[Q&A] Will my Korean man marry me?

Anonymous asked:

I’m Indonesian woman, and my boyfriend is Korean. We met 1 year ago online, we have been chatting online for about 1 month and then we realized that we have some kind of feelings for each other, so he decided to come to my place in Indonesia. At that time I thought he just wants to travel and in same time wants to meet me. But then, 3 days after we have met in person we felt the same feelings and he asked me to be his girlfriend, so we still kept in contact even more seriously and then arranged to go traveling together for almost 2 weeks. The third time we met, I visited him, and the last time we met after 4 months – he came to see me in Indonesia.

Well… there’s lot of negative thought from all of my friends, they seems to doubt our relationship, since we are interracial, inter religion, too many barriers. But when he visited me where I live, I introduced him to my closest friends, and after they know him in person, they realized, he is really serious about me.

Well, the last meeting he already proposed to me, asking if i want to marry with my Korean boyfriend. At that time I thought he was teasing me, so I teased him back by answering No… but his expression looked really serious, and I found out that he was serious.

But still our family is not yet involved in this relationship; he and I have not yet had the courage to tell our family about this situation.

Currently he is staying in Australia for continuing his Master degree which takes more than 2 years to finish. I’m not a young girl anymore, I’m going 28 and he is 29/30 Korean age. I have no idea what to do with this relationship, he asked me just wait for him, but he didn’t give me any clue, what will happen after I wait for him..

So how should I ask him, to make sure this relationship is going to the right way – marriage?


(We shortened this question a bit, to see it in its full glory, click here Ask Us.)

Will my Korean man marry me? Korean wedding hall purple and yellow. Korean groom standing and looking at Korean bride.

Korean groom in Korean wedding hall


It’s easy to bring up the subject of marriage with your boyfriend. He already did it for you. He asked the question so all you need to do is change the answer. Say: “You know that question you asked me before? The answer is yes.” :)

Our friends are sometimes able to see a bad trait in our significant other which we are not because love is blinding us to it. However, it seems your friends had complaints about your boyfriend only before they met him.

I don’t have experience with Korean-Indonesian marriages, but I don’t see why it would be much different than other marriages across cultures.

It is true that different cultures, different religions and a language barrier can seem too much at times (which is precisely why we have written about all of those topics already, in relation to dating Korean men, and you can read it if you follow the links, to get more perspective). But I believe that in any relationship you need to put the other person’s needs in front of your own. And especially in these kinds of relationships. If you make his culture, his language and his religion more important than your own and (equally important!) he does the same for you, then you won’t have (m)any problems. I say this from previous personal experience: the conflict only arises if you feel the person you love, who should be respecting you, is looking down on you because of your culture or religion and making you feel like you have to defend your background and who you are.

With Kimchi Man, I am very lucky. He always tells me Korea sucks. ^^ I know he doesn’t completely feel that way but his attitude makes me able to love him and freely like Korea without feeling that either of them is too foreign.

I think you are still young and there is no reason to rush anything. In relationships which are long distance and intercultural it is better to take things a bit slower because it takes a longer time to get to know the person. There is plenty of time to marry later. Of course, it is much more important how you feel than what I think. If you are certain he is the one, then wait for him, 2 years is not such a long time. If it is important to you that you get married as soon as possible then a man closer to your home and closer to your mindset, who you will have easier time getting to know quicker, might be a better choice.

Previously I had a question from a woman whose Korean boyfriend didn’t want to tell his parents about their relationship. She is worried that might be a sign he is not as commited as she is. Since neither you nor your boyfriend told your parents, could you share your reasons with her in the comments bellow? Maybe it will help with her Korean boyfriend problems.

How do our non-Korean readers feel? Would you marry a Korean man despite cultural differences and the distance?


18 thoughts on “[Q&A] Will my Korean man marry me?

  1. Wow.. thanks for the answer.. its really gave me a lot of confident and courage to keep going on this kinda hard relationship.

    well you are right, actually my boyfriend already bring up that marriage things when he was here with me ( around 3 weeks ago, he was here in jakarta visiting me) and even that time he sang “marry you” bruno mars song when we’re in norebang, and then when it comes to the lyric ” i think i wanna marry you” slightly I asked him ” jinjjaya”? and he just said “yep” and its like many times he said ” 결혼하자 in seoul not in jakarta..i want all my friend can attend the wedding”

    but still im not really sure with what he said.. cuz after we met usually he just ignored me..he just send Kakaotalk like 3 sentence everyday only to answering my question, if i didnt ask then there’s no news from him..

    but i know he’s not typical guy who said bullshit things, even for the ” i love you, saranghae” words he only said to me not more then 5 times, so its not easy for him to play with word, even when he still in korea, he keeps said, i will visit you but i dont know when, cuz he didnt want to give a promise that he never sure bout, but in the end he really came to visit me.

    I hope he will keep his word. so far that’s what he always try to show me.

    • We really hope it all turns out well for both of you. He sounds like he doesn’t give empty promises, and that’s a good thing. Lets hope it stays that way :)

  2. Hey kimchi lovers, iam new in this site. The last three years, my life been fulfilled by Korean guys. I think we all should meet up face to face to share about our experience in dating Korean guys including tips,etc.

    • Our readers are from many different continents, so it is probably impossible for all of us to meet ^^ But feel free to ask here for people that live in your area.

    • hello.. I have korean boyfriend too and I live in Jakarta. It would be nice if we could meet and share about our experience.

      I have known my boyfriend since quite long time (6 years).

      Even though we have known each other that long and love deeply to each other, we have several differences that always trigger fight.

      first is about judgment about korean in here. many people assume that korean men are harsh.

      secondly about korean judgment toward Indonesian, my boyfriend said most korean do not really like south east asian.

      third about culture, Korean men like to drink and go to club. huge gap isnt it with situation here, where its not too pleasant for indonesian family

      fourth, about the religion. I am muslim myself and my boyfriend is atheist.

      how do you overcome this issue?

      • That reader left comment six months ago, so I’m not sure if she will reply. Let’s see.

        I’m glad you and your boyfriend are above believing in those silly stereotypes. My Korean boyfriend hates drinking and going to clubs, so it really depends on the guy.

        Anyway, welcome to the site, we are glad you found us :)

  3. your problem is similar with mine.
    my Korean BF will come here (Indonesia) next January. He asked me to wait and he keeps saying “it won’t be long to make our dream come true”, which means “marriage”.
    the point is, my family against our relationship. so I decided to get married in Korea later.
    but now i’m confusing about documents, money and anything needed for it.

    I need a help. TT

      • Hello..
        Its been long time after i wrote my question, and suprisingly..in not alone, there are few friends from indonesia who have korean BF ^^ glad to hear that.

        Any way.. I would like to share the latest story of mine..
        As i’ve shared to oekugen that i have broke up with my Korean BF on last year..
        But now we contact each other again..and im planning to go seoul next month for trip but i hope i can meet him and we can talk more and fixing our relationship.
        So, i really need a support from all of you.. As i believe we are meant to be..
        I believe we are true love..^^

  4. Hi, Oegukeen. ^^ How have you been? I think that I should apologize. I remember telling you that I would be writing a post about CHUSEOK, but the topic is loooooong overdue. I’ve been sooooooo busy lately that I’ve neglected my blog for a while. Hope you are having a great weekend. ^^

  5. i also have a korean bf we meet online and now we knew each other for almost 4 months. he always says that he love me but not sure if he can go there in the philippines..do you think he is serious about this relationship? Thank you

  6. huh?why?? ok thanks anyways for your reply… just curious if it is possible for a korean guy fall inlove with a filipina

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