Ask us

This is the place where readers asked the questions in 2013 about

dating Korean guys, having Korean boyfriend, South Korean dating culture,…

in the comment section below.

Check out answers section which you can also find by clicking the drop-down menu “Posts” above to see answers we have given so far.

You can find out here why we’re not taking any new questions.

For older comments and questions see Ask Us 2012 Archive

539 thoughts on “Ask us

  1. Ok so here is my story… Hopefully someone will read it and help me!!
    I met this korean guy through a language exchange website. I used to have another friend in this website but he was married and waiting for a child, he was really helping me with the language and no romantic feelings were between us of course, but he started to get really busy at work and with his new baby arrival he didnt have time anymore plus the time difference. So we lost contact.. Some time passed before I went to the website again… This time I started to have contact with another korean guy… It was so different than the other guy… I practically have a crush on him but we just start talking a week ago!! He says some sweet things, he called me (his english is not good and im not a native english speaker) and we practically chat all day! (He is living in europe at the time). Although I like korean guys I dont find him particulary handsome.. But what he says its just so nice!! He makes me feel good and I laugh all the time. He already made plans to come and visit me in my country… He says he really wants to meet me.
    I talk with my friends and they say he is going to fast!! And I believe it too… But I kind of like it but at the same time worries me. Im not a teen anymore but I feel just like one and I cant think straight! Do you think he is going to fast?? Maybe his intentions arent good??
    I dint want to lose something that can be really great… But Im also scared. Its the first time something like this happen to me.. Falling to soon and for an online person :s
    HELP!!! PLEASE!!

    • Just for extra info… He is coming to visit me in 6 months. I try to help him with english and he helps me with korean.

  2. I live with my Korean born boyfriend with my 7 year old son from a previous relationship. He and I are great and are planning on getting married and have more kids. So with him I am good. But the only member of his family I haven’t met is his mom. His stepfather and sister like my just fine. His dad even brings up marriage. :) I have hear his mom is a bit stubborn and can be difficult. Not surprising since that could describe my boyfriend. Anyway, we are supposed to have thanksgiving dinner at our house and this will be my first time meeting her. I want to make a good first impression. Any advice?

  3. I’m a Chinese girl in college in U.S. I’m interested in a Korean guy in my class. I guess he noticed me that we are in the same class and we had eye contact several times, but we never talked. He’s really cute to me but didn’t dress up in class. Every time he came alone and leave alone, never talked to anyone in class. I’m the same person, always alone, never talked to anyone from our class. He took notes very carefully so I assume he’s a good student. He’s neat, clean and quiet. One day before class, I went to library to do my homework, and I saw him sitting alone. I hesitated for a while and walked to him and asked “are we in the same class?” he said “yes.” I asked if he has already finished homework and if he could let me have a look at his homework. He said yes and asked my name and number. Then he sent his homework to my number. (Actually his friend sent him the solution and he sent it to me. That’s a contradiction of his good student’s image in my mind.) After I finish copying the solution, I put down my pen and I noticed him start packing his backpack. So we are almost on the same pace and walked to classroom together. Because we are very late for class, we started talking outside classroom and waited for the class ends to submit the homework. During that half hour he’s really talkative, about where he attend high school, his current classes, his future career plan after graduation, what kind of movies he like. After submitting homework, he texted me what else classes I’m taking and if we could do homework together. I thought maybe he wants to copy my homework I replied very friendly “Im doing next homework and let u know when I’m done”. We talked about homework and classes for a while and he texted “what are you doing tonite” i said i have a class in evening.” he said “some of his chinese frds go to a korean club tonite”(I mentioned that club in earlier conversation) he didn’t invite me so i replied “have a great nite”. Then he asked me out for dinner before my evening class, i said ok. Then we talked a lot during dinner. He asked me if i go back china after graduation. I said I would stay in New York and he said he will stay in new york as well. He said a lot about his future career plan and that sounds good. Anyway all he said is obvious trying to attract me, trying to make me feel he’s really good. After dinner he walked me to my classroom and finally asked me if I wanna go to his dorm to see his gifts because yesterday is his birthday. YES he invited me to go to his dorm on the first date we know each other. I said no and went to my class. And he left. After that he didn’t text me for 24 hours. I don’t know what to do. He was approaching me only for sex??? I’m good looking in chinese, but not in a korean style. All korean girls like long thin eyes but my eyes are round and big. He never dress up in class, no fashion at all. I dressed up every day in school. My friend said he’s alone maybe because he thinks he’s not same kind of person with other students, and he has his frds circle. I don’t know if its true but at least thats the reason why I’m always alone in class.
    I really like him at first by his appearance, but i wanna know more about his personality, his life style and what kind of person he is before moving forward to next step. I won’t judge a person or make frds by appearance. But he invited me to his place on first day, is that mean he needs me only for sex??? he can’t treat me as GIRLFRIEND??? I really like him, want to know him, and become his girlfriend possibly. What should I do now? wait for him to take the initiatives? If he doesn’t contact me, then i should just forget him????????????????

    • I forgot to mention, he’s 1 year or 2 year older than me….. and he took middle school and high school in America. I took high school here as well.

  4. I am considerably older than most of your readers (63), but I’ve been fascinated with Korean culture for a number of years. A couple years ago I started studying the language. I appreciate your post about books and sites for learning the language.

    Though I would be interested in teaching English in Korea, I think my age might be a barrier. From my research, they prefer hiring younger Americans to teach English. I would really like to live there for an extended period of time, if not permanently, but I would need to support myself. Is that even possible at my age over there? Also, I’d like to know if older Korean men are interested in marrying older American women.

    Thank you for your time . . . and I’m enjoying reading your site!

      • Still waiting for a response. You seem to be very responsive to the younger folks. At least acknowledge me (respectfully!). If you don’t have any answers, that’s okay . . .

        • We answer questions in the chronological order they have been asked in. If you look at the questions above yours, they have not been answered yet either.

          We have never skipped a question.

          However, lately we are unable to respond often, so if it is an emergency please ask on another site.

  5. Hi OEGUKEEN&KIMCHI MAN!
    Fist of all I’m really impressed by your love story and relationships))you guys are awesome)
    I have kind of sad story I think and i need your advice..I want just to describe myself without saying name. So, I’m not korean but still asian 18 years old turkish girl. My fist boyfriend I ever had was Korean guy, let’s call him KG. I don’t know exactly why he was attracted by me, because that was my first experience of having boyfriend.
    We first met in our school (it was not in Korea). At that time a was really in korean culture, music, traditions, history…and of course Kpop and Kdrama. But even if i was a fan of Korea, at first time i didn’t noticed KG and i wasn’t interested in him at all. He was the one who made first step to our relationships. He is the same age as me.
    One winter day we start just chatting with each other in fb..but still we didn’t have a good conversation in real life. After some time he asked me if i have a boyfriend and when i sad no, he was so exited and said that he also doesn’t have a girlfriend. well by giving me compliments and saying some cute stuff he made me think that he likes me. Next day he asked if i want to listen how he plays a guitar. I think that was our first date. He was not too shy type of koreans, but he was still not confident about himself. He said that he liked me because i have unusual appearence for him. hahah he had never seen turkish people. he loved my big eyes very much. he could sit and look in them for hours i think)) ummm..I don’t know how i start to love him..it was really crazy. First dates, first boyfriend, first love words…even first kiss on 14 february >///< It was just a crazy love wave…I could not think of anything exept him…but after some time…i realize that there are a lot of problems.
    first and most important is RELIGION. As you can understand I'm muslim. Ok I'm MODERN person. I wear modern clothes,study in American school, watch modern films, listen to modern music. I am a simple teenager. All thing is in steryotypes!..my parents were against him. They simply hated him! i don't know why….this all still hurts me so much. Because of our religion we could not date oficially …u know…it was a secret, and no one knew about us, exept close friends. He was very serious about our relationships…we had i lot of plans about our future. we wanted to travel together. but mostly religion and steryotypes about mixed couples were the main reason why we broke up..we had kin of a fight in the last day..now it is already 5-6 months…he went back to Korea…i have no connection with him…we really loved each other…soon is his birthday and i don't know if he wants to hear my "Happy birthday"….maybe he hates me…ahh it's killing me.
    Guys what do you think about another religion in Korea? how do they react on this kind of couples?….and do i need to start conversation with KG on his birthday?

  6. Hi, I saw your post on Korean’s eating dog. I’m veggie myself, but hey, if you’re going to eat a cow, then eat a dog. I do have a related question though, recently I’ve seen a lot of petitions about boiling animals alive. You or your boyfriend ever heard of that?

  7. 안녕하세요! ^^
    My situation is complicated a bit >< I'm studying in America now and I have very nice relationships with one oppa. He is really gentle and attentive, so I feel like I'm a princess sometimes haha He's very romantic person. One day he mentioned that he has a girlfriend. I don't know why, it doesn't stop him to try to attract me. And also it's noticeable that we attract each other. He's always trying to show me his interest, to touch me, to help me etc. Our eye's contact is something fantastic! He looks mischievous these moments haha We have a lot of cute similarities too. I really like him, at the same time I don't want to be a reason of the break. I decided to take it easy. The time will show everything. He's going to Korea soon, but he would like to come back ASAP. So just in case: can I attract him as a girlfriend if we have 10 years age difference (he's 30, I'm 20)? How should I behave in this situatin? And how do you think, how can I let him know that I'm interested in him too to help him to make a decision? He isn't a confident person and he used to think that he's not very attractive, that's why relationships mean a lot for him.
    Thank you! :))

    And also I have to say this.
    I love you Alex!!! <3<3<3

    • Aaaaish he’s going home so soon>< I'm too shy to ask directly…
      Anyway he has a special smile for me~ today we met again and it made my day better^^ when we are texting we use Hangul a lot, because I want to improve my language to communicate with him easier haha
      Thank u so much~ I really love ur blog, it helps me a lot^^

      • Oh.. that’s something wrong with my previous post hah I mean this:

        Aaaaish he’s going home so soon>< I'm too shy to ask directly…
        Anyway he has a special smile for me~ today we met again and it made my day better^^ when we are texting we use Hangul a lot, because I want to improve my language to communicate with him easier haha
        Thank u so much~ I really love ur blog, it helps me a lot^^

      • and now I’m planning my trip to Korea haha
        I hope I will find the answer… I’ll keep in touch with him before my trip but I’m afraid to be obsessive:( Also our age difference is not a problem for me but I’m not sure about him.. Maybe he thinks I’m too young for him? Is the age difference like this (9-10 years) common in Korea? It’s very important for me to know ur opinion!!
        And I have no idea how to ask him to guide me there and his adress as well >< I'm too shy to ask directly…

  8. Hello Oeguken,

    First of all, I have greatly enjoyed reading your blogs so far..I think they are very informative.
    I have my story to share too but unfortunately, it is a sad one: (warning: the msg is very long to read. No need to rush an answer to my msg)

    I met that Korean guy at a pre-drink evening before heading to a club. When he first came in at the gathering, I thought he was a Southeast Asian, just like me, because his skin was tanned and his facial features resembled those of a SEA. (I am of SEA descent too, Canadian-SEA to be precise). We were in the living room with all the other guests and were a bit tipsy. He went to the kitchen and I went in there too to drop my bottle.
    I don’t remember who said “Hi” first but when we first talked, he exclaimed “Why didn’t I meet you before??”. I didn’t know what to say and felt a bit embarrassed, although it flattered me. That was the moment I felt he liked me. Then we headed to the club and got to know each other throughout our walk there. One thing I must mentioned is that the whole night long, I felt extremely comfortable with him, as if I could share with him. He reciprocated that, too.

    At the club, he pulled my arm to dance with me, and stare into my eyes with a smile while I couldn’t hold his gaze. Then I left outside to buy a drink since I got sweaty and thirsty. Then 30 minutes later, he came outside looking for me and pulled me to him just the same way he did inside the club. Before that, he asked my friends for my phone number and attempted to find me through texting. For the remainder of the night, we just enjoyed each other’s company. I felt so comfortable with me. I thought he was cute. But he said reluctantly he had to leave since he had something the morning after but I managed to convince him to stay longer because I really enjoyed being with him. I could tell he really liked being around me too.

    Then, when it was almost 2am, I asked him if I could crash at his place since I couldn’t go back home, to which he replied, “Of Course!”. So we walked to his place, offered me a piggyback ride when I felt a bit tired from walking. Then he cooked me something to eat and we enjoyed the conversation we had (we pretty much talked about everything, from school, to work, to Korea, to him being confused at my Asian-Canadianess, to girls in Korea, to Korean guys wanting to date non-Koreans and our mutual friends.). The whole long, he was flirting with me. I remember that particular gesture he made when he tucked my hair behind my ear while he was listening to me.

    He told me he had to go sleep and went to drink something to help him sleep. But I can tell that he didn’t want to sleep right now: it seems he was hesitating. Then we went to talk about more things until he closed the lights and kissed me. We made out and then he whispered to me, “I’m crazy”. He started touching me and pulled me onto his bed. He gazed into my eyes, touched softly my bottom lip with his thumb and made out more. However, I didn’t want to go further and I kept reminding him that he had something to do but he said he didn’t have to.

    After trying to pull him away and asked him why he liked me, he said, “You have a good personality, you’re a good girl, you’re good-looking, eye-catching, I like the way we talk, everything you say is interesting!” I did believe he meant those words because I felt it, but at the same time, he was trying to sleep with me. So I told him I was gonna take what he said as a compliment, after he begged me to not to leave. But I was afraid that he was going to take things too far. So he stopped and thanked me for the night because he liked it. He came close to me again and stared into my eyes for what seemed to be an eternity. But, we both felt so comfortable with each other. Then he kissed me again and I left.

    The following weeks, I never got a text from him and I started to worry and doubt my gut feelings about the night we had. I asked myself if he was just trying to sleep with me or did he also like me but took things too fast. Then I saw him twice at a Korean bar. He attempted to initiate a contact with me, but I ignored him, instead, because I couldn’t understand why he didn’t text me, even to ask me if I was alright. It was just a matter of politeness.

    Then, wearing my courage on my sleeves, I decided to text him, a few days before he had to go back to Korea, to solve our problem. He texted me back that he was going to meet me, with a smiley ” :) “. Then we met up at my school library and “talked”, almost as if we were having a fight, trying to find out the problem until he said, “But I texted you the morning you left but you never texted me back! I texted you if you got back home safe because it was dangerous. Then, at the bar, you ignored me and I felt you wanted to kill me. So I thought you weren’t interested anymore and I erased your number “. I told him I never received his text msg and he asked me to hand over my cell phone to see my text msgs between him and I.

    When we finally sorted out the issue and that everything went back to normal, he told me he was hoping that we could go grab something to drink before he went back to Korea but he would understand if I couldn’t make it since i was staying at the library overnight for assignments. He precisely told me, “I respect you and your studies.” He also added, “If it wasn’t for that misunderstanding, I would have invited to you my farewell party..”..and regarding the night we met, he finally confessed, “and I kissed you that night because you were beautiful..” he then asked me, while touching my forearm, if I was cold. He then snuggled up to me while showing pictures of his siblings on facebook. Those 2 acts threw me back to the memories of the night we first met. At that point, he was still attracted to me, right?

    Since I had time, we went to a coffee shop. Then we discussed some more but this time, I did not feel as comfortable with him as the night we met. It seemed that the chemistry, or the magic faded away. We were no longer as compatible as we had thought. In other words, it was gone. But I still liked him because of my memories associated with that night. I still wanted to add him on facebook because I figured, what else could happen? We would just stay friends and keep in touch. I wasn’t looking for a relationship with him since it wouldn’t make sense. I could tell he wasn’t interested anymore and only saw me as a “dongseang” or little sister. But I was adamant to keep in touch with him..after all, we weren’t a couple. We were just friends. Besides, earlier in our conversation, he told me indirectly he didn’t want me to add him on facebook. I picked that up, but my question is, why? I felt it was not logical that he would not want me on his fb. But really, what could happen afterwards?

    I still added him on facebook, but he didn’t accept my request. I sent him a msg a week, later, wishing him well and thanking him for the good night we shared but no reply. Then 7 months, later, he accepted my friend request on fb. At the same time, he was dating a girl before they became a couple. Then on the date we met, a year after, he wrote on his fb, “I remember what I did to you. It is beautiful memories. But I don’t want to go back to that time. I’m happy now, because I met someone better than you.”…he still “likes” my status and fb picture, sthough..

    So my question is: why did he initially not want to add me on fb? Did he just want to sleep with me, after all? Did he actually have romantic intentions towards me and went too fast? Did he not want to keep in touch with me for fear of being tied down to our memories and unable to move on? He met someone “better” than me? What did he mean by “better”? His words hurt my self-esteem. Sometimes, I just wish he would msg me back and wish me well, the same way I did to him. I feel hurt..that he is comparing me. I must say we were not compatible but still…

    (Also, I remember he said he did not want to go back to Korea because of the stress from school: he almost lost his major since he was in Canada for a 1 year on a working holiday visa. So could it really be that he wanted to move on from those memories before feeling ready to accept me on fb?)

    I would appreciate if you could provide an insight into his mind. If Kimchi Man could provide his as well, I would be very happy as I need a guy’s point of view to understand a guy’s mind. I don’t understand men, sometimes..I still like him and want to move on but I need to know why he did that. The whole situation still hurt my feelings..

    Also, I am sorry that my msg is so long to read but I felt you would need more details to fully assess the situation in all of its angles. If someone could find an answer to my questions..I will be able to have a peace of mind..and move on.

    Oeguken, as I said, no pressure to answer my msg right away. Take your time. I will be looking forward to reading your comment.

    Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my msg,

    Kisara

  9. Hello
    I really love your blog (:
    I’ve questions about korean bed scenes in movies
    I didn’t expect to see those scenes in movies and famous actors do that like the guy in “when the winter blows or s.th” and the mv of kim hyung jun
    Are they really being naked even though their society is conservative or it is fake ??
    They really have sex ?? B/c it seems so real for me
    Do koreans accept those actors & singers when they do that ??
    ” I’m not talking about porn they just movies & mv ”

    Hope i find the answers (:
    Keep going & by the way u r sooo lucky 2 have korean husband
    Wish you happiness (:

  10. Hi my name is kimmie.
    Im 21 years old and I met a korean American guy in September of this year. I like him right when I first met him. We are the same age. We met through a friend. Later I found him on Facebook and we kept messaging each other back n forth. Later I asked for his number and we started texting. We go to the same college. We unexpectedly had 3 encounter on campus and he’s always the first to say hi to me. Then we became friends and for so e reason our friends say that we both act really strange around each other. I don’t know why Im act so awkward around him abd same goes to him.

    Anyway. ..this Dec it’s his birthday and its Christmas. I thought I’ve been giving him enough sighs as it is. So I decided to confess my feelings to him on his birthday. I made him 1000 stars as a gift. It suppose to grant him one wish. My question is….should I make my confession on his birthday? Should I just wait for another opportunity so that I can save that day special for him?

  11. Hello, I am looking at South Korea for graduate school but I don’t really speak any Korean so I will most likely be going to university that teaches both English and Korean. Since I have a very intense attraction towards Asian men but haven’t really had any luck with relationships at all I was wondering if I would most likely remain single if I were to go to Korea. I’m an American but I’ve visited Asia before and live in the UK currently so I am very cultured and don’t have a close minded attitude at all and am very adaptive and accepting over different cultures. I’m really quiet, but not because I’m shy. I just don’t see a need to talk until it’s necessary. I can be really confident when I choose to be but other than that I’m really easy going and patient. I often appear very mellow, at least that’s what people have told me. I can be a little bit attached when I find someone I really like and have a really weird and ecstatic personality when people really get to know me.

    So judging these things with my personality do you think I would get along with Korean guy’s at all? And if some of them might actually approach me or want to date me? Like I said before I have bad luck with these kinds of things and I often feel unwanted. I personally think I’m rather pretty but I feel inadequate when comparing myself to the other Korean girls. I’m just getting really sick of being single but I don’t like being the one to start a relationship so I don’t do anything about it. Do you have any tips for me if I do end up going to Korea for school? How can I make myself open and let the guys know that I’m willing to be with an Asian? Also, I’m one of those who rather get married than date for three plus years, as a general thought do you think that marriage is attainable or not among Koreans?

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