Ask us 2012 Archives

These were questions asked in 2012. To ask a question right now, please go to our new section Ask Loving Korean.

Thank you all for submitting so many questions and making this blog grow. :)

If you are looking for answers we have given so far, check out answers section, which you can also find by clicking the drop-down menu “Posts” above.

433 thoughts on “Ask us 2012 Archives

  1. It’s seems that army in South Korea is changing many people lfe, it’s like some of them are becoming crazy.
    We wrote each other some letters but it take so much time to come at destination, some letters were even lost in their way to my country… I have to admit he was stronger than me during this period of time.
    Until today i’m still wondering how i can love someone so much without seeing him. This is the 1st time I’m feeling so much love for someone, he is my soulmate.

  2. It takes great love for a relationship to last trough something like that.

    I understand what you feel towards him. I clearly remember waking up one morning and realizing I was ready to do anything for this guy, even though I had never met him. We spent a lot of time together now, and I still feel the same way. :)

    I really hope you can meet him soon.

  3. You’re so lucky to see him.
    Another important step of our relation, after seeing him, is to talk about him to my parents.. I’ll let you know about what will happen ^^ I’ll keep reading your blog, it’s so interesting. Thank you for making such a great blog about real important topics.

  4. A lot of the things that I’ve read say that Asian men would possibly consider daitng african american women if the were Gabrielle Union pretty.Well , I suppose this question is mainly for the asian men out there to answer but, what if there was an average black woman and and average or even below average(in your personal opinion) asian woman? Would you then be more drawn to the asian woman(assuming she is of your specific nationality) because of that? Or the black woman, for being slightly more of your preference? This was a lot more long winded than I intended, sorry.

    • Asian men is a really broad category of human beings so I can’t possibly have one answer that would encompass all of them. There are Asian men who are specifically drawn to black women, there are those who are racist and would never consider dating them, and yet those who don’t care about the skin color but other things matter a lot more to them.

      If I would have to guess the number of Asian men in each category, I would say the last category is probably the broadest. But it’s nothing more than a guess.

      However, I assume what you are really asking me is, is there hope that an Asian man might be attracted to you or fall in love with you, and without any doubt the answer is yes.

  5. Hi!
    I´m a 16 year old girl from europe that is going to study abroad for 1 or 2 years at the age of 18 either in Japan or Korea. And “probably as expected” I love asian guys ( no matter country or culture ). My dream is to live and work in either Japan or Korea and have boyfriend there. But when I thought about it, I came to think of that I have no experience in the dating culture there! And it made me insecure. Because I don’t want to act in a weird way when talking to them. And the majority of all info I´ve got says that many youngers are not interested in relationships with foreigners, and if they are, it would probably only last for a short time. (Though I have heard of people that have happy relationships, but it still isn´t the majority). I don´t wanna sound like I´m saying that they´re from another planet or something, but from what I know they have another dating culture there. So it would be nice with some advice about the dating culture and (If someone knows) if they would date a white girl. Because if I´m gonna study there for a long time it would be sad to not be able to have a relationship. Because after the studying-time I will pretty much be grown up to live where ever I want. So I could stay there if it would come to it. I don´t think it will be hard to make friends, but the dating… I´m not sure. Right now I´m speaking a lttle japanese ( Not fluent, but pretty good ) So in Japan the language will not be a big problem but if I choose Korea I will have to learn that language as well. I have around 2 years to practice the language and if I´m choosing Korea I will also take lessons learning the language when studying there. And hopefully, if I´ve not learned hangul til then, the one I meet can either speak Swedish, English, norweigan, Spanish or Japanese. I really do hope that they can speak on of these languages if trouble comes up. At the time I´m around 5.2 ft ( 160cm) tall and have light brown/red hair color with light-blue eyes

    So what I want to know is:
    1. Their dating culture.
    2. What do they think about white girls (I know that every guy has his own ways of seeing things, but I´m curious)
    3. Is it the guys that asks for a date there or can the girls do it too?
    4. Does age matter? (In dating)
    5. Would I feel tall, short or normal sized there?

    • Hello, I’m a none-Korean girl (I can’t tell anybody my specific country, sorry) and I met this SUPER shy Korean guy, who I mistaken 1 year older than me. He can’t speak English because he came here last summer break.

      Before I talked to him, I dreamt about him. But I can’t understand why. It’s just because I’m sort of an emo. I rarely talk to complete strangers.

      After a few days, I noticed he keeps staring at me when I’m not looking, but he instantly looked away when I set eyes on him. A few months had passed, one day, I was walking up the stairs at school, he was chatting with his best friend. I didn’t took notice. But when I looked back, his friend was looking at me like ‘You’re that special girl’ look.

      So, these are the thing I’m asking:

      1. Why was he double super shy around me.
      2. Why in that day his friend wasn’t in his poker face mode when I walk up.
      3.And why does sometimes he does stupid things when I’m around.

      • 1. You should ask him.
        2. You should ask his friend.
        3. You should ask him, but rather use the word ‘silly’ instead of ‘stupid’ so he doesn’t get offended.

      • But here are the problems:

        1.I told you he can’t understand nor speak English.
        2.His friend doesn’t know me.
        3.I’m not gutsy enough (alright I’ll use silly).

        • 1. You said “Before I talked to him, I dreamt about him.” That sounds like you talked to him at some point. Anyway, neither you nor I can talk to him, so there’s not much chance you are going to find out.
          2. Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet.
          3. Too bad.

    • Hello M.

      Don’t worry, no one at that age has experience with dating culture anywhere. ^^

      1. Neither I nor Kimchi Man were ever part of Korean “dating culture”, if such thing even exists. In my opinion, it depends much more of what type of people are involved than where they are from. We are both sort of “nerds” so we never really go to clubs and such. In that aspect, mine and his dating culture is the same, and we live on opposite sides of the world.

      2. As you said, every guy has his own ways, and there is really not much to be added there. Kimchi Man doesn’t care that I’m white. He doesn’t see it neither as a plus nor minus. His friends also treat me normally.

      3. I encouraged Kimchi Man to start talking on Skype, I told him that I love him first, and I asked him to be my boyfriend first.


      5. Everyone is normal sized. ^^ In 2011 18-year-old Korean women were on average 1.61 m.

  6. Hi, I have recently met a korean guy 2 years younger than me during my korea trip. During the trip we did not talk much as Im the guest of the tour group and he is the photographer though we do chat when we have the chance. When we are about to return back to my own country I told him to keep in touch. Although I admit i not not expect him to. but to my surprise, straight next day he give me a message asking whether have I reach my country well & that is when we started talking. Its been 3 weeks since Im back and he still contact me although not everyday. He will remember what I say about me feeling good when seeing pretty scenery. From then he will send me pretty scenery when he see one.

    Is he just being polite or is he interested in me? My friend told me he would not bother to even message me if he is not interested. Is this true?

      • So means there may be a high chance that he is interested in me? how can I let him know I am interested in him too?

          • HI, Im here again, we have been alot closer. We message everyday even when he is working,he will message me.He will let me know what he is doing, where he is & he will ask me what Im doing or where I am too . He will sometimes capture picture & sent to me to let me know what is he doing Once he ask me what am I doing so I tell him I am missing him & he reply me too. Is this a sure sign that he likes me? I have not tell him how I feel. I am afraid to ask him too. Should I??? will it be too fast as its only one month plus since I know him.

            • There is no such thing as a sure sign a person likes you. Life is filled with uncertainty and it’s just the way it is.

              From the little info you gave me, it does seem he likes you. But you know much more about him and what he texts you, so you know better than I do. Trust your instinct.

              It seems like you don’t want to take a risk. But that decision has to be yours. If you ask him, you might get what you want, but you also might get hurt. If you don’t ask him you won’t get hurt but you might miss something wonderful.

  7. Hi
    just a question:
    Does korean men or their families expect something from the mans wife even if she is a foreigner or not? Like helping with the old in the family or something. Gratefull for answers!

  8. Hi
    My names Elisa and I have a quick question. My “boyfriend” is a 28 year old Korean and I am a 20 year old Hispanic. We met online and became really close. He was really into Hispanics even though I was his first non Korean girlfriend and he was my first non Hispanic boyfriend. After talking for some weeks he decided that he wanted to come to California so we can met since he lives in Indiana. We had an amazing time and continued to see each other until he had to go back since he’s studying at the moment. We missed each other like crazy until we had our first misunderstanding and I, without a head up flew to Indiana so we can talk since he wouldn’t answer my calls. He loved it and after he picked me up at the airport he finally said “I Love You”! it was the amazing!! and so we decided that I was going to stay for the next 2 months. Subconsciously I wife up, in cooking for him cleaning the apartment when he was at Class and so on. I finally had to leave and once I got back to Cali, it wasn’t longer than 2 months than we yet had another misunderstanding. After being together for 7 months he surprisingly decided to break up with me saying that he doesn’t want to hold me back because I’m still young. He told me he wanted to finish school first and that if I still wanted to talk to him to call him in a year -__-… Its been 4 months since the “break up” and I haven’t heard anything from him.. I have told him I was very understanding with his school work, and have even told him that school comes first so I can wait…
    So here’s my question.
    -Do you think he still thinks or misses me??
    -And do you think his feeling will change in the next 8 months? -Does his age and culture have to do with his pride of a “Man” since he’s the first child in his family??

    I’m gonna wait for him regardless but I just need some hope. Thank you and sorry for my long comment ^^ Please! any feed back will be much appreciated! Thank you once again!

    • I’m sorry but there is really no way for me to know what this man is thinking!

      Of course his feelings can change. However, it does sounds like he broke up with you, and usually people try to say things to make the blow softer. Things they might not mean.

      I’m not sure what you mean by “pride of a Man” in regards to your relationship. Kimchi Man is the oldest male child and I never noticed any such thing in him. But your man might be different.

  9. Hello!!! I have known this guy for about three months now (He is korean obviously) and I’m not sure if I should have but I told him I had feelings for him….(I just couldn’t hide it any longer!) He said he had no idea and when he found out it made him “very happy” But, he said we needed to get to know each other more and more and not rush into anything. Which sounded reasonable enough…. He took me to lunch after and we had a great time. At least I thought we did… but now he acts a bit strange… we haven’t been talking as much…. or hanging out and I feel like I might have made a mistake telling him how I feel. Now I know you obviously don’t know him personally but I was just wondering if this may have anything to do with the fact that he is new to America and his culture is a bit different from mine in America.

  10. Hello! ^^
    So I’m a Caucasian female who’s lived in one U.S. state my whole life and I met this Korean guy who’s been living in China for the past 6 months on a pen pal website (Interpals, isn’t the where you guys met? :O) We messaged for a while, then we exchanged Kakaotalk ID’s and we talk everyday. Last week we talked for over 5 hours strait. So he’s really kind and sweet, and he’s said that I’m cute and that I’m pretty.The more I talk to him the more I’m starting to like him a lot, but from those signs do you think that he likes me also? Augh I really don’t know, and I’d love your guy’s help~
    Thanks a lot! :D

  11. Hi! Me again! I have a question for Kimchi Man (since it’s something about the language). What does it mean when a guy tells you “저랑 교제해 보는거는 어때요” What does 교제 really means? I checked the dictionary and it says 연애 but when I told him that “한국남자들 그렇게 빠르나봐요” he said it doesn’t mean 연애. And it doesn’t mean being friends either. So what is 교제 exactly? :)

  12. Hi, I just want to let you know that your site is very interesting and helpful. I learned a lot from some of the questions posted and your answers. I thank you for that :)

    Anyway, i do have my own questions.

    I am a shy and conservative type of lady, and I met a Korean guy 3 years ago online. We became friends and we chatted almost everyday. We exchanged email addresses and messenger account names. After a few months, i told him that i want to deactivate my account to the said site. So, he asked me why. I told him that i got a lot of private messages from men of different race asking for sex, telling me they will send money so we could meet in a hotel, those kind of stuff.. I felt disrespected as a woman, and i felt that these men just see me as a sex object. so i decided to deactivate my account instead. He said, he felt sad because he likes me. He do not want to lose communications with me so he told me always open my messenger account so he could send me messages. He also added me on facebook.

    Fast forward, we remain friends and we talk online but not as often as before. He sometimes call me (through phone) late at night after his work.. We could sometimes talk for hours, and he doesn’t care for his phone bill. By the way, his father lives in my country but very far from my city. And he visits his father once or twice a year that time. One day he was visiting his father and he is going back to Korea. He wanted to meet me (after many times of fail attempt because i am not available due to work) before he goes back to his country. I didn’t want to because i am shy and i am not confident enough to meet people. But i decided to meet him at the airport since he only have few hours before his flight transfer. So, we met and we talked a little because i am shy.. He initiated some topics and i became talkative after being comfortable.. He asked for my work and stuff, and my values and principles in life.. We argued at some point, but after some time he said that he liked me. He liked how i talk, he liked that i value my principles in life.. He told me to keep it up.. And it was time for his flight so we parted ways.. and he said thanks for meeting him.. He told me to keep in touch..

    He called me right away when he landed in Korea :D
    Four months after, he came again to my country, this time to work. His father owns a company. So, i missed his calls days before his arrival here, i was at work He thought i was not interested to meet him and he was sad. I did not know he was coming but he wanted to tell me right before his flight just to surprise me.. But it was a fail.. We met again, 6 months after.. He called me that he will be in the city and he wants to meet.. I am ok with it.. He came 3 times just for one month.. He has business to do and he wants to bring me to this offices.. Then he kept telling me that i should visit him one day..

    So, i visited him this month, i was on vacation leave from work. He wanted to pick me up from the airport, but i refused because i know he is busy.. I told him that i will just take a cab instead and i will just text him once i arrive.. I think he was hurt of my refusal.. He did not text me after.. I messaged him that i was in town already, and i was on the way to the hotel. I was supposed to be with a friend (girl) but her flight and schedule had some problems so she backed out. i was alone and i arrived early at the hotel. He did not meet me for lunch, but he texted me that he wanted to cry because he wanted to have lunch together but his officemates are waiting for him.. He wanted to stay with me since i am alone. He kept saying sorry.. I told him, it’s ok.. and i will just go to the mall and eat in one of the restaurants there..

    He called right after work and told me that we should eat together for dinner.. He picked me up from my hotel. He asked what my plan the next day, because he still have work (on a Saturday). I said, i will just stay at the hotel. He told me that he want to invite me to go to the beach on Sunday with his father and other employees.. I was hesitant. So he gave me time to decide. But he told me that he would be happy if i go with him, and he wants me to meet his father.

    He picked me up for lunch the next day… I reminded him that he still have work, he said that it’s ok, he can go back to work late.. He told his assistant that he will be out for lunch and will be late. We did not have dinner together that night though.. He had dinner with his father and his office workers.. He called me, that he can pick me up and have dinner with them.. Since, i am shy, i lied.. i said i ate already.. So, he said he’d want to spend time with me if i have time. He want to show me the city, the night market.. I said yes.. He asked again if i would go with him to the beach, if not, he can just go wherever i want to.. He does not have to go to beach with his father, he said.. But i felt that i must be interrupting his bonding with his father and employees, so i promised that i would go to the beach. He called that night if i want to go with him to Market in the morning, so i said yes.. He picked me up at 6am. then he told me to prepare my things so we could go to their house and pick up his father and their helper. On the way, he told me that i should meet his father and i could say “hi”. His father does not speak and understand English much.. So, i do not know how to approach him. I was surprised when i get down from car, his father smiled at me and said “hi”. I answered hi, and good morning.. He is a funny guy.. :) Very comfortable to be with even if he speaks very little English. When we get to the beach, i think the family friend (a Korean too) and their workers were surprised to see me.. He introduced me, just my name.. He did not even give a label like a “friend” maybe? Everybody looks at me like they are assessing me? Or checking me out? It was very uncomfortable and awkward because everybody stares at me..

    His father offered me to drink beer.. But he told his father that i do not drink, so they were curious and asked why.. they did not force me though.. During our lunch, i felt comfortable that his father was getting the fish, take out the bones and put it on my plate.. His friend also did the same.. I just said thank you, i do not know how to respond to this.. :)

    Anyway, sorry for this very long story-telling :P

    My question is, based on this guy’s actions, what does it mean? are we in a relationship? Because i hang out with him so i could get to know him better. (He always text me that he misses me or he likes me but he’d say, he texted those things because he drank beer).

    By the way, during meals, i prefer that we split the payment for the bills. At first he allowed it. But after that, he pays for our meals, he does not even want to show me how much is our bill. He would also share his food with me, and he always get food from my plate, without asking me, he shares with my sauce. (does this mean he is comfortable with me, or is there other meaning for this?). He even drinks from my water bottle sometimes.

    Here in my country, it is normal to meet your friend’s parents. We could call them “uncle” or “aunt.” But in Korean, what does it mean? Why does he want me to meet his father? (which i agreed after he convinced me many times).

    He also bought me weird things, even if i tell him, there’s no need for it.. He bought it when i was not looking though and gave me at the airport, he said it is a remembrance?

    Thank you in advance and i am hoping for your answers soon :)

    • It seems like he is interested in a relationship with you and you have everything except an official statement yet. It is very telling that he wanted you to meet his father.

      There is no special or secret signal that Koreans have and other nations don’t to show their true feelings. Every person does it in their own way, depending on their personality, and probably adjusting to the moment.

      • Thank you so much oegukeen..

        I have a problem though :(
        3 weeks ago, he went back to Korea for a short vacation.. And he told me that he is going to pick up his mother too, so they could celebrate Christmas together. I met him at the airport right before his flight.. I remembered even before, he asked me if i still have work on Christmas day and i answered yes, because in my line of work, there is no holidays.. And he looked disappointed with my answer, but i ignored it.

        He messaged me that night that he arrived in Korea safely.. And after that, no messages or call at all.. I am a bit uneasy lately, i am thinking maybe he never miss me, or i never cross his mind the whole time.. I understand that maybe he is catching up with his friends..

        The other day, i messaged him (because i cant help wondering when he will be back).. He answered, this week. He asked if i miss him, which i answered “just curious”.. So, he said, “ok haha”. I couldn’t admit to him, that i do miss him.. :( I am embarrased to let him know that i do.. He went offline right after reading my answer :(

        Did i disappoint him?

  13. Hi everyone! I’m glad I found this site. I don’t know if I really want to ask anything. I just want to share my “Loving a korean guy” story. By the way, I’m Asian but not Korean. So here it is:

    I just started my internship last week. I met this Korean guy (let’s call him Peppero). He is 24 years old I think, tall, funny, plays piano and guitar, with good voice, always eat and loves sweet food and Shin Min Na (a korean actress). At first, I’m intimidated to talk to him and although he’s kind of cute (many people thinks he’s VERY cute) he’s not my type really. On my second day, we started talking to each other and we became “friends” in an instant. I even help him find “cute girls” and tease him. We always tease each other, fight, laugh together and he even sings to me also whenever I ask him to.

    At first, I wanted to talk to him because I don’t want him to be bored but then started feeling so drawn to him. Suddenly, I want to always talk to him, get close to him and he’s always in my mind. I mean, what the hell? We’ve been together for just one week so why do I feel so affected by him?

    There was this time that the girl we’re teasing to him went to our department, and I felt so…disappointed? angry? insecure? I don’t know. I just want to punch him so badly that time. There was this time also that he’s late and I was anxiously waiting for him to arrive. When I thought he’s not going to show up, I feel so disappointed, sad… I don’t understand that painful feeling at all. And just when I’m in the middle of my disappointment he suddenly showed up! It’s like the world brightened up! It’s like…I wanted to punch him and say, “Why the hell are you late? I was waiting for you, stupid!” BUT OF COURSE I CAN’T DO THAT.

    He asked for my number and if I have Kakao account. I gave him my number and he sent me a message in Korean character and when I asked him what is the message he said it’s, “yeppuda”. It means “pretty”, right? I didn’t asked him the meaning ’cause I think it means pretty. He personally said that to me, too.

    He calls me “Duri” (a korean animation? because i love the opening song of that animation)…and I call him “Bichoso” and I’m always mean to him because I don’t want him to know or notice that I MIGHT BE FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM? WITH JUST ONE WEEK? WHAT THE HELL? I just…I don’t know…I love how he makes me laugh, how he smiles, how we tease each other, how he says “Chebal” (with feelings and gesture) whenever I asked him to, and I don’t mind if he smells like a damn cigarette which I hate the most, and…it just hurts that I’ll be able to see him only until December.


      • Sorry for posting in the wrong section. I was actually going to post in the “Your story” but I can’t find where to type earlier. Maybe I’ll try again.

        Thank you very much for the reply. I actually can’t say it to anyone. I’m afraid my friends will call me stupid for falling to someone who is going to leave within a month. I really want to talk to him “normally” but every time we’re going to have a conversation I always end up teasing him and calling him “Bichoso.” I want to get to know him but I’m afraid of falling for him ’cause I know he’s going to leave anyway. What should I do? :-(

        • It is easy to get judged by other people, but liking someone is a positive feeling, and you are doing nothing wrong.

          It all depends if you and him are both ready for long distance relationship. Kimchi Man and I are on the different sides of the world, but we are somehow making it work.

          • You’re right about that…liking is a positive feeling. -_- I actually just want to enjoy the moment as of now. But the thought of him leaving makes me want to cry (what the hell was that?) And another thing, I was quite confuse on how I should treat him. I mean, we always tease each other. I can’t suddenly just be kind to him,right? That would totally be weird,i guess? And another, if just by some miracle he actually likes me too, I’m worried about his korean friends. Was it just me or are they sending “Back off” signal? -_0

            • It’s not weird to be nice. And if you made the change, he will realize about your true feelings.

              I don’t know this Korean man’s friends so I have no idea how they will react. I spent two weeks with Kimchi Man’s best friend and he was wonderful.

          • Another thing, I would like to ask…well, I’ve said that we’re always teasing each other…he’s always pulling my arms and hands…and always tickling me and jokes about biting me… actually once he tried to bite my hand. Of course, it doesn’t hurt and all just part of his teasing. I mean, does that mean anything? Do you think it’s alright? He might think I’m an easy girl for letting him do that? I don’t know. I’ve never been that close to a guy that much before.

            • Yeah, sluts are by definition women who let men bite their hand. LOL, just kidding.

              Don’t worry about it, women are allowed to do what they want and no man has a right to judge us as easy. And tickling is far way away from it anyway.

          • Haha. Well, actually I didn’t let him. He just did and I hit him in return. Don’t worry. I didn’t beat the hell out of him. ;-)
            I sound so brutal. Maybe I should call him Hyung-nim rather than Oppa. :-D

  14. Hi, M here again.

    I´ve heard that koreans do texting a lot more than for example me (european girl). Is that true? Because when I texting a guy very much it´s because I like him. So how would I be able to know if a korean guy that is texting me alot likes me or is just friendly?

    Gratefull for answers!

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