I have to say I’ve really enjoyed you blog so far, and I also feel lucky to have stumbled across it because I have a very burning question.
About 6 years ago when I was still in college, I had a Korean male roommate (I am a caucasian female). He is a great guy, and we had an awesome time living together and got along very well. He was very considerate, polite and kind, and had a great sense of humour. However, the relationship was platonic. Over time though, my Korean roommate admitted that he had developed deep romantic feelings for me. At the time, however, I told him I wasn’t interested in him romantically, however I still did indeed want to continue as friends. And although it was awkward at times, we still tried to get along as best we could as before.
Eventually, I met someone else and moved out of the apartment with my new significant other. Despite that though, my old korean roommate and I stayed in contact and remained good friends. 5 years later though, my current relationship is ending. My old Korean roommie is still in my life, and we still meet up as friends to spend time together. However, I have come to realize though, that after all this time, that I do indeed deep down have a love and attraction for him, and that perhaps I was foolish in turning him down 5 years ago.
Ironically though, since he heard of the demise of my current relationship, I’ve notice that he has suddenly become a bit more communicative and chivalrous. The last time we hung out, he did things such as offer to come and pick me up and take care of the bill (he never really did that before). And he also asked me a big question-if I would accompany him on a trip to Europe (the French Riviera to be exact) in the summer (just me and him). He is still single at this time, and I’ll also admit that he has become even more handsome than he was than when we were roommates.
So, my dilemma is this. I am most certainly attracted to him and miss him alot, and would indeed like to pursue something romantic with him, even though the friendship (and my emotions) may be at risk.
Furthermore, even though I do indeed like him, I did NOT expect him to ask me on a trip to Europe with him so soon. I do genuinely hope it’s because he wants to spend time with me because he enjoys my company and possibly wants to try and conjure up romantic feelings, and not just because he wants to get in my pants.
I’m not sure what to make of the situation. Does he possibly still like me and have romantic feelings for me? And is he perhaps hesitant to ask me out because he got burned before?
I’m sorry this turned out to be so long! So many scenarios running through my mind. I’d definitely appreciate any insight, especially from Kimchi man!
Oh, I forgot to mention…my korean roommate was born and raised in Canada (like me), but his parents are Korean. So I’m not sure if that makes too much of a difference, but it might help to know. Thank you!
Thank you for your kind words for our little blog. We know our answers are not too helpful but we always try our best.
You two seem to be good friends and enjoy spending time together. It is understandable you feel you are taking an emotional risk. When you take a chance and lose, the risk is added to the loss. That is why it’s sometimes difficult to make a change in life. If we stick with the way things are and lose, the loss somehow seems less than if we went through the trouble of making the change and then lost.
But think about the risk your roommate took 6 years ago to confess his emotions openly to you only to be turned down. Despite that, he seems to be putting his emotions on the line again. That sounds like a brave step.
Even as a Korean guy I have no idea what is in your roommates head. I somehow doubt that the fact his parents are Korean has anything to do with it. Everyone around me in Korea has different character, and same goes for their parents. He seems loyal to you and it doesn’t seem like he would hang around for 6 years just to get in your pants. But you have been his friend for all that time and you know his personality while I don’t.
I went to Europe to meet Oegukeen after just few months of knowing each other online. Sure we were nervous but it felt like a natural step for both of us. A trip to Europe sounds fun but if you are doubting it, just don’t go and take things more slowly.
I hope you find a way not getting hurt yourself and not to hurt him. Your friendship sounds strong and hopefully it can grow to be something more.
2 thoughts on “[Q&A] I want to enter a relationship with my Korean roomate”
OK, let me get this straight: You like him, he likes you, you continue to “meet up as friends to spend time together”, he’s upped his game, you want to pursue something more serious. Yet despite all that you still have reservations on going to Europe with him? Of course he likes you. Unless he’s uber-rich and likes to show off his spending habits, no guy is going to ask you to go to Europe with him unless he truly enjoys your company and wants to get serious. There’s cheaper ways to date.
Girlfriend, we need to talk. First of all, he’s Korean Canadian. Not Korean Korean. That means he’s culturally assimilated into the whole North American dating game. Non-issue. He knows the score.
Second, stop playing games! BOTH of your emotions and friendship is at risk. It’s not all about you. He’s been rejected before, and he’s willing to put his heart on the line once again for you. He’s already expressed that in more ways than one. Love is a risk. Fortunately for you, that risk is low in that not only are your feelings reciprocated, but he sounds like a real keeper in many ways. Don’t hold back because of society’s preconceived notions of how love and dating should work.
Third, ALL men want to get into your pants. Seriously. You’re both adults. What separates the boys from the men is how they treat and respect you. You may have considered the time hanging out with him as just a friends things, so why is it suddently important to “formally date” before going on a trip with him? You already have a history together. Go. Have fun. If you wind up getting busy, be sure to bring protection. Otherwise, let him know your reservations up front. If he rescinds his invitation, then there you have it. He was only interested in getting some nooky. I have a feeling, though, he’s a lot more gentlemen than you give him credit for. If you really feel like it’s important to date first, you’ve got five months to get your romance on. Chop, chop!
Haha, I really enjoyed your answer.
It doesn’t matter the post is a year old, even if the woman who asked the question doesn’t see the answer, there are still many people who come here by searching similar problems in Google and will surely benefit from your advice.