, leave it in the comments there and I will be happy to answer.
In Kimchi Man and my case we were friends for 3 months before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We became really close during those 3 months and shared a lot of private things we haven’t shared with anyone else before. We were also madly in love by the time we became a couple and I was the first one to admit it.
I hope this helps you. :)
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Hi Oegukeen!
Thanks for the reply:) I read that post a little earlier but I felt her experience was slightly different from mine. The lady mentioned that her Korean friend said that couples fall in love before becoming bf/gf – that’s what I totally agree with but hasn’t happened to me or anyone around me! Including my Korean lady-friends haha. For mine, it was always a scenario of “let’s be bf/gf first (after a first date, when we barely know each other) and then date exclusively and decide if we like each other”. I don’t know but I find this arrangement to be plain weird. Bf/gf is a pretty serious stage to me, so I don’t want to decide too quickly if I want to do that with someone I just met. And, even though I might like you enough to want to date you, that doesnt exactly mean I want to be your ‘gf’ and get serious with you. Cause sometimes, though people make fun dates and stuff, they don’t have qualities that would automatically make them a good partner in a serious relationship. And sometimes, I might like the guy but not necessarily want to date him. It’s the immediate need for exclusivity and wanting to be close so quickly when we dont know each other that puts me off. =/
But I realised the lady’s friend in that question seems quite a bit older and could be much more mature in the way he handles relationships, so that could have contributed to the difference, or it could be because her dating experience is very different from the typical Korean one – I don’t know. But we only ssee small samples of people’s experiences – I’m sure there are huge individual differences out there.
I guess my main question would be are these guys actually serious when they ask me or my friends out for dates or just over-enthusiastic or something. Cause I can’t see how you can decide so quickly if you want to be with someone without knowing the person well. But I realise you can’t answer that question :P Haha, I’ll see if I have somemore stuff on my mind and post here if you don’t mind?
Thanks alot Oegukeen, your responses are always great and I love the down-to-earth manner in which you write. Thank you so much! <3
Cheers,
Evelyn-
Hello Evelyn,
You’re welcome, and I’m happy to know you have such great opinion about my advice. It really means a lot to me.
My idea is that boyfriend and girlfriend should be in love. Two people dating and waiting to see if they are going to fall in love or not freaks me out. I can’t imagine being aware that everything I do is being judged as a potential partner. Being friends or acquaintances and then falling in love seems much more natural. Kimchi Man and his male friend have the same opinion as I do. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean that all Korean guys think that way.
I know that when Kimchi Man would ask someone on a date he would be serious about it. But there are some guys in Korea who just want to have fun with a girl, or might even see a foreign girl as a novelty but not a serious companion. It really depends on guy’s personality and his current situation in life.
Feel free to ask anything you want.
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Hi Oegukeen,
Thanks for the quick reply! :) It’s a slow day at work for me but wanted to point out something very very important that you said:
“My idea is that boyfriend and girlfriend should be in love” – EXACTLY. Which is why when these guys ask me to “be my girlfriend” on the FIRST DATE. Sorry, I just can’t handle that. I mean, they just met me for 4 hours and they have fallen in love with me? The thought is just so ridiculous lol. Actually, I think we have the SAME exact thoughts on dating and love.lol, realised this after reading your paragraph carefully again. I think that being friends and acquaintances is also very important before getting together! And my idea of a “date” is actually two acquaintances or a friend of a friend whatever just “hanging out” and talking and doing things together without the pressure of anything. Basically dating = hanging out for me. I think you might be referring to “planned” dates. Those sorts of social setups that bring together complete strangers who try to go out and awkwardly try and enjoy each other’s company whilst figuring out if the other is a potential life partner. I find that so awkward =/
But I find that alot of “meeting” and “sogaeting” situations in Korea are just like that. Strangers brought together with the sole intention to score a partner or whatever, and who try to fast forward everything by getting couply too quickly. The whole friendship stage is missing. I mean, sometimes you might get it right when you just happen to meet someone who has crazy chemistry with you, but most of the time it just doesn’t work out. I just want to hang out and get to know a guy as a friend usually and to see if I like him enough to want to get together, but most if not all those I met just seem to want to be a couple first then friends, and it contribtues to alot of time-wasting and break-ups down road.
Personal question – do the Korean men in your life (Kimchi Man and his friends) ask girls out on dates only after knowing them as friends for awhile and liking them already? So “dates” for them would mean getting to know someone they were already friends wit,h on a romantic level?
Sorry for my ranty responses! I tend to type very long explanations of all the thoughts in my head. Hope you dont mind! And thanks for sharing your opinions too! :D <3
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Hello,
Kimchi Man and I considered ourselves friends for a while before we started “dating”. We’ve never really been on a date, though. He came from Korea and first time we met in person he had to stay right away with me at my parent’s place, heh. Things are a bit complicated and unusual in long-distance relationships.
His best friend met his current girlfriend at the gym, so I guess no, they didn’t start dating right away.
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Oh, I’m also abit curious on your thoughts about this. For friends to start dating each other, do you think a necessary amount of chemistry/attraction/romantic feelings needs to be present at the beginning for that to happen? Because alot of people I know don’t date friends for fear of spoiling the friendship and some just can’t imagine themselves ever dating a friend despite knowing each other for years.
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I think when a person says they don’t want to spoil the friendship it’s just a way to not hurt the other person’s feelings when they don’t like them in a romantic way. Sure, I didn’t want to lose Kimchi Man’s friendship but being close to him without being able to kiss him would ruin the friendship anyway :)
But these are just my thoughts, I am in no way an expert in dating, nor do I know much about how other people date. I just started this blog to share my experiences with Korean culture.
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Hi! I’ve been watching korean dramas and been to seoul couple of times. I noticed that in their culture, men give more time to their family. I’d say they are good provider and spends quality time with their family. Is this really how they are brought up?
Also, a friend of mine told me that if a korean guy proposed to his girlfriend, it simply means that they are already willing to let go of their bachelorhood and is ready to take on the responsibility of being a father and husband. I really find this characteristic charming.
I hope you could share your thoughts with me on this.
Thanks.
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I believe there is a bigger emphasis on respecting your parents in Korea than in the Western world. However, man’s relationship with his parents is going to depend on many more things than just his culture. That is why you can find men who take care of their parents and respect them deeply in the West, and men who don’t even want to see their parents in South Korea.
I’m not sure what the second part of your comment means. How can any guy propose to his girlfriend while still wanting to keep his bachelorhood? Did I misunderstand something?
I’ve never thought in my life that I could actually do that but sometimes you have to be well prepared about everything which may happen to you us well!
So, for almost one year now I am talking with a Korean guy! We opened up to each other about our feelings 3 months ago! We talk every day, we share stories or everyday things and we just have such a great communication!
But there are many obstacles in our relationship.
1st we live so far away from each other (I live in Europe and he lives in Korea).
2nd we want so bad to meet each other but we can’t find a way because soon he’s going to serve his military service and second of all I can’t travel to Korea to see him. I can’t even tell my parents about our relationship because they are going to think I am crazy.
And now we are both of us helpless wanting to meet each other.
He says that I can move to Korea and be with him (because he’s not going to serve his military service how most Korean guys do, he’s going to work instead). He will take care of me and he will make me feel really comfortable.
But on the other hand I am scared to take this step although I want it so much and I can’t say to my parents that I will leave and be with someone I’ve never met since I just graduated and I haven’t gone to college yet.
What can I do?
Please give me some advice!
Thank you in advance!
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I live in Europe as well, and I can’t travel to Korea, but it worked out for us so don’t give up.
I don’t know how old you are, but it concerns me that you can’t tell your parents about your relationship. It just seems someone who is not mature enough to confront her own parents is not really mature enough to go live on the opposite side of the world.
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Whether you believe it or not I am 19 years old!
And the reason I commented here is because I want to get a piece of advice on how to say it to my parents. It’s not that I can’t say it, I just don’t know how to say it.I don’t want to freak them out and think I am crazy or something.
So my condition is a little bit vulnerable.
To be more specific how did you say it to your parents?
Did they accept it easily or not?They are kind of strict and I want to present them all the right arguments. But before that I want to be 100% sure on what to say.
So is it easy for you to help me with that?
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19 is very young :)
Since I’m in my mid twenties I don’t really need to run my decisions by my parents. However, I have a close relationship with them so they just know what’s going on in my life.
I think the key was that I didn’t just come to them one day and say: “Listen, there’s this guy in Korea. Well, I’m off to live with him. Byeee.” That would make even the most easy-going parents worry.
I told them I was talking to many pen pals. I told them all the interesting things I disovered about the world from them: the USA, Australia, Filipines, Korea, China… Then when I got to know pen pals better I showed them pictures of Kimchi Man and told them i think he’s cute and smart. Then I told them about how we are flirting with each other. Then I told them I would like to meet him. Then I told them I am madly in love. Then he lived with my parents and me for a while. And only THEN did I tell them that I wish to move to the other side of the world with him.
TL;DR I included my parents on what’s going on with Kimchi Man and me from the beginning so deciding to live with him was a natural next step.
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I know! And it’s not an easy situation.
So what do you think I should do?
Waiting to feel more sure about myself…study?
What I want to study takes two years and his service is two years as well…but until then we want to meet.See each other discuss some things…!
I know that I am in a position of my life which is difficult to choose what to do or not.
Also thank you for replying to me so far! I appreciate it!
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Are Koreans loyal?
Are there situations that a Korean guy who has STILL a Korean girlfriend may like or fall for another girl that is not a Korean? Who do you think will he choose?
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Some Koreans are loyal, some are not, just like all other human beings.
Anyone can fall in love with another person even if they are alrady in a relationship. He will choose the girl he likes more.
Are there any signs that a Korean guy likes you? Like body language or personality change? How about copying how you look? Because a cute Korean guy started copying what I wear (he was wearing a similar jacket) But it wasn’t that cold inside the classroom (actually it was pretty hot)
Are they possessive? Or is it common to treat one foreigner differently (he mostly looks away from me. Almost embarrassed. But he was very, VERY shy when around me)
I can’t understand his mixed signals. Can you tell me the meaning and advices? If you would, I would appreciate it very much!
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I feel you.
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The body language of Koreans is same like other people.
Couples in Korea wear matching outfits, but they agree to do it, after they start dating. I’ve never heard of them sending a signal like that, but maybe it’s this guy’s way of showing how he feels.
Koreans are humans, honestly :) And like other humans, some are possesive and some are not.
It’s more difficult to find out how shy people feel, but with enough patience and persistance it’s not that difficult, really.
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Neat! Thanks Oegukeen! But now I’m worried. He seems to act very embarrassed when around me. But I think he doesn’t want to see me because he keeps on looking away :(
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Hey, Oegukeen? It’s the same girl. How do you know if a Korean is embarrassed? Also, is it normal for Koreans to treat only one foreigner differently?
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We are the chosen student buddies of the Koreans. They came here to study. Is it true that some Korean guys may like me or are they only playing with me? I am short(5 ft.) and there are also student buddies that are prettier than me (really really pretty). I don’t usually talk when I’m with them, but when they ask me questions, that is the time when I do the talking.
And I am CONFUSED in almost all the situations.
The other student buddies said that, when they are with them, they are always asking about where I am.
When one(boy) wants to take a picture with me, and the other boys know it or see it, they will push that boy (but that push doesn’t mean something) and then the rest of the boys will also take a picture with me. Then, there was also a time when a boy was eating and I have no place to eat and there was also my best friends, but on the table with him. We also chit chat. I saw his plate with a mountain of foods, hahaha, and asked him if he can consume it all, and he said yes. After a while, the other boys suddenly called him. I don’t know what are they talking about. Then after we ate, my best friends told me that the boys were staring at him. And then I realized, why he didn’t finish his food. What did I do this time? =(((
And there is also a situation that, a guy always initiates messaging me or chatting with me in a social network. There is no day that, that guy doesn’t message me and I always respond to him and ask him “How are you?”, “Did you already eat your breakfast(lunch, dinner)”, “Did you enjoy your meal?”. But when that guy went back to their country, 1 day, 2 days, 3 days and so on passed, he is not messaging me, even if I ask “How are you?”, “How was your flight?”, etc. What are the reasons of these? Did I do something wrong with doing these? Not just with a guy, but there is also situation like this with a girl. We always talk with each other, but not anymore when she went back to their country. =(
Another situation, a Korean girl (their friend), told me that I am popular…. especially with boys. What does it mean when told that I am popular? I don’t want to assume. >_________________<
Thank you in advance. =)
Loving Korean 
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