[Q&A] How does South Korean guy court girls?

How do South Korean guys court girls and womenSunny asked:

Hi, I met this South Korean guy 2 months ago in Seoul. We are from different countries. We have been keeping in touch, mostly initiated by me. I don’t dare to initiate many chatting sessions online for fear of being too straight forward in my likings for him. So far, he has mentioned that he missed me twice. My question is, how does South Korean guy actually go about liking/wooing a girl as I’ve read that Korean guys like to keep things hush. He always reply whenever I initiate the chattings, but I wonder if South Korean guys are apprehensive about taking initiative with other Asian girls? Do I continue waiting, taking initiative, ask him directly (will it scare him off), or just let it die down? I’ll be looking forward to any comments.

Don’t let it die down! You have nothing to lose and much to gain. :D

My suggestion is that you forget he is South Korean guy and just focus on him personally. I did the same mistake, I was trying to behave the way I thought a South Korean man might find appropriate and, boy, was I wrong.

Kimchi Man and I met online, and messaged and chatted every day. He seemed to have nice opinion about me, but other than that I had no idea how he felt about me. At the same time, I was getting more and more crazy about him. He became a close friend and keeping my true feelings seemed like lying. One day, I just couldn’t take it anymore and I told him I fell in love with him. I was as blunt and non-hush as it gets. It took him approximately an hour of further chatting to tell me he feels the same. That was the most difficult hour of my life, and I have been through some rough things. :)

However, even though he said he loves me too, over the next few weeks he seemed cold towards me. Polite, kind and nice, sure, but without any show of emotions. I began to doubt his feelings. I told him I can’t wait any longer and if our relationship is to continue, we need to meet face to face. It didn’t take him long and from the moment he decided to come to visit me, he has been the most loving, passionate boyfriend I could imagine. He completely changed his behavior. I guess falling for someone who lives far away can be a bit intimidating so it takes time to sort out plans and thoughts. If I understood correctly, you are not in Korea right now.

The reason I told you all this is because I wanted you to see that I was very much pushing him and definitely taking the initiative every time. And it worked wonderfully for me. He told me later he really enjoyed that I was so honest and not trying to play games and hide things from him. However, I believe this depends much more on the Korean guy’s personality (and also whether he had a girlfriend before or not) than his nationality or what courtship in Korea is like.

Since your guy seems to enjoy chatting with you and told you he misses you don’t hold back on initiating chat. You can’t know if he’s not contacting you because he doesn’t care too much or if he is showing you he cares so much that he puts your needs before his. (Kimchi Man would definitely think that letting me talk to him only when it’s convenient for me is very romantic.)

I suggest you chat with him as much as you want and see where things go from there. Showing how much you like talking to him might encourage him to make the first move, and if not, then you can at least get to know him better.

Since it has been only 2 months I would wait a bit longer before confessing to your Korean guy anything directly, but do let him know which of his traits you find appealing. Don’t be shy to give him a compliment. It is easier to show other person you like them when it feels like they like you too.

And I bit of Kimchi Man’s wisdom: When we talked about the day I told him I love him, I mentioned how scared I was of ruining our friendship. He said that everyone likes being liked, and there is no reason for stopping a friendship with someone who makes you feel good about yourself.

If you think there is still something we haven’t explained or wondering how can you know if _he_ likes _you_, feel free to ask in the comments. Have a nice day everyone!

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How to get a Korean guy to like you How to know if a Korean guy likes you What do Korean guys like in girls
How to get a Korean guy to like you How to KNOW if a Korean guy likes you [Q&A] Do Korean guys go over-the-top on dates?

57 thoughts on “[Q&A] How does South Korean guy court girls?

  1. Great advice… and may I add: Korean men are not too showy, so even if they like/love someone, it would take like forever before they admit their true feelings. In fact, there are some who won’t even admit how they feel, and before you know it, he’s already your steady date or BOYFRIEND. ^^

      • The last time we chatted, this Korean boy got upset because I asked him a question like “Have you been very busy lately?” And he replied: Yes, of course. Why are you asking? Are you doubting me?” I didn’t expect the reply and actually I didn’t understand what it meant. We’ve known each other for more than two years now but we haven’t met yet. We argued many times and I felt like it was always my fault because I upset him. He would not talk to me for a while but we always tried to be okay again. I’m falling for him.. or Have I? >-<

        I want to know your insights. Thank you very much! :)) Glad I found this site! kkkk

        • Hello! We are glad you found it as well :)

          I’m not sure what you are wondering about. I don’t see anything in his behavior that would be specific for Korean culture.

          From what you say he sounds insecure, which would make him hear criticism in things you say which were in no way meant to be. Of course, knowing people is difficult and certainly can’t be done from one paragraph of text.

          I know I didn’t help much, so feel free to ask further if you want a more specific answer.

          • No, it’s fine. I’m happy too that I found this site. It’s such a comfort especially that I’m like on a waiting-to-meet-you-in-real-life kind of situation. kkk Well, actually I don’t have a problem with him being Korean or so. I know that he is a man before he is a Korean man. I wanted to hear from you what could he meant by his reply that he eventually got really upset (Are you doubting me?) I tried to explain that I was just worried but he didn’t believe me. In my mind I thought that he got angry because he knew i was thinking he was busy chatting with other girls blah blah or he was annoyed blah blah. I’m sorry that I could not relate my story so clearly. There were so many things i wanted to know. kkkkk since…hmmm honestly i’ve never had a boyfriend before and this is the first time i actually fell in love with someone.. even he is a foreigner to me, way much younger than me and.. the thing is i’ve never really seen him personally. So. everything was just new to me. kkkk thank you so much!

    • @chrissantosra@oegukeen May I know about that situation when “he’s already your steady boyfriend?” I keep wondering about that he actually treated me as his girlfriend the way he communicated with me. Some time he got upset when he felt that I was doubting him. And he already told me that he was very thankful of me but couldn’t express his feelings. We’ve been to some arguments that normal friends won’t usually be in. We told each other how we both hurt but he never told me the words I love you. Thank you. I’m looking forward. :)

  2. Hi Owgukeen and Chrissantosra,

    Thanks for the lovely advice. It definitely put me in a better perspective as I was alone in this situation before my post. You can imagine my nightly routine of “pulling out of hair” when I tried to figure out what was he thinking. Glad to have met the both of you here.

    An update: I’ll be flying over to Korea in May to meet him again after checking for his free time with him. For the better or not, I don’t know. But I’m happy that he’s trying to meet me upon my arrival. And hopefully things can proceed on, or come to a closure. I’m the type who likes to have a specific direction to head towards.. *big hugs*

    • I’m glad we could help at least a little bit.
      I remember the time when I had to analyze every word he said for clues how he really feels about me. It was excruciating ( lots of hair pulling), but now when I look back it was sweet and exciting.

      Congratulations on your trip to Korea! It’s great he will meet you and I really wish you the best of luck.

      • Enjoy your time together, Sunny. You just gave me an idea on what to write about in my next post… I might delve more into Korean courtship. ^^ Best of luck to you, too, Oegukeen. =)

      • I wish we could meet up like this, too. Im planning to go to Korea this year and he promised to wait for me. Sometimes, I would think that he’s not really interested because argh.. I don’t know.. Analyzing words is so painful for me, too. I’m sorry to interrupt this conversation.TT I hope you could help me. :)) See ya~

          • Hi, thank you! :)) But.. I don’t know where to start. I’ve known this guy for more than 2 years now and we chatted a lot. So, I don’t know which part to ask about when it comes to analyzing his words. Hmmm, some time he told me that he was always thankful to me but was poor at expressing himself. What does it really mean by poor at expressing myself? As I can understand, I think that he was just purely being thankful like you know just trying to be polite to me. But all I ended up saying was: I could feel it even if he couldn’t express his feelings. Should I trust what I thought about or what I felt when he said that?

            • Kimchi Man also says sometimes he is poor at expressing himself. It means he’s not good at letting me know what he is feeling.

          • @oegukeen::: I’ve always wondered what could that feeling be? I’ve had the feeling that he felt the same way. I mean, he loves me, too. There were so many things he would mention out of the blue and it lead me to analyzing their meanings. I was always honest about how I care for him and he knew that but I never really mentioned anything like a confession. One time I asked him Can’t you feel me? And he told me that “I can feel and you can”. We have stopped communicating for 2 months now but I’m still looking forward to that day he will contact me again after he finishes his test for university. (this is the same story i wrote about in how to know if a Korean guy likes you?) I’m in pain now, but much as I want to talk to him. I’m just left waiting. I don’t doubt that we will be able to contact each other again or meet someday, but I’m sometimes bothered in thinking that he might have actually forgotten about me:( thank you. when i pluck up the courage, i will write my full story. right now I’m a little bit not at ease to post things online. but I’m happy that this site feels like a comfort zone. I have looked for a lot of blog sites but I keep coming back here. :) It’s all simple and heartwarming.

  3. I also got to know a korean guy through online. we have the same religion. He is older than me 10 years. We chat everyday using mic and webcam. Is kinda nice to talk to each other everytime. But his height is not tall, he is shorter than me. Because of his height, he is a person who lack of confident because Korean girls never like short man. I have a feeling like when one day we don´t talk to each other, we seem feel something weird….whenever he can or cannot online, he will still online and let me know what is happening…if he cannot make it online with me, he will online or send me offline message that he couldn´t online….we seem have good feelings or good friendship…well, I don´t know how long can our friendship go on…I not sure what will happen in the future on this friendship we made….

  4. I am happy this post gave me some clue too. Because I met a Korean guy not long ago online, he looks outgoing and sporty in photo but actually I found him quite quiet sometimes. As we have time zone different, we did not have too many real time instant message chatting. However, he does “hi” me or “morning” me after he online, but after that I am usually the one who initiate for topics (sometimes is stupid topic like what are you doing??). I had actually ask him that am I bothering him from what he is doing, is it busy and not available to chat, but he just typed “don’t worry, you are not”. I also did hair pulling too. I was thinking if he wouldn’t like that I am too noisy and not talking to me again and it is only he is just being polite to “hi” me and not expecting me say too much. Something interesting that, he sent me his picture with where he went on that day. I also gave him compliment too. I knew he saw my message but he never said “thank you” or something. So another question makes me pulling hair, if he doesn’t want to talk to me much, he would not send me his picture, so he is okey to be friend with me, but why sometimes he is so quiet and not saying or comment a word?

    I am afraid he would feel annoying if i did too much of initiation… So should I keep on or just wait he message me first? Actually I always leave him some offline message and hope he will chat to me and reply me. But usually he seems skip those message and just “morning” me.

    • This is a difficult question and only your guy knows the answer.

      I don’t think there is some specific amount of messages that a Korean guy likes. It really depends on the particular guy and how much he likes a particular girl.

      This is somewhat generalized advice, but I would say just be yourself and if that is too much for him, it’s better that you find out sooner rather than later.

    • This is happening to me too… and right now. It is really hard to get him to write me unless I am going home and we are seeing each other. I work as cabin crew and I barely get home. For ex. I ve sent him a good morning this morning and I don’t have any reply until now, and it is is already late evening.

  5. Everyone is different,but if a guy is into you he won’t be putting you off in the back burner.He’s probably talking to several girls. So don’t take anything online too seriously. Just be friends until he expresses he wants more.
    Even though Korean guys tend to be reserved compared to white guys but surely more affectionate than say, Japanese or Chinese. Its very common in Korea for guys to hold their girlfriends hands or show affection where its very unusal in Japanese society.

    • Hello. Thank you for your insight. I don’t know any Japanese or Chinese people so it’s good to know.

      I’m just going to have to disagree that online romance can’t be serious. I met my Korean boyfriend online and we have been in a relationship for two and a half years with the intent of staying together forever. :)

      P.S. Love your username. :)

    • I’d have to disagree with you. I have dated both Korean and Japanese and I must say that Japanese guys are more passionate than Korean,or maybe it’s just the specific person I dated but still.
      Well for holding hands ,hugging etc the Japanese had initiated all and the Korean seems to be a bit aloof or maybe he’s just not that into me. Just sharing my experience lol

  6. Oh! I know that feeling. I’m chatting right now with one Korean guy and I’m scare that he will like me only like another foreign friend because we are from different countries and culture. But I really like him. For almost everything…

  7. I know all about the hairpulling. and it is just excruciating. I met a korean man while he was on vacation in my country. At some point he really got to my nerves cuz he always wanted to meet up. I did a few times and finally when he went back to korea we decided to keep in touch (first through fb, then viber and facetime). It was great for the first few weeks. He told me he likes me and i reciprocated, but he didnt know what to do because of our distance. And he didnt wanna talk about it over facetime since he wanted to talk to me in person. After a few weeks however, he started getting so busy(and being my paranoid self thought he was seeing someone else, he’s a celebrity btw) and hardly had time to talk to me. Most of the time was because after work he would go out with friends to drink. And thats my problem. Why doesn’t he allot time for me? he says he’s busy but then he has time to go out with his friends? does he really like me or was it just a phase? we still chat everyday… but im trying to act like im being distant. Any advice guys?

    • You met a Korean guy who is a celebrity and got on your nerves because he wanted to meet up with you? That sounds like great intro to some fanfiction piece :)

      Maybe he’s just busy, or maybe he cooled off because he’s too far away now. I think only time will tell.

      The part I don’t understand though, you are acting distant and at the same time you are angry that he is acting distant?

      • Good point.And he got on my nerves cuz i was really busy at that time and we only had just met. I was planning for it to be a party-all-night thing then not see eachother again ever.

        Im planning a trip to korea a few months from now and when i told him he was really excited and is even getting a vacation from work to take me around. i havent been initiating any convos recently and i just wait for him to msg me first. he still msgs everyday and sends me pictures of where he is and what he’s doing.

        Thing is, i already tried to break off this long-distance thing twice. But he says its “unacceptable” and that we will figure everything out when we see eachother again. i really dont know what to make of this. When i try to cut all communication he gets really clingy, but when i keep the communication going, its like only half of him is there. Im guessing he likes the chase?

  8. hello, I’m Julie and I’m from philippines.
    I want to ask is there any chance that a korean guy would fall in love with me?
    I just meet this guy before at our event in school. He is an intern there and he was so cheerful and cute. and we just talk whole day. After that day we still meet in school but then it was the last month of his internship in our school and he needs to go back to korea to continue his study. we are chatting, but actually I always started the conversation asking about korean language. Then one time, I chat him that I missed him but I tell it was a joke. Then he replied me that he missed me to. I talked to my friend if is there any possibility that he would like me. And she said if I’m the one who make the first move it mean that this guy would definitely not like me.. but whenever I chat with him he always chat back. Then I chat him that it could be the last message I could send to him knowing that I am only the one who make an effort to chat him.. What can you say about my situation? I really need to know what could you advice to me.. Thanks..

    • Of course there is a chance! How could there not be? Please read one of our earlier posts, Can Korean guy be attracted to me?

      I must say, your friend is wrong. Kimchi Man is very shy and reserved and I am very bubbly and pushy. I contacted him first, I told him I love him first and I told him I want to be his girlfriend first. And he likes me enough to buy insanely expensive ticked, leave his country and friends and come spend months with me in Europe.

      Later, when I asked him about that, he said he loved about me that I was so open and honest, and not like other girls playing games that confused him.

      Maybe your guy is different than Kimchi Man, but just because he’s a guy and just because he’s Korean doesn’t mean he likes to make the first move.

  9. i had a crush on this korean guy i saw in school before here in the philippines (freshman year), he became my classmate and he became close to one of my closest friends…thru that close friend and since we were classmates, i think my crush knew me, but we never really had a decent conversation personally…after freshman year he then left to enlist in the military… before he entered the army, i gathered up my guts to start chatting with him thru facebook… i would chat him up when i catch him online during his service and he replies. i also tried to contact him when i went to korea, but unfortunately his vacation didn’t match with the dates i was free, so we didnt get to meet. after his military service, we still kept in touch thru kakaotalk and now he’s going to continue his studies again here. he got my number and we text, and he says he looks forward to seeing me and that he’ll treat me lunch or dinner. sometimes he asks if i’m free and if i wanted to grab coffee…i really want to meet him but i’m just afraid that it’ll be awkward… what should i doooo?

      • oh how i wish that what you said is trueee :) i’m planning to meet him with our friend next week, so it wouldn’t just be the two of us… would that be ok? :p

          • well, it was not really bringing a friend, but i just thought it would be better for him to see more friends at once, than to meet with one friend at a time?

            when 3 of us met, we ate dinner and had coffee.

            after that, we still constantly contact each other through chat. he even told me a lot about his personal life. i actually think we became closer than he was with the friend i mentioned before. we even ate lunch and watched an event when i visited school, just the two of us. :)

            • hello! if this korean guy invites me to watch a movie or have dinner…but also tells me to invite others…does it mean that he doesn’t want to watch the movie or have dinner with just me? We already had lunch/coffee/watched movies more than a couple of times… but during those times, we sort of had no choice because our friend wasn’t free.

  10. what websites should I go to if I wish to have penpals or interact with Korean men online? hope you could help me. Thanks

  11. hi (ill just get to the point). i met this guy (who is korean, if that matters) around 2 weeks ago. he is super duper nice and chill. whenever we see eachother he starts the converstation. he asked me a lot of questions and everything (like how old i was and where i was originally from and my language and kpop). i cant figure out what he thinks of me. I really really like him, i dont know why and how these feelings got to me. i cant stop thinking about him no matter what i do. Im moving my house in like a month or so. i got two questions here. do you think he is interested (at least in a friendship)? should i just stop liking him because im moving?? What should i do? its really bothering for me not to see him every day

    • I don’t know, you’re the one who talked to him. Was he interested?

      I don’t think you can just decide to stop liking someone. It doesn’t work that way. And how far away are you moving?

  12. Hi.I just wanted some opinion.
    I recieved 1 message fr0m one korean guy through “wechat” one of the chatting chat. He said “HI” then i replied “HELLO” THEN we c0ntinues chatting within one m0nth.We both working here in kuwait.
    From the beginning he is very directly to to say that “he liked me a lot.” and he asked me if ur friendship goes to lovers. Since i feel the same, i say “yes”. He is so sweet and always saying that he will take me to korea and live together in 2014..i told him that i have to finish my 2yrs c0ntrct here.which is ends at 2015.
    And he said, i will pay your c0ntrct. Hahaha. H d0nt

  13. Hi there! Do you remember me? By the way I wrote here 5 months ago. I was the one who talked about a guy whom I was waiting on. I did what you told me to send him some messages once in a while. I really had a lot of mixed feelings about what I did. I felt happy and hurt at the same time. All this time, I knew he was reading all my messages even before I wrote to you. Last August, he reactivated all of his accounts but still has an inactive profile status on his kakao. I just started to send him a kakao message last Chuseok days and I was happy that he read all the messages I sent him. Even when I had just sent it, it was immediately read. But as the days went buy, my last message was not read yet. What confused me the most was that he unfriended me on Facebook. I didn’t send him anything there though. After that, I bravely sent him a private message to let him know that I was removed and so. I said that I was feeling painful, etc. I knew he also read my message immediately because of the “seen” feature. Even when I was typing all my messages, the seen feature kept on appearing. After I said I’m sorry and I will stop, I got blocked. I don’t know what to think, I don’t want to rely on virtual messages because I used to feel that warmth and kind treatment he gave me. I don’t want to think that he is mad either. But if I try to think positively, will it matter? Will I lose? Will I wait for him? I know that taking the university test especially “retaking” it gives him so much pressure. But I’m also afraid that maybe he decided to actually get rid of me. Before, he told me that he he was stressful enough without me and that I should not bother him. He said that I always hurt him with the things I said and that I always thought about things by myself and not consider his. Those words were so hurtful but still we got over that, made peace to each other and continued talking. Please help me. I want to forget him but not really. I don’t want to give up. :(

    • He blocked you on all the social networks… it’s really obvious what you should think. You can’t give up because there’s nothing to give up on.

      Just concentrate on someone else who will share the way you feel.

      • Hi, thank you. I don’t know but it’s just I think that I know the kind of person he is. I can feel him and everything that we’ve promised to each other before. This is not the first time he was being mean. He is really honest and mean and he is not that type who just doesn’t confront me for anything. He usually wouldn’t want to talk to me and he could do that for a long time. But in the end, I had understood the kind of guy he was. I’m going to give it my one last shot. I’m going to call him. I want to see how this would really end and to prove that this kind of relationship can really work. I don’t know. Just… please wish me luck. :)

          • Yes. Thank you. I still want believe in him. It’s not being stupid or something. But having been connected with each other for almost 3 years was really something for the two of us. We talked about almost everything and even our future plans. Maybe it’s not about how long you met each other. Or, maybe he changed. But I don’t really care now. I think it’s the feeling that matters and to know when you’re eventually letting it all go. Holding on to good memories is really hard, but you don’t give up on the person you love. :) I’ll update you on what will happen. I’ve already thought of the worst scenario. I think the most important here or in any kind of relationship is that you are strong and you learn after all. ::)))

  14. I know this korean guy online. We chatted everyday for about a week and we finally met. On our 1st date, he was attentive and we behave closely. On the 2nd date, he tried to hold my hands and said he like me. On the 3rd date, we express liking for each other, held hands and even kissed. But the very next day after the 3rd date, he didn’t really reply to my messages and called me at night. He said he didn’t think about me after we went home and at work the next day. He does not want to hurt my feeling and so to remain as friends. For the next few days I tried to text him but his reply was very hostile. After more than a week later, i text him to ask how he is. I was expecting some hostile replies but we chatted for half a day. At one point, he even asked if i want to go travel with him. My reply was “why me?” He said “don’t know.” He ended the chat with “talk tomorrow. good night.” So the next day, i text him but he is back to his hostile mode again. I am seriously confused. I want to let go as much as i want to hold on. I thought he felt sincere during our first few dates. But after that he said he needed a time to think. And I am still struggling with what to do with this guy.. Any advice?

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