Loving Korean

[Q&A] How does South Korean guy court girls?

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[Q&A] How does South Korean guy court girls?

How do South Korean guys court girls and womenSunny asked:

Hi, I met this South Korean guy 2 months ago in Seoul. We are from different countries. We have been keeping in touch, mostly initiated by me. I don’t dare to initiate many chatting sessions online for fear of being too straight forward in my likings for him. So far, he has mentioned that he missed me twice. My question is, how does South Korean guy actually go about liking/wooing a girl as I’ve read that Korean guys like to keep things hush. He always reply whenever I initiate the chattings, but I wonder if South Korean guys are apprehensive about taking initiative with other Asian girls? Do I continue waiting, taking initiative, ask him directly (will it scare him off), or just let it die down? I’ll be looking forward to any comments.

Don’t let it die down! You have nothing to lose and much to gain. :D

My suggestion is that you forget he is South Korean guy and just focus on him personally. I did the same mistake, I was trying to behave the way I thought a South Korean man might find appropriate and, boy, was I wrong.

Kimchi Man and I met online, and messaged and chatted every day. He seemed to have nice opinion about me, but other than that I had no idea how he felt about me. At the same time, I was getting more and more crazy about him. He became a close friend and keeping my true feelings seemed like lying. One day, I just couldn’t take it anymore and I told him I fell in love with him. I was as blunt and non-hush as it gets. It took him approximately an hour of further chatting to tell me he feels the same. That was the most difficult hour of my life, and I have been through some rough things. :)

However, even though he said he loves me too, over the next few weeks he seemed cold towards me. Polite, kind and nice, sure, but without any show of emotions. I began to doubt his feelings. I told him I can’t wait any longer and if our relationship is to continue, we need to meet face to face. It didn’t take him long and from the moment he decided to come to visit me, he has been the most loving, passionate boyfriend I could imagine. He completely changed his behavior. I guess falling for someone who lives far away can be a bit intimidating so it takes time to sort out plans and thoughts. If I understood correctly, you are not in Korea right now.

The reason I told you all this is because I wanted you to see that I was very much pushing him and definitely taking the initiative every time. And it worked wonderfully for me. He told me later he really enjoyed that I was so honest and not trying to play games and hide things from him. However, I believe this depends much more on the Korean guy’s personality (and also whether he had a girlfriend before or not) than his nationality or what courtship in Korea is like.

Since your guy seems to enjoy chatting with you and told you he misses you don’t hold back on initiating chat. You can’t know if he’s not contacting you because he doesn’t care too much or if he is showing you he cares so much that he puts your needs before his. (Kimchi Man would definitely think that letting me talk to him only when it’s convenient for me is very romantic.)

I suggest you chat with him as much as you want and see where things go from there. Showing how much you like talking to him might encourage him to make the first move, and if not, then you can at least get to know him better.

Since it has been only 2 months I would wait a bit longer before confessing to your Korean guy anything directly, but do let him know which of his traits you find appealing. Don’t be shy to give him a compliment. It is easier to show other person you like them when it feels like they like you too.

And I bit of Kimchi Man’s wisdom: When we talked about the day I told him I love him, I mentioned how scared I was of ruining our friendship. He said that everyone likes being liked, and there is no reason for stopping a friendship with someone who makes you feel good about yourself.

If you think there is still something we haven’t explained or wondering how can you know if _he_ likes _you_, feel free to ask in the comments. Have a nice day everyone!

You might also like:

How to get a Korean guy to like you How to know if a Korean guy likes you What do Korean guys like in girls
How to get a Korean guy to like you How to KNOW if a Korean guy likes you [Q&A] Do Korean guys go over-the-top on dates?

58 responses to “[Q&A] How does South Korean guy court girls?”

  1. janunmuldakkgo Avatar
    janunmuldakkgo

    Oh! I know that feeling. I’m chatting right now with one Korean guy and I’m scare that he will like me only like another foreign friend because we are from different countries and culture. But I really like him. For almost everything…

    Reply
    1. oegukeen Avatar
      oegukeen

      It doesn’t matter where the initial attraction and interest stems from once it evolves into love :)

      Reply
  2. KimchiYankee Avatar
    KimchiYankee

    Everyone is different,but if a guy is into you he won’t be putting you off in the back burner.He’s probably talking to several girls. So don’t take anything online too seriously. Just be friends until he expresses he wants more.
    Even though Korean guys tend to be reserved compared to white guys but surely more affectionate than say, Japanese or Chinese. Its very common in Korea for guys to hold their girlfriends hands or show affection where its very unusal in Japanese society.

    Reply
    1. oegukeen Avatar
      oegukeen

      Hello. Thank you for your insight. I don’t know any Japanese or Chinese people so it’s good to know.

      I’m just going to have to disagree that online romance can’t be serious. I met my Korean boyfriend online and we have been in a relationship for two and a half years with the intent of staying together forever. :)

      P.S. Love your username. :)

      Reply
    2. Avatar
      Anonymous

      I’d have to disagree with you. I have dated both Korean and Japanese and I must say that Japanese guys are more passionate than Korean,or maybe it’s just the specific person I dated but still.
      Well for holding hands ,hugging etc the Japanese had initiated all and the Korean seems to be a bit aloof or maybe he’s just not that into me. Just sharing my experience lol

      Reply
  3. Avatar
    Anonymous

    I am happy this post gave me some clue too. Because I met a Korean guy not long ago online, he looks outgoing and sporty in photo but actually I found him quite quiet sometimes. As we have time zone different, we did not have too many real time instant message chatting. However, he does “hi” me or “morning” me after he online, but after that I am usually the one who initiate for topics (sometimes is stupid topic like what are you doing??). I had actually ask him that am I bothering him from what he is doing, is it busy and not available to chat, but he just typed “don’t worry, you are not”. I also did hair pulling too. I was thinking if he wouldn’t like that I am too noisy and not talking to me again and it is only he is just being polite to “hi” me and not expecting me say too much. Something interesting that, he sent me his picture with where he went on that day. I also gave him compliment too. I knew he saw my message but he never said “thank you” or something. So another question makes me pulling hair, if he doesn’t want to talk to me much, he would not send me his picture, so he is okey to be friend with me, but why sometimes he is so quiet and not saying or comment a word?

    I am afraid he would feel annoying if i did too much of initiation… So should I keep on or just wait he message me first? Actually I always leave him some offline message and hope he will chat to me and reply me. But usually he seems skip those message and just “morning” me.

    Reply
    1. oegukeen Avatar
      oegukeen

      This is a difficult question and only your guy knows the answer.

      I don’t think there is some specific amount of messages that a Korean guy likes. It really depends on the particular guy and how much he likes a particular girl.

      This is somewhat generalized advice, but I would say just be yourself and if that is too much for him, it’s better that you find out sooner rather than later.

      Reply
    2. Letter L Avatar
      Letter L

      This is happening to me too… and right now. It is really hard to get him to write me unless I am going home and we are seeing each other. I work as cabin crew and I barely get home. For ex. I ve sent him a good morning this morning and I don’t have any reply until now, and it is is already late evening.

      Reply
  4. snowygalvivian Avatar
    snowygalvivian

    I also got to know a korean guy through online. we have the same religion. He is older than me 10 years. We chat everyday using mic and webcam. Is kinda nice to talk to each other everytime. But his height is not tall, he is shorter than me. Because of his height, he is a person who lack of confident because Korean girls never like short man. I have a feeling like when one day we don´t talk to each other, we seem feel something weird….whenever he can or cannot online, he will still online and let me know what is happening…if he cannot make it online with me, he will online or send me offline message that he couldn´t online….we seem have good feelings or good friendship…well, I don´t know how long can our friendship go on…I not sure what will happen in the future on this friendship we made….

    Reply
    1. oegukeen Avatar
      oegukeen

      I am taller than Kimchi Man and neither of us ever cared about that.
      Good luck with your friendship!

      Reply
  5. Sunny Avatar
    Sunny

    Hi Owgukeen and Chrissantosra,

    Thanks for the lovely advice. It definitely put me in a better perspective as I was alone in this situation before my post. You can imagine my nightly routine of “pulling out of hair” when I tried to figure out what was he thinking. Glad to have met the both of you here.

    An update: I’ll be flying over to Korea in May to meet him again after checking for his free time with him. For the better or not, I don’t know. But I’m happy that he’s trying to meet me upon my arrival. And hopefully things can proceed on, or come to a closure. I’m the type who likes to have a specific direction to head towards.. *big hugs*

    Reply
    1. oegukeen Avatar
      oegukeen

      I’m glad we could help at least a little bit.
      I remember the time when I had to analyze every word he said for clues how he really feels about me. It was excruciating ( lots of hair pulling), but now when I look back it was sweet and exciting.

      Congratulations on your trip to Korea! It’s great he will meet you and I really wish you the best of luck.

      Reply
      1. chrissantosra Avatar
        chrissantosra

        Enjoy your time together, Sunny. You just gave me an idea on what to write about in my next post… I might delve more into Korean courtship. ^^ Best of luck to you, too, Oegukeen. =)

        Reply
      2. zhordyck Avatar
        zhordyck

        I wish we could meet up like this, too. Im planning to go to Korea this year and he promised to wait for me. Sometimes, I would think that he’s not really interested because argh.. I don’t know.. Analyzing words is so painful for me, too. I’m sorry to interrupt this conversation.TT I hope you could help me. :)) See ya~

        Reply
        1. Kimchi Man Avatar
          Kimchi Man

          How can I help?

          Reply
          1. zhordyck Avatar
            zhordyck

            Hi, thank you! :)) But.. I don’t know where to start. I’ve known this guy for more than 2 years now and we chatted a lot. So, I don’t know which part to ask about when it comes to analyzing his words. Hmmm, some time he told me that he was always thankful to me but was poor at expressing himself. What does it really mean by poor at expressing myself? As I can understand, I think that he was just purely being thankful like you know just trying to be polite to me. But all I ended up saying was: I could feel it even if he couldn’t express his feelings. Should I trust what I thought about or what I felt when he said that?

          2. oegukeen Avatar
            oegukeen

            Kimchi Man also says sometimes he is poor at expressing himself. It means he’s not good at letting me know what he is feeling.

          3. zhordyck Avatar
            zhordyck

            @oegukeen::: I’ve always wondered what could that feeling be? I’ve had the feeling that he felt the same way. I mean, he loves me, too. There were so many things he would mention out of the blue and it lead me to analyzing their meanings. I was always honest about how I care for him and he knew that but I never really mentioned anything like a confession. One time I asked him Can’t you feel me? And he told me that “I can feel and you can”. We have stopped communicating for 2 months now but I’m still looking forward to that day he will contact me again after he finishes his test for university. (this is the same story i wrote about in how to know if a Korean guy likes you?) I’m in pain now, but much as I want to talk to him. I’m just left waiting. I don’t doubt that we will be able to contact each other again or meet someday, but I’m sometimes bothered in thinking that he might have actually forgotten about me:( thank you. when i pluck up the courage, i will write my full story. right now I’m a little bit not at ease to post things online. but I’m happy that this site feels like a comfort zone. I have looked for a lot of blog sites but I keep coming back here. :) It’s all simple and heartwarming.

  6. chrissantosra Avatar
    chrissantosra

    Great advice… and may I add: Korean men are not too showy, so even if they like/love someone, it would take like forever before they admit their true feelings. In fact, there are some who won’t even admit how they feel, and before you know it, he’s already your steady date or BOYFRIEND. ^^

    Reply
    1. oegukeen Avatar
      oegukeen

      Thanks for your input! It was similar experience for me what you describe. :)

      Reply
    2. zhordyck Avatar
      zhordyck

      really??

      Reply
      1. zhordyck Avatar
        zhordyck

        The last time we chatted, this Korean boy got upset because I asked him a question like “Have you been very busy lately?” And he replied: Yes, of course. Why are you asking? Are you doubting me?” I didn’t expect the reply and actually I didn’t understand what it meant. We’ve known each other for more than two years now but we haven’t met yet. We argued many times and I felt like it was always my fault because I upset him. He would not talk to me for a while but we always tried to be okay again. I’m falling for him.. or Have I? >-<

        I want to know your insights. Thank you very much! :)) Glad I found this site! kkkk

        Reply
        1. oegukeen Avatar
          oegukeen

          Hello! We are glad you found it as well :)

          I’m not sure what you are wondering about. I don’t see anything in his behavior that would be specific for Korean culture.

          From what you say he sounds insecure, which would make him hear criticism in things you say which were in no way meant to be. Of course, knowing people is difficult and certainly can’t be done from one paragraph of text.

          I know I didn’t help much, so feel free to ask further if you want a more specific answer.

          Reply
          1. zhordyck Avatar
            zhordyck

            No, it’s fine. I’m happy too that I found this site. It’s such a comfort especially that I’m like on a waiting-to-meet-you-in-real-life kind of situation. kkk Well, actually I don’t have a problem with him being Korean or so. I know that he is a man before he is a Korean man. I wanted to hear from you what could he meant by his reply that he eventually got really upset (Are you doubting me?) I tried to explain that I was just worried but he didn’t believe me. In my mind I thought that he got angry because he knew i was thinking he was busy chatting with other girls blah blah or he was annoyed blah blah. I’m sorry that I could not relate my story so clearly. There were so many things i wanted to know. kkkkk since…hmmm honestly i’ve never had a boyfriend before and this is the first time i actually fell in love with someone.. even he is a foreigner to me, way much younger than me and.. the thing is i’ve never really seen him personally. So. everything was just new to me. kkkk thank you so much!

    3. Avatar
      Anonymous

      @chrissantosra@oegukeen May I know about that situation when “he’s already your steady boyfriend?” I keep wondering about that he actually treated me as his girlfriend the way he communicated with me. Some time he got upset when he felt that I was doubting him. And he already told me that he was very thankful of me but couldn’t express his feelings. We’ve been to some arguments that normal friends won’t usually be in. We told each other how we both hurt but he never told me the words I love you. Thank you. I’m looking forward. :)

      Reply

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