[Q&A] How to know if a Korean guy likes you?

Published by

oegukeen

April 13, 2012

[Q&A] How to know if a Korean guy likes you?

Having Korean boyfriend has given me a much better insight into Korean culture and customs. I know how to tell Korean age, I know why Korean chopsticks are made of metal, I know there is no such thing as “Sea of Japan”, I know how to address Koreans of different age, I know to handle everything with both hands…

What I don’t know is how to read Korean men’s minds (a pity). I am a bit closer to it with Kimchi Man, but not much.

All the Korean men I have met have been very different and diverse. So has their attitude towards relationships. Some are going to tell you they love you even before they know the color of your eyes, others will not be vocal about their feelings even when they are ready to die for you.

For everyone who is wondering what is the secret to understanding a Korean man’s heart: There is none.

You don’t need to worry that they are sending some secret Korean signal which you are not picking up. Culture has a hard time influencing something as personal and fundamental as love.

How to know if Korean guy likes you - Oppa do you like me 오빠 나 좋아해? That being said, I completely understand what it is like falling in love and having no idea if object of your adoration feels the same way. I was there. We all want to know for sure if we are happily in love or rushing towards heartbreak. That’s why I am going to do my best to help the two women who asked the questions bellow. I just want to make sure everyone understands I would be no more or less qualified to answer those questions even if I had never met a Korean guy in my life.

And if you know a Korean guy, a Korean guy you like, and you don’t know, if this Korean guy you like, likes you back – forget that he’s Korean.

That might just be the thing you need to truly see what he is trying to tell you.

You might also like:


Will a Korean guy be attracted to me?	How does a Korean guy court girls?	Will my Korean man marry me?

Anonymous asked:

I am in love with a Korean guy, we go to the same university and we met when we took the same class about a year ago. I am 19 and he is 21.

I always feel and act very shy, when I am around a person I really like. When there is no him, I am very funny, communicative and totally normal.

I am not Korean (still Asian), and I don’t speak Korean.

The problem is that…He is not a shy one at all, at least he seems to be so. Sometimes when we meet at some university events, we talk, and he seems to like me as a girl, but we never text/chat after that. I mean, we talk only when we see each other. That’s why talking to him is a very rare occasion, because we meet rarely.

The first time I saw him this year after a long period of time, was another university event, he sent an invitation to me on Facebook, which I don’t think was something special or anything, but I decided to go there still. On the day when he sent the invitation, our eyes met at a cafe, when I was walking past him, but I was with my girl friend and he was with a girl friend as well, so I thought: ”Alright, I haven’t seen you for ages, why say Hi then, you probably don’t even remember me”. He didn’t wave hi to me either. So yeah, then BOOM I got that invitation, and I decided to go. Cause I thought that accidental meeting had something to do with the invitation.

When I just got there, he came up first saying ”Ooh, it’s been a long time” and hugged me, which was a bit weird, because we are not that close friends at all, till that time, we probably had a talk for a couple of times, not more. I mean, I’m not that kind of friend of his, who he could miss. We were never close at all. But I think at the moment when he hugged me, I clearly understood that I liked him a lot. I knew I liked him before, but I thought it was not serious.

I met him the second time about a couple days ago at a university event as well. There were very few people there, but he took the time to come up to me and talk and I tried to act as normal and funny as I could, but I was burning inside and shaking and all that… in the end he said that he’d like to attend an event of mine (I’m the president of a student group) so I promised to send him an invitation.

Everything seems to be okay, but I don’t understand, why he is so passive, if he likes me. Does it mean, that he doesn’t like me as a girl, but just being friendly? He never sends me messages or anything like that… I am hesitating to message him, cause I’m afraid I would never get a reply…and I think that a guy must make the first moves. And if he doesn’t, then it means he’s not interested, in my opinion. I would understand, if he was a shy one, but… as i said before he’s not. He’s very friendly and communication is not a problem for him.

And the second problem is that I don’t know for sure if he has a girlfriend or not. However, the Facebook status says Single otherwise, the last thing I would want to do is ruin a relationship…

Also, I thought about the problem, that I am not Korean, and I thought about the possibility, that he is not interested in me as a girl, because I’m not Korean.

Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that he’s kind of Americanized Korean. He has been living in the USA for about 5 years I believe. But he almost always hangs out with Korean friends.

anyways..please heeeeeeelp

I don’t think that the guy has to make the first move. Why would he? Maybe he is shy when it comes to asking girls out, maybe he is passive, maybe he sees you only as a friend, maybe he already has a girlfriend… You could go all day long guessing “maybes” if you don’t do something about it.

Even if he sees you just as a friend, making the first move might make him see you in a different light.

It’s never easy being rejected but Facebook and text messaging have certainly made it a lot easier than it used to be. You don’t need to pour your heart out to him, just ask him: “Do you want to go out for a coffee/movie/walk”. If he says yes, there is a very good chance he likes you as a girl :)

I have no idea if he has a girlfriend or if he is a national chauvinist. Since he is human, both are possible. Koreans I know have no problem dating someone who is not Korean, and in my case not even Asian. Many questions we got on this site are from Asian non-Korean women who are dating a Korean man, so obviously not all Koreans have a problem with it.

And why wouldn’t you want to ruin his relationship? You are 19, and 21! It’s not like he is married with children and you are tearing apart a family. If you asking him out is enough to ruin his relationship then that relationship deserves to be ruined. I was in a relationship when I met Kimchi Man and I am much happier now. On the other hand, no matter who come to my doorstep now, no one can take me away from Kimchi Man.

You should know that if I didn’t make the first move, Kimchi Man would never dare do it himself (maybe not never but my guess is it would take him 10 years or so ^^). And he was very interested in me. If you keep thinking a girl shouldn’t make the first move, another one will come along who thinks differently and snatch this guy right under your nose.

Ching asked:

Hi…

I’m half Chinese half Filipino girl but my family and I moved to Phil for good when I was still young.. I am now 22 years old, and I met this Korean guy last year almost 9 months ago.. well, I just really feel so alone about this so I hope you can help me out.. here’s my story..

9 months ago July 2011 to be exact I applied in a Korean school in our city, I was accepted and first week in school I had only 2 students and one of the two was the guy I fell in love with. At that time I was 21 and he’s 25 I think. At first I dont really feel anything for him, just the teacher-student relationship. I also noticed he was this shy type of guy, first 2 weeks with him he barely talked. But after about 4 weeks we just got close and I dunno how it happened. But after that he started teasing me everytime we see each other in the hallway, he’s calling me vampire and i’m calling him werewolf. A lot of teasing and all. And then one time during class he asked me who I like then I told him I like Lee Seung Gi [korean actor] then he repeated that question again and I answered him same answer I gave him before then after than he start acting like his heart is in pain [physically] at first I dunno what does that action means but my friend told me he might be hurt that it wasnt him that I like and so he started acting that in a joke way so it wont be obvious.. then he also asked if I do have a boyfriend that time and I said no and he told me that I must get a boyfriend, and I also mentioned to him that I have a curfew around 7pm and he told me that my boyfriend might want to be with me more than my curfew time.. what does that mean??

and sometimes he’ll notice what I’m wearing like last time when I was wearing a coat and I just passed by him he really asked me isnt your coat thick? dont u feel hot? and one time when I had a new student and he’s kinda good looking and almost same age with me, he started asking questions like, So are you happy that the good looking new student is in your class?… who’s better me or him? – those kind of questions and I dunno why he’s asking me like that..

and one of my friend in that school was also his tutor.. so whenever he’ll have class with that friend of mine he would usually asked her to call me and let me go inside their room while they’re having class and it happened many times, i was just there listening to their conversation and whenever I decided to move out the room he would usually stop me and say Vampire where are you going? just stay here.

or sometimes when we meet each other in the hallway he would blocked my way and wont let me pass and he’d tell me Touch me first before I let you pass.. and you know this kind of actions he’s showing me made me fell for him I think.. fell harder that I dont even know how to get out of this situation..

and during his birthday I gave him a not Happy Birthday Werewolf! and he took a picture of it and upload it in his fb..

he also challenged me one time to play snake and ladder with him and he told me if he wins I wont give him assignments for 1 week and if i win he wont complain even if I give him assignments everyday.. its the first time that I have ever played that game and it was with him, so I treasure it a lot (:

what do you think his actions mean?? does it mean something? does he like me?

ah, a day after his birthday he informed all his tutors that he will be absent for the whole day because last night he got drunk and hangover the next morning.. so I was expecting that he’ll also be absent in my class but I was surprised when he entered my room that day.. so I asked him Why are u here? I thought you’d be absent the whole day and he said I was thinking that if I wont come here you’ll be alone here. I was so touched when he told me that but ofcourse I act as if its nothing… and then 1 week after that he was removed in my class and so I started to feel like I was left hanging, a lot of questions are running into my head.. my friends were telling me that he must be afraid that he’d fall for me and so on…

what I did was I tried to talk to him again, initiate the conversation first but I can feel this change like it’s not the way it was back before.. we dont talk that much anymore unlike before when he was still in my class.. we passed by each other in the hallway without even saying hi.. I asked him he doesnt talked to me anymore, he said He was shy. I tried everything to gain back the friendship we once had the closeness we once had… but I think I falied or maybe I didnt try harder? I was asking myself What should I do? but later on I just stopped trying to talk to him just trying to accept that maybe it wasnt meant to be.. September that year we stopped talking, offcially. February this year he went back to korea without talking to me. He had my number. This march a friend of mine who is also his friend told me that he has a kakaotalk so why not try to add him. So I added him and again I have to initiate the talking.. we talked and he told me he misses me but overjoyed about his message i wasnt able to reply to him right away and then he sent me a message again saying he was just kidding with the ‘haha’ … what does that mean???! I hate him but still I believe he meant it when he told me he misses me.. what do u think? Now, I decided to just stop talking to him stop initiating just to talk to him cause its always me who texts first maybe he really doesnt care at all so why would I waste my time with him…

please help me what to do is my decision right?

I badly need your opinion guys.. I hope you can help me out with this..

sorry I think I wrote too long, its just that if i skipped a few lines u might not be able to get my situation.. kinda a long story (:

he’s still single until now and he told me before that he once had a girlfriend 4 years ago…

hoping to get a reply from you soon ^^ thanks ~

I employed help from Kimchi Man on this one. He says guy obviously liked you before but something changed. You can’t know what changed and to obsess about it would just be wasting your time. Since he is in Korea and your interactions are just one-way, you made a good decision.

Your friends are trying to protect your feelings when they say he is just afraid he will fall in love with you. Unless there is some specific obstacle you know – like policy in your school that students and teachers can’t be in a relationship (although now that he’s not in school that argument became moot) – why would he be afraid of liking you?

Stick to your decision and don’t waste your time on this Korean guy. Maybe he will come around and contact you, but chances are very slim.

-Oegukeen

Leave your question in the comments below if you still don’t know if Korean guy likes you. :)

Also recommended:

How to get a Korean guy to like you

324 responses to “[Q&A] How to know if a Korean guy likes you?”

Ramya

September 28, 2014

i should mention that he’s living in India currently..

Reply
Ramya

September 28, 2014

hi. m am Indian girl . living in India . somehow i saw one k drama . since it striked me same as our Indian dramas . so i wanted to learn Korean so i could understand drama better . i searched net for free tutor n i found one. he was Korean. just came India . he wanted to Learn English . n he said he can teach Korean as exchange . i clearly mentioned that my intention is learning Korean language only. n nothing else . he also said he just want to Learn English better . even though he asked for my number i dot give . later ..we started chatting in kktalk . n we became friends . slowly he started to flirt . n when i told him to stop . he said it’s normal in Korea to talk to friends very closely . n he consider me as friend only. so i asked him again whether he’s lookin for something else . he denied it. so i kept chatting with him.i even suggested him image some matter . n was good to him.. he would praise me like ur heart is warm . ur mind is like silk . he would always say that he missed me. n would ask me whether i missed him.. i would say.. no… but once i said” yeah “.. then he asked me whether i like him or not. he asked me many time n i never answered for his this question . he told me about his old girl friend. he even said few thing about his parents .. i was surprised . he doesn’t know how i look.. he says he want to eat food cooked by me.. im surprised .. even though he says Wer friends . he says things opposite to that .. likehe once told me his frien married Indian girl . he says he can became Hindu if he marries a Hindu Indian girl .. i never talked beyond friend shilp line. he even asked suggestions for shopping .. m confused by his words .. i told in the begging that we can be only friends .. n e agreed . but his words say otherwise .he says i make him calm. n happy .. pls suggest . who im to him ?

worried friend of Korean.

Reply
1. oegukeen
  
  September 28, 2014
  
  He doesn’t seem to respect your wishes or your boundaries. That has nothing to do with Korean (or any other) culture
  
  Reply
Catherine

September 12, 2014

Hi I wanted to share the tale of my love gone wrong over a KOREAN GUY

I met this korean guy becuase my friend introuce me to him,it was a set up date to be exact,the korean guy known me before I met him,he has my photo on his phone and showed it to me on our first date,I was shocked to know about it,he even had a new hairstyle and everything,so at first I don’t really like him,but he’s so nice and sweet,..just like any other korean guy,
They will compliment you everyday,notice everything about you,always stare at you,..he seems so real and so in love..we became couple,he was my first BF and i’m his first GF,.. he wanted to stay in Philippines for good because of me,so we process his visa,By the way i was 22 that time and he was 25 so young and naive.it was going well,like fairytale..i was so in love,so he also seems so inlove,sometimes he would pick me up in the office to bring me to his house becuase he cook something for me,or will text me because he is outside of the office and just wanted to see me just for a minute.would carry me on his back because i feel so tired to walk. he is a kind of guy that every girl dream of.then problem came up,my parents doesn’t like him and his parents doesn’t like me neither,they don’t want their only son to stay and live i phil,also my parents are scared that he might just leave me.but we try to ignore them.The sweetest thing he said was”let’s fight this together,don’t let go”We plan to live together
find a house that we could rent on,plan a small business.at that time i can feel that things are serious and we really meant to be.
His father came from korea because they can’t convince him to go back in korea,i met his father but i have the feeling that he doesn’t like me for his son,his father stayed in phil for one week the gone back to korea,
it was new year when my BF told me that he nneds to go back to korea…it was the hardest time for me,I almost can’t open my mouth for a couple of hrs and just stared at him,because I know that when he came back there’s a little chance for us..but he asked me to respect his decision,but he promise that he will visit me evry vacation,and after his studies we will get marry and so on..planned so many things.

when he gone back to korea I decided to move in another city and work harder.we keep in touch for about 6 months but time comes when he asked me to end up the relationship because he cannot be with me anymore,he is so busy and he is not sure anymore.i totally freaked out,i begged him not to end it ( well ladies,do not beg for someone to stay in your side )i think it was the most stupid thing i did in my life,well he agreed not to end it up because he said he also can’t live without me,I know that time that it’s also hard for him,he even cried on the phone when i begged for him.

but starting that ay i can feel that he is keeping his distance,he doesn’t message me often unlike before,no longer sweet,or sometimes he is sweet sometimes not,it was hard for me.i know that time that the relationship might end up anytime soon,but i keep hanging,hoping,and then times comes that he totally ignore me,no messgae no phone cal,no repliy not even answering my calls,

The first heartach ever. I can’t focus on my job,I’m always angry,can’t eat can’t sleep,
I lock my self in my apartment.my co worker keep visiting me..i still tried to call him but he doesn’t give a damn.it’s like i’m nothing and we are nothing.I resigned my job becuase i can’t work anymore.after one month
to leave philippines and stay with my family…and I never go back in phil anymore,it took me one year to accept that it’s totally over.but until now I still feel the pain whenever something reminds me of him,
even miss him.

As for now i love travelling,and enjoying the company of my friends

Well girls,if i were you don’t go for korean guy,
They may give you 100 of happiness but thousand of pain.

I have many korean friends
even have a korean guy best friend
and he suggested me not to go for korean guy again.,
well he doesn’t like my korean ex BF and warn me
but i did not listen.

But it’s up to you…

Good luck!

Reply
1. oegukeen
  
  September 12, 2014
  
  I’m sorry you had a bad experience. It’s really difficult having your feelings hurt.
  
  But don’t you think it’s a bit silly making a generalization about 25 million men on a basis of ONE guy?
  
  Reply
Rick

August 8, 2014

I put this on a different page, but I thought I would try my luck here as well.

I’m a gay man from the US living in japan and except for a few friends, I’m in the closet. Several months back I met a korean guy. Our common language is japanese…but I’m not fluent and there are some communication problems.
That being said, I’m not sure if he is interested in me as just a friend or if he is gay and in the closet like myself.
Our housemates say we act like brothers and we seem to bring each other out of our shells when we are together and are willing to sit together quietly away from the group and despite not being able to communicate so well with each other, he’s very willing to spend hours a day with me going out and about.
He has things he wants to say to me and he will tell others so I know what he means.
I often catch him smiling at me for no reason and we play eye tag and make faces at each other without exchanging words. He’s fairly willing to make physical contact with me and even let me touch him on the shoulder or pat him on the stomach. And we wrestle around.
That being said, if our knees or arms touch accidentally he’ll usually be the first to pull away after some time has passed.
As far as I’m aware he has only ever had one sexual partner and that was while he clearly stated that it happened while he was serving in the military…so not sure if that was a prostitute or not.

Basically I’m just not sure if he is interested in me as a friend or if he is a closeted gay man or even unsure if he is gay…and I’d rather not ask him directly unless I’m fairly sure.

Reply
1. 자라
  
  March 16, 2015
  
  Hello.this might be a really late answer And I am not even sure if you still have the same feelings for the korean guy or not but I thought I should answer you if I feel like I can help..first of all I wanna ask you if he knows that you are gay or not…if not you should tell him..if you cant say it directly ask your friends to tell him..and if he knows this may that s the reason why he acts wierd around you..we cant figure out if the reason why he acts wierd is that he likes you or he is..IDK scared maybe…if he is not against gay people so maybe he likes guys too… the last thing that I should mention is that most of korean guys act really close and intimate to their friends especially close friends which they refer as brother or (Hyung in korean) they do some things together that may other people find it wierd or gay….so of he thinks of you as his “Hyung” dont you think that he should be alittle bit more comfortable??
  gay relationships are not acceptable in korean families so may be he just doesnt want to admit it to any one and most of them will try their best to ignore it ..you need to be patient ^____^
  
  Reply
Anonymous

August 6, 2014

안녕하세요. ^^ 제발 도와주세요. This has been killing me because I think about it 24/7 and is hard not to think about. This does not normally happen at all with a guy and his lady friend.

I had first met him on a Korean language learning app. I was the one who had messaged first because he had an ADORABLE cat picture as his profile picture and I was curious as to whether or not that cat was his (My profile pic is of me. This will become important later). I later found out that the cat was not his but his friend’s cat and that he love cats as well. We continue to just talk and about 4 days after meeting each other he decides to bring up Kakao talk and so we decided to carry our conversation there. There is where it all began to change.

Keep in mind. I have only known him for 2 months. Though both he and I feel like we have known each other for more than 2 months. Anyways I won’t go in order because there is so much to say. After we had switched messaging apps he had asked me if I I wanted to see what he looked like because he has seen me in my profile pictures but I have not seen him. I told him that he could show me if he was comfortable with it. He told me that he was embarrassed and that it seemed as though I didn’t want to see what he looked like but he wanted to show me. I told him that I wanted to wait until he was really comfortable with showing me and that I did not want to push him out of his comfort zone. Yes I did want to see what he looked like but I figured that it would be rude and pushy if I were to ask him. When he said that it surprised me because he had NEVER said anything like that before but I thought ‘oh he is just trying to be polite’.

I had found out one day that he smokes. He told me that he thinks he should reduce the amount he smokes. I hate cigarets and was joking around and told him he should reduce and then quit. And then I said that I was kidding and that I strongly encouraged reducing. I was joking around again saying that once I get to Korea he won’t be smoking much or at all and then told him I was kidding and that I understand that smoking is a hard habit to break. He told me that he promises once I go to Korea he won’t be smoking at all.

I had broken down and went to him because it is REALLY hard to talk to my family about anything and everything because the are very controlling and judgemental. During the talk I told him that all I knew to do was push people away because that is what I learned as a child. The first thing he told me was that he has never done that and that he never will. The second thing was that he NEVER wants me to push him away because it won’t be like me to push him away. He had also told me that no matter what way I go he will always be with me no matter what. (This is the second time he has told me he’ll be there for me) I had asked why he takes me through my depression states so well and he told me that he wants me to be happy and that he wants the best for me.

He also told me that he wanted to call me everyday once he improves his English. He other day we phoned each other and one of the first few things he had brought up was his cigarets situation and that before he talked to me about it he really did smoke a lot but after he reduced by a lot as well. He also had asked me if I was ok because I had hit my depression the other day. I thought it was sweet of him to ask. As we were ending the phone conversation he told me he had to go because his parents were looking for him and that he had to go. He said he was at the park waiting specifically MY call and nothing else. It was almost midnight and he was alone.

He had asked me how I was doing one day and I told him about my bad migraine and he told me I should go to the hospital. Then I told him my symptoms and he told me I should go see a doctor. I told him I was ok and he told me ‘ I want you to be careful today. I wish I could help but I am far away’.

He also said he wants to take me to Lotte world. I talked to one of my other Korean buddies about a what it meant if a guy wanted to bring you to Lotte World and that Lotte World is a big deal because that is where all the boyfriends take their girlfriends…… Though I am not sure.

He also said that he is glad I am there for him like how he is me because I thought why not return what he has done to me.

There is more to be said but I don’t remember it all but also because this is already long enough. Truth be told I don’t want to really confirm my feelings for him because I am, like you said, afraid to fall in love. Dumb love. I began liking him after he began showing the actions listed above. What do you think? I need help. I want to ask him what he thinks of me or what I am to him some time soon. I am taking in as much advice I can get.
감사합니다~~

은비 ^^

Reply
1. 은비
  
  August 6, 2014
  
  I forgot to add that I will be 18 this year and that he is 20 this year.
  
  Reply
Anonymous

July 23, 2014

Hello!

I would really appreciate some advice! I am falling for a korean man I met only a week ago! I have met up with him 3 times now. We met off interpals and he contacted me when he came to my country because he wanted help with his English. Our first meeting was very lovely, he seemed very pleasant and easy to talk to. The next time I met him, I was quite drunk. I don’t know if he took advantage but we kissed 3 times during the night and held hands while walking. I then saw him last night and again I was drunk :( he was very sick and did not feel he was able to see me but I begged him to come and meet me. I saw him for 10 minutes before he said he really had to go home. I dropped him at his apartment and he kept asking if I was okay and that he felt bad for having to go. I was really upset because I missed him. He gave me a really big hug, just like off kdramas! We don’t txt each other everyday but when I said I missed him yesterday he said he missed me too. I’m so confused! I don’t want to be mistaking this if maybe he just sees me as a friend? Pleeeease help me! I’m going crazy in love..

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