Ask us

This is the place where readers asked the questions in 2013 about

dating Korean guy, having Korean boyfriend, South Korean dating culture, …

 

Check out answers section which you can also find by clicking the drop-down menu “Posts” above to see answers we have given so far.

For older comments and questions see Ask Us 2012 Archive

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539 thoughts on “Ask us

  1. Hello~! Well I’m 16, Chinese/Viet born in America & a junior in highschool. Recently my korean guy friend who I haven’t seen/talked to in like months texted me and invited me to hang out with him. He’s like 3 mo. younger than me, a sophomore in highshool. So I was a little hesitant in hanging out with him since I haven’t seen him in so long. But in the end I went an met up with him.

    He took me to dinner & offered to pay for me even though I have money. He even held the door open for me saying “ladies first~” aha.. Then I catch him staring at me several times and smilin like an idiot & when I look up at him & ask him “what?” He goes “nothing” but continues to smile. But like when we were in the restaurant he kept commenting on how I’ve changed soo much since the last time he saw me. But like in a good way.

    So while we were eating dinner he comments on how he noticed we were wearing the same North Face Jacket. He also comments on how small my bites are. Then asks me if I’m only eating this away b/c of him (LOL. Yes.) but the. He goes “I like girls who eat a lot though so don’t worry about it.” Then a girl from his school found him at the restaurant we were eating at and w gets up and hugs her. And then he introduces me to her and she just kind of looks at me.. I felt awkward. But he didn’t like flirt with her or anything. Then when we left the restaurant he didn’t even say bye to her. Like I walked in front first, to leave and saw her. And he just sped up to match my pace.

    There were 3 occasions where he tried holding my hand that night. It was cold outside so he goes “My hands are soo warm~!” Then he takes my hand and comments on how cold they are after dinner. Then in my car, while we were waiting and just sitting in there, he takes me hand again and goes “are your hands still cold?” And like warms them up for me aha…

    Err then he serenaded part of a Big Bang song for me b/c he knows I like kpop and Korean related things aha. He also says he thinks it’s cool that someone non-Korean likes Korean-related things & is trying to speak Korean.

    Oo speaking of learning korean, as I was driving he’d say some things in Korean and ask me if I knew what it meant. I knew what they meant of course. So he’s like what does ‘pogo shi puh?’ mean in Korean & I go ‘I miss you’ then after a few of those. He hesitates, his voice gets quiet & he’s like “do you know what saranghae means?’ && I could definitely see his one coming but I sort of nonchalantly replied before looking at home and said “I love you” haha..

    Err, then there was this time during that night where he suggested we go visit my friends an say hi~ && I told him it wouldn’t be a good idea because they’re all hanging out with their boyfriends. && he goes “all of them?” And I’m like “yeah…” Then he asks me if I have one & I told him no and it got all quiet and awkward for a few minutes.

    Oo. We both go to different highshool a but like live in the same city and stuff (like literally five minutes away from each other.) He comments on how he had wanted to go to my school’s winter formal. Then I told him I don’t think I’m going this year and he goes “Why? I’ll go with you.” o ___ o but then before I could answer that he asks about my formal last year. He asks “who did you go with last year?” Then quickly rephrases and goes “did you go with your friends?” And i told him “I almost went with this one guy but he had a futsol tournament that day.” And he’s like “ah, a soccer player. I use to play soccer.”

    Ah, sometime during our “hangout” his friends call and ask him to hang out. Then he tells them he has to call them back. I asked him if he has to go and he’s all “Nah, I want to hang out with you.” And then I told him “you can go hang out with your friends if you want to.” And he says, ” but I don’t want to leave you.” And I’m like “I don’t want to keep you from your friends, we can always hang out some other time~” he got all quiet for a few minutes before finally agreeing.

    Then we waited outside his house for 20 minutes and sat in my car. Why? B/c he didn’t want to go inside and wanted to talk to me. He randomly commented on how pretty I was which I think is a lie. So I’m like “don’t lie to me~” and he’s like you’re really pretty though. While we were sitting in there he asks me if I’m tired & I’m like a little. And he’s like “let’s sleep.” Jokingly I think. So I close my eyes and then he flicks my face. Haha WTF? o __ o then he says something about how it stings a lot when you flick a certain place and tries it on me and it actually hurts. ; – ; but like then he apologizes and says I can flick him back, but instead I like pushed his face away haha. I also told him to teach me some Korean and he goes “okay, I’ll be your tutor!” Lol. And he teaches me how to say, ” I want to go to the bathroom.” I forgot how to say it once so he jokes about what a bad student I am. XD but teaches it to me again. I forgot how to say bathroom but I remember how to say ‘ I want to go.’ I spoke random things in Korean a lot last night and he comments on how I sound like a native Korean speaker and asks how I know so much. And I told him simply, “the Internet.” And he just laughs.

    My parents called to check on me a few ones and I spoke in my native language which is Cantonese and after I was done he comments “that’s soo cool. You spud so fluent. Did you move to the U.S..?” And I told him no, I was born here. i And speak my native language a lot at home. His native Korean sounds really attractive. idk if thats weird but i loke it a lot. His mom or something called him while we were “hanging out” so yeh. Also before the night ended he kept telling me to text him because I never do anymore. (I don’t b/c I had always initiated cnvos back then.) anyways, i honestly told him how I text like a guy. Meaning I don’t really like texting haha. But then I told him e was an exception and that I’d text him. And he smiled and perked up a bit and reminded to text him before he went home.

    Err, I’m probably missing a few things from that night. But I think I’ve covered most of the important parts. I couldn’t help but wonder if he does these things when he “hangs out” with othe girls or if it’s just with me. I honestly don’t know. But none of my guy friends act this way around me soo, I’m very confused. I don’t think this guy thinks of me as “just a friend.” But the again I could be gettin my hopes up.

    That’s my question (sort of)

  2. Hi,

    Happy (belated) new year to you both! :)

    I actually did a search in google wondering if there were any Muslim Korean men… and your post was the only real post that came up in regards to that.

    I don’t believe the men from my background are unattractive, so that is not a reason why i am finding interest in men from other cultures ( i actually see people as people..), however, I have always been drawn to the far east and Korea is one of the countries my heart yearns to go to and I find myself attracted to the culture, people and country and I suppose I would like to find out what a relationship with a person from that culture would be like, but being a Muslim, I can’t have a fling or a temporary relationship..alas, I wish there was a Muslim Korean man to communicate with and see how it would go.

    I have searched online and researched, sounds silly? but I think i’m just hopeful but a rather shy person, so I doubt I will find ‘the Korean” guy to find out if we are compatible and go from there…but I feel like I was just born in the wrong part of the world lol…but perhaps that’s just because I’ve fallen in love with a culture and part of world and I want to touch every part of it and embrace it.

    Not much of a question? I don’t know, are there any Muslim Korean men out there! Why, oh why are you so hard to find. lol.

    • Hello Hopeful,

      Happy New Year to you too, from both of us.

      I was never searching for a Korean guy. Actually, I was not searching for any guy. And yet I found my love in Korea. You never know what will happen; your love life might take an unexpected turn too.

  3. Hello, I would like to explain my story with a Korean guy.
    I’m Spanish and I’m studying in Japan, in my school I met a Korean guy.
    He was the first to make the first move to talk to me, ever since we started dating always together with other friends.
    Our relationship became closer and spend much time together, their eyes are very tender, invited me to lunch several times, we have gone shopping together, he make me jokes, invited me to his house to study, we have go to drink, and even one day we drunk together he let me sleep in his house.
    Nothing happened between us, we have not held hands or kissed, but we have a very close and special relationship.
    Often he call me just to know where I am or what I do and I feel that I am something special for him.One day call me very drunk at 5AM.

    But he has a girlfriend, from the first day I met him , he said me he have a girlfriend.She is a korean girl , and she is in Korea, and have been together for eight months.
    He doesn’t like to talk much about her, when I ask always aboute his girl , he tell me “i dont miss her alote”, or “I’m good here”. he wants to live in Japan for ever but she is in Korea, but he doesn’t seem concerned about the distance, he don’t express love for her.

    When I want speak to him aboute his girlfriend, if the relationship are good, if he miss her, he don’t like speack aboute with me, only say “I’m good”.
    But via facebook every day she writes to him “i love you” “i miss you” “you are all for me” “200 days together” and also he sometimes says nice things to her. Also he always has a picture of her in the KakaoTalk and a love nick in chat.

    One day I proposed my love to him, and he said “you are girl to me, my bestfriend, but I have a girlfriend now”
    I don’t understand his heart, his feelings. If he has a girlfriend not well the relationship he have with me, call me often, dating, be together all the time , his jokes, his looks to me,this very very very clothes relationship we have now.
    His girlfriend would be angry if she know it, right?
    I don’t understand that relationship , what want he with me, I like him alote , Im’m in love, but I can’t forget it because he didn’t let me forget him, calls, messages, smiles.
    Now he know he like me..but he continues to want to be with me always.But have girlfriend, this relationship is bad if you have a girl wait for you in Korea
    I need your advice!I’m very sad

    Sorry for my horrible english

    • It is difficult to know what he privately thinks, and if his words match his thoughts. But his words were pretty clear, you are his best friend, she is his girlfriend.

      I don’t know how much what he is saying about his feelings for his girlfriend is true and how much he feels uncomfortable talking about his girlfriend to another girl. I’m sorry you are in this difficult situation, it must be very difficult. Sadly, there is nothing in Korean culture that would explain his behavior.

      We both wish you good luck.

  4. Hi,i just want to ask something..well ive meet a korean guy last year then we started to hang out together when he doesnt have a work or if he has a free time..on the 2nd day that we’ve met he told me that he likes me and if i want to stay with him then i answered him a smile..this korean guy is studying english in the morning then working in the afternoon,we talk everyday but not often just to say dont skip your meals,take care and etc..he also live here in the philippines but lil bit far from my location..thats why we talk to each other via kakao talk or text message everyday. My questions are:
    1. When he said that i want to stay with you,what does it mean? Is it he wants me to stay with him coz he likes me or he wants to stay with me coz i made him happy or make him smile every time that were together..
    2. What will i do?coz honestly saying i like this korean guy..although he already know that i like him also..and he never forget to send message everyday and he also apologize if sometimes his really busy in his work and he told me to believe and trust him..even though the situation is like that still theres alot of questions that pop up in my mind..huhuhu!
    3. Is it possible that one day he will say or told that he loves me?coz every time that weve met and spent time together he always told me that he likes me..is it possible that he will love a filipina girl like me?although our location is lil bit far from each other..

    Thats it..thank you for helping me..god bless kamsahamnida!

    • Hello,

      1. Isn’t that the same thing? If someone makes you smile and feel happy how can you dislike them?
      2. You should do whatever you want (just don’t hurt him ;) )
      3. Yes, of course it is possible.

  5. Just wondering if there will be topics related to dating Korean Girls. Instead of guys.

    I’m not Korean, but am currently dating a Korean girl. I love the interaction with this Korean girl therefore would like to understand more Korean cultures from a “female” perspective.. thank you for the help Nunna.

    • Honestly, not really. Even though we both firmly believe that men and women are far more similar than people give them credit, we have focused this blog on answering questions about relationships with Korean guys.

      Since I’m the female, and non-Korean, and he is male and Korean, it is something we have experience with; and we also feel it gives our reader a better idea of what to expect, than if we mixed it all up.

      However, you are more than welcome to ask a specific question here in the comments, and we will try to help.

    • Hello Marish,

      Happy New Year to you too. I remember, your Korean guy expressed his love for you and next day told you he only said it because he was drunk. I am glad you cleared it out and all is well now.

      • Yes. Thank you for your advices. We chose to be friends now and learn to know each other more. Love can wait if that man is really for me. He said that, it is so fast if we have relationship now, we even don’t know each other and see each other. That is why, i understand his point of views. we are okay now, we spend so much time chatting in kakaotalk and he even shares some of his activities and life related matter. He even becomes so open to me that is why, i advice to many that don’t be too rush in love it has its right time, if that is really destined for you, all your waiting’s and efforts will be worth it. As of now, we are enjoying and i take some effort bringing some fire in our relationship now^^ i hope that i can travel Korea this year. I’m planning to meet him up! take care and fighting!^^

  6. I think it was couple of years back when my aunt n her daughter went to visit korea. They came back telling all sorts of stories of good n bad while they were there. I was sort of the only one in the family that likes n adore korea n anything related to korea. So she was telling stories about the first impression of koreans n it wasn’t so good. But it didnt stop me wanting to know about korea n anything related to korea. Its been almost 2-3 years now that i’ve been crazy over kpop n kdrama. So i kept telling myself not to believe what other people said bcuz their thoughts can be different for me. I also have a friend who often travel to korea for holiday and she said the koreans are very particular with skin colors. Is it true? There’s so many of things that my acquiantances said about korean. My aunt said they’re loud. About the skin color, for me, i think its normal cuz in my country people are been judge in so many ways. @oegukeen u live in korea for so many years n have a relationship with korean n definitely hv friends in korean. Do you think they’re like as how my friend n my aunt said? The koreans in malaysia are ok i think, some of them, cuz most koreans i meet are students n most of them i think they’re fine. Even my mum think that korean are rude n rough. What do u think? What are the things that most korean dislikes the most?

    • Hello Nana,

      I don’t know where you got that I have lived in Korea for many years. I have never even been to Korea!

      Those things people tell you about Koreans are called prejudices.

      Koreans are loud? What does that even mean? Maybe they were on a busy street, maybe they were drunk, and yes maybe those Koreans are just loud.

      I especially find this generalization funny. You see, Kimchi Man is extremely quiet. He is quieter than anyone I have ever met. I literally put my ear in front of his mouth sometimes to hear what he is saying. My parents ask me what he said even if he is sitting right next to them.

      He has some stomach issues that make it very painful for him to speak normally. This affects him so much that sometimes he just communicates with me with gestures. If I judged Koreans based on my experience with him, I would conclude they don’t speak loudly enough. You can’t judge a whole nation, 50 MILLION people in this case, based on personal experience.

      And what does it matter if they are loud? Would you reject friendship or love with a person because she/he is loud? Then we could never be friends. ^^

      Don’t believe other people’s opinions about Koreans, and don’t have your own. Some Koreans are heroes, some Koreans are murderers. Judge a person when you get to know her. And realize you don’t know anything about a person if only thing you know is that they are Korean.

      • I don’t actually believe what they (my aunt, my mum n my friend) said. So far I met Koreans in Malaysia, they’re okay. Its totally understandable when you meet with strangers in different country, you wont simply greet them. These people I know basically love to judge people whenever they saw them by the street or shopping malls. I’m not like that. I think most people have their own ways of thinking and their way of judging others. In Malaysia, I work as invigilator and invigilate international exams especially for universities and school exams like A-levels n O-levels. So for school exams for Cambridge, I met a lot of Koreans. They’re only kids and teenagers and tend to be ignorant so it’s pretty much normal because I was at their age before. So far, Korean students I met are nice and listen well. Well, once in a while, they do things n not quite follow by the rules but its fine as long as its not serious. I’ve met some Koreans through a social network website (not facebook or twitter). They’re nice and I don’t find them as how my aunt, my mum n my friend describe them. My way of thinking about others are different. I tend to ignore what other people especially when like to talk about others and say bad things about others. I like to Korea and meet the people there in person.

    • Thank you for submitting a question. I need to think a bit about this – whether I have enough to say to write a post or if I will answer here in the comments.

  7. Do you have any advice on how to start a relationship with a Korean guy? I would like to go there someday because I want to get a job there. And I’m actually thinking if I stay there for a long time, I would like to meet a nice guy there.

      • Well, I want to start something casual with a Korean guy. And if I’m interested, I’d want to get into a relationship with him. Do you have any advice on that?

        • There is no generalized approach that would work on all 25 million Korean men. That’s a lot of men.

          The reason I am so happy with Kimchi Man is because we are such a good match for each other. So if I changed my behavior to be what I imagined Koreans would like, he wouldn’t have gotten to see real me and would not have liked me.

          That’s not so important in your case, since you are just looking for something casual, but it does partially still apply because you do want to find a guy who suits you well.

  8. Hi,

    I met a Korean guy in Gangnam one night as I was standing outside a club waiting for my friends to come meet me. This handsome Korean approached me and told me that he saw me walking around Gangnam. He asked me if I was waiting for someone and I told him yes. I thought he was very handsome and he told me that he thought I was beautiful and wanted to get to know me more. Since my friends were coming soon and he was going out to get drinks with others I gave him my number. He started texting me a lot after that night telling me that I’m beautiful and that he can’t wait to hangout with me. Flash forward to two weeks later, he hasn’t made any moves to hangout with me. When I do text him to ask how he is he says he’s always busy with work ( he’s in marketing). I always have to text him first and he never calls me. I like him and feel frustrated about why he hasn’t made any moves to hangout. He said that he’ll pick a day that’s better for him. Lord, whats so hard about getting coffee or dinner on a weekday. To make matters worse he likes to text me randomly which gives me more confused signals. I can’t figure if he’s just not into me or actually is really busy.

    The other day I was chased down by this other Korean guy who saw me walking around my dong. He introduced himself to me and asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no. He was surprised to find out I didn’t have a boyfriend because he also thought I was beautiful. He asked me for my number and said he’d call me. He even made sure to check my number to see if it wasn’t fake. Flash forward a week later he hasn’t called. I’m tired meeting Korean guys that seem interested in me but then never contact me! It wasn’t like they were drunk or that I met them in a night club which would be a major NO NO. Why do they do this? I am a Black ESL teacher from Canada just to let you know. I’ve never dated a Korean guy but have dated foreigners in Korea.

    • Hello Rooney,

      That’s just two guys, I don’t think you should make any conclusions yet. Also, I’m curious, why do you think meeting a random guy on the street is better than meeting them in a night club?

      Anyway, you shouldn’t take it personally. They don’t know ANYTHING about you, so it’s impossible for them to like or dislike you.

      And if you can say “what is so hard about getting coffee or dinner on a weekday”, you obviously don’t know anything about Korean working environment ^^

      • Hey thanks so much for responding! I meant to say get a coffee or dinner during the weekend.Honestly, I thought that maybe if I met a guy on the street, or store, that it would less skeevy than a nightclub or anywhere near one. I haven’t had the best experiences with meeting guys in nightclubs.

        They don’t know anything about me beside my name. The fact that they don’t call or text often makes me feel like they just asked for my number for a ego boost but have no intention of calling or hanging out with me despite them telling me over and over again how they can’t believe I don’t have a BF and that I’m pretty.

        I don’t know whether or not I should play hard to get or be up front about my feelings towards the guy I met in Gangnam a few weeks ago. I’m not one to put myself out there but I like him more than any other guy. Heck I gave him my number first before he asked and I NEVER do that.

        How do I know if a Korean guy really likes me? Should I ignore him for a bit? Why Korean guys prefer to text than call? I don’t really know how Korean guys pursue women and whats normal and not normal. Like are Korean guys direct or really in direct.

        I’m so confused….

        • Whether you should play hard to get or be up front, depends on what that particular guy finds attractive. You can’t know that since you don’t know anything about him, so just do whatever feels right for you.

          How do you know if a non-Korean guy likes you? Same thing. Korean guys are not that different.

          I don’t know if you should ignore him. As I wrote above, do whatever you feel is right.

          If you speak English to them, they probably prefer to text rather than call because it is a foreign language and they feel insecure. Also, most young people I know prefer to text than call because they are more relaxed that way.

          Korean guys are human beings so anything that is normal for you and me is normal for them too. Then again, people are different and each one of us have our own little weirdness. Basically, you decide what you will tolerate in a guy and label that behavior as “normal”.

  9. HI, I have post a question last here and here I am again~

    My story is I met a korean guy during my trip to Korea in Oct 2012. Ever since I went back to my country after the tour we message everyday. He have confess that he like me & I confess to him I like him too but we are not a couple yet. March I will be going back to Korea to meet up with him. Then and there we will decide whether to be together. We are both excited & afraid about it. We want to make sure when we meet each other we will still have strong feeling for each other before we will be together.

    Do you have this worry before you meet Kimchi man face to face? When you meet Kimchi man face to face for the first time, Is the feeling stronger than chatting online? I really want our relationship to go into another chapter. Are we just worried for nothing? Your advice needed~

    • I wouldn’t say the love itself increased when we met, because I was already in love with him as much as possible, but of course it was more intense when I could actually look into his eyes, and hold his hand.

      We were both worried. I was worried he might have a wrong impression of who I am and get disappointed when he meets me. He was afraid the same, that I will change my mind when I meet him. But I was never afraid that my feelings for him would change.

      Does that answer your question?

  10. I’m normally really good at reading people and situations, but Korean social/dating etiquette is tripping me up a bit, so is the whole ”would a Korean guy find me appealing” thing, so figuring out if this Korean guy is interested in me isn’t as clear cut as I usually find it to be, and although I know individuals shouldn’t be put into little boxes, I would like to know if there’s anything specific I can look out for that a Korean male would do differently than a Western male – for example, PDA isn’t common here, single men and woman don’t *usually* just hang out one on one as friends, and so forth, so without things like that to judge signs/the situation, what CAN I actually go by?!

    Background:

    Me:
    Been teaching English in S-Korea since 2010, so not completely clueless re Korean culture, but my Korean speaking ability is, sadly, only at survival level.
    I’m 30 yo, short/petite with dark hair and porcelain skin, not beautiful or pretty going by Western standards, but I am usually labeled as attractive and sexy (the latter I think mostly due to self confidence) so at least I feel that my appearance shouldn’t be a deciding factor. BUT – I wear my hair really short which is weird ’round here, I’m quite touchy feely, even with my platonic friends, AND … I’m a bit of an edgy alpha female. Thus I’m basically completely opposite of the cute, rather demure young women with long tresses here, and I often intimidate even Western guys that are used to strong, outspoken women, so I can only imagine how guys here perceive that …

    Him:
    Lived in Canada for 9 months, has very good English, 33 yo (international age), single, very traditional parents (…) and is a bit more manly than the guys I usually see here (the way he dresses, he has stubble if he skips the razor for a day, he is tallish with strong, masculine features etc – things I find appealing, as I’ve always liked Asian appearance, but at the same also like my guys to lean to the manly/rugged side.)
    He owns a car, lives alone (parents still both alive), and is doing his Masters, whilst holding down a steady job – as my co-worker (!!!) That’s right, we’ve been working together closely on a daily basis for the last 4 months.

    So after finding my feet in a new job after a couple of weeks, it hit me that the guy I’m working with is rather good looking, intelligent and great with the kids.
    I fished a bit by asking my other (female) co-worker about him in a casual fashion, and found out he is single, which was kinda the green light for me to try to talk to him on a more personal/social level, in stead of the friendly-yet-cool, professional manner I was going about it up ’till then.

    He responded really positively to the general conversation I was making – and I picked up that he maintains eye contact, his tone always changes/he speaks louder around me and that his face lights up/he smiles, but at the same time he usually keeps his arms folded across his chest, and he doesn’t really talk to me unless I initiate conversation.

    So I thought there was a bit of a vibe between us, but the next couple of weeks got pretty busy, we were both distracted and tired, and we lost a bit of the momentum our interactions had picked up, and the final day before I went on vacation, I snapped at him when he made a(n innoccent yet uncalled for) remark.

    Currently we are doing Winter camp in an empty school, which means it’s just me and him, with no interference from our colleagues, working together every day – exactly the type of opportunity I was waiting for, to get to know him a little better/suss him out.
    We had to make a trip to the shops to go buy materials we needed, so I decided screw this, I’m diving right into more personal convo, and he seemed pretty relaxed throughout the car trip. At the shops he kept REALLY close to me, with our hands/fingers/arms brushing each others several times, but seemed slightly startled when I confidently navigated my way through the shops, and spoke to a sales lady in Korean for a split second.
    Back in the car I took the plunge and said I’d like to ask him a personal question, and to my surprise he didn’t seem remotely shocked or uncomfortable, and said ”Yep, sure”, nor did he when I followed with, ”So … going by Korean standards, it’s weird that you’re not married at your age … I mean, you have a good job, live alone, have a nice car, have lived abroad, you’re intelligent, good with kids and attractive … ”
    He had a little grin, and said that people often tell him that, and that he guess he is fussy, because it’s difficult to find a girl that has everything that he likes, and even if he is interested in someone, she usually doesn’t feel the same. I had follow up questions, but by then we had arrived at our final destination, yet I could’ve sworn he seemed a little disappointed that the conversation ended. (I say this as we both kinda hesitated/stood around awkwardly for a fleeting moment when we had to see each other off.) Ten minutes later I sent him a text to check if all the materials are in the classroom, and to tell him that the ”interrogation” isn’t over yet … he replied 10 minutes later with: “It’s all there. Don’t scare me … ㅋㅋㅋ”

    During the following couple of days I noticed that we keep mirroring each others body language (even if it’s the dreaded folded arms) and stayed in close proximity to each other, again with the hands/fingers/arm brushing. I have worked with male teachers in the classroom before, but I’ve never experienced standing right up against them/leaning in towards each other the way we do, nor hands/fingers touching that often, but it’s hard for me to judge if it’s just because I AM touchy-feely, and thus ”manipulating” the situation, or if it’s also truly coming from his side.

    In the week I told him that I hope my direct questions/manner doesn’t make him uncomfortable, as I know it’s not the Korean way, but it is not only MY cultural way, but also my personality type. He said he knows and understands.
    I followed that up with an invite to lunch (for weeks now I’ve been planning a way to ask him to join me for lunch/dinner/coffee/drinks/whatever) and, again, much to my surprise, he didn’t hesitate at all, and instantly said yes, although his body language hinted at a wee bit of nervousness or maybe self consciousness. Also, I have considered that maybe it’s just because we are alone at school, and the Korean way is to eat TOGETHER. Nevertheless, to break the ice, I invited one of my male friends along, and sat next to my friend. Everyone seemed relaxed (although my and his tone changed ever so slightly), but two things stuck out:
    I made the rookie mistake of trying to pick up the bill (I know how it works in Korea, but I usually do that when I invite someone to join me), and when he asked me why, I said exactly that. He said ”Next time”, and although I don’t think he’d allow it, we left it at that, so it wasn’t too weird I don’t think. But the shocker came when we discussed the ”social segregation” between males and females in Korea, and he said that although most people will not agree with him, he feels that men and women can’t just be friends. My friend and I were both a little shocked, but obviously didn’t want to be rude and take him on right then and there (especially considering what I’m trying to figure out here). I did however comment that I prefer male company and that I have many male friends, with the relationships being strictly platonic. He suggested the three of us go have coffee, and after seeing my friend off, he once again kept really close to me as we were walking down the sidewalk, and once again there was fleeting hesitation/awkwardness when we were saying goodbye.

    The next day however I was really jaded, and things felt ever so slightly weird, but we managed to end up standing really close/leaning in, chatting at some point for about 10 minutes. The last interaction was Friday, when I texted him to ask if he wants to go have lunch again the following week. Ten minutes later the affirmative text came. ”The following week” is yet to commence c:

    Something else I noticed is that he was clearly paying attention to what I was saying when we first met, as I mentioned things in the last week that I thought would be new information, but he recalled the details of me mentioning it before.

    Apologies for the elaborate narrative, but I my friends can’t seem to decide if he is just a nice guy, gay (because he gets a LOT closer to me than guys would usually get to a female they are NOT dating here) or actually interested, and although I can identify the general tell tale signs when someone is interested, like the eye contact/touching/leaning in/mirroring of body language as described above, I’m not sure what to make of the folded arms/comment re platonic relationships between the sexes/the fact that I’M the one asking all the question/leading conversation (he’s never actually asked me how I feel about anything, other than work related stuff, at least I know he respects my opinion in that regard, as he often drops his plan for my ideas which he says ”he likes better”, nor do I know what is expected of me next (other than inviting him to go out with my friends and their Korean friends to socialize more or eventually asking him straight up if he’s interested).

    Anyway, clearly I have no idea how courting/dating in Korea works in reality, only in theory! haha Help a sista out!

    • I forgot to add – although he is confident and in control in the classroom, he seems much quieter/shyer outside of it.

  11. Hello Good Day..
    umm, last week I met a Korean guy in a certain Site, He message me first, ask something about myself and so on…he is currently staying in my country for studying and also we have the same age(18), he said that Im pretty and so on, and kept asking me for more pictures and suddenly claimed that Im Hers and told me that I should go to the city he’s staying and he would give me money for the fare and so on but I insisted since we barely knew each other.then a few days later he said that he wanted to meet me, (we only live 12 hours away by bus) very long ride.. he decided to met me, it was his first time traveling alone and away from that city. I tried to stop him and told him that it will be a long ride and it would cost so much money . but still he insisted that he would really come to my city. So i had given him much information as much as possible on how to get in my city because I’m worried for him and the only means of our communication is through kakaotalk which uses wiFi because he doesn’t have a cell number, (Thank God the buses here have Free WiFi) but then our conversation got disconnected for about two hours. coz of a certain problem.. i was very worried, and waiting
    then a few hrs later (12 am) i got a msg. telling me that he got worried coz we can’t get trough with each other, and so he decided to go home half-way from his trip coz he got scared (all he sees is just mountains here and there).LOL
    I was happy that he got home safely, and i wasn’t really disappointed that we didn’t get the chance to see each other.. (Im actually nervous on meeting him. I wasn’t prepared) I thought that he got angry because what happened( well, I think it was partly my fault for the lost of communication, I did apologized)..
    since that night when he got home, well the conversation got kinda awkward.. i was worried that he wont like me anymore, and i dont really know what to say ( Its my 1st time to have this kinda relationship) I thought it was the end of us..But The last message that I got from him tonight saying sorry for not able to come to my city and so on and also said: My baby, I love you.. so I think its not over For Us?? It just happened last (jan. 19-20,2013)

    what do you think? and also, Are Korean guys particular with looks?? well, i do have an average beauty,but im not confident with my body, Im a bit chubby and he is “you know” tall,white and handsome… a “korean guy”… Im afraid that he would lost interest in me, when he sees me in personal because the way i look in pictures is different from personal.. What do you think should i do?? exercise?? LOL…Should i go and visit him for myself?? im also not use in traveling alone. -.-
    this are my concerns, hoping for your reply..

    -Kathy-

    • I think you two are rushing things too much. You’ve chatted for only a week and never met! And you’re talking about love and relationships…

      Don’t change yourself for a guy you just met. Eating healthy and exercising is always a good idea (if you don’t have some health issues that prevent exercise or dictate special diet), but do it for yourself. A nice side effect is that you will look better for a guy, that but that should only be a side bonus, not the main goal.

      I am, well, taller and whiter ^^ than my Korean guy, but he loves me just the way I am, and I love him just the way he is. I am sure there are Korean guys who wouldn’t find me attractive.

  12. So, a couple of days ago I made a guy penpal and everything was great, he even let me call him “Oppa”. Then, this morning he flipped out on me after I told him “I miss you” And I did because I enjoyed talking to him. He told me earlier that Koreans have a hard time expressing their feelings and I understood and he said he never felt like this and was nervous / embarrassed . What I don’t is why he flipped out, told me he’s sorry and to find another penpal and he could feel my ” tenacity”. He said we could still be friends but not penpal. I’m confused, what did I do wrong?

    • Kimchi Man has no issues with expressing his feelings (in his own way), so it’s not a Korean thing, it’s just this guy’s thing.

      It is a bit unusual to tell someone you’ve only known for a few days that you miss him, but you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s best if you follow his advice, and find another pen pal.

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