Ask us 2012 Archives

These were questions asked in 2012. To ask a question right now, please go to our new section Ask Loving Korean.

Thank you all for submitting so many questions and making this blog grow. :)

If you are looking for answers we have given so far, check out answers section, which you can also find by clicking the drop-down menu “Posts” above.

433 thoughts on “Ask us 2012 Archives

  1. i am going crazy about this guy.. i just want to know if he likes me or not..we met online thru a game.. i just randomly tried talking to someone.. it was him.. then a few weeks after i had an impromptu trip to korea.. he was always busy with work.. but we talked thru kakao talk even for a short time per day.. but there are also days that we dont talk.. he is like 30years old and im 25.. he thinks that is a young age.. then for my 2nd to the last night we talked about having no time to meet.. maybe it is fate.. but then on my last day.. he agreed to meet me.. and said he also wanted to.. i dont speak korean so i told him my friends are with me so they can help us talk.. so we met.. we were so shocked when he paid for our games even though i had a lot of friends with me.. we were a group of 7-8 people.. we tried to pay him but he said its ok and gave me back the money.. i tried to force the money to him but he was really persistent.. so we went to catch the last train just the 2 of us.. awkward silence because he cant speak english and i cant really speak korean.. he tried hard to translate to english and texted for me to read “take care on your trip” which i was happy about but didnt show it to him.. and we promised to learn each others language.. he even texted me when i was on my way to the airport that he was on his way to work.. and i said i will see him soon.. because im coming back in a few months. first 2 days was great he texts good morning in english.. and i find it really cute.. then after that he stopped.. i texted him and said how was your day and he replied after a day which i understand because he went to the province.. but i coldy replied to him.. did that push him away?

    my pride was so high because im used to be the one being chased by guys but this was different for me.. i told him with ” “oppa”i wanted to see him.. “oppa i want to see you or i miss you” and he said when you come back we’ll meet again.. then i had surgery and told him about it but we had a misunderstanding.. we didnt talk for a few days.. but he always visits our game and does favors for me.. gives me wings for dragon flight. then i tried to text him and he immediately replied… but suddenly disappeared again.. he said he was always busy.. so what should i do? should i stop or continue to show him my feelings

    • Only you can decide what to do.

      He did seem to be interested in you. It is possible that you discouraged him with your cold behavior. Most people are shy and sensitive (that includes men too) and they don’t want to make themselves vulnerable. Maybe you didn’t discourage him and he is just finding it too difficult to communicate in English.

      Either way, if you are not feeling ready to give up, why not try for a while longer, to make sure?

          • but also.. i am the one who always starts a conversation.. he doesn’t start it.. that is wh i’m a bit discouraged to continue.. it’s like i need to get his attention..

            • I think even after two years of our relationship Kimchi Man still hasn’t ever started a conversation. ^^ But he is really really quiet guy and he’s like that with everyone. If the guy you like is only having difficulty starting conversations with you, that might be a sign he is not interested.
              It all depends whether you think it’s worth it or not, cause always being the one starting conversations can be quite taxing.

  2. Hi I Have Just recently i have gotten into a relationship with a Korean man. I’m from Australia and i want to learn more about his culture as i am a big fan of k pop music. i really like him and because he has only been in Australia for not that long the language barrier is fairly hard. so it is hard to communicate with him. when we see each other we work things out and learn off each other which is always so so good. so i was just wondering if you had any advice on having a boyfriend from another culture as i am also so young as well and as this is probably one of my first serious relationships. thanks :)

  3. Hi, I am going to visit korea soon on december and actually planning to buy a korean phrasebook to learn some korean vocab…i do know how to learn the hangul hut just that i all i know anyway…so do you know any brand of korean phrasebook which is useful? Like I m planning to buy the korean at a glance phrasebook+dictionary. So hope you can suggest me the most useful brand asap!:) thanks

  4. Okaaaay, I apologise in advance if anybody finds this a bit over-personal. But I’ve been dating my Korean boyfriend for about 2 months, and we are kind of disagreeing over things in the bedroom. He refuses to go down on me. I was really patient but then decided to ask him the problem and he says hes never experienced it before and Korean girls don’t want it. Is this true? So anyway, I assumed that he was just nervous as hes never done it before so waited for a few weeks again. Again, got bored of waiting and asked him and he says ‘it’s unnecessary’ and he ‘won’t like it’. But hes never tried it! And its started to upset me because it makes me feel like hes rejecting me. He has no problem accepting oral sex (which I am now withholding, ha) but seems to find it really strange that I want him to do it in return? Is this a cultural thing? or is he just being a dick?

  5. Hi. I’m an African-Canadian girl, and this past summer I made friends with four Koreans (3 guys and 1girl) who came for working holiday. The first one I met was very outgoing, and sweet that I kinda fell for him. The second guy was also sweet, but not as “crazy” lol as the first one, and the third one, really really quiet (at least with me).

    So at the beginning it was always me and the first one, (let’s call the guys A, B and C ^^.), and B and the Korean girl were happy and teased me and A with phrases that seemed like hints that we were good together. We clicked, he flatteries worked lol, and I actually saw us dating.
    But to my disappointment, that didn’t happen. He ended up with an Asian girl, which really got me hurt, but it being the third time I got disappointed by an asian guy, I just had to move on. The first time was with this Chinese guy whom I really liked, but I didn’t think he liked me too because he always acted so cool around me. But then, my friend kept telling me a guy-friend of hers kept telling her how much he like me, but made her swear never to tell me. Well, guess what?? After he finally moved out of town, I found out it had been him all along. Imagine my anger, more towards my friend, who I think knew I like him.

    So, back to the present with A. Funny thing is, even though we are not together, he still really treasures our friendship, and nothing has changed or gotten awkward.

    Of course, since he has a girlfriend now, I had to be careful and respect her by not demanding to hangout with much or alone, so I started hanging out with B more often, and I met C through him again. It took him a while to open up, but a game of laser tag did that, and he opened up a tiny wee bit.

    We didn’t see each other again after that, and soon B had to go back to Korea, which made me very sad because we had become really good friends. Unlike A, he always replied my texts, and we had a lot in common personality-wise.

    So contact with A stopped for some time, and then he invited me for breakfast at the coffee place where C worked. So we did some catching up, and then we all went to A’s place for lunch. That was where me and C really started talking, and after that I got his number for A, and invited him to an open mic. After that, we hung out several times again (me and C), and right now I wish I knew what I’m feeling. Because I’ve been disappointed before, so i feel like that’s made me somewhat tough on the inside and very protective of my feelings. I’m pretty sure you can tell from what I’ve written that I’m a little confused, but I’m hoping you can see something in the whole story that I can’t see.

    Is there really this phobia of dating other races? Or do they normally act cool around girls they like? I am the one who suggests to hang out, but he enjoys spending time with me, so I’d like to know if it could be that he’s too shy or scared to ask me out for a coffee or something.

    Would you advise me to just to direct, and ask him what he thinks of our time together?

    Thank you!

    • I don’t see how being a friend with guy A would be disrespectful to his girlfriend, but I digress.

      Of course there is no way I can know what you are feeling better than you. But if you did have phobia of dating other races that would be racist. You mentioned this is the third time you have been disappointed by an Asian guy. Do you really think their skin shade and eye shape are somehow making them into heart-breakers?

      It’s normal that you are scared of being hurt again, and that you are looking for a pattern so you can avoid it in the future. But please look for it beyond the surface.

      Guys can be just as emotional and gentle as women, so of course it is possible C is too shy to make the first move. I made all the first moves with my boyfriend. Maybe give yourself some time to figure out if you really like him or if you are just looking for a replacement for guy A. I hope it all turns out well and you get what you want.

      • Thanks for your advice! Why I mention the whole race difference issue is because I know how conservative parents are when it comes to dating other races, and the parents mostly end up having their way, which is sad but often the case. So I’m very conscious of that fact, which I suppose makes me very protective and cautious when approaching a guy.
        But like you said, I’ll give it some time and sort my feelings out before taking any major steps in our relationship.

        Thank you so much, and keep your fingers crossed for me!

        • I understand what you mean. But I somehow feel that when love is strong enough, parents don’t have that much power at all. Parents do seem like a good excuse when trying not to hurt someone’s feelings too much, though.

          We’ll both keep our fingers crossed. :)

  6. hi ^^ i met this korean guy while he was an exchange student at my university. we are different religion. im muslim and he atheist. now he already go back to his country because he need to finish his study. before he go back, he promise me that he will come again to my country after he finish. we both really like each other.

    now its already 5 months and we still contact each other everyday. but sometimes when we message, he will ignore me for couple of hours and the reason he always gave me are he’s falling asleep or he was so busy. but i think if he really busy or sleepy, he could just tell me. so, i will not wait for his message like a stupid :[ i always feel insecure because his juniors (girl) really close to him. always together and they kinda close on fb too.. im scared that he will leave me..but he keep saying that he like me so much, he only like me and he really miss me a lot. he plan to visit me this january. but still……

    what do u think, did he really like me or he just say that so that i will not suspect anything if he cheating on me? did korean always say “i like u” instead of “i love u” to the girl he really likes??

    thanks..

    • “Like” and “love” have the same meaning in Korean as in English.

      Sometimes Kimchi Man goes to sleep without texting me and I worry where he is, while I have never gone to sleep without letting him know. People are different, so it is impossible to know if he’s just more secluded person or if his feelings are not what he says. Try looking at his behavior in other situations for clues.

  7. hello !! i recently met online this awesome korean guy, it hasnt been that long but i already know i have feelings for him.
    im going to korea next year and i cant wait to meet him, the only problem is im afraid of our cultural differences, i read horrible things about interacial relationships with korean men im really worried that it wont work, he made it clear he likes me he even said he would like a relationship with me im just really unsure about cultural differences and all the horrible things i have read online, please help !!!

    • I believe cultural differences have been blown out of proportions by many. Whether you eat with chopsticks or fork, bow or shake hands, has little importance for romantic relationship.

      Thoughts about marriage, children, life philosophy, religion, gender equality, etc. are what counts. And that is only very lightly influenced by culture. Otherwise we would all be mindless clones and not this unique array of diverse individuals.

      Actually, we are working on an article that might help you. In about a week, we will link it here so you can read it.

  8. Hello! I just started reading your blog, and I really hope you can help me. I am a light skinned girl (caramel like skin tone), mixed with German and African American, and I was just recently introduced to Korean culture and Kpop and I must say I love Korean culture and the music. I also am really interested in this Korean celebrity that is really popular in Kpop. And I’ve seen a select few videos of him speaking a sentence or two in English, but he’s a quite fluent Korean speaker. I tried to research if a girl like me, who is light skinned mixed with what I am, has any chance of ever attracting a Korean guy. From what I’ve gathered, relationships between a girl like me and a Korean guy is highly unlikely. How can I attract a Korean guy without changing myself?? I really like this guy, and unfortunately I do not speak a lick of Korean but I am trying my best to learn it. Right now, all I can speak is German and English. And I’m not going to lie, it’s been pretty difficult to learn Korean. Do I have ANY chance of gaining ANY interest of a Korean guy at all? I really like this guy, and I won’t give up trying to find some way of connecting with him. I follow his group’s twitter, and I would like to say something to him, but I can’t understand what him and his group members are saying nor can I write in Korean. Great goodness this is long. To end this, I just want to know if I have even a slim chance of gaining his interest with the disadvantages I have, including my ethnicity of being mulatto. Please help me. Thank you for your time! :)

    • well im mixed myself ! latin and white, i have tan skin as well and my boyfriend is korean ! so it actually depends on the man! :)

        • you have to learn korean !! cause its a way to caught his attention ! i know its very hard !! if you have an iphone or an android there is this app called genie talk that translates texts for you ! actually there are many other apps and books !! :) hope this helps

          • That’s what I thought. I’m actually trying to learn Korean. From using Google translate to asking random people if they can teach me the language. I am striving to learn the language. And actually, you did really help me. I feel a little bit more confident, and not like a chicken with it’s head cut off not knowing what to do. Thank you soo much. I really do appreciate it. And I am about to download this Genie Talk app. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

    • Of course there is a chance a Korean guy might like you both despite and because of your skin tone.

      Starting a relationship with a celebrity seems like much less likely outcome.

      • Ok. I was really skeptical about any Korean guy liking me because of all the research I did, and it all pretty much concluded that a relationship like I want was highly unlikely.

        And this I do know. It’s saddening… :( And although I do know that it’s hard to have a relationship with a celebrity, let alone meet the guy, I still think I would benefit from learning Korean and the culture.

        • There is normal people who don’t care about skin color everywhere.

          Of course it is great to learn a new language and culture! Don’t give up. :)

          • I understand now. And trust me, I won’t give up. I’m going to learn Korean. It’s such a fun sounding language. :D And thank you so much for the help. I really do appreciate your time. I enjoy your blog so much. You are too real.

            • Haha, thank you :) We hope you are going to stick around for a long time.

              And good luck with learning Korean! You sound like determined person. Let us know how it goes.

  9. Oh I will. I’m not leaving at all. And thank you. I will definitely keep you guys up to date. Again, thank you!!! <3

  10. Hi! I’m glad to visit this site again. And…I need your help again :-)

    I have a Korean friend who’s leaving our country to go back to Korea. Actually, he’s my friend but I think I like him more than as a friend but I can’t tell him that. So anyway, he’s leaving in two weeks time, and I’d like to give him a present. Do you think it’s alright? (No culture conflict?) And if it’s alright, what do you think should I give him? He’s 25 or 26 years old, I guess and he’s a musician.

    Oegukeen and Kimchi-man help please :-)

    • Of course. Which culture would forbid giving presents? It would be a sad culture ^^

      There are no gifts in Korea that have special meaning or send a special message. Just get him what you would get him if he wasn’t Korean.

      You know him and we don’t, so whatever you choose is going to be a lot better than anything we can suggest.

      • Last time, I asked this korean friend (guy) of mine to ride the Ferris Wheel with me. It should have been the two of us but I asked my friends to come also because I’m too nervous to be alone with him. I thought he wouldn’t come anymore ’cause he’s the only korean and he doesn’t know my friends, also the place where the Ferris wheel is located is very far from his house (I think 1 and a half hour ride?) But he still came and said that he will make an effort and come… for me. Also, last time when I was sick, the next day he suddenly gave me medicine (I don’t know if he bought that for me or he just always brings medicine with him? Haha.) He also tells me things he doesn’t want to tell his friends.

        My friends said that it looks like he likes me but I doubt that ’cause he always bully/annoys me. Do you think he likes me? Maybe I don’t want to know? He’s leaving next week to go back to Korea, anyway. And I’m scared to know what I feel for him.

        • Also when I said that he must help girls (my friends) with heavy luggage as a sign of courtesy and being a gentleman. After a while he really did, although he said that in Korea it’s not a custom. Then there’s this one time when I was a bit tired walking, he insisted on carrying my bag (it’s not heavy at all) and held my arm to help me walk.

          So what do you think?

          • Every Korean guy shows it in a different way, so there is no way for me to be sure, but it does seem like he cares about you.

            If he does like you and you decide to enter a relationship, it will have to be long-distance for a while, though. Are you sure you are ready for that? We are going to publish a blog post about it tomorrow so maybe it will help you decide. :)

  11. Hi, so I hv been awhile at interpals and tried to talk with korean over there…but some of them are like just insterested with foreigner girl as i am an asian they just pretend to reply me then after that They dnt even reply me at all aready…well I really not sure what that mean but why they choose to continue it and then ignore me?!! Felt like being tricked…it makes me no more confidence to talk with any of them alrdy… So can i know is that every korean over there just wish to have foreigner to talk with them but not asian?? And should I continue to talk with them who ignored me( actually I added them as friend but not sure should continue to talk anot…)

    • How do you know they are only interested in non-Asian girls? You can’t really see who they are talking to, can you?

      They are not tricking you. Online communication is just like any other – of majority of people you will make friends with only a few. Don’t take it personally, just be persistent.

      I contacted hundreds of people and didn’t manage to make a single friend, except Kimchi Man.

      • Hmm hope i cam hv one also…at least a true friend from there…:/ I really dk what to say to them like i talk to them then they just did that answer part some even replied me and blocked me after that…I just so headache with people mind alrdy…like even the friends around also the same…betraying and just a friend for purpose but not a truth friend…tats why actually i wish to meet some true friend at there actually…but rn idk whether it will happen anot…kinda lack of confidence to talk to anyone at there actually…i lost my mind abt wat to reply them…because at first for me korean ppl is friendly but now i am not sure is that everyone is just be the same…like ppl around the world is just the same?? Do you ever encounter sthg like this or is tat korean ppl also will do the betrayed thingy??

        • It is difficult to make real friends for everyone, not just you. But if you feel that everyone offline and online is betraying you, that is a bit unusual, and you might do some soul-searching to figure out why.

          Also, many people stopped replying to me on interpals, and I stopped replying to many others as well. But no one ever has blocked me. Do you give them a reason to?

          A word of advice, I had a really hard time understanding what you wrote. Koreans might struggle to understand as well. It will be easier for them to read if you try to use more proper English and less abbreviations.

          • Ah really?! Well so sorry about that…>< I actually used to it already…will do try to change it! Thanks anyway for your advice…actually this kinda struggling me for years but now i think is true that a real friends is hard to find…hopefully can find one!! Thanks very much for your advice and your blog did help me a lot!! Wish both of you can stay happy always!:D

  12. You silly girl! ;3
    How is it embarrassing to be honest and open about your feelings? The only thing that’s ever embarrassing in that department is being clingy. The guy obviously wants you to like him back, so why are you so cold? If I was you, I’d send him α message saying something like: “You know what? I do miss you! Wish I didn’t have to work this holiday, but I hope you’re having α great time! (:”
    Lol if you like him (which I’m sure is true, otherwise you wouldn’t be posting here), don’t play so cold! You don’t have to go all out and tell him you like him. I even tell my buddies whom I’ll NEVER date that I miss them. Or “I miss your company” if you’re really not an intimate (or whatever hehe). person.

    Anyhow. I hope I helped α little bit. Good luck!

    PS. Thank you, Oegunkeen, yet again, for making such an interesting blog! ♡

  13. My Korean boyfriend sent me his army tags which he kept after completing the mandatory 2 years. It seems to have a lot of meaning, even though he lives far away, him being in Korea and me being in Australia (long story).

  14. Hello. Am a first year university student and I really like a korean girl in one of my classes. I would say it’s love. She was really friendly at first towards me but after about a couple of weeks she became very avoiding towards me and everyone else. I know that she mainly has korean friends and is very unopen. I understand that’s within her culture but it saddens me every time I try to invite her somewhere and she gives an excuse like I was with a friend etc. I want to date her but it seems that I have no chance. I am a half british/cypriot and she is from south korea I believe from the countryside. Any information is highly appreciated.

    • Why do you think it is part of Korean culture to be unopen? Kimchi Man says it is not, and I have never noticed Koreans being unopen.

      She could be a bit scared since she is a young lone woman in a foreign country. But that’s not a cultural thing.

      • Maybe you’re right. Generelazing people by race is not really accurate but I do think that asians act and think differently in many cases. And all types of asians are different. I suppose am clueless. I try to be myself around her but I want to approach her in a way that would make us closer, so she would trust me more. I can say for sure from talking to her that approaching her like a western girl won’t go too well. I don’t have a lot of dating experience in general but I really want her to give me a shot. As for being scared, I think that’s true, I’ve seen that myself and she did mention a lot that she likes it better in Korea. It is totally understandable. That’s why it’d be nice if I knew what I was doing in order to please her. We had little contact now that we’re on holiday(text messaging) but I hope things get more intimate between us cuz I know that Koreans usually date and marry within their own ethnicity and being with a foreighner is usually looked upon negatively especially when it comes to parents approving. Thing is, am really interested in asian culture (mainly japanese) and I do plan to teach in Japan in the future but honestly I wouldn’t mind ending up in Korea. Am willing to respect and accept her wishes I don’t want to be troublesome to her and change her ways.

        • You say Korean usually marry Koreans. Isn’t it also true that Americans usually marry Americans, Germans marry Germans, Swedes marry Swedes,… ? Can you think of one country where people marry more to people from another country? I think not.

          It seems that you have a lot of predefined notions of what Asians are supposed to be like. I disagree with most of them.

          You can look trough answers we have given so far. A lot of what you are worried about has been addressed already. We did write about Korean men, but if someone asked us about women our answers would be the same.

  15. Hi. Good day this is marish from Philippines. I just want to know, the personality of a korean guy. I met this guy in Facebook and at first, we become friends. We always chat and till the day come that we know each others cellphone number. I admit that i was fall in love to this korean guy but the thing is, i really can’t understand his TRUE feelings for me. I am the first one who tell and confessed my love for him.

    Until this Sunday, He used to call me and confessed his feelings. During our phone conversation, he said how he loves me so much and likes me too. He even tell me that he always speak about me there. I felt his care and his feelings during our conversation. That night was so memorable and we even both laughed ( especially when we have hardships in understanding our language). He said he really want to meet me, have a time for each other, have a dinner and date. All those plans, are really existing that night. But he really becomes serious and so sad when he always remember that it is impossible for us to meet now. We are still in college he is 23 and i am 20. We are so far from each other. I think for both of us this relationship we have has no good future,

    After that sweet night of calls and texting, the next morning i received a text from him. It is stated as:
    “I was drunk last night and im sorry i dont love you.. let’s cut off our relation.. im sorry but goodbye.”
    after that shocking text message from him, i asked him why but there is no reply coming from him.

    It was monday and it is my hobby to check my facebook if there is a notification or any message. But believe it or not, i thought he deactivated his account because i cant view him already but i found out that he blocked me. I started to cry and asked myself why? i remember those sweet words that comes from him, how kind i am, how he loves me and even that night full of love i am finding for any reasonable explanation regarding this but all i can do is to cry. I really have broken heart now since it is still fresh.

    I don’t know if he wants to test my love for him or he lied to me or he just played our relationship. But i keep texting him till now and i am saying how i loved him and how important he is to me. Fortunately, he is not changing his cellphone number and i am pretty sure that he reads all of my text message. I hope you can help me with this situation i have now. Kindly response for me. I really want some help now.

    I really love this korean guy and i think there is a BIG reason behind this.

    -Marish<3

    • Well a personality is… personal. There is no national-personality that all Korean guys share.

      Whatever the reason is for what he did it was incredibly cruel. I can’t tell you what to do, but if it was me I would never text him or tell him I love him again. What kind of insane test of love would that be?

      Long distance relationship is not such a big problem at all (we just published these long distance relationship advice ) but you do have a different BIG problem.

        • I just want to know your opinion, do you think, he lied to me? does he used loved me? i just want to know your opinions regarding us, do you have any idea?

          • That is really hard to tell. I can understand why it feels very important to know, but it is not. You need to wait for your wounds to heal and move on.

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