Ask us 2012 Archives

These were questions asked in 2012. To ask a question right now, please go to our new section Ask Loving Korean.

Thank you all for submitting so many questions and making this blog grow. :)

If you are looking for answers we have given so far, check out answers section, which you can also find by clicking the drop-down menu “Posts” above.

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433 thoughts on “Ask us 2012 Archives

    • Hi ^^ I really like your blog!
      I am a white girl living in the US, and there is a nail salon with many Korean workers that I go to often. There is a guy there who is really cute, and when I go in the salon sometimes I catch him looking at me (I hope haha)…but he doesn’t speak much English and I’m just not sure about how I should start talking to him! I really would love to start a conversation! The workers in there already know I’m into Korean culture + kpop btw hahaa..Thanks for your help :)

      • Thank you! That makes both Kimchi Man and me really happy. :)

        I’m not sure what to tell you. If you don’t speak Korean at all, then English is your only choice. I guess only way is to start talking to him the way you would to any other guy and see if he can keep up.

        Try to use simple words and sentences until you make sure how much he can understand. As a non-native speaker of English, I can tell you from my own experience: if he doesn’t understand something you said, try to rephrase it, and say it using different words. Speaking louder and slower is just going to make him feel stupid and if he doesn’t know the meaning of the word you are using, it won’t help him understand you any better.

  1. Hi!

    First off, I should start by saying that I’m a Sri Lankan raised in the US. We look a lot like Southern Indians, with the darker skin and thicker hair, and I’ve heard my friends describe us as calmer versions of many Indians’ big personalities. I know that this question is fairly subjective, but in general would a Korean man ever find one of us attractive? Thank you so much for your help!

    • Thank you for your question. You are right, it is subjective but we will be happy to try and give you as objective answer as possible. Our answer will appear here on 1st of January 2012. so please check back.
      Oegukeen and Kimchi Man 11

  2. I’m a non-Korean girl dating a Korean boy, and would like to know how your experience of meeting the parents went? Did yours/his parents disapprove? :)

  3. hye
    i’m juz an ordinary simple girl..
    will a korean guy attracted to me??
    i would like to find one but i’m not confident enough..
    and do u know where to learn hangul online and korean recipes online??

    • Hi, thank you for your question. I have some ideas where you might learn those. We will try to answer your question as soon as possible. Please check back soon.

  4. Hi! I’m a non-Korean girl (but still Asian-American) in a happy one-year-long relationship with a pure South Korean boy. I heart my oppa, who makes me feel loved and appreciated everyday…The problem is: my parents are biased toward other groups of people and hate my boyfriend, even though he’s never hurt or insulted them. He’s completely gentle and the most respectful person I’ve ever met. He’s so respectful he’ll stay out of my parents’ eyesight for fear that I’ll be lectured or disowned for dating “my” Korean boy. (But this doesn’t mean he’ll let go of our relationship.)

    I’ve heard of relationships that work out just fine, like yours! But what kind of advice can you offer to a girl–or woman–who’s having difficulty choosing sides? Sure I love my family, as they are my providers and friends in one, but I’m also old enough to…well, start searching for my Mr. Right and have my own family. (To help you ponder this deeper, I’m 25 and my oppa’s 31 years of age).

    And to be honest, I can’t see myself with another guy. I only see Oppa because I know him and I trust him. His loyalty and kind heart was what won me (not his looks, as my Dad would say, because supposedly “all Korean people look like movie stars”–but not my oppa; he’s just a nerd like me.)

    Sorry for my length in words. Oppa says I write just as much as I talk. And I talk A LOT between the two of us.

    So please, please, please offer me words of advice.

    Thanks.
    -writer1986

    • Thank you for your question. Don’t worry about the length, I am the talker as well, and Kimchi Man makes as much noise as a fish, so I totally understand :)

  5. Hi, I met this South Korean guy 2 months ago in Seoul. We are from different countries. We have been keeping in touch, mostly initiated by me. I don’t dare to initiate many chatting sessions online for fear of being too straight forward in my likings for him. So far, he has mentioned that he missed me twice. My question is, how does South Korean guy actually go about liking/wooing a girl as I’ve read that they like to keep things hush. He always reply whenever I initiate the chattings, but I wonder if South Korean guys are apprehensive about taking initiative with other Asian girls? Do I continue waiting, taking initiative, ask him directly (will it scare him off), or just let it die down? I’ll be looking forward to any comments. Thanks

    • Hi, thank you for coming to us for advice. I can relate to your doubts because I was in a very similar situation with Kimchi Man. All turned out well for us so I hope same will happen for you. We will try to answer as soon as possible.

    • Hey Sunny. I was in the same shoes as you just last year. My boyfriend, aka Oppa, and I were mere acquaintances in grad school, and we eventually became very close due to course work. I soon feel for him when I realized how much of a big brother he acted towards me (thus I was granted permission to call him Oppa), and he was just being himself. I built a trust and liking toward his genuine self. Still–like you–I wasn’t sure if he liked me in return. We attended classes together, ate lunch together, did our homework till midnight together, texted our “Good mornings” and “Good nights”, but Oppa showed no other signs. I believe it took him three months to finally show an obvious sign: by asking me out to the museum (we’re nerds :P), which led to our first hand-holding and kiss….So to help with your concern, I would say give your Korean some time. If he likes you, he’ll eventually show a better sign. And don’t worry about the small chattings, Oppa was the same too with his texts. If you feel your Korean is worth the wait (such as, he’s a great friend) then give him some time. And you may need to continue initiating things in the start of this relationship. I know I did. I like tell Oppa that “I” pursued him, because I did. We women are just more headstrong and realistic and go for what we want/need. So don’t be afraid to just continue your relationship as it is, as time will make it better. Think positive!…Good luck and best wishes^-^

  6. Hey ! In the first place I am from Europe and recently I found out that I have an affinity towards Korea. It`s small wonder that i like this country because when I was around 12 years old I watched anime and read manga . Briefly I want to work there or at least to visit this country. I tried to talk with my parents about this and they told me that I am dreaming too much and if i go there i would be a “castaway” and even if I find love his parents won`t accept me . I felt discouraged and right now I do not know what to believe . Can you please give me an advice? Thanks

  7. Hello Oegukeen. I have to say I’ve really enjoyed you blog so far, and I also feel lucky to have stumbled across it because I have a very burning question.

    About 6 years ago when I was still in college, I had a Korean male roommate (I am a caucasian female). He is a great guy, and we had an awesome time living together and got along very well. He was very considerate, polite and kind, and had a great sense of humour. However, the relationship was platonic. Over time though, my Korean roommate admitted that he had developed deep romantic feelings for me. At the time, however, I told him I wasn’t interested in him romantically, however I still did indeed want to continue as friends. And although it was awkward at times, we still tried to get along as best we could as before.

    Eventually, I met someone else and moved out of the apartment with my new significant other. Despite that though, my old korean roommate and I stayed in contact and remained good friends. 5 years later though, my current relationship is ending. My old Korean roommie is still in my life, and we still meet up as friends to spend time together. However, I have come to realize though, that after all this time, that I do indeed deep down have a love and attraction for him, and that perhaps I was foolish in turning him down 5 years ago.

    Ironically though, since he heard of the demise of my current relationship, I’ve notice that he has suddenly become a bit more communicative and chivalrous. The last time we hung out, he did things such as offer to come and pick me up and take care of the bill (he never really did that before). And he also asked me a big question-if I would accompany him on a trip to Europe (the French Riviera to be exact) in the summer (just me and him). He is still single at this time, and I’ll also admit that he has become even more handsome than he was than when we were roommates.

    So, my dilemma is this. I am most certainly attracted to him and miss him alot, and would indeed like to pursue something romantic with him, even though the friendship (and my emotions) may be at risk.

    Furthermore, even though I do indeed like him, I did NOT expect him to ask me on a trip to Europe with him so soon. I do genuinely hope it’s because he wants to spend time with me because he enjoys my company and possibly wants to try and conjure up romantic feelings, and not just because he wants to get in my pants.

    I’m not sure what to make of the situation. Does he possibly still like me and have romantic feelings for me? And is he perhaps hesitant to ask me out because he got burned before?

    I’m sorry this turned out to be so long! So many scenarios running through my mind. I’d definitely appreciate any insight, especially from Kimchi man!

  8. Oh, I forgot to mention…my korean roommate was born and raised in Canada (like me), but his parents are Korean. So I’m not sure if that makes too much of a difference, but it might help to know. Thank you!

  9. I came across this blog from one of your submissions in Reddit. What kind of prejudices are you trying to break?

    • Welcome! We are glad you found us :)

      Well, Korean men face some prejudices similar to other Asian men, for example that Asian men are not manly enough; and they also face more unique ones, for example, Korean men are agressive, or Korean men have to blindly obey their parents, etc. There are plenty of prejudices, and we don’t like any of them.

      There is also a common misconseption that women who are in relationships with Korean guys must be doing so because they are crazed with Kpop or Korean dramas. Like it is impossible to be in love with a Korean man unless there exist some kind of fetish. It is possible to never have heard of Kpop and be in love with a Korean man, just as it is possible to like Kpop and love the Korean man for who he is.

      It was our impression that vast majority of people who wrote something online were negative, so we like to focus in this blog on the more positive aspects to bring things into balance, as they should be.

      • After skimming through your comments on Reddit and your blog posts here, I want to say that I’m glad you’re doing what you’re doing even though I don’t agree with you 100%.

        There are a lot of Westerners (I assume that most readers of this blog are connected to Western culture one way or another) who hold ideas and prejudices on matters related to this blog that are wrong, bigoted, and harmful that are supported mostly by confirmation biases, ignorance, and egocentric perspectives.

        This describes a lot of Redditors, for example. And affects the natures of many discourse there. They reinforce each other and feed on each other with not many to oppose their views.

        I don’t know with certainty what the right ideas are, nor do I know what the best methods to reaching the right ideas are. The only reason I don’t agree with you 100% is because there isn’t enough discussion on this matter from all sides. So I am glad you take it on yourself to hopefully make discussions on this topic more constructive down the long road.

      • Thank you for your support.

        Unfortunately, it is not just Redditors who have this attitutude. However, I would like to believe that it is not the majority who thinks this way, but instead the minority who holds the prejudices is simply the loudest.

        From my experience, those with mild or positive opinions usually don’t feel the need to push their opionons on others. I was like that as well, but decided it is unfair, and that I should speak up.

        Honestly, I don’t think there is a right idea you can have about a group of people. Surely there are agressive Koreans just as there are gentle ones. We are all predesposed to generalize a group of people, but we should know to keep those generalizations to ourselves, and when we are about to meet a new person, to have absolutely no opinions about them.

        I am happy that you want a discussion, I would like that as well. I don’t know where to take it, because there is only so many times I can publish it on Reddit before I cross the line.

        If anyone is reading this, I would like to ask you to press those share buttons underneath each post so we can spread the word. And if you find an already existing discussion online, please let me know.

  10. Hi… I am a non-Korean lady with Korean boyfriend 20 years ago. He’s already engaged when I met him that time.. Their engagement was blessed by his father before he died. Both his and his fiancee’ parents are arranging their marriage. He was then my best friend and suddenly we became lovers. We both know that our relationship would not last forever. Every moment we spent together always seems the last day of our lives. He came to our country to finish his master’s degree. Our relationship lasted for 2 years when he said goodbye and went back to Korea. I told him from the start I wont be demanding, if he has to go, I will be understanding. We parted our ways but our communication extended for another 2 years through calls and mails. I went to Malaysia to work and our intimation continues. He told me that he would be planning to go to Malaysia to work and be with me. He said if I would just say yes, he would leave his fiancee and face the issues with his parents and we could get married. I told him that we would never be happy if it would we would hurt those people who love him. I decided to quit. I don’t know if it was the right thing to do. I love him very much and God knows how I wish to be with him forever. I have explained to him that his real world is in Korea and he does not have to live in fantasies. We were on phone for more than 1 hour without saying a word. Tears came out from both of us. No sounds but you will feel the agony at both ends. Lastly, he said he would respect my decision and promised that he would wait for me on Doom’s Day. It was a love story that was given away for the sake of his family and I tried very hard to stand for it to move on. All our photographs, letters, and all his contact details have been sealed in a box and buried in a garden in front of our house in Shah Alam, Malaysia. I came back to to home country leaving all my treasured memories behind. After 20 years, I thought of searching him through face book without luck. Not to disturb him but only to see him, his family, his status, his career and to just say hi and hello. I can’t find him. For the past 20 years I thought I had moved on… Every now and then since then he was never out of my mind… and it would continue to be there until I die. If you could help me at least see his photographs or locate him. I would appreciate it very much. Please confirm to my email if you can and I will give you his details… email me please… viktorya.victoria@gmail.com

    • Your love story sounds like such a sad yet cute Korean drama–one I would probably be screaming at the TV for, for not going the way I would have liked T_T…. I hope and pray you find this old friend of yours and be able to put your heart and mind at rest.

    • This is really a very romantic story. I hope we can help you somehow. I will contact you by e-mail.

  11. Hi Oegokeen and Kimchi Man, i sincerely thank you very much for your full support and efforts sending me his photographs. Truly amazing!!! I can’t believe it!!! How did you do it and managed to dig his photos… Thank you from the bottom of my heart… more power to your network!!!

    • We are so excited! We honestly didn’t think there was much chance that we can find his photos. We are so glad we could help.
      Oegukeen has to admit that Kimchi Man is the one who should get the most credit, he is so good at searching :)

  12. Hey Oegukeen and Kimchi Man. It’s writer1986 once again. I just thought I’d drop by with one more delima (and maybe more to come): So my Oppa is still not comfortable with telling his parents about our relationship, and they’re still pushing him to find someone and commit (preferrabl a nice Korean girl still in their home country.) Though my guts want Oppa to make us public and known, I also respect him enough not to push him in any direction. Still, his parents call at least 2 times a week, and his dad never stops finding names and numbers for him. And all this makes me question if I’m in a one-way relationship (with me as the only pole.) I’m starting to feel I’ve put in a lot of effort into this relationship (including introducing him to my family and taking the consequences) and I get very little in return. Part of me wants him to continue his loyalty to his parents and contact a Korean girl and stick to her. And then I’ll just pretend we’ve been only friends this whole time…. With so much pressure from both sides of our family, I just don’t know what to do anymore. Slowly my fantasies of us fades away as reality and “what if’s” consume me…. Help. I don’t know who to turn to anymore.

    • I’m sorry things are not going well and I hope we can help you decide what is best for you.

      We replied to your question. You can find it if you click on the tab “Answers” on the top and it will appear under “Recent” on the right, for a while.

      Good luck!

  13. Hi…
    Im indonesian women, and my boyfriend is korean men, we met 1 year ago in web online, we had chatting online about 1 month and then we realized that we have some kind of feeling, so he decided to come to my place in indonesia, that time i thought he just wanna go travel and in same time wants to meet me. but then after 3 days we meet in person, we felt the same feeling and he ask me to be his girlfriend, so after first met, we still keep in contact even more serious and then arrange another meeting, in kinabalu malaysia, we go travel together for almost 2 weeks, and the third meet, i visited him in philipine ( he took a english study for IELTS in PH) and the last meet after 4 month he came to see me in Jakarta( indonesia)
    well.. there’s lot of negative thought from all of my friend, they seems to doubt our relationship, since we are interracial, inter religion,too much barrier.
    but when he visited me in my living place, i introduced him to my closest friend, and after they know him in person, they realized, he really serious with me.
    well, the last meeting he already propose me, asking if i want to marry with him, that time i thought he was teasing me, so i teased him back by answering No.. but his expression looks really serious, and i found out that he was serious.
    but still our family not yet involved in this relationship, me and him not yet have a courage to tell our family but this situation.
    Currently he stay in australia for continue his master degree which need more then 2 years to finish it. Im not young girl anymore, i;m going 28 and he is 29/30 korean age.
    I have no idea what to do with this relation, he asked me just wait for him, but he didn’t give me any clue, what till happen after i wait for him..

    So how should I ask to him, to make sure this relation is going to the right way,, marriage.

    Thanks,

    • Thank you for your question. We have one other question we received first, but we will answer yours as soon as possible. Hang in there :)

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