Ask us 2012 Archives

These were questions asked in 2012. To ask a question right now, please go to our new section Ask Loving Korean.

Thank you all for submitting so many questions and making this blog grow. :)

If you are looking for answers we have given so far, check out answers section, which you can also find by clicking the drop-down menu “Posts” above.

433 thoughts on “Ask us 2012 Archives

  1. Hi Kimchi Man and Oegukeen,

    I just want to say that I’ve been following your blog for a few months now and really like your posts. The both of you are really nice whilst giving very objetive, grounded advice. So thanks for the great reads:) Plus, the two of you seem to be really cute together and I wish you all the best for the many years you’ll have ahead together:)

    Anyway, I decided to write in to ask something. I’ve been reading on alot of places that well, Koreans aren’t very open to chatting to strangers in random places. That the only way(s) to ever score a date with one is through “meetings” or “sogetings”. I’m not sure how true is that for the younger generation?

    But anyway, I’ve been trying to get to know this guy for awhile now. Thing is, we run in the same circles but our circles don’t ever co-incide. We both play the same sport but he does it on a much professional, international level whilst I’m usually on the fringe teams and just dabbling in the event organization for this sport. I’ve seen him a couple of times and do wish to know him. However, I’m not sure how is this ever gonna happen, keeping what i said above in mind haha. 1. We don’t have common friends. I don’t even know who his friends are or which “inner circle” he runs in. 2. Koreans don’t speak to strangers (i’m aware this is a gross generalization) and 3. it seems weird for girls to initiate interactions with men (or so I’m told).

    Now, in this upcoming event in a few months I’ve just found out I’d be living in the hotel right next to his accomodation in Seoul, and there are a few eating places around our area, so I’m sure we’d bump into each other. I was thinking of this as a great opportunity to strike up a conversation if I see him (though my Korean vocab is rather limited). Thing is, I’m quite hesitant and put off now after reading the “Koreans dont really speak to strangers” and another thing that might be an obstacle is that he might be with his huge group of team-mates so it might be really weird to strike up a conversation too.

    I’m thinking though that since he travels to other countries cause of his profession and has to mingle quite abit with the local communities/fans there if any, that he might be more open-minded in that respect (of speaking to strangers). However I’m not sure.

    So my question is really two parts. 1) the more specific one of how to approach this particular guy and… 2) the more general one of how does one approach a guy she likes/wants to interact with in Korea? I’m not sure if this would make any difference but I speak limited Korean and am Asian (mixed chinese/indian ethnicity). am not sure if this would weigh in on my interactions or anything.

    I’m terribly sorry about the long long question but I would sincerely love to hear your opinions on this. Thanks so much in advance and I hope this isn’t too much trouble!

  2. I am currently dating a Korean male and it is our 2 month anniversary today. I told him “I love you” through text but he never says it back but gives faces like ^^. Is this normal for him not to say it back? ><

    • “I love you” in Korean language has exactly the same meaning as in English and most other languages. So anything you would conclude about a guy from your own country from that behavior goes for Korean guy as well.

  3. I met this Korean guy who is 28 during the summer while I am 21. I am not Korean but asian and he was in my country (Singapore) for an internship. I really liked him the first time I met him and we did hang out a couple of times as a group with other co-workers. During the end of our work (3 month), I did a farewell for him since he had to go back and pursue his masters. Although both of us study in the USA , we are about 3 hours by train from each other’s city. We kept in touch while we are here , texting, fb and sometimes calling each other on the phone for an hour. The problem is, I do not know how he see me as, yesterday I received a text from him saying, he really appreciates me, admires me and by the end of the sentence, he says thank you so much my singaporean sister! Does this mean he is not interested and just sees me as a sister and nothing more?

  4. My son (26 year old caucasian Australian) has been in a relationship with a very beautiful (in every way) 28 year South Korean born young woman for 18 months. Her parents migrated to New Zealand from South Korea about 10 years ago and recently came to Australia to visit their daughter (who has independently happily lived, studied and worked in Australia for about 4 years). My son is a wonderful person. He is very courteous. respectful and loving and has a University degree, a steady job and owns his own apartment. He is interested in Korean culture, loves the food and has tried to learn some of the language. Him and his girl are a very cute couple it is quite plain to see that they are very much in love. We (my husband and I) are very happy in every way with their relationship. Her parents (on the other hand) after visiting Australia and meeting our son 3 times have decided they do not approve of the relationship (even though to my sons face they were friendly and seemed to accept him). They think he is too young for their daughter, not ambitious enough and incapable of looking after their daughter. They have told their daughter it would be in her best interest to forget our son and find herself a Korean guy. Both my son and his girl are very upset about this situation. Any ideas on what they can do?

    • I am sorry to hear your son has found himself in this situation.
      I think there is not much he can do about it. This is an issue between the Korean parents and their daughter. I hope she will not let her parents choose for her.

      You say your son is interested in Korean culture. Has he tried treating her parents the way a Korean man would? Handing everything with two hands, not refering to them by their name, etc. You say they have lived in New Zealand for 10 years now but obviously Korean culture is very important to them.

  5. Dear waegukin and kimchi man:
    I am a Muslim girl who thinks Korean men are good looking (as in people from my culture are not). As a Muslim, I can only marry a respectable Muslim guy but it seems impossible for me to find a Muslim Korean. My ultimate question: do they even exist? Can you just either raise my hopes or crush them so that I can move on from this? Thanks. :)

    • No, it is not possible. Oppa is only a male person you are close to who has been born in the year prior to your birth or earlier. A younger man can never be oppa.

  6. So, I met this guy about 2 months ago… He recently moved to the States from Korea and I like him alot but I can’t tell how he feels. I try to read between the lines and pay attention to his body language but it doesn’t help at all! He is such a sweetheart… He takes me to lunch, If we are walking on campus (we are in college) and the sun is in my eyes he will actually hold his jacket up over my head to keep the sun out of my eyes or when it rains he’ll carry my umbrella for me to keep me out of the rain. He has a lot of suiters so I feel uncomfortable blurting out my feelings to him and it’s only been 2 months so I don’t want to overwhelm him with my feelings. But I’m pretty sure he knows how I feel. He tells me I’m special to him, different than the other girl’s he has met here. He also talks with me about things like family how many kids he wants and how getting to know someone for who they are is more important to him than just a physical relationship. I just can’t tell if he likes me as a good friend or he wants more. He says rushing is bad to take your time especially with relationships so that’s what I’m trying to do. I would just like an opinion! Thanks!

    • Haha, maybe you are trying to read too hard between the lines that you don’t see what’s actually written on those lines? Can’t see the forest for the trees, so to speak. :)

      He obviously likes you. Whether he thinks two months is too short to start a relationship or not, I can’t know.

      • Hello again!!! So a few weeks have gone by and I’m not sure if I should have but I told him I had feelings for him….(I just couldn’t hide it any longer!) He said he had no idea and when he found out it made him “very happy” But, he said we needed to get to know each other more and more and not rush into anything. Which sounded reasonable enough…. He took me to lunch after and we had a great time. At least I thought we did… but now he acts a bit strange… we haven’t been talking as much…. or hanging out and I feel like I might have made a mistake telling him how I feel. Now I know you obviously don’t know him personally but I was just wondering if this may have anything to do with the fact that he is new to America and his culture is a bit different from mine in America.

        • It has nothing to do with the culture.

          I told Kimchi Man I am in love with him after just a few months of chatting with him online, and he didn’t have any problems with that. He did feel he should sort out things in his life first, but I was excited to see him and didn’t want to wait so he did it my way. :)

  7. Hello Oegukeen and Kimchi Man,
    It’s me again ^^~. Well I’ve been posted something at your blog a few months ago asking about something, thank you to both of you for your responses. Now I got something else to ask..hehe..Hope you guys willing to help me again ;) Hmm, these days me and him were hardly contact each other due to his busyness. Since we hardly talking and being silence for a while sometimes I felt I don’t know what to talk to him, or how to start a conversation with him..Have you guys experience these before? Any solution for me and him to overcome this problem?

    • We usually talk every day. But sometimes circumstances prevent us. It does happen that for the first few minutes conversation is a bit bumpy, but somehow it always starts flowing effortlessly. I get excited easily and want to tell Kimchi Man everything I saw and experienced. He is a very quiet person and rarely talks. When I met him his online profile just said that he is a good listener. And I must admit he is. He always hears and remembers every single word I say, which hasn’t been the case with other guys I’ve known.

      If you haven’t spoken to him in a few days, surely you have many things that happened to you that you can tell him about.

      Edit: One thing I forgot to mention is, being in contact with a person from other country should be endless source of topics. Comparing your countries, societies, even trivial things like public transport or time and type of meals people eat daily can be endless fun.

      • We used to talk every day too but after so long there are some communication break down between us, sometimes he restricted some topic to discuss about, and I am a girl who tend to follow the rules, if he says no then I will do as what he ask me to do..I am a girl who always put others first instead of myself so that why if anyone says no, I will obey them. These days I really don’t know what to do or how to fix this problems, I still love him so much though, should I let him go??

        • Since I don’t know the context, it is difficult to judge, but it sounds really strange that he forbids you to discuss certain topics.

          I’m sorry but I really can’t be the judge of whether you should brake up with him or not.
          However, if you are not ready yet to make that decision, why not wait a bit longer?

          • Anyway after his last visit,he changed a lot, about some forbidden issue it happen quite a while and honestly sometimes I am tired of it, but whenever I felt I am giving up there are always ways to hook us up again, sometimes I don’t get it, he’s really good at reading my mind!! We less talking to each other but I knew that sometimes he open my FB account (as he has my password), he didn’t talk to me perhaps just randomly checking.. If he didn’t care for me anymore why would he keep checking on me? Is it normal for Korean man to do like that?

            • There is no such thing as “a normal thing for Korean man”. Koreans are humans too, just like you and I. Don’t try to explain his behavior by his culture and you will do much better.

              Trust me, I used to assign some of Kimchi Man’s attributes to him being Korean. Then I met his best friend, who is the total opposite. So which one of them is the “normal Korean”? Both are.

  8. Hi! I’m from the Philippines and I am currently in a 짝사랑 with a Korean guy.

    For almost 7 years now I’ve been interested in almost everything about Korea – with the exception of Kpop and meeting/dating Korean guys. I don’t actually know why but I am always uncomfortable whenever I’m around Korean guys. But it has changed when I met this Korean guy that I like (let me just call him oppa).

    I never believed in love at first sight, but it seems like I was attracted to him at first sight (and eventually fell into a deeper attraction within the next 7 hours). We are both big fans of a Korean actress and are both active members of her fan cafe. I get to attend a 모임 of our club when I was in Korea. Strangely I knew everyone well in the 모임, except for him. His name just doesn’t ring a bell (and I just recently discovered that we actually left some comments for each other’s posts in the fan cafe briefly before I just didn’t remember because they were not really something personal/intimate/special). But it seems he knows me since I’m active in the cafe (and I’m THE foreigner). He actually approached me the moment I arrive at the 모임 and shook my hand before I even get to sit down and greet everyone properly. And it took me a few moments to realize he is part of our club and an actor from some drama or movie. Yes, that’s how good looking I find him.

    I sat beside him for the next 4 hours and I was never uncomfortable with him. I can speak Korean, It’s not good enough to follow everything everyone was saying (since they speak so fast), but good enough to express myself without having to speak in English. I talked to him the most since he’s the on nearest to me. He threw a joke and I answered him back with a joke and it seems he find it amusing because he even told the rest about it. He asked me if he is good-looking (twice, because I didn’t answer the first time because I think somebody else asked me another question). I wanted to tell him yes, he is but I was too shy to do so. Another member of our club to me to say “no”, so I said “no” instead. He also told me he is not a 변태 a number of times. He ruffled my hair once. And he put his arms around me once telling me, ‘Wow, you are THIS famous” when a wife of another member arrived and she happens to know me too (from another website of our favorite actress). He is also a gentleman. He helped me put my sweater on my lap (to cover my legs coz I was wearing a short skirt) and he helped me with my things and he insisted on carrying my bag for me as we transferred to our 2차.

    We spent another 3 hours in our 2차. We were supposed to sit beside each other, but another member wants to talk to me more, so I transferred seats. And I felt a bit sad not being able to sit beside him. An 언니 was seating in between us and all of a sudden, she took both our hands and she was trying to make me and oppa hold hands (but I was so shy, so I pulled my hand away before it touches his). I didn’t understand completely what was happening. They were talking and I was not focused anymore because I was tired already and had some alcohol as well. But what I can grasp was that they were talking about oppa and was telling him he should get a girlfriend soon because he is not getting any younger. I saw him laugh and I laughed shyly too.

    I actually didn’t realize that I was falling for him already as we spend time together. But I felt a sudden disappointment when it’s time to say goodbye and my heart silently hoped he’ll be the one who’ll take me home (he didn’t coz another member lives nearer my dormitory).

    Anyway, I realized I like him when I started missing him just minutes after I arrived in my dormitory. We later exchanged SNS. It’s just a fun and happy feeling to be having a crush. Then after a couple of days, I posted a status on facebook in Korean saying ‘I like you. I fell for you at first sight.’ without directing it to anyone in particular. Then he left a comment saying 나한테 반한건가.. 아아.. 난 죄많은 남자 ㅠㅠ And it made me confused. I don’t know (until now) whether it’s a joke or he is being serious. If he’s serious, then how did he know/how come he assumed that it was him? As far as I know I didn’t act strangely in our 모임. I was just shy. I didn’t even realized I like him until I was home. Unless he was really able to sense my feelings (even before I did). Anyway, I left him a witty reply (Why, can’t I fall for a 죄많은 남자). Since them I started thinking about him all the more and I started worrying about what he thinks about me and my hidden feelings for him even though I know for a fact that that comment could very well be just one of his jokes. I guess my first question is: Can Korean guys easily tell/sense if someone likes them?

    I wanted to see him before I go back to the Philippines to reassess my feelings, but we weren’t able to. I decided to just forget him and I thought it’s going to be easier once I’m back home. But it was the opposite. I’m missing him more and I am thinking about him more often since I came back home.

    We keep in contact through SNS and we continue joking around by commenting on each other’s posts. But we never really had a serious and long conversation.

    I know he doesn’t like me. Though we belong to the same club, we barely know each other. We also never had enough moments together for him to get to like me. I’m also not attractive so it’s impossible he’ll like me just from our first meeting. And if he likes me, he probably would have done something more than leaving short comments on my status. But he always do little things that makes my heart flutter/jump for joy. Like, liking an old note on my facebook that would not, in anyway, show up on the news feed since it was old (and that note’s title is 저 연애해요 – which is a piece I wrote for a Korean speech contest I joined). Does it mean he was curious enough to dig into my profile? He also brought up some things I’ve mentioned before that I thought he hasn’t read because he never said anything about it. And once he privately asked a common friend if there’s something he doesn’t know (while the 3 of us were joking around and the common friend left a kinda vague comment) (and the common friend just made some excuse and changed the topic, so he didn’t ask anymore).

    Anyway, most of my Korean friends, upon knowing that I’m on a 짝사랑 with this oppa immediately advised me to forget him. Because we are too far from each other. And because of the age difference. I am 28 and he’s 37. Is a 9-year age gap really a big thing especially in Korea? Would it be difficult for him to see me more than a dongsaeng?

    A common friend (just from the club, but not really among his close friends) also advised me to forget him. Aside from the age thing (that is also her biggest concern), she told me that oppa is a 결혼 생각 없는 and 여자를 만나고 싶은 마음은 없는 guy. Yeah, he’s 37 and doesn’t have a girlfriend (and is just raising cats). He told he was in a long relationship before (about 10 years) and if I understood it correctly he even planned on marrying his ex-girlfriend. If a Korean guy is decided not to get married nor not to date, especially at his age, how serious are they about it? Is it still possible for him to change his mind?

    Another friend often tells me that I the way I leave comments and my wall posts (about love/loving someone) is too obvious. Is it not a good idea to be ‘caught’? I’m thinking maybe my friend/s think I am being obvious because they know that I like him. But I never told him I like him. All he know is that there’s a guy that I like (I posted a status saying I should stop and my heart should stop too. He asked me who makes my heart hurt and teased me if it’s Jang Dong Gun and I told him it was not Jang Dong Gun but a certain guy shook and entered my heart and it wouldn’t be this difficult if it’s only with Jang Dong Gun. And he just cheered on me saying 토닥토닥 가운네요!)

    I’m planning on confessing to him in the future. If I get a chance to go back to Korea and stay there longer, I’ll try to meet him frequently and will eventually confess to him face to face. If I won’t have a chance to go back to Korea next year, I’m planning to confess to him even through the internet (so that I can eventually move on). What do Koreans guys think about girls confessing? Receiving his love is out of the questions since that’s something I can’t control. I guess I’m just concern about what he’ll think about me after I confess? Would I look like a strange woman to him? Also, would a guy feel awkward and burdened if a girl they don’t like confessed to them? I’m just worried since we belong to the same club, I want to still be friends with him even if he won’t like me back. And what are the best way/s or method/s to confess to a Korean guy?

    Any other advice or comments about my situation would be greatly appreciated. :) And sorry that this is waaay too long! O.o

  9. I was working last easter in the same office as a Korean American.

    At first we thought we had nothing in common but slowly our friendship grew. We went out together on the weekend to eat out/ see a film and he came and picked me up from my apartment. After that we went out a few more times for dinner. When in the office, he’d say how hard working he thought I was and compliment me on my purse, earrings, etc. If I was tired, he’d surprise me with my favourite coffee drink.

    One thing we really differed on was our taste in books- I like novels and he likes non-fiction- but then he said he’d started reading novels. He bought me his favourite novel for my birthday.

    I thought nothing of this- just thought he was being a nice obba until my other korean colleagues at the office started saying they think something is going on. Then I started thinking maybe he does like me? Because he doesn’t treat my other colleagues like this.

    I started giving signals that I do like him. But a lot of my friends say that my hints might not be strong enough. I don’t want to come across pushy on a guy that doesn’t like me though…

    Then the last time I met him in Korea- things weren’t buzzing between us like usual. He was feeling ill that day though. But then as we were driving he asked really abruptly (we had chatted about marriage and stuff weeks before): he asked- ‘If I get married, will you come to my wedding?’

    Now that I’ve left Korea, we’re contacting each other online. He replies promptly and without me writing it first, he writes, ‘so glad to hear from you’ and ‘I miss you’ but doesn’t ask any questions to carry on the conversation so after a few exchanges, I’ve let the conversation rest a bit. I know guys are rubbish at correspondence.

    What does this all mean? IS he just being a good obba or more?
    a) The blend of Korean/ American approach is confusing
    b) I’m not expecting an LDR at all, but he’s coming over to my country in a couple of months so I want to know what was going on back in SK.

    Man, I don’t even know if I like him but it’s dead frustrating not knowing his side!

    • Maybe you first need to sort out your feelings with yourself.

      You say that you want to let him know that you like him but don’t want to be pushy in case he doesn’t like you. But then you say at the end that you don’t know if you like him.

      Give yourself some time to clear out your thoughts and feelings. If you do like him, there is nothing wrong with showing him. That’s not being pushy, that’s being nice. :)

      I’m not sure what you mean exactly by Korean-American, but as I usually try to tell people, culture doesn’t influence behavior as much as we think. It would be a sad and boring world if all the people in a country acted the same way.

  10. Hi.. I just read your blog and I find out it’s really interesting..
    And I have a question about Korean man, I just met him on facebook a couple weeks ago and we start to having conversation through facebook message and later he asked me for my kakaotalk ID, but as far as I know it was always me first who ask him about anything like Korean culture, language and about his life, ect and he answer all my question but he never ask something about me even not to start a conversation by saying hi, does it means that he doesn’t put interest in me?

  11. Hey guys.
    I just read your blog in fact you followed my tumblr that’s how I found you ^^ You’re love story give me hope. I’m french and I’m dating a korean boy , we have been together for 3 years now but didn’t meet yet but it’s planned, maybe this year. How did you two really met ? By internet ?

    • Hello,

      We followed you when we noticed you have a Korean boyfriend too. It is always interesting for us to hear other people’s experience.

      Wow, 3 years is a really long time. It is very impressive you keep the relationship going in such a difficult situation. We met only 3 months after becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. We met online and we are still in long-distance relationship but we see each other relatively often.

      You can read in detail how we met here .

  12. Yeah we’ve been together for a long time now but I have to admit it’s really not easy especially when he was in army it was like living hell. I’m so happy to meet people in my situation. I met Seok Young on a pen pal website too ^^

    • Kimchi Man told me many stories from his army days and I every time I was grateful I didn’t know him back then. I would have missed him too much but also be worried senseless.

      How did you two manage to communicate while he was doing his military service?

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