[Q&A] How to know if a Korean guy likes you?

Published by

oegukeen

April 13, 2012

[Q&A] How to know if a Korean guy likes you?

Having Korean boyfriend has given me a much better insight into Korean culture and customs. I know how to tell Korean age, I know why Korean chopsticks are made of metal, I know there is no such thing as “Sea of Japan”, I know how to address Koreans of different age, I know to handle everything with both hands…

What I don’t know is how to read Korean men’s minds (a pity). I am a bit closer to it with Kimchi Man, but not much.

All the Korean men I have met have been very different and diverse. So has their attitude towards relationships. Some are going to tell you they love you even before they know the color of your eyes, others will not be vocal about their feelings even when they are ready to die for you.

For everyone who is wondering what is the secret to understanding a Korean man’s heart: There is none.

You don’t need to worry that they are sending some secret Korean signal which you are not picking up. Culture has a hard time influencing something as personal and fundamental as love.

How to know if Korean guy likes you - Oppa do you like me 오빠 나 좋아해? That being said, I completely understand what it is like falling in love and having no idea if object of your adoration feels the same way. I was there. We all want to know for sure if we are happily in love or rushing towards heartbreak. That’s why I am going to do my best to help the two women who asked the questions bellow. I just want to make sure everyone understands I would be no more or less qualified to answer those questions even if I had never met a Korean guy in my life.

And if you know a Korean guy, a Korean guy you like, and you don’t know, if this Korean guy you like, likes you back – forget that he’s Korean.

That might just be the thing you need to truly see what he is trying to tell you.

You might also like:


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Anonymous asked:

I am in love with a Korean guy, we go to the same university and we met when we took the same class about a year ago. I am 19 and he is 21.

I always feel and act very shy, when I am around a person I really like. When there is no him, I am very funny, communicative and totally normal.

I am not Korean (still Asian), and I don’t speak Korean.

The problem is that…He is not a shy one at all, at least he seems to be so. Sometimes when we meet at some university events, we talk, and he seems to like me as a girl, but we never text/chat after that. I mean, we talk only when we see each other. That’s why talking to him is a very rare occasion, because we meet rarely.

The first time I saw him this year after a long period of time, was another university event, he sent an invitation to me on Facebook, which I don’t think was something special or anything, but I decided to go there still. On the day when he sent the invitation, our eyes met at a cafe, when I was walking past him, but I was with my girl friend and he was with a girl friend as well, so I thought: ”Alright, I haven’t seen you for ages, why say Hi then, you probably don’t even remember me”. He didn’t wave hi to me either. So yeah, then BOOM I got that invitation, and I decided to go. Cause I thought that accidental meeting had something to do with the invitation.

When I just got there, he came up first saying ”Ooh, it’s been a long time” and hugged me, which was a bit weird, because we are not that close friends at all, till that time, we probably had a talk for a couple of times, not more. I mean, I’m not that kind of friend of his, who he could miss. We were never close at all. But I think at the moment when he hugged me, I clearly understood that I liked him a lot. I knew I liked him before, but I thought it was not serious.

I met him the second time about a couple days ago at a university event as well. There were very few people there, but he took the time to come up to me and talk and I tried to act as normal and funny as I could, but I was burning inside and shaking and all that… in the end he said that he’d like to attend an event of mine (I’m the president of a student group) so I promised to send him an invitation.

Everything seems to be okay, but I don’t understand, why he is so passive, if he likes me. Does it mean, that he doesn’t like me as a girl, but just being friendly? He never sends me messages or anything like that… I am hesitating to message him, cause I’m afraid I would never get a reply…and I think that a guy must make the first moves. And if he doesn’t, then it means he’s not interested, in my opinion. I would understand, if he was a shy one, but… as i said before he’s not. He’s very friendly and communication is not a problem for him.

And the second problem is that I don’t know for sure if he has a girlfriend or not. However, the Facebook status says Single otherwise, the last thing I would want to do is ruin a relationship…

Also, I thought about the problem, that I am not Korean, and I thought about the possibility, that he is not interested in me as a girl, because I’m not Korean.

Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that he’s kind of Americanized Korean. He has been living in the USA for about 5 years I believe. But he almost always hangs out with Korean friends.

anyways..please heeeeeeelp

I don’t think that the guy has to make the first move. Why would he? Maybe he is shy when it comes to asking girls out, maybe he is passive, maybe he sees you only as a friend, maybe he already has a girlfriend… You could go all day long guessing “maybes” if you don’t do something about it.

Even if he sees you just as a friend, making the first move might make him see you in a different light.

It’s never easy being rejected but Facebook and text messaging have certainly made it a lot easier than it used to be. You don’t need to pour your heart out to him, just ask him: “Do you want to go out for a coffee/movie/walk”. If he says yes, there is a very good chance he likes you as a girl :)

I have no idea if he has a girlfriend or if he is a national chauvinist. Since he is human, both are possible. Koreans I know have no problem dating someone who is not Korean, and in my case not even Asian. Many questions we got on this site are from Asian non-Korean women who are dating a Korean man, so obviously not all Koreans have a problem with it.

And why wouldn’t you want to ruin his relationship? You are 19, and 21! It’s not like he is married with children and you are tearing apart a family. If you asking him out is enough to ruin his relationship then that relationship deserves to be ruined. I was in a relationship when I met Kimchi Man and I am much happier now. On the other hand, no matter who come to my doorstep now, no one can take me away from Kimchi Man.

You should know that if I didn’t make the first move, Kimchi Man would never dare do it himself (maybe not never but my guess is it would take him 10 years or so ^^). And he was very interested in me. If you keep thinking a girl shouldn’t make the first move, another one will come along who thinks differently and snatch this guy right under your nose.

Ching asked:

Hi…

I’m half Chinese half Filipino girl but my family and I moved to Phil for good when I was still young.. I am now 22 years old, and I met this Korean guy last year almost 9 months ago.. well, I just really feel so alone about this so I hope you can help me out.. here’s my story..

9 months ago July 2011 to be exact I applied in a Korean school in our city, I was accepted and first week in school I had only 2 students and one of the two was the guy I fell in love with. At that time I was 21 and he’s 25 I think. At first I dont really feel anything for him, just the teacher-student relationship. I also noticed he was this shy type of guy, first 2 weeks with him he barely talked. But after about 4 weeks we just got close and I dunno how it happened. But after that he started teasing me everytime we see each other in the hallway, he’s calling me vampire and i’m calling him werewolf. A lot of teasing and all. And then one time during class he asked me who I like then I told him I like Lee Seung Gi [korean actor] then he repeated that question again and I answered him same answer I gave him before then after than he start acting like his heart is in pain [physically] at first I dunno what does that action means but my friend told me he might be hurt that it wasnt him that I like and so he started acting that in a joke way so it wont be obvious.. then he also asked if I do have a boyfriend that time and I said no and he told me that I must get a boyfriend, and I also mentioned to him that I have a curfew around 7pm and he told me that my boyfriend might want to be with me more than my curfew time.. what does that mean??

and sometimes he’ll notice what I’m wearing like last time when I was wearing a coat and I just passed by him he really asked me isnt your coat thick? dont u feel hot? and one time when I had a new student and he’s kinda good looking and almost same age with me, he started asking questions like, So are you happy that the good looking new student is in your class?… who’s better me or him? – those kind of questions and I dunno why he’s asking me like that..

and one of my friend in that school was also his tutor.. so whenever he’ll have class with that friend of mine he would usually asked her to call me and let me go inside their room while they’re having class and it happened many times, i was just there listening to their conversation and whenever I decided to move out the room he would usually stop me and say Vampire where are you going? just stay here.

or sometimes when we meet each other in the hallway he would blocked my way and wont let me pass and he’d tell me Touch me first before I let you pass.. and you know this kind of actions he’s showing me made me fell for him I think.. fell harder that I dont even know how to get out of this situation..

and during his birthday I gave him a not Happy Birthday Werewolf! and he took a picture of it and upload it in his fb..

he also challenged me one time to play snake and ladder with him and he told me if he wins I wont give him assignments for 1 week and if i win he wont complain even if I give him assignments everyday.. its the first time that I have ever played that game and it was with him, so I treasure it a lot (:

what do you think his actions mean?? does it mean something? does he like me?

ah, a day after his birthday he informed all his tutors that he will be absent for the whole day because last night he got drunk and hangover the next morning.. so I was expecting that he’ll also be absent in my class but I was surprised when he entered my room that day.. so I asked him Why are u here? I thought you’d be absent the whole day and he said I was thinking that if I wont come here you’ll be alone here. I was so touched when he told me that but ofcourse I act as if its nothing… and then 1 week after that he was removed in my class and so I started to feel like I was left hanging, a lot of questions are running into my head.. my friends were telling me that he must be afraid that he’d fall for me and so on…

what I did was I tried to talk to him again, initiate the conversation first but I can feel this change like it’s not the way it was back before.. we dont talk that much anymore unlike before when he was still in my class.. we passed by each other in the hallway without even saying hi.. I asked him he doesnt talked to me anymore, he said He was shy. I tried everything to gain back the friendship we once had the closeness we once had… but I think I falied or maybe I didnt try harder? I was asking myself What should I do? but later on I just stopped trying to talk to him just trying to accept that maybe it wasnt meant to be.. September that year we stopped talking, offcially. February this year he went back to korea without talking to me. He had my number. This march a friend of mine who is also his friend told me that he has a kakaotalk so why not try to add him. So I added him and again I have to initiate the talking.. we talked and he told me he misses me but overjoyed about his message i wasnt able to reply to him right away and then he sent me a message again saying he was just kidding with the ‘haha’ … what does that mean???! I hate him but still I believe he meant it when he told me he misses me.. what do u think? Now, I decided to just stop talking to him stop initiating just to talk to him cause its always me who texts first maybe he really doesnt care at all so why would I waste my time with him…

please help me what to do is my decision right?

I badly need your opinion guys.. I hope you can help me out with this..

sorry I think I wrote too long, its just that if i skipped a few lines u might not be able to get my situation.. kinda a long story (:

he’s still single until now and he told me before that he once had a girlfriend 4 years ago…

hoping to get a reply from you soon ^^ thanks ~

I employed help from Kimchi Man on this one. He says guy obviously liked you before but something changed. You can’t know what changed and to obsess about it would just be wasting your time. Since he is in Korea and your interactions are just one-way, you made a good decision.

Your friends are trying to protect your feelings when they say he is just afraid he will fall in love with you. Unless there is some specific obstacle you know – like policy in your school that students and teachers can’t be in a relationship (although now that he’s not in school that argument became moot) – why would he be afraid of liking you?

Stick to your decision and don’t waste your time on this Korean guy. Maybe he will come around and contact you, but chances are very slim.

-Oegukeen

Leave your question in the comments below if you still don’t know if Korean guy likes you. :)

Also recommended:

How to get a Korean guy to like you

324 responses to “[Q&A] How to know if a Korean guy likes you?”

oWyLeAP

December 14, 2012

I really wanted to answer one comment/prob that somebody wrote here..can i possibly do that? I just wanted to make a comment.^^
butakheyo!~

Reply
1. oegukeen
  
  December 14, 2012
  
  Of course you may! Just please nothing too rude or intolerant.
  
  We love when our readers leave comments and tips. This site should be about community, not just the two of us. :)
  
  Reply
Keii

December 13, 2012

This is kind of in context with the person “Online”.
I met a Korean guy online over two years ago. At the time we were both in (struggling) relationships but for some reason we always kept in contact and developed a quick friendship. I never expected to love anyone that was so far away. Both of our relationships ended rather quickly when we realized we had started to grow feelings for each other. A year ago he started his army service, and I just want to say that it’s definitely difficult. Whenever him and I don’t talk I start to miss him a lot. His service also means that we have never been able to skype. It’s tough because on long absences you can start to doubt and feel as if you’ve wasted time for someone you might not even end up with (I’m 18 he’s 20 (maybe korean age?)). Arguments mean that it could be over a week before we can solve them leading to a lot of hurt feelings along the way. If you’re going into a relationship with a guy that still has his service to complete then expect to have nights where you cry because of the distance or because you both had a rough week but can’t talk to them about it because they can’t sneak onto a computer or get internet connection. The time difference also means that we sacrifice a lot to be able to chat at certain times whether it’s 2 am or 4pm (a more reasonable time for sure).
I’m hoping that like these two bloggers, we still have some hope for our strange “online” relationship. It’s still something I have only been able to share with a few of my closest friends. I wish saying that you “met someone online” didn’t have to be so shameful. We dont plan to meet until we are both finished studying in university which could be another 5 years, I hope that when we meet in real life it will be the same way that you and Kimchi man met. I can only hope that it will lead to that instant connection or at least a lasting friendship.
thankyou if you read this far.

Reply
1. oegukeen
  
  December 13, 2012
  
  No need to thank us for reading your comment :) It’s very insightful.
  
  Since I fell in love with Kimchi Man I bless every day that he finished his army service before we met. I can’t even begging to imagine the amount of pain, missing and worry I would feel. You are doing great. And I am certain if you stay in love, you will see each other much sooner than 6 years from now.
  
  Your story is very inspiring, if you want you can share it with others: https://lovingkorean.com/your-story/
  
  We are going to publish a first post in a series of advice in long-distance relationships today. You can read it if you visit again in a few hours.
  
  Reply
Aurore

December 9, 2012

Hi ~

First, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to make this blog. I think your blog is very interesting. The subjects are very diverse and interesting to read *o*

The message i’m going to post now isn’t a question, but a message for the girls who posted some questions before me.
I saw some messages about online friends and a girl even said that her friend sometimes sent her “Hi babe” or “I’m missing you” … this type of messages.

I’ve got a penpal who I’ve met through internet. We’ve actually never met face to face, but we regularly exchange videos and “voice notes”. Without being too overconfident, I can say I usually have a pretty good feeling about good/bad people. I’ve met several penpals and all of them are as I pictured them to be, personality wise.

The friend I’m talking about often sends messages like “I missed you ! did you go outside?” or “I wanna see you when you come to Korea” or even “When we meet, I want to go drinking and clubbing with you”. And he likes to complain about work and act like a child with me. But I guess it’s just his personality. I personnally don’t wish to be in a relationship with someone I haven’t ever seen in real life. I know he’s nice and perhaps, in real life, he wouldn’t say such things, but in messages he does. And he has a girlfriend (a cute one by the way lol. She’s a model, so …) ! So it’s not necessarily a matter of liking you or not. I think Koreans are very affectionate, even if they are of the opposite gender. Of course, you always find “macho men” like everywhere (macho doesn’t mean “not nice”). So some would say sweet things like these but as a close friend, not necessarily as someone who has a crush on you.

Hope it could help someone,
If not, I’m very sorry for typing such a long message :D

~ Aurore.

Reply
1. oegukeen
  
  December 13, 2012
  
  We are so happy you think that about our blog. We enjoy writing it, and it’s wonderful to know there is someone who enjoys reading it.
  
  I actually heard that Koreans are very reserved when it comes to person of opposite gender who they are not in a relationship with. But you have different experience and I think that just goes to prove Koreans, like everyone else, can not be generalized.
  
  I’m sure what you wrote will be helpfull.
  
  Reply
Audrey Franks

December 5, 2012

Hi, I am an American university student and have a complicated situation with a Korean guy university student. I met him last summer (2011) when I went on a mission trip to Kenya with his University for two weeks. He and I were in charge of leading a team and we spent at least 18 hours a day together. We got to know each other really well and he made it clear that he was very interested in me. Everyone called us “the mission trip couple”. It was very hard to say good-bye to him at the end of the two weeks and we both agreed to keep regular contact. Well at the time when I met him I was only 17 and he was 20, so when I got back to the states my parents told me I had to wait until college to talk to him more (for safety reasons in case he was a creep). So I told him that and he was sad but respected my parent’s decision. So we didn’t talk for a whole year until this August when he messaged me on facebook. He asked if it was ok for us to talk since I am now a university student. I said yes and we have been talking frequently since then. I plan on studying abroad in Korea in 2014 and he has already made plans for us to do things when I get there. I guess the tricky part in all of this is that I have no idea how he really feels about me! I don’t know if he views me as a good friend or a long distance girlfriend…I have no clue where he stands! I really really really like him but am not sure if he reciprocates the feelings….thoughts?

Reply
1. oegukeen
  
  December 13, 2012
  
  I don’t see how you could be his girlfriend without realizing it.
  
  That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you to be. But knowing only that he wants to talk to you on Facebook is really not enough for me to know how he feels.
  
  Reply
A.K.A.Nerd

November 25, 2012

I’m a Freshman in High school who met my crush a year back when I was in Eighth grade and he was in Ninth. He’s very friendly and outgoing, but nerdy and has very little friends which all play a big part in his actions. The first time we met, after bonding and holding hands, he asked me to be his girlfriend (weird, right?) but I turned him down since I didn’t know him very well. So, anyhow, we continued to walk home together and we’d hug before and after I had to go, exchange drawings, and hold hands. Once or twice, he even offered to carry my bag. Eventually, after my parents separation ended, I moved back to my other house where I still attended the same school but couldn’t walk with him anymore, he was sad, and wanted to walk home together one more time.

Okay, so even with me not able to walk with him, we still had one overlapping lunch schedule that we spent with one another. Like I said, he doesn’t have many friends but strangely enough, he choices to sit with me and my friends over the boy that constantly walks over to us during lunch to chat with him. During these lunch periods, he focuses heavily on me, till most of the time it is just me and him sitting alone together at lunch. Toward the end, he hugs me, even going as far as to ask me for one on the occasion when I had forgotten. Once during the hug, he whispered “You’re awesome” in my ear after I told him he was awesome for swallowing one of my friends evil concoctions (a carrot dipped in petrified pumpkin pie and apple juice *shudders*). He helped me find my classroom, and was willing to let me read a comic book he was so eager to read before him (ah, nerd friendship). Once, my friend was saying she was cold so I gave her my jacket and then without me even having to say anything, he gave me his. Usually, he trades food with my friends but he once gave me a tasty cake without having to trade, even after I refused to trade my spaghetti. He’s offered to draw me something as long as it’s doable- even though he charges others :) We exchange high fives in the hallways.

Now that I’ve typed this, it’s not really all that fuzzy as to whether or not he like me. Ha-ha, I guess the real question is: How do I get this progress? We are two high schools- No car, not living in the same town and with little social life (A.K.A. Nerds and proud of it.)

How do I show him I like him back?
By the way, I’m African-American.

Reply
1. oegukeen
  
  November 27, 2012
  
  I thought it should be obvious he liked you when he asked you tobe his girlfriend. :)
  
  I’m sorry, could you please explain what you mean by “How do I get this progress?”
  
  As far as showing him you like him, well, show him like you would to a guy who isn’t Korean.
  
  Reply
S

November 20, 2012

I have spent so much time the past two days reading posts on this blog and the many comments that people make, and it’s really broaden and given me an insight into what other people are going to, and then I feel less alone and confused, so I’m quite glad that you created this blog! ^___^ I hope to continue reading it a lot more in the future~

I kind of wanted to ask a question, and I have to apologize in advance if it becomes a long-winded comment…

There’s this Korean guy that I know I kind of like. He’s at my university as an international student, but is only staying for a year…

At first, I didn’t really talk with him a lot because when we first met, I was just getting over a cold, and I didn’t want to spread my germs… and after I finally got better, I was constantly busy doing other things like work and volunteering, so he hung out with my friend instead, and I felt a little left out. :(

But now that that time has passed, we talk a lot more. It kind of started when I got out of class one Thursday and I was waiting around on campus. I opened my laptop and saw that he was on. Previously, I had only ever really said hi to him, and I didn’t know him at all. So I decided to send him a message, and was pleasantly surprised when he responded and had a conversation. Then he asked me for my phone number, so I gave it to him and we exchanged phone numbers.

Fast-forward a little bit… and we come to our relationship now. I actually don’t know what our relationship is besides just friends. I feel like it’s very easy to tell when other people have feelings for each other, but when it comes to myself, I’m at a complete lost. So I’ve been kind of asking a lot of people, but people are very unwilling to help me…

His birthday was recently, and for his birthday I decided to make him a gift. I only thought that I would hand him the gift because I don’t like to be too pushy and make people hang around me if they don’t want to… (this kind of stems from a bit of self-confidence because I think I am either too quiet or too outrageous/idiotic/crazy for other people), so it was interesting when he told me that we can have coffee together any time, and sat and talked to me for about two hours before we departed.

I felt a little confused during our conversation though… I don’t normally open up to people so easily because I’m afraid that my personality might be too much for people to take in all at once, and I really do say weird things sometimes, so I tend to be quiet towards people in one-on-one conversations. So when it became quiet, I felt like… it was too awkward and he might feel bored around me, so I asked him a question. He become shocked though and later on explained to me that the question I asked him seemed like there was a distance in our relationship, and that instead we should talk about our dreams and goals and love……..

In my mind, hearing that we should talk about our dreams and goals and love just blew my mind because I don’t know if people normally talk about these things. I don’t even know if my friends know about my dreams and goals and love, most of the time. I need to say again that I am very love ignorant. I’ve never even had a boyfriend in my 21 years of living…

I never felt that he and I are so culturally different until that conversation… I guess it’s because I am the product of both American culture and Asian cultural cross, I am a little blinded by any existence of “cultural differences”.

So now I need to know if talking about your dreams and goals and love is a normal conversation topic in Korea or not? (or even with guys in general). Do friends talk about it, or do you only want to know about this from the person that you like…

I don’t want to get my hopes up about anything. I know how that feels like from a year ago… and afterwards I just felt extremely torn and angry afterwards when I realised that the guy that I liked who I thought may have had some sort of feelings for me too ended up dating some “sexy” girl. From that experience, I know that my heart takes over my mind, and I say irrational things to protect my feelings before realising that I’m just being stupid… so I want to avoid that feeling completely.

This guy… he called me pretty before when I was dressed up for a show, and he referred to me as cute when I tried using Korean for the first time… but otherwise, I don’t understand “signs” that guys generally give.

So in case my question got lost in that mess, I’ll rewriting it here again (sorry about that by the way!!! I didn’t realise how much I wanted to say): But are topics about dreams and goals and love normal conversation topics between friends…? How can I even know if something is there?

Thank you. orz!!!

Reply
1. oegukeen
  
  November 23, 2012
  
  I would think that talking about your goals and dreams and what you love would be almost a standard conversation across the globe when you want to get to know someone better.
  
  It is what Kimchi Man and I talked about when we were getting to know each other. And it is also what my (male) friends asked Kimchi Men when they first met him.
  
  Reply

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