single mom asked:
Hello, I just actually today discovered your blog, and it is so very informative and wonderful. Thank you for all the knowledge you are sharing.
I would please like to solicit your opinion on the situation I find myself in. I am a woman of African descent, who is not American. Recently, I happened to unknowingly join a well-known website for people all over the world to meet each other, because I accepted an app without really checking it out. I decided to just use it to make friends and after my first day of trying out the site, I met what has so far turned out to be a wonderful Korean male friend.
From the very first moment we started to exchange messages, our exchanges have been fun, quite long, and in detail. Sometimes it is light fun, sometimes it is serious exchanges talking about our individual opinions on serious matters. I would like to mention that on the site, I get bombarded with messages from men who think I am so so beautiful and want to get to know me, but they approach me in a purely sexual manner, which is a great turn off for me. But this Korean guy is the utmost gentleman, in fact, I keen to think he must think I am ugly, lol. I don’t know, and even if he does, it has not affected our friendship. He has commented to me that he thinks I am very smart. From the start, he told me he is naturally very shy and reserved and he finds it hard to talk to people, especially foreigners, and worse yet, black women. He said that his nerves get the better part of him. But our exchanges seem so smooth and easy, that I told him that if he had never told me that, I would have never noticed.
I am also a single mother, and attending medical school. He and I are the same age, which is 31. I deliberately did not let anyone know I have a child because I figured if I was just looking for friends, it wasn’t really any of their business, and if I actually got close enough to anyone, then I would let it come out naturally, just like I do in my offline relationships. Well, the talk about single parent families came up eventually, and I felt it was the right time to tell him that I had a child from a previous failed relationship. I had always heard that Koreans look down on single mothers, so I was very nervous about telling this to him, and was sure that our friendship would end, but I felt like if that was the case, then it would be better to find out if he was worth my effort anyway.
He told me his opinion, which was that he hated infidelity and movies that glorify it, and that he would rather remain single for life than fathom the possibility of raising a child in a single parent household. In my reply I revealed to him that I was a single mother and also explained to him how I ended up in the situation, because I did not want to be perceived as a promiscuous slut. In his reply, he was incredibly sweet and admitted that although it is not something he is used to, he knows that it is not uncommon among westerners, and that it wasn’t my fault for having loved someone and failed at love.
He told me that as long as I am happy in my decision that my life is the most important and that is all that matters. he eluded to the fact that maybe he wouldn’t have expressed himself the way he had if he knew I had a child, but I didn’t tell him so he did not know, but that he understood why I didn’t want to, and that he was very grateful that I chose him to share a subject that was hard for me to reveal to him. Then he told me that he did not think I was stupid, but that he views me as brave, intelligent, adventurous and independent. Then he told me that it was true that in Korea, single mothers are looked down upon, but that it was mostly by the older generation, and that it angers him when he hears them talk about the women that way, because in life anything can happen. He said that he thinks the younger generation is moving away from these biased cultural views and he knows it will take time, but he hopes it’s all for the better.
In light of all this, I had made a pact with myself that I was not going to “like” anyone in anyway like that, but the more I exchange with him, the more I find myself liking him against my own will and good senses. I am not saying that I think he has feelings for me, like I said, I think he must view me as physically unattractive despite everyone else saying otherwise. He has never once told me I am pretty, cute or beautiful, and I don’t know if it is because he is shy or what. Before he found out that I had a child, the most he told me was that he is not a smart man, but that it is I who is the very smart person. lol. So I want to know, even though I know you may not have the answer, but want to hear your opinion on what a Korean man’s view might be on being with someone who is a single mother.
Thank you for liking our blog.
I’m not sure. Guys might get scared if he had to deal with not just a woman but with child as well. Aren’t guys in other countries like that as well?
I think it would be similar for women who meet single dad if she doesn’t have experience with child. I don’t think many people know about it and how to deal with it. And also single parents doesn’t have as much time for dating.
I don’t know much about what other Korean guys opinion but I think older generations think it’s something bad. I think their opinion is children deserve better.
But I know divorced people and single parents. I don’t think it’s not common in Korea. We have high divorce rate. I don’t know details but pretty much. I think single parent family are common than Korean might think. But I can hear and people write about that often. So it’s just time we are acknowledging it.
Single moms complain about why people feel pity for them. I don’t like it. And others talking about why don’t you think about single dads. They are in same bad condition.
And talk about how is it in Europe. If we have trouble we interview some European. ^^
I think your guy tried hard to show you he has good opinion about it. And about you. Just some people are shy or not used to give compliments or anything about people’s looks.
- Kimchi Man
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