[Q&A] How to know if a Korean guy likes you?

Published by

oegukeen

April 13, 2012

[Q&A] How to know if a Korean guy likes you?

Having Korean boyfriend has given me a much better insight into Korean culture and customs. I know how to tell Korean age, I know why Korean chopsticks are made of metal, I know there is no such thing as “Sea of Japan”, I know how to address Koreans of different age, I know to handle everything with both hands…

What I don’t know is how to read Korean men’s minds (a pity). I am a bit closer to it with Kimchi Man, but not much.

All the Korean men I have met have been very different and diverse. So has their attitude towards relationships. Some are going to tell you they love you even before they know the color of your eyes, others will not be vocal about their feelings even when they are ready to die for you.

For everyone who is wondering what is the secret to understanding a Korean man’s heart: There is none.

You don’t need to worry that they are sending some secret Korean signal which you are not picking up. Culture has a hard time influencing something as personal and fundamental as love.

How to know if Korean guy likes you - Oppa do you like me 오빠 나 좋아해? That being said, I completely understand what it is like falling in love and having no idea if object of your adoration feels the same way. I was there. We all want to know for sure if we are happily in love or rushing towards heartbreak. That’s why I am going to do my best to help the two women who asked the questions bellow. I just want to make sure everyone understands I would be no more or less qualified to answer those questions even if I had never met a Korean guy in my life.

And if you know a Korean guy, a Korean guy you like, and you don’t know, if this Korean guy you like, likes you back – forget that he’s Korean.

That might just be the thing you need to truly see what he is trying to tell you.

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Anonymous asked:

I am in love with a Korean guy, we go to the same university and we met when we took the same class about a year ago. I am 19 and he is 21.

I always feel and act very shy, when I am around a person I really like. When there is no him, I am very funny, communicative and totally normal.

I am not Korean (still Asian), and I don’t speak Korean.

The problem is that…He is not a shy one at all, at least he seems to be so. Sometimes when we meet at some university events, we talk, and he seems to like me as a girl, but we never text/chat after that. I mean, we talk only when we see each other. That’s why talking to him is a very rare occasion, because we meet rarely.

The first time I saw him this year after a long period of time, was another university event, he sent an invitation to me on Facebook, which I don’t think was something special or anything, but I decided to go there still. On the day when he sent the invitation, our eyes met at a cafe, when I was walking past him, but I was with my girl friend and he was with a girl friend as well, so I thought: ”Alright, I haven’t seen you for ages, why say Hi then, you probably don’t even remember me”. He didn’t wave hi to me either. So yeah, then BOOM I got that invitation, and I decided to go. Cause I thought that accidental meeting had something to do with the invitation.

When I just got there, he came up first saying ”Ooh, it’s been a long time” and hugged me, which was a bit weird, because we are not that close friends at all, till that time, we probably had a talk for a couple of times, not more. I mean, I’m not that kind of friend of his, who he could miss. We were never close at all. But I think at the moment when he hugged me, I clearly understood that I liked him a lot. I knew I liked him before, but I thought it was not serious.

I met him the second time about a couple days ago at a university event as well. There were very few people there, but he took the time to come up to me and talk and I tried to act as normal and funny as I could, but I was burning inside and shaking and all that… in the end he said that he’d like to attend an event of mine (I’m the president of a student group) so I promised to send him an invitation.

Everything seems to be okay, but I don’t understand, why he is so passive, if he likes me. Does it mean, that he doesn’t like me as a girl, but just being friendly? He never sends me messages or anything like that… I am hesitating to message him, cause I’m afraid I would never get a reply…and I think that a guy must make the first moves. And if he doesn’t, then it means he’s not interested, in my opinion. I would understand, if he was a shy one, but… as i said before he’s not. He’s very friendly and communication is not a problem for him.

And the second problem is that I don’t know for sure if he has a girlfriend or not. However, the Facebook status says Single otherwise, the last thing I would want to do is ruin a relationship…

Also, I thought about the problem, that I am not Korean, and I thought about the possibility, that he is not interested in me as a girl, because I’m not Korean.

Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that he’s kind of Americanized Korean. He has been living in the USA for about 5 years I believe. But he almost always hangs out with Korean friends.

anyways..please heeeeeeelp

I don’t think that the guy has to make the first move. Why would he? Maybe he is shy when it comes to asking girls out, maybe he is passive, maybe he sees you only as a friend, maybe he already has a girlfriend… You could go all day long guessing “maybes” if you don’t do something about it.

Even if he sees you just as a friend, making the first move might make him see you in a different light.

It’s never easy being rejected but Facebook and text messaging have certainly made it a lot easier than it used to be. You don’t need to pour your heart out to him, just ask him: “Do you want to go out for a coffee/movie/walk”. If he says yes, there is a very good chance he likes you as a girl :)

I have no idea if he has a girlfriend or if he is a national chauvinist. Since he is human, both are possible. Koreans I know have no problem dating someone who is not Korean, and in my case not even Asian. Many questions we got on this site are from Asian non-Korean women who are dating a Korean man, so obviously not all Koreans have a problem with it.

And why wouldn’t you want to ruin his relationship? You are 19, and 21! It’s not like he is married with children and you are tearing apart a family. If you asking him out is enough to ruin his relationship then that relationship deserves to be ruined. I was in a relationship when I met Kimchi Man and I am much happier now. On the other hand, no matter who come to my doorstep now, no one can take me away from Kimchi Man.

You should know that if I didn’t make the first move, Kimchi Man would never dare do it himself (maybe not never but my guess is it would take him 10 years or so ^^). And he was very interested in me. If you keep thinking a girl shouldn’t make the first move, another one will come along who thinks differently and snatch this guy right under your nose.

Ching asked:

Hi…

I’m half Chinese half Filipino girl but my family and I moved to Phil for good when I was still young.. I am now 22 years old, and I met this Korean guy last year almost 9 months ago.. well, I just really feel so alone about this so I hope you can help me out.. here’s my story..

9 months ago July 2011 to be exact I applied in a Korean school in our city, I was accepted and first week in school I had only 2 students and one of the two was the guy I fell in love with. At that time I was 21 and he’s 25 I think. At first I dont really feel anything for him, just the teacher-student relationship. I also noticed he was this shy type of guy, first 2 weeks with him he barely talked. But after about 4 weeks we just got close and I dunno how it happened. But after that he started teasing me everytime we see each other in the hallway, he’s calling me vampire and i’m calling him werewolf. A lot of teasing and all. And then one time during class he asked me who I like then I told him I like Lee Seung Gi [korean actor] then he repeated that question again and I answered him same answer I gave him before then after than he start acting like his heart is in pain [physically] at first I dunno what does that action means but my friend told me he might be hurt that it wasnt him that I like and so he started acting that in a joke way so it wont be obvious.. then he also asked if I do have a boyfriend that time and I said no and he told me that I must get a boyfriend, and I also mentioned to him that I have a curfew around 7pm and he told me that my boyfriend might want to be with me more than my curfew time.. what does that mean??

and sometimes he’ll notice what I’m wearing like last time when I was wearing a coat and I just passed by him he really asked me isnt your coat thick? dont u feel hot? and one time when I had a new student and he’s kinda good looking and almost same age with me, he started asking questions like, So are you happy that the good looking new student is in your class?… who’s better me or him? – those kind of questions and I dunno why he’s asking me like that..

and one of my friend in that school was also his tutor.. so whenever he’ll have class with that friend of mine he would usually asked her to call me and let me go inside their room while they’re having class and it happened many times, i was just there listening to their conversation and whenever I decided to move out the room he would usually stop me and say Vampire where are you going? just stay here.

or sometimes when we meet each other in the hallway he would blocked my way and wont let me pass and he’d tell me Touch me first before I let you pass.. and you know this kind of actions he’s showing me made me fell for him I think.. fell harder that I dont even know how to get out of this situation..

and during his birthday I gave him a not Happy Birthday Werewolf! and he took a picture of it and upload it in his fb..

he also challenged me one time to play snake and ladder with him and he told me if he wins I wont give him assignments for 1 week and if i win he wont complain even if I give him assignments everyday.. its the first time that I have ever played that game and it was with him, so I treasure it a lot (:

what do you think his actions mean?? does it mean something? does he like me?

ah, a day after his birthday he informed all his tutors that he will be absent for the whole day because last night he got drunk and hangover the next morning.. so I was expecting that he’ll also be absent in my class but I was surprised when he entered my room that day.. so I asked him Why are u here? I thought you’d be absent the whole day and he said I was thinking that if I wont come here you’ll be alone here. I was so touched when he told me that but ofcourse I act as if its nothing… and then 1 week after that he was removed in my class and so I started to feel like I was left hanging, a lot of questions are running into my head.. my friends were telling me that he must be afraid that he’d fall for me and so on…

what I did was I tried to talk to him again, initiate the conversation first but I can feel this change like it’s not the way it was back before.. we dont talk that much anymore unlike before when he was still in my class.. we passed by each other in the hallway without even saying hi.. I asked him he doesnt talked to me anymore, he said He was shy. I tried everything to gain back the friendship we once had the closeness we once had… but I think I falied or maybe I didnt try harder? I was asking myself What should I do? but later on I just stopped trying to talk to him just trying to accept that maybe it wasnt meant to be.. September that year we stopped talking, offcially. February this year he went back to korea without talking to me. He had my number. This march a friend of mine who is also his friend told me that he has a kakaotalk so why not try to add him. So I added him and again I have to initiate the talking.. we talked and he told me he misses me but overjoyed about his message i wasnt able to reply to him right away and then he sent me a message again saying he was just kidding with the ‘haha’ … what does that mean???! I hate him but still I believe he meant it when he told me he misses me.. what do u think? Now, I decided to just stop talking to him stop initiating just to talk to him cause its always me who texts first maybe he really doesnt care at all so why would I waste my time with him…

please help me what to do is my decision right?

I badly need your opinion guys.. I hope you can help me out with this..

sorry I think I wrote too long, its just that if i skipped a few lines u might not be able to get my situation.. kinda a long story (:

he’s still single until now and he told me before that he once had a girlfriend 4 years ago…

hoping to get a reply from you soon ^^ thanks ~

I employed help from Kimchi Man on this one. He says guy obviously liked you before but something changed. You can’t know what changed and to obsess about it would just be wasting your time. Since he is in Korea and your interactions are just one-way, you made a good decision.

Your friends are trying to protect your feelings when they say he is just afraid he will fall in love with you. Unless there is some specific obstacle you know – like policy in your school that students and teachers can’t be in a relationship (although now that he’s not in school that argument became moot) – why would he be afraid of liking you?

Stick to your decision and don’t waste your time on this Korean guy. Maybe he will come around and contact you, but chances are very slim.

-Oegukeen

Leave your question in the comments below if you still don’t know if Korean guy likes you. :)

Also recommended:

How to get a Korean guy to like you

324 responses to “[Q&A] How to know if a Korean guy likes you?”

ellejin

November 3, 2015

Oh, How could i know if you respond? Please I really need your help. I want to stop but I can’t. I think I’m lock up to the things that he made. And lastly, When I stalked his facebook, there are picture of him that was tag in me. I don’t understand how or maybe it was I who tag it myself. But i don’t remember if i ever did it.

Reply
1. oegukeen
  
  November 3, 2015
  
  I’m sorry but I don’t answer questions about relationships any more. Kimchi Man and I are no longer in a relationship and even though we are still in touch he is too busy with his work to help out on the blog too.
  
  Truth be told, we never really did answer personal questions about relationships. The idea behind this site is that we share the intercultural intricacies and not solve relationship issues since we are not trained in psychology and we are no more qualified to give advice than any other person who has been in a relationship.
  
  Best advice I can give you is unless your problem involves a very specific cultural ceremony, just treat him like you would a man from your own country.
  
  Reply
  1. ellejin
    
    November 4, 2015
    
    oh, i that so? Hahhaha well thank you :)
    
    Reply
ellejin

November 3, 2015

Hey, I’ve read some asian problems about the korean guy and i also want to ask something. Gosh I’m nervous. Sorry hahaha. I was 19 and he’s 20.
5 years ago I saw a korean guy in our church together with his family. They go to our church every 2nd and 3rd sunday of the month because his father is our preacher. From the first time i saw him i was really attracted to him. He’s not that handsome but i really like him. So i asked my friend to ask that korean guys’ name and age. So when I found out his name i become more interested with him. I add him on facebook but sadly he didn’t accept my friend request. but i still sty to message him and asked him if he could be my friend. he said yes. but that chat didn’t last. Time passed and he suddenly stop going to our church but his family still go. Me and his father become close but i don’t know how. There i start to study korean language so that when day come, i will be able to understand him. (I thought he go back to korea.)His father always saying that im beautiful and lovely and he treat me like his daughter. (Maybe because he has no daughter) When there’s an event in our main church, we went there and atlast, i saw him again. I found out that he’s part of the music team in our main church that’s why he can’t go to our church. After that, I’m always waiting for event in the main church just to see him. May be twice in a year.
I live like that for 5 years. always waiting to see him. I always stalk him in his facebook and beside, his father always talk about him.
suddenly, something changed. Our pastor (He’s already old) gave us to be under his father. It is just this february 2015. before that, i decided to stop liking him because there’s no hope at all so i cancel the friend request i send to him. When i’m on my way to church sunday morning, I was in the gate and i saw him (The korean guy i like). he’s about to go up stair but he suddenly stop and looked at me so i was shock and i stopped walking and look at him as well.
after a few minutes, he continue to walk so do i. The following sundays, he’s always talking to me and even asked me if i have a boyfriend. He also used to enter the room where i always stay and sit there with me. He’s asking me some information about me. He also asked for us to have a picture so we use my tablet for us to have a picture after that, we share earphone and listen to music together. I felt so happy and my decision to forget him suddenly change. I already know that i love him from that very moment.
Our church held a concert for the youth to band. The day of the concert came and we’re busy.But still, i was able to have a short talk with him. When I’m done to my obligations, I go to the audio room and sit. I’m observing the people and he and his friend suddenly show up in front of me but not inside of the audio room. They looked at me and knock the window of the audio room so when I’m about to open it, they restrain me. I looked at them with confusion in my face. The I saw them smiling at me. I tried to open again the window but they’re really stopping it so i closed and locked it. they smiled and return to their seat. I wonder why.
before the concert starts, my crush suddenly go to me and ask for my Facebook account so i was shock. I wasn’t able to speak so he said he’s going to add me. Then right away, i told him my account. After the concert his father asked me to go with them so they can drop me in my school. (I’m a dormitorian and my school is near to their house) In their car, I they keep on talking to me maybe they sense that i was uncomfort. My crush keep on looking and talking at me as well. Asking and showing me pictures in his father’s phone that was taken from the concert. And there he saw a picture of me, playing bass guitar so he said wow. suddenly his father asked me if im hungry but i said no ’cause we just eat in church.
We go to Greenwich to eat pizza. (Though i said no, his father still feed me) He asked me if i know his course and i said no. of course i just pretend. He said our youth pastor asked him earlier and he answer it with mic. on his hands but i didn’t listen. I said im not there but he insist that im there. I actually wasn’t there but im in the youth room busy changing my clothes because we have to present something. When I heard a word ‘dentistry’ I knew it was him who pastor asked. I perfectly know it even before he said it to the crowd. I was just afraid that he might discover that i like him. And there, He said to me that I wasn’t even Interested and i just replied with a laugh. He keep on talking to me and making me comfortable. But when i started to eat i felt like someone’s looking at me so i turn my eyes to his place which is beside me and there i saw him looking at me.
after eating we go back to the car and i remain silent. Then suddenly his father said that he have 3 sons and i could pick if i like. I know it’s just a just but i said to myself that if i could just point him then i would.
A couple of minute his father asked me again if i like to eat ice cream. When im about to say no they all looked at me like begging for me to say yes and the korean guy beside me whisper to me to say yes.. So i said yes. after we buy, they told me that their specialty to that day is ice cream because of me.
The next sunday, they ask me to go with them again to drop me into my school. but this time it was just me my crush and his father. I’m nervous because it was just him and I who where in the back seat. At first we’re silent. When i looked at him his eyes are close but i know he’s not not sleeping so this time i started to ask him something so he immediately answer me and there we started to chat. That time i feel like we’re very close to each other. We laugh together, I’m also serving him his food like what he did last time. He asked that if he go to my school will he be able to see me there but just shrugged my shoulder. I had even hit him and he’s just laughing. Before we reach my school he asked for my phone number so i gave it and he texted me for me to save his number. When We reach my school, He wave his hand to me and say bye while smiling widely.
Maybe a month after, i had a chance to go to their house because my dorm mate is the tutor of one of the koreans. She brought me there and i thought my crush wasn’t there and he go to his school but i was surprise and nervous at the same time when I saw him walking down stair. I know he saw me but I pretend that i didn’t saw him. I focus to my tablet and watch the korean music video. He go first to the kitchen then start walking toward me. he stopped in front of me at slowly bend his knees to indicate his presence. I looked at him like i was surprise and smile. He said hello so do I. He sat beside me and talk to me. Then he also watch the music video I was watching. He stay beside me, enough to make me feel so nervous. Suddenly, It’s hard for me to breathe so he noticed it. He asked me if im fine or if it’s hot. But I said im okay and it’s not hot. When he saw my ID lace, He insist to see it so i gave it to him but my id wasn’t there so he laugh ’cause only a picture of my KPOP idol is there. Luckily, his mother called him and so he go back to the kitchen. He went up stair and that’s the time my dorm mate finish her job so i told her to go home immediately.
After that, we haven’t talk again these past few weeks or maybe a month. I don’t know what happened. After they eat lunch, the korean youth go home immediately.
Does He like me or not? Because i feel like he’s just being friendly. He never texted me or chat me. I Do it first but just for some questions about korean language. He also didn’t go to my school. I like him so much but I don’t want to do the first move because I’m a girl. And also I don’t have a confident to do so.
Please help me. Please.Please . And thank you so much.

Reply
LMJ

October 27, 2015

hello~ i’m A from Philippines.. i met this korean man when he and his team came in the university i graduated from. he’s still a student although he’s older than me (because of the military service). so here’s what happened. they went here for their annual summer trip for our org, so i happened to meet him and became friends with him (and others too) during their stay here in our hometown. then we started talking to each other, been friends. we’re so fine. then we and his team went to a city which is a 5-hour drive from ours. we’re fine until the night we arrived at the “L city”. i don’t know if it’s bad to decline his (or even someone’s) invitation to go at the ground floor of the mall we went that night (because i asked him if we could wait for the other team members, so we could go together… and they’re also my liability because they’re still on my homeland), he told me “okay, let’s just wait for them”. then they came and i talked with the closest friend i had on the team (who happened to be another guy) that’s the last time he ever talked to me in person. he went so cold from then. we went to different tourist spots all over the city but still he’s been ignoring me and just passed by me like an air until they need to go back to Korea… everything’s been like “dude, i i’m here, i said hi. why pass by me and shut the door as if i’m not around?”
and then they got back to korea. i’ve been trying to reach out to him, but he keeps on ignoring all my messages in KKT and Facebook.. until i got at the edge of my desperation and asked him this way “hello J, are we good? i mean are we okay?” then he keeps on getting it seen-zoned. until i gave up and told him “i guess i know the answer. goodnight, God bless and take a good care of yourself.” i was shocked when he sent me a message that he’s been very busy about something (and yes i understand).. but what i don’t understand is that he keeps on liking my close friend’s posts. and i felt a li’l bit of jealous, even as a friend because i long to talk to him that much.
i’m sorry it gone too long. my concern is that i just want to know why did he behaved that way? my friends said he could have been jealous, but of course i won’t believe it. (and i have the shame of not asking him ofcourse) i just alsowanna know the real difference between a korean guy liking you and just being too friendly with you. or could my friends be right that he’s somehow jealous that i went so close with other guy on the team? seriously, i started liking him before but i’m not certain about it now. thank you so much, sorry it went long. :)

Reply
D.

October 12, 2015

what if a korean guy gives you their number?

Reply
1. i chen
  
  January 13, 2016
  
  Up to to you.
  Usually they would ask for yours. But sometimes when they think it would sound little cheap to suddenly ask for a girls number they give their number. And try not to offend you. If you call / text he will know you are into him. If you don’t he will assume that you were not interested. However they may ask you. If they really like you . trust me.. Koreans are very persistent.
  Good luck.
  
  Reply
Hasi

October 1, 2015

Hi
I met a Korean guy through a language exchange site some time ago. And we exchanged kakao talk ids and have been chatting almost everyday since the day we got to know eachother. I live in Canada and he lives in South Korea. He seems like a really nice guy. I’m currently learning Korean language. It seems kinda sudden but I feel like I have fallen for him and I am hoping he would like me back too. Please help me out and gimme some advice how to make him have some interest in me and how to keep him interested. Tell me things I should talk about with him to keep him interested.
Thank you

Reply
1. oegukeen
  
  October 1, 2015
  
  You should first take a step back and realize he is a unique human being with unique interests no matter what his nationality is.
  
  What answer would you give someone who asked you: “Which things should I talk about with Canadian women to keep them interested”?
  
  Reply
2. Anonymous
  
  November 29, 2015
  
  Hello Hasi
  
  I am from the UK. The same thing happened to me, I met a korean guy through a language exchange app and now we are communicating through Kakao Talk. Would you tell me your experience? I am very confused because we speak nearly every day but most of the time I’m the one who has to speak to him first, he hardly ever makes the first move. Also, he takes a really long time to reply. He has asked me to Skype twice now and we have a great time. He told me he wanted to come to the UK next year, but i am worried that until then, we could start communicating less and less, and he would find someone else in his own country, or if he is only using me for language exchange and really he is not interested in me. I feel very intimidated by korean girls, they are so thin and pretty, I don’t know is he prefers thinner girls that are from his own culture.
  
  Please tell me your experience so I can understand more about how the korean guys think.
  
  Reply
MeinaEx

August 30, 2015

Hello, I am C from Indonesia. I met this guy last two weeks, actually.
At first I was doubting whether I should see him or not. We met in Tinder (some kind of dating apps).
So, we actually have chatted for a long time before we met. So, he was in Indonesia for travelling and also sight seeing his new place of work. He is going to work in Indonesia next year. So, the first time we met, we talk about many things and it feels like we have known each other since a long time. He only had 2 days in my town for vacation. But we met each days. He said he likes me. but I don’t know whether it is true or not. I already told him that I like him too. However, in our conversation. he mentioned that he didn’t like the idea of dating. I am recently broke up with my bf too. So, me, myself don’t want to be in a relationship soon too.
BUT! Everyday, what I think about is him and our meetings. He hugged me in the last day he was here (I slept on his hotel in his last day, and God knows what happened). He told me he loves me before I leave and asking me to keep in touch until we meet again next year (he said it so often, like 5 times from the first time we met).

later when he had already got back to Japan (he is currently working in Japan), he told me that he is half meant it when he says that to me. I am broken hearted, yes of course love cannot come that quick but it still hurts. haha. So, I intensively chat him everyday with a lot of questions and telling him what I was doing and things… He replied shortly. Because of that, I was mad and text him with short messages too. I didn’t text him much anymore. But, he always tells me when he finished working, when he arrived home, he started asking questions to get to know more about me. He sent me pictures of him (that I didn’t even request from him. I was at first).He even asking questions to know me more. I can not understand his behavior. Why does he sent me more messages when I am no longer sending him so much messages like he was asking me to send more? But when I did, he was just replying in short? What game does he actually play?!

Reply

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